#anyway this is definitely the longest thing i've ever written

[cjsees-art]

Who are the two missing eyeball OCs? (Horn and bug)

ANON I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS

this is Lanister (he/they)! unfortunately the RP he was designed for never got off the ground so he's currently an unhomed/independent OC but I do hope to put him back into something since I've gotten really attached to him :] he's a contortionist by ability but a librarian by trade! he can extend and twist his body beyond typical human limits and thus invoke illusions; by reasonably stretching the suspension of disbelief of their onlookers, they can push that suspension further and further and trick the mind into seeing even more apparently unbelievable distortions until it becomes difficult for his audience to tell what's real and what's not real any longer. The first thing to watch out for when you think he might be using magic is his horn, since it always begins to grow and spread when the illusions start. Despite how horrific this sounds (and is), however, they're actually quite nice and mild-mannered, and sees their magic mostly as a trade. They're a sweet guy!!

And this fine fellow is Ovid! he's part of a drastically different, postapocalyptic, setting of @cabinette's. his job is putting cybernetic modifications on people who ask him for it, and he's a little guy (5' 5") who is incredibly unassuming in every way except for the fact that he's given himself Giant Robotic Bug Claws on his back mostly because he could. he's really very unassuming and doesn't tend to draw a lot of attention to himself—the only downside is that he is a genius and is keenly, keenly, painfully aware of it, and tries not to think about it, and tries not to think about the fact that he could easily code everyone in the base into a mechanical god as easily as he could pull a fire alarm, and tries not to give into that temptation, because he knows what will happen, and it will be bad, and the urge to do it is still there, just because he can. But he won't. Because he's a good guy. Surely.

(He failed, by the way. He accidentally rewrote the brain of one of his few friends into a superpowerful droid body in a moment of weakness. But he has to atone, right? An eye for a life isn't worth much, but it's got to be worth something. Right?)

Don't worry he's just a little guy tho

[chuluoyi]

fear

- gojo satoru x reader

his best friend’s defection is still a hard topic for him to swallow, and it leads into an unexpected argument that spurs you to leave, only to unlock a new fear in him when you get into an unfortunate accident afterwards.

genre/warnings: angst, gojo being mean, one scene with a worried nanami *wink*, injured reader, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end

notes: *sigh* my coping mechanism is still gojo’s past arc, which is why this piece takes place on that timeline. just a little context: reader is in the same class with nanami & haibara and was in the same mission that took haibara's life. this is probably the longest oneshot i've written so far sooo… enjoy! :)

general masterlist

A year and a half had passed since Suguru embarked on his path as a curse user. In that one year and a half, Satoru had finished his last year at Jujutsu High, and now was in the halls of his alma mater, speaking to the newly appointed headmaster who was none other than his teacher.

"You're applying to become a teacher?" Yaga asked again with a frown. He still couldn't wrap his head around it. Granted, he was his most troublesome pupil. "Why, Satoru?"

"If I said it's because I want to train young sorcerers to be strong, would you believe me?"

That was not a lie. It was actually 50% of his main reasons anyway. The other 50% was to repent what he missed with Suguru when he chose his dark path—his contempt with the current system of this jujutsu world.

"I would," Yaga responded gruffly. To him, Satoru was irritating, but he also knew that he was also extremely capable, and thus everything he did wasn't just out of nowhere. "But you still have to submit your applications. We can't make an exception even if you come from a prestigious clan."

"That's fine with me," he grinned. "Thanks, sensei."

On summer days, he'd get reminded of Suguru and silly things they had done together. Eating shaved ice, cycling together, driving either you, Shoko or Nanami mad. Satoru missed those days, it hadn't been the same ever since. Not knowing if his best friend was alright—if he was still alive at all—was exhausting.

Sometimes, he felt like he was the only one who was affected by his departure, the only one who stayed right where Suguru left him. Shoko didn't seem ruffled, if anything she just went to more bars and pachinko parlors as of late. Nanami was always a recluse, he never disclosed his feelings. You mourned him, but it was clear that most part of you would always be more focused on Haibara's death.

Satoru understood that he couldn't force anyone to feel what he felt, and he had no right to. But sometimes, he just wanted someone to connect with at his level. Someone to get him just like Suguru did.

And so when he got back to his condo that night—just right next to the one he rented for Megumi and Tsumiki, since he had moved out of his dorm—to find his girlfriend there with a big smile and a tray of cupcakes, unaware of everything and anything, he merely scoffed to himself.

"Satoru, you're back," you acknowledged, beaming like the sunshine you were. "I just baked these for the kids. Do you want some?"

Usually he'd smother you, throw some pickup lines here and there and say yes, but today, he just felt drained. "No." And with that, he stalked away to the bathroom, not glancing back at you.

It was wrong. But tonight he just wanted some peace and quiet, and so keeping his silence seemed to be the best choice as he didn't want to start a pointless argument with you. But you weren’t anything but observant, and definitely noticed that something was amiss with him.

"Are you... alright?" You approached him warily after he came out of the bathroom with wet hair. "Where were you today?"

"Just somewhere," he replied curtly. Afterwards he turned on the hairdryer, drowning the whole place with the noise even as you stood behind him with a visible question mark.

But you were still there after he dried his hair. "Is something bothering you?" you asked with a tilt of your head, concerned. By all means, you mean well. You just wanted to know if he could use your help at all.

When you pulled that expression, he couldn't help feeling annoyed, like he wanted you to take a hint, but you just didn't. "If you know, then just shut it."

It was probably the first time since the two of you got together that Satoru actually said something harsh. But you still tried to be reasonable though, bless you.

"Satoru, I don't know what got into your nerves like this, but I think sleeping through it might help. Have a rest."

"Why are you talking as if you know it?" he snapped, finally turning to you with his cold gaze. "You might not know anything, so don't be a know-it-all. Just mind your own business."

Now you were frustrated with his reply. "Once again, I don't know what happened to you. But if you're taking it out on me because I'm the closest you have—"

"Who said that?" Satoru didn't know where he got all this venom from. It was just at the forefront of his mind and he just got the urge to spew it. "You're considering yourself closest to me? Where did you get that big head from?"

You were aghast, and you blinked a few times to get your bearings. "Let me guess, it's about Geto-san, isn't it? Or the higher ups. Either of that must be what causing you to blindly place your anger on me."

"So what if it was? It isn't like you'll understand anyway."

"Satoru," you started, trying to even your breathing. "What happened to Geto-san isn't your fault. I've been telling you this. It can't be helped—"

"Can't be helped?" he jeered. "Do you know why it has come to this?" his tone took a dangerous edge as he stepped closer. He reached for you, grasping your wrist.

"Maybe because I was too blind back then. If it weren't for you—if only I didn't spend that much time on you, maybe he would still be here."

Did he just say that? Did he just imply that he had regretted the two of you getting together?

You felt your lower lip start to tremble and something seemed to obscure and blur your vision, making it hard to see him clearly. "You... don't mean that."

"Really?" the corner of his lips curled into a disparaging smile. "You never know. Before you know it, this can be over already. After all, I could have anyone out there that I want. Maybe someone less nosey than—”

That did it. You wrenched your arm out of his grip violently, as your first tear fell. His smirk vanished too, replaced with a total stillness to cover his sudden panic that was followed by a sudden sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach.

"You selfish, self-obsessed jerk," you hissed through watery eyes. He was taken aback, even amidst your anger and possible fear of him, your still managed to throw daggers at him. "Fine. You have it. I'll see myself out."

Satoru never wanted you to leave. Honestly, he would've made you stay. But he wasn't in the right state of mind and it was too late to take back what he said. He didn't want to mess this up even further.

You left the cupcakes, even throwing it away just to spite him. Driven by pain and humiliation, you choked back your sob and didn't spare a glance at him as you shut the door.

Peace and quiet. There he had it, he thought as he clenched his fists, at the cost of everything else.

Leaving that condo, every step you took felt like needles piercing your shattered heart. You wiped your tears roughly. No, you refused to cry over such asshole. He made it clear, didn't he? Whatever it was that you two shared, it was at the cost of his best friend leaving him. So now the blame was on you.

If you were thinking clearly, you would've understood that his words were likely a result of his own pent-up pain and frustration that he had kept to himself for some while. But you had no patience for that or even pinpoint what you felt right now—anger, disappointment or dread, or perhaps all three. You just felt wrongly accused.

Your feet brought you back to your dorm in the school. Now it wasn't as bustling as it once were. After Satoru and Shoko's graduation, you didn't really get close to anyone. There was Ichiji, but he treated you more like a mentor rather than a classmate.

As you sank into the comforts of your bed, You replayed the events, trying to find where it went wrong—and found nothing. After all, you had already said all that could be said. It wasn't just him who lost Geto, but you, Shoko and Nanami did too, but it was more convenient for Satoru to blame everyone else rather than trying to understand that they too shared this pain.

Nevertheless, you were disappointed. You didn't expect half of what he spouted, and it got you doubting everything you had.

"You've royally fucked up."

Satoru exhaled, glaring at Shoko through the corner of his eyes. "Yeah, maybe."

The reverse cursed technique user threw him a blank stare, taking in everything from his disheveled hair to his wrinkled trousers. "Gojo, as much as I can’t care less about your sorry ass, I'm saying this not out of concern for you, but rather for Y/N. You are an asshole."

The puff of smoke she blew expanded to create a cloud-like shape. "Yaga-sensei was our teacher. His student is now a mass murderer and wanted dead. Can you even imagine how he feels? And I can't believe I'm saying this—but weren't there three of us?"

A week had gone by and instead of doing the right thing like trying to get into your good graces, Satoru was in Shoko's infirmary in the headquarters instead. He didn't exactly know what he was looking for by going here. Maybe some lingering taste of his happier student days, and Shoko was the only one remaining.

Three of us, huh... she was right. That was precisely why he came here after all.

"You're just sulking because it seems no one cares about your best friend being the best there is. But have you thought about how our juniors also lost Haibara? Right in front of their eyes? Haibara was our friend too."

He was wrong, of course he was. Satoru realized that now. But it felt wrong to ask for your forgiveness now, not to mention the disrupting thought he had—should he let you go for good altogether?

The phone suddenly rang with such fervor that made Shoko utter a swear word. She was on call duty for the rescue team today, and it was supposedly a peaceful day until Satoru decided to barge in to become her company. "Hello? Ichiji? What—speak clearly, I can't hear you."

She switched it to loudspeaker. "...iri-san! Ieiri-san—h-help—please—"

It was noisy, and blaring at the same time, and Ichiji was... Sobbing? Choking? His voice was terribly muffled and—

"L/N-san!" he cried, and Satoru remembered at that moment that you should be in a mission with Ichiji, he remembered you telling him before.

"Hic—s-she fell... hic—she fell! B-blood! She i-is bleeding so much! I-Ieiri-san—hic—s-send help! Please!"

"Hey, stay awake. Breathe. Just breathe."

Everything hurt. Most notably, your head. You could hardly think straight when all you felt was blinding pain and how your breaths came in short wheezes. 

Your vision was blurry. The numbness had started to set in and chills ran up and down your spine. You couldn't make out who in front of you was. Was it Ichiji, who went with you in this mission? The only thing that glared was blue.

"You can't sleep, you hear me?" the voice was commanding, willing you to do his bidding. It was familiar, but usually his tone of voice was much lighter, happier.

Satoru.

But why was he here? He wasn't in this mission. It was supposed to be a mission for you and Ichiji.

You remembered getting the cursed spirit after manifesting your domain expansion, until in its last ditch attempt, it went after Ichiji. You had no choice—even when your cursed energy had burned out, you still shoved him away at the cost of being flung from the top of a building.

Not again. Not after Haibara. You’d gladly pay the price if it meant you didn't have to see anyone die in front of you again.

"I..." You managed to croak out—breathing hurt, and you felt your hands being grasped tightly.

"Hey, just breathe. Y/N. Look at me.” Through your blurry haze, you focused on that cold blue, and you saw him. Satoru's sharp eyes, pursed lips and frown. He's really here.

Satoru always said that if there was a cursed spirit apocalypse, then Ichiji would be the first to die. You used to scold him for that, but now as you a laid here possibly dying in your own pool of blood, you found it to be true.

Yet at the same time you knew that with him here, Ichiji must be safe already, and it gave you reassurance so great even when you were on the verge of dying. "I... can't..."

"Yes, you can. Just look at me," he firmly rebuked, his voice came out in a hiss. For all the time you had been with him, you had never heard him so forceful. "If you close your eyes now, I won't forgive you. So please, just hang in there."

It was a struggle to take in any air and darkness encroached on your vision as your consciousness began slipping away.

And everything faded to nothingness.

Satoru honestly thought he had no fears. His worst fear had fully realized after all—Suguru going away into the darkness. What more could he possibly fear?

But when he heard Ichiji's distress call for rescue team, about how you fell from a rooftop of a building and unconscious, he realized that it was a fear he didn't know existed. His mind got disoriented and he teleported to the scene on impulse. He just had to see it for himself. With their petty argument still lacking closure, he felt even worse.

And the sight before him gave him so much fright he never thought was possible.

It was a mistake, he should have brought Shoko along.

You had laid there like a broken doll, your eyes dimmed, and not been able to breathe. He desperately tried to keep you awake, his presence beside you, yet it didn't seem to matter. He watched helplessly as you passed out in his arms.

Satoru felt nothing. The panic that had set in was suddenly gone as your limp body slumped against him, replaced by incessant ringing in his ears and tremor wracking his nervous system. It wasn't long until the rescue team came to retrieve you and even then he still felt numb. He rejected the idea that you might possibly die on him.

That went on until Shoko, who assisted in the emergency treatment, came out of the surgery, sweat on her forehead.

"It's even worse than the aftermath of the guardian deity mission last year," Shoko explained with a grim expression. "Her brain has sustained damage and it affects everything. It may take her quite a while before she can go back to the field."

When she said that, Satoru felt terror washed over him again. You almost died—was all he perceived.

The two of you had no contact for a week just because of his ego. He could still recall that day with vivid clarity, feeling a burning ache in his chest. If someone were to ask him what heartbreak was like, now he certainly would he able the to tell them the two instances in which he experienced them. What he felt now mirrored the same stinging sensation he had felt when Suguru left him.

He visited you when he was allowed to, and you were still unconscious, with many machines connected to your body. It was a sight he still couldn’t bring himself to get used to. He had seen you injured before, but never seen you in your own pool of blood, so this made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Stupid," he whispered, gently rubbing your forehead. His eyes remained fixated on you as you rested, his insides still churning with emotions. "You're not weak, and you're not hopeless." Once upon a time, Satoru might have thought of you as weak, but now he knew better.

"So why you always pick the worst decision?" The more he thought this could've been avoided, the more irked he was. The thought that he could have done something to prevent it intensified the sting of guilt, and he continued to punish himself with it.

And the more he dwelled on the idea that he had hurt you prior to this, the tighter his breath became.

But that was who you were. Self-sacrificing to a fault. And he loved you for that. There was no way of him letting you go now.

It astonished even himself—that he was capable of this love thing. At first it was an attraction, but now that you had been going on for more than a year, it felt like it was no longer a silly infatuation after all.

"Hurry and wake up, will you?" Satoru gently brushed your hair aside, his eyes fixed on you. He didn't know it even as his gut twisted, his frown deepened and his touch quivered, that he was worried sick. "I have a lot to make up for."

And he left you with a tender brush of his lips against your forehead.

Nanami Kento was the first person you saw when you awoke from coma.

You struggled to regain your senses, still feeling absolutely broken. The dull throb on the back of your head was still there, and as if you had found yourself trapped in a fog, you were only able to move sluggishly.

"You're awake?" his gruff voice greeted, laced with concern. In his hand were a bucket of fresh flowers and fruits basket, which he soon placed at the table next to your bed.

It was unexpected, because ever since the tragedy that costed Haibara's life, the two of you had been drifting apart.

You nodded, and let out a hum in response—all you could manage at the moment.

"Thank God." Nanami sounded relieved as he pinched the bridge between his eyes, and you were moved that he had shown this degree of concern.

Your remaining classmate, who suffered the burden of Haibara's life just like you. He was always quiet or brooding somewhere, hiding his own feelings.

You felt tears pricking the corner of your eyes. The fact that he visited you meant that he hadn't decided to cut you out of his life yet.

"Gojo-san is out today, but he'll be back by afternoon," he said, mistranslating your tears as some sort of a want to have your annoying—ex?—boyfriend at your side.

The two of you were still not on talking terms, weren’t you?

You so badly wanted to say thank you to him—and tell him that no, you weren't looking for Satoru—but it came out hoarse and barely above a whisper.

"Huh?" Nanami then realized what you were trying to say, and a faint smile graced his lips. "Just... get well soon, L/N. Have a good rest."

Just before you drifted back to sleep, you could hear him sigh and mutter, "Hello, Gojo-san? L/N has awakened. Just letting you know is all.”

You weren't sure how much time had passed when you woke up the second time, but the curtains were already drawn and only darkness came from the window. Your body felt lighter, but you still felt like a mess and and couldn't help but groan in discomfort.

Satoru was there, he perked up at the noise you made. And you realized that it was the first time in about a week that he faced you after that disasterous almost-breakup.

He walked up to you, his expression was more hopeful than you had ever seen him before, like a kid whose wish had been granted. He slowly shifted to sit beside you.

"Hey, welcome back." His voice was soft. It was a change of pace for him, as you were used to seeing him all loud and silly.

Now your voice no longer sounds like a lead. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" he asked and you took a moment to look at him. He was smiling, but exhaustion reached his bright eyes, dimming them. "You know, with the whole you passing out and almost dying thing?"

His words were almost humorous as he spoke, like he didn't know what else to say except try to lighten the mood, but there was also a strain on his tone, like he was holding back.

"I'm quite fine now, I suppose..." You still felt the lingering pain and dizziness as you slowly sat up. Satoru reached out to steady you—and you realized how his fingers trembled when they made contact with your body—as his brows furrowed with worry when you winced.

"You don't look like it though." His voice dropped and the humor was gone, replaced by this haunted look. You blinked. It was probably the first time you had seem him this ruffled.

He immediately pulled you into a hug, cradling your head to his neck gently, as if to protect and shield you from the world altogether. Exhaling heavily, he leaned on you. "You scared me, you know that?"

You wondered out loud if you really had that hold over him. "Did I?"

"You can't do that to me, you hear?" Satoru stroked your hair, nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck. His voice quivered. “Don't ever do that again.”

He pulled you tighter against him, but still careful not to crush you.

You let out a snicker, letting go of everything you felt during this horrible week. "Heh, afraid to lose me, huh?"

"Shut up,” he grumbled. “What were you thinking anyway? How did you calculate that freefalling is better than letting that cursed spirit attack Ichiji?”

"He was defenseless. He could die, you know that."

"And you also can," he quipped, upset, pulling away enough to look you squarely in the eyes, his eyes devoid of any expression, yet filled with a raging wave that you could only interpret as undiluted concern.

The emphasis in his tone made you recoil and feel guilty. If you were in his shoes, you probably would've said the same thing and so you had nothing to say to that.

But the more pressing agenda in the list was the unspoken silent treatment the two of you saw fit to use against each other for the last few days. Satoru was the one who decided to address it first.

"About that night..." he faltered, looking away. "I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry."

Satoru always had trouble processing emotions. This time too. He must've a hard time dealing with the anxiety caused by the possibility of him losing you for good, no matter how much he tried to be unaware of it.

"..." You wanted to respond, to make him understand your point, but somehow right now you were just too weary. And he sensed your reluctance. So you blurted the first thing that gnawed at your mind.

“You said you could have any other women out there—”

"No, really—" he started to panic, and it was blatantly too, which surprised you. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Us. I don't regret anything. I’m not breaking up with you. Being with you is the happiest I've been ever since Suguru left."

“That's...” you blinked, before letting out a small sigh. “Okay. Fine then. Let's just put it behind us for now.”

“I—” he almost wheezed, his bright blue eyes were overtaken with sheer urgency to explain how wrong everything had been that night. “You must know that I didn’t mean any of it. And that I hate hurting you the way I did. I won’t—”

"Satoru, I understand," you let out another sigh, fidgeting with your fingers. "Sometimes when I’m reminded of Haibara, I also get sad. I don't want to presume but I think I know how you feel. Just next time, maybe," you shifted your gaze on him, seeing how you had his attention fully. Gojo Satoru, the strongest now, was looking at you as if you had his fate in your hands. "Just tell me if you need space and I would have understood."

"Yeah, okay, sure," he responded immediately, relieved, before a lopsided grin appeared on his face, turning him back into your dork slash boyfriend. "So, am I forgiven now?"

"A thank you would be nice."

In the end, he chuckled, seemingly resigned. "You should sleep more."

He positioned himself into bed next to you, and you let him pull you into his chest again. You could feel how his taut back started to relax upon the contact. He pressed his lips on your forehead in a fleeting kiss.

"Promise me you won't pull that stunt again.”

You smirked. "I can't. What if Ichiji—"

"Then just let him die."

You swatted his arm playfully, pressing your head to his chest as he continued to run his fingers on your hair. He cushioned you carefully, and you felt the tension in him slowly melt away with each breath you took. In your mind, you figured he needed this closeness more than you did, if anything, for the sake of his sanity.

“I love you,” he whispered by your ear, kissing it lightly.

“Mmhm.”

As you felt Satoru's calming presence, it helped ease you into slumber. You soon found yourself in a deep sleep, comfortably held in his embrace.

Epilogue

Ichiji gulped as Satoru stared him down, sizing him up as if he was the most despicable creature on this planet.

Okay, he might be. He was a coward, all he could do was trembling in the face of evil. But he had come in peace, even bringing fruits as an offering! He felt bad too that he was the partial cause for you to be this injured.

He was used to Satoru terrorizing him—calling him names, slapping him, and whatnot—and he could take it. Just this time, he really looked like he could murder him on the spot if he wanted to. A small part of Ichiji mourned that you were his girlfriend, because that pretty much sealed his fate that Gojo Satoru could indeed murder him on the spot because he had a valid enough reason to.

"You are—"

"No! I'm sorry, Gojo-san! I'm sorry for my incompetence!"

"Hah?"

If he was mildly irked before, now Satoru was visibly irritated.

"You're not cut out to be a jujutsu sorcerer," he started. "You're useless. You just get in the way most of the time."

Ichiji kept his head down. No, no. He can't cry!

"Get your driving license or I'll slap the shit out of you."

"Oh?" and before he knew it, Satoru had stalked away, leaving him in the dust. How rude! But...

Get a driver license? Quit the jujutsu work?

Hey, that sounds like something I can do!

[writingquestionsanswered]

Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now I’m confused because I don’t want to publish it. I don’t even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but it’s still far and away the longest thing I’ve ever written) for? I know people say “write for yourself�� but like… am I just wasting my time? Help?

(p.s. you can leave this off anon)

(p.p.s your blog is really great 👍)

There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing

I'm going to tackle this two ways...

#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.

I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.

And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."

You know what I mean?

#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.

So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! ♥

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[pinguwrites]

Ooooh, what about this? Future!reader accidentally time traveled to 1940s when she met William Killick, and he had to take care of her due to injuries she had. She ended up staying with him while rejecting his advances because she was trying to find a way to go back to future, and it wouldn’t be fair to him if she were to accept his advances, but she didn’t know William was sabotaging the solutions to ensure she would stay with him forever.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL LIKE HOLY SHIT. I was about to write something like this with Tommy in Black Heart, but I opted out, and I hadn't even considered this with William, so I'm so glad you requested it!!

this was supposed to be a short-length fic lol, it's like the longest thing I've ever written on here

Home Is Where the Heart Is ⸻ William Killick

pairing | william killick x future!reader

summary | You don't think much of the box when it arrives at your front door. That is, until you open it and are transported decades into the past. There, you fall into the arms of a handsome soldier, who is intent on making you stay.

word count | 9k

Warnings: DUB-CON, possessive!william, future!reader, period typical sexism it's okay when it's william, reader has a software job, weird time travel plot (who knows how the box got there? it's totally not going to be revealed in part two ;) ), mentions of war, reader simps so hard, p in v sex, breeding kink

Disclaimer: The Edge of Love characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

A/N: I'm honestly not too proud with how rushed it was, but I'm glad it's out there. I'm definitely doing a part two. Be warned for errors.

You were lying in a field of grass, tall, bushy trees lining the area around you. You seemed to be in some type of countryside because in the distance you could faintly see quaint little houses and farmland (at least, you assumed it was; your vision was awfully blurry), but other than that, you had no clue as to where you were.

“Ah,” you hissed, noticing the cut on your body. When you arrived — however that happened — you had scrapped your arm on a sharp rock embedded in the dirt, and now it was bleeding, red blood trickling down your arm.

You sighed miserably, trying to make sense of the situation.

Yesterday, a packaged box arrived on your front doorstep. No address, no company, just a note in pen, To [Y/n] [L/n]. You were a little wary of its contents but brought it inside anyway. You opened it and uncovered a machine, steel and simple in its construction, yet difficult to understand. There was no instruction manual or labels for the buttons, and it took you a while to know if you were even looking at it right, the only hint being the Roman numerals inside the dials.

After tinkering around with it, you must have fallen asleep, because the next thing you knew, you were in a completely other place. All you had on were your clothes, some money, and your phone, which, surprise surprise, had no signal, so all you could do was look at your downloads — completely useless — and take a photo. 

I must’ve been drugged, you thought, still feeling hazy. I should have called the cops the moment I realized something was off.

You got up and took off your socks, trying to stop the bleeding with it. It wasn’t the most hygienic, but it was all you had at the moment, and you weren’t about to tear off pieces of the shirt you had on, especially not when you were already shivering. 

The contraption had traveled with you, and though you were aware it was the reason you were here in the first place, you thought it better to bring it along, as evidence. You could show it to the government, and they could use their little science ways to find the culprit. All would be fine.

All will be fine.

You started walking. You didn’t have any shoes on for protection, so it was difficult to step across the dirt, with all its rocks and insects swarming about, but you managed to get to grass quick enough, and it felt much better, almost healing to walk barefoot on the softness of mother nature.

But you didn’t get very far. Eventually, your stomach started grumbling, and you felt like your intestines were twisting inside with desperation. Your sock was now red, and your hand was trembling, so with a defeated sigh, you let go, of both the sock and the heavy machine, allowing the blood to flow freely. You bent over to pick the sock back up first, but the sudden movement made your head reel, and before you knew it, you were out again.

+++

“You’re awake,” a voice said, a male’s voice, a British accent that sounded like butter. Oh, butter, if you could get your hands on that alone you would be satisfied. 

You opened your eyes, blinking. A figure, with pale skin and dark hair made it’s way over to you, and in a panic, you crawled away, eyes darting across the room. You were on a bed, bandages on your arm, but before you could calm down or even begin to think properly, panic took over, your heart rate elevated, and you sighed, before passing out again.

+++

For about the third time today, or however long you were out, you woke up. This time your vision was much clearer, but you still had this nasty migraine in your head. You were sick inside, the kind of sick that happens when you haven’t eaten in a while but can’t eat because you feel like you’ll throw up. 

You wondered if you were in the same place again. You remembered a man, with a soothing voice, but he wasn’t here right now. Though the possibility that you had been kidnapped entered your mind, you noticed the lack of bonds and chains on your body. He was probably just helping you, you reasoned.

You slowly got out of bed, wincing at the shooting pain in your arm. You observed your surroundings. The bedroom was very minimalist, and . . . quirky. You loved the design and the materials used, as it reminded you of a cottage, but there was nothing helpful in sight. All the technology you could see, like the kitchen, needed to be updated and was worn out. There was some type of record player, or CD tape, or whatever that was called, on one of the counters and a radio beside it. 

You didn’t bother with any of that. You were thirsty, throat dry and gnawing at you, so you went to look for water, hoping that whoever lived here didn’t go out and get it from a fucking well. He probably does. Look at this place!

“Shit!” you swore, your knees buckling from underneath you. You felt so weak and miserable and vulnerable. It hit you at this moment that you were probably a hundred miles away from home, in a strange place in a strange home you’d never seen before. How were you going to get back? What were you going to do?

Tears started welling in your eyes. You hated that you were being so emotional. Why couldn’t you toughen up and deal with the situation like a proper adult?

You leaned onto the counter, trying to balance yourself, when the front door opened up, and the man you saw before walked in, carrying a bag full of vegetables and other foods. He quickly placed the bag down and held you in his arms, his warmth comforting and relaxing.

He had short, dark hair, and a sharp jawline, and from this distance, you could see light freckles scattered across his cheeks. He had the most beautiful blue eyes you’d ever seen, like glaciers, like the ocean. Fuck, he was so handsome. 

“Here,” he said, guiding you back to the bedroom. He set you down on the bed, gazing at you with such intensity, like adoration or devotion. 

“W-who are you?” you asked, voice cracking. “Where am I? Hngh.” You rubbed your temples. Didn’t he have any pain medications?

“My name is William. William Killick,” the man introduced softly. “Don’t be scared, I’m not going to hurt you.” He went off into the kitchen and brought back a glass of water. You drank it slowly, the cool liquid flowing through your body, wetting your mouth. “I didn’t know if you had family nearby, so I took you to my place.”

William paused, as if thinking of what to say next. “Get more rest, it’s night.”

You hadn’t even noticed the time, but one look out the window told you he was right. It was pitch black outside.

“You’ll wake up tomorrow, and have some breakfast.”

You shook your head, and handed the glass back to him, only for him to set it down on the nightstand table. “Where’s my phone? Where’s my . . . box?”

He stared at you blankly, before clearing his throat. “Your stuff is in the back. I didn't know what it was — hey, don’t move.” William’s strong hands kept you in place, pushing you back down to the bed as gently as he could whilst still keeping a firm grip. “Rest,” he ordered. “Don’t need you fainting on me again.”

You wanted to argue, but you couldn’t. You laid your head on the pillow, without a choice but to trust William, and fell asleep, wrapping yourself in the blanket with a content sigh. All the questions you had, all the thoughts, faded away and were replaced by darkness.

+++

You dreamt of yourself and yourself. You, the spectator, were standing outside a window, but it wasn’t just any window. It was your window, the one that led to the inside of your bedroom, where you could see you and William — the strange man — entangled in the sheets. Lovers. You two were lovers. You two were making love. 

Anyone would have felt creepy watching someone else, and anyone would have noticed someone watching them, but none of that happened. The sun should have cast a shadow on you, but it didn't. The passerby should have called you out, but they didn’t. 

You had just enough awareness to realize that this was a dream. How were you back at home already? Why were you and William kissing?

While originally you felt nothing, like a simple observer without thoughts, you were suddenly flooded with heavy emotions. Confusion, shame, lust, confusion.

But in just a few moments, the world around you crumbled, like an earthquake, and the sun and moon passed by, stars moving across the heavens, and you were warped by time, back in the same place you were before. 

+++

You woke up with a gasp, cold sweat running down your body, and immediately William was by your side. You rested your head on his chest, grasping onto his shirt desperately, not wanting him to leave. 

“Shh, shh,” he cooed, running his fingers through your hair.

“Sorry,” you muttered, making no effort to leave his side. “I don’t know . . .”

“Shh.”

You both were like this for a while. Faint images of your dream passed through your mind, and from what little you remembered, you assumed it had been a wet dream. 

I can’t believe it, you thought. Having a wet dream — about a guy I barely met. Control yourself!

You pulled away, already missing his warmth. William frowned a little but didn’t say anything. “What’s your name, darling?” he asked. 

You hesitated.

“I told you, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“[Y/n],” you finally told him. “Where are we?”

William narrowed his eyes. You had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on, but you didn’t want to press.

“Wales,” William answered.

You froze. How the fuck did you get to Wales? What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.

“Um, that’s nice,” you said awkwardly. “How long has it been since you found me?”

“A few days.”

You tried not to panic, but all you could think about was your job and your friends and your family. Have you been reported missing yet?

“You must be hungry,” William said. “I’ll cook something for you. I’m not the best, but I don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

“It’s alright.” You waved his concern off, though it did tug at your heartstrings that he was worried. “I'll get some fast food.”

You dug through your pockets, hoping your wallet was still in there. Thankfully it was. You pulled it out and grabbed two crisp twenty-dollar bills, but William hissed and pushed it back in, his hand not leaving yours. 

“What are you doing carrying around that much money?” he asked, giving you an incredulous look. “How are you meant to protect yourself? Where’d you get that? Do you have a husband?”

You pushed his hand away. “I work. And what’s the problem?” 

You knew that the American dollar wasn’t equivalent to a British pound, but was the difference that bad? Sure, forty dollars was a lot of money if you were just going to a gas station or something, but nothing to get excited over. 

William huffed. “You can’t just show me that much money like that. What if I was a thief, hmm? What would you do then?”

“Are you?” you asked, not understanding why he was making such a big deal out of it.

“No. I’m a gentleman.”

You scoffed, amused, but there was a little smile on your face. “A gentleman?”

“Yes,” he insisted. “A proper man.”

There was a moment of silence between you both. You wanted him to hold you again, but you thought it would be best if you just went on your way. 

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you said, getting up from the bed. “And bandaging me and all.” You gave him one of the bills. “I know it’s in dollars, but I’m sure you can convert it.”

William didn’t take the money. “You’re not leaving — you’re still hurt. I’d be remiss if I let a lass half as pretty as you alone on the streets.”

You chalked up his way of talking to the region. You honestly found it quite attractive. That, coupled with his British accent, made you feel like you were in one of those romance movies. You had to remind yourself that he wasn’t in love with you and that you were just acting irrational and horny.

“I’ll be fine. We’ll exchange numbers, do you have a charger?”

“What?”

“A phone charger. My phone’s probably dead.”

“The box?”

You narrowed your eyes. “No, the rectangle. The phone.”

“Ah, the one that glows?”

You briefly wondered if he simply didn’t know what a phone was. You knew some people preferred not to have modern technology in their life.

“Yes. I need to call someone — ”

“ — It stopped glowing.”

Great. William obviously didn’t have a charger. And if he didn’t know what it was, no one nearby would. All that was next to do would be to walk to a big city and hope someone there could help you get back home.

“Look, darling.” You ignored the way your heart fluttered when he called you that. “I don’t know what a phone is, or why you’re here, but I know that you still need to recover.”

“I appreciate it,” you said. “But I really have to go. I have work and — ”

“ — Surely you can take a day off. What is it you do?” William asked. 

“I’m a software developer. I code.”

William had a blank face. A pink blush dusted his cheeks. He cleared his throat, “I, er, I’ve never heard of that. You mean computers? The big ones that take up a room?”

“No, it’s not the fifties.”

“Well, 1946 is close.”

You didn’t know what to make of that. “What does 1946 have to do with this?”

William observed you intently. “The year. The year is 1946.”

You blinked. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be the 20th century — that was impossible. So many things were wrong with that. How come it was you who traveled in time? Why didn’t the government know about this? Even if you were ignoring the question of how, there were still so many whys.  

“No,” you said slowly, inching away from William. What kind of sick prank was this? He was supposed to be helping you, not confusing you. “You’re messing with me.”

William sensed that you were uncomfortable, because he backed away, his hands in the air. You could tell he was waiting for the perfect moment to get closer.

“I’m not a liar . . . Are you from the future?”

Fuck. You weren’t sure. How could that even be possible?

“No,” you said hesitantly. “I dunno, I must be . . .”

Your eyes subtly peered past William and at the door. If only you could get past him . . . 

You looked straight at the window, making sure to grab his attention. “Oh,” you whispered, putting on your best shocked expression. The moment he was distracted you sprinted past him and bolted out of the room and out the house, running across the field to the next house you could see. Your arm still hurt, but you were willing to shove down the pain.

“No, no, please!” William shouted, running after you. 

In just a minute, he had caught up to you and tackled you to the ground. He pinned your hands above your head and sat on your lower stomach, rendering you useless. His lips were so close to yours, and the look on his face was pissed.

“What are you doing?” he asked, voice forceful, gripping onto your wrists tighter. 

“P-please,” you pathetically sputtered out. “Don’t hurt me.”

He didn’t budge. “I’m trying to help you — I’m not lying to you, and I’m not going to hurt you.”

“You’re hurting me now,” you cried, squirming.

William’s eyes softened as he realized what he was doing. “You promise not to run again?”

You nodded, your lower lip wobbling. 

“Alright.”

He still didn’t let go of you, but he did pull you up from the ground, wiping the dirt off of your back. Tears flowed down your cheek like rainwater, and you couldn’t help but curl in on yourself.

William held onto your arm as he walked you back to the house, not allowing you another chance of escape, but he did wipe your tears gently and soothe you. You felt embarrassed. Why did you run? You had acted purely on instinct there. This man was clearly only trying to help. 

“Look,” he said softly, sitting you back down on the bed like a child. “I’ll take you into town, hmm? Show you around and all — maybe that’ll convince you. You must be quite far into the future to be dressing like that and to have a . . . phone with you, so things will be different, right? What year are you from?”

“. . . 2023.”

“I knew it. On your phone, there was a date. I wasn’t sure then, but . . .” William suddenly reached his hands up and rubbed his thumb across your chapped lips, catching you off guard. “They’re dry,” he said. “I’ll draw up a bath for you so you can bathe while I cook. I’ll get you some lotion afterward.”

You nodded. What else could you do?

+++

William had cooked some simple fish and chips while you cleaned yourself. You had to use a tin tub, which was insane to you, but you didn’t complain about it. He supplied you with clothing, an old-fashioned dress his mother had accidentally left here. You were grateful it was not from some ex-girlfriend or wife, even though you had no right to feel that way. You put aside your other clothes to wash later.

After finishing with that, you sat down at the dining table, and like the hungry girl you were, you gobbled the food down eagerly. It was so fresh and delicious, not at all like the food you had in the future, pumped with chemicals and artificially bred. You tried to be as neat as you could, but it was difficult when you were starving. William had watched on with amusement, telling you to slow down and straighten your back every once in a while.

He took the plates away when you both were done, and then did as he promised and gave you some lotion, but instead of letting you apply it, he took a bit of cream on his fingers and rubbed it on your lips. “Stay still,” he murmured. 

“I-I can do it—”

“No, you can’t. You’re still injured.”

You understood his reasoning. And you didn’t mind him touching you like that.

“The rest of my body is dry, too,” you blurted out.

What were you thinking? You didn’t even know this man. Trying to get him to touch the rest of your body — stupid girl.

William’s breathing hitched. “As in . . . your knees as well?”

“. . .”

He cleared his throat. “Well, then. Put them out, over my lap.”

You bit your lower lip, watching on as he rubbed his hands over your legs. His touch was so warm and it felt more like a massage. You felt bad about doing this, leading him on. If he was right about the time travel, then you couldn’t entertain any sort of relationship with him. It wouldn’t be fair. 

But it was just an act of service. It didn’t mean much, right?

“Oh, that’s nice,” you said, resting your head on the bed. You felt a bit off allowing a random man to do this to you, but he wasn’t random now, was he? He had saved you. And besides, he was he who insisted he rub the lotion in the first place.

“What is the future like?” William asked. “Is there another war?”

“Sort of. Not really,” you answered, which panicked William. “Don’t worry. If you’re talking about America and Russia, no one dies.”

William chuckled. “I should hope not. I don’t fancy serving in another world war.”

“You served?” you asked curiously. 

“Yes. As a captain in the British Army.”

You supposed it was normal. Most men in this time either signed up for the military or were drafted. You couldn’t imagine the horrors William must have gone through. You would never be able to understand the trauma he carried with him. You were curious, but you knew better than to ask. He didn’t need your pity, and you certainly didn’t want to offend him.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“For what?”

“That it had to happen. War and all that.”

“Does war not happen in the future?”

Now you felt a little stupid.

“Well — yes. It does. I’m just sorry. We learned about the world wars in history — and I just — I’m not claiming to know anything. Yeah, sorry.” You looked down.

William didn’t say anything to that. He just kept rubbing your dry skin. Afterward, he put the lotion away and sat next to you, running his fingers through your hair.

“I expect stories from you. I want to hear everything about the future.” 

You still didn’t believe you were in the past, at least, not completely.

 “You can tell me as we pass through town,” he added.

“I need to wash my clothes first.”

Willian narrowed his eyes. “You’re not going to wear that anymore.”

“Why not?”

He pursed his lips. “It’s too revealing. A woman should never go out wearing those types of clothing.” He sighed. “Perhaps it’s different in the future, but here, you’ll get hurt if you dress like that.” He continued playing with your hair. “I want you to be safe. So, you have to promise me that you’ll stay by my side at all times, yes?”

You nodded. You always thought that if you caught men talking to you like this, you would slap them, but here you were, turned on by William’s sexism. It was different, you reasoned. He was more focused on protecting you than restricting you. Was it bad that you found that hot?

“Good girl,” he said proudly. “Good girl.”

+++

Walking through town had been more of a frightening experience than you expected. You realized, without a shadow of a doubt, that you were indeed in the past. Producing a prank with this level of investment and money was pointless, and you never had any mental issues in the past, so why would one suddenly show up now? And even if it did, you couldn’t possibly be imagining this all in your head. 

All the cars were shiny and new, yet old models, ones that wouldn’t be produced in the future. All the women and men wore traditional clothing, like the dress William picked out for you. The hairstyles were medium-length and curled, or slicked back, with lots of gel and products used to keep them in place. You were grateful William didn’t ask you to do any of that. Not that you would have let him. At a certain point, you would have drawn a line.

“I have to get back,” you told William as you walked on a trail. “The machine has something to do with it. I just have to figure out how it works.”

“That’s an engineering job,” he pointed out.

“I’m good at math and science. I work in advanced technology, so I should be able to figure something out. All it needs is a bit of testing . . . I was wondering if I could stay with you for a while until I figure out a place to stay. I’ll give you all the money I have and I promise I’ll find a job — ”

“ — No need. Stay as long as you like. I don’t want your money. I won’t stop you from finding a job, but it’s not necessary. I can handle any expenses.”

You didn’t argue with him. He didn’t seem averse to the idea of letting a stranger stay at his place. It made sense. People in this time were more hospitable and open (at least, when they felt like it), and William, being a man from the forties, would never allow you to carry any of the financial burden.

You still felt a little bad. 

“Thank you. It means a lot to me. Now, what is it you want to hear about the future?”

William’s eyes lit up excitedly. “Do flying cars exist?”

You chuckled. “No. But we have self-driving ones.”

“Self-driving? How do they work?”

You paused. You had no idea. “I’m not sure. They probably have sensors to detect other cars. And, well, there’s a map. So it’s connected to a satellite . . .”

“Satellite?”

“It’s this thing in space. It does . . . stuff. It’s manmade.”

“Space? Have we discovered alien life?”

“No. But we have sent rovers to Mars and we’ve landed a person on the moon.”

William stopped walking. “The moon?” he repeated, bewildered. “Have you gone?”

I wish. “It’s only for astronauts. You have to be trained for that sort of stuff.”

“And when did this all happen?”

“Around the 1960s. There was a space race between America and Russia, and America won.”

Once you got the ball rolling, William would not stop asking questions. You answered them as best as you could and avoided topics like the current political climate and weaponry and all that. After he was done with all the serious stuff, like advancements in science and whether robots had taken over the world yet, he moved on to more social and cultural topics. You were relieved to find out that he wasn’t racist or homophobic or incredibly misogynistic. If anything he was rather tame about it all, and was glad that women had earned more rights, though he seemed upset that the dynamic of a gentlemanly husband and lady-like housewife wasn’t pushed upon society. 

“There’s nothing wrong with things going the opposite way around,” he had said. “Two people of the same gender marrying. It’s only that women need to be looked after, and if she doesn’t want to work, then it is her man’s obligation to do it for her. And in return, she must be obedient and serve him whenever he pleases — whether it’s by cleaning the house or . . . other things.”

“And what if she doesn’t want it?” you questioned, referring to the other things.

“A man should always make sure she likes it.”

You could practically feel all the feminism leaving your body at that.

The conversation ended when you reached back home (home? It’s not your home, you reminded yourself). William replaced your bandages with care. You were already starting to feel better, since the cut wasn’t too big, and you offered to help with cooking dinner this time.

After that, you decided to tinker with the box.

It was made out of some type of metal, with two different dials on the top and a button on the side. But it wasn’t like anything you’d ever seen before. The first dial went from zero to nine (zero being nulla) in Roman numerals, and had four hands, each of them colored in order: red, green, blue, and yellow. Respectively, there were four tiny colored knobs on the side, like the ones by a watch, where you could move each hand. The other dial was the same case.

“It must be the date,” you said aloud to yourself. “But which is which?”

Taking a gamble, you pressed the button, but it didn’t do anything. All it did was signal a small lens to start blinking red. 

“Are you sure you should do that now?” William asked, coming up from behind you. “Look at this.” He crouched to your level on the floor. “Your eyes have bags underneath them. You’re still tired.”

You rubbed the area beneath your eyes. Did they really have bags? You hadn’t realized.

“I should probably go to sleep then,” you said, putting the box down and getting up.

William walked you over to the bedroom, and was about to leave when you asked, “Where are you sleeping?”

“The couch.”

You frowned. “It’s your house and I’m your guest. You’ve already done so much for me – ”

“— If you’re going to suggest you sleep on the couch, then it’s a no. That’s final.”

“But — ”

“ — Final.”

You sighed. “Then come sleep with me. I’ll stay on the floor—”

“ — No—”

“ — Then we can share the bed. We’ll put a wall of pillows between us, like this.” You grabbed a pillow and placed it in the middle of the bed, separating the two sides. “Not so bad, see?”

William relented. “Alright.”

He crawled into bed with you. His hair fell over his face as he adjusted, and the last rays of sunlight coated his body in colors of orange and yellow. If your phone wasn’t dead, you would have asked him to sit still for a picture, because at this moment, he truly looked breathtaking. He was a beautiful man. You wondered if he knew it.

“What?” William asked when he noticed you staring.

Flustered, you turned your head to look up at the ceiling. “Nothing. I was just making sure you were comfy.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see William lick his lower lip. 

“You’re a sweet lass,” he commented. “You always think about others first.”

He reached over, and for a moment, you thought he was going to kiss you (which, admittedly, despite having had a wet dream about him, scared you), but he only brushed a small speck of dust off your shoulders and murmured “Goodnight”, before burying his chin into the blanket and drifting off into sleep.

You followed in suit soon after. A part of you was hoping that you could start a life here. You’d buy a nice house and live out a simple and peaceful life. You and William didn’t even have to be romantically involved. You could just be friends, and you would be happy with that. 

But a part of you also hoped that when you woke up the next morning you would be back in your own bed, in your small one-story house that you remember being so excited about buying. You knew you would never like living here in the long term. There were too many things wrong with this time and you didn’t want to be the brunt of its issues. Not only that but being aware of all the tragedies that would soon occur . . . Did you want to be faced with the moral dilemma of whether or not you should stop them? How would your presence affect things in the future? After living your whole life in 2023, you could never adjust to life in 1946. 

You had to find a way back. There was simply no other choice. 

+++

William showed you many things. Just as he was interested in the future, you were interested in the past. The things that excited you most of all were old-school versions of what you had in the future. Washing machines, refrigerators — they were all so different, yet the same, and it was fascinating. 

You even met a few people in town. They were nice enough to hold a conversation with, though they found it weird that you lacked decorum and the social understanding of the time. The women were chatty and mildly passive-aggressive, and the men — well, the men flirted with you quite openly.

William had told people that you were family, someone related but not close enough to be bothered with technical terms like cousin or niece. No one asked questions when you two explained it like that. All the men must have thought that if you were his family and that if you had no ring on your finger you must be looking for a partner.

You were charmed by their advances, but never serious about them. Besides, William hardly let them get a word in before he shooed them away.

By the time weeks and weeks had passed you became acquainted with everyone, seen every sight to see — including the swan lake William took you to — and become close enough to William that he opened up to you. You learned that while he wasn’t an orphan, his parents never held much interest in him other than the occasional birthday letter, and the reason he came out here so far away from the city was to find peace of mind.

You grew to admire him, and you were sure he grew to admire you, too. And soon, you started to feel a certain type of way. A way that made you daydream about all the things that could be, only for reality to stomp across it and remind you of the harsh truth. 

+++

William was driving a car, a modern car, your car. He was humming a little tune on the radio, singing some lyrics, hands loosely holding the wheel as he passed by a gas station. It was some Taylor Swift song, and you remember faintly thinking: Of course, he likes Taylor Swift.

He looked over to you. You were sitting by his side, a passenger princess, looking out the window. All of a sudden it was night and you two were driving down a lonely road, parking by the side of some lake. In the distance, you could hear crickets and ribbits, but you paid them no mind.

You were curled up in William’s arms, looking out the sunroof of the car, the light of the moon gently descending through the glass. You offered him a piece of chocolate, and you two just sat there, in the dark, nibbling on snacks and observing the sky, until you woke up.  

+++

William had to leave for work, like usual. He again told you not to leave his property line or stray out too far, which, again, was fine by you because most days were cold and bitter.

You spent your time messing around with the box, careful not to touch the wires in the back. Once you put your mind to it, you figured out how it worked. You paid attention to where the hands were currently located and found something promising. The first dial’s hands had the numbers I, IX, IV, and VI, and the second dial was nulla, IX, nulla, and V. Alone, you wouldn’t have been able to tell what the numbers meant, but with context, you understood. The first dial was the year, and the second one was the month and date.

You didn’t quite understand how the box brought you from the future, but that didn’t matter, as it was broken. There was a little loose piece on the backside that had been damaged — a little dent, probably when you were first transported here. All you had to do was plug it back in, but the only problem was, you didn’t have a screwdriver, and you certainly weren’t going to wrench your fingers near a bunch of wires.

When William came back you told him your solution. He agreed and said that tomorrow he would take you to a local store to buy a screwdriver, and he even apologized for not having one in his house. But for now, he said he wanted to take you out to lunch.

“Lunch?” you questioned nervously. Was he asking you out on a date?

You thought about it for a moment. You did want to go, but your mind was too preoccupied with getting back to your time. Besides, it wasn’t fair to him. You did like him, but you two could never actually be together. It was all in your head.

It’s all in your head.

“You know I’ll have to go back someday,” you said, watching William’s expression become more neutral as if he was hiding his emotions. “I dunno . . . I’m getting a little attached to you,” you said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

William seemed to understand where you were going with this. “It won’t be like that. I wouldn’t blame you,” he said earnestly, taking a step forward. “We ought to enjoy our time together, while it’s still here.”

He made a valid point, enough to convince you. He had been doing that an awful lot. Convincing you. 

William took you out to a nice restaurant. The food was a bit plain, but it was good and wholesome. It reminded you a lot of William’s cooking, only fancier and more well-presented. Not only that, but the atmosphere felt calming and almost romantic. You noticed that most of the people here were couples, holding hands and giggling with each other, however young or old.

Was this William’s intention? Did he like like you? Or was this just him being courteous? You couldn’t imagine that many people here were used to dating or one-night stands. But you wouldn’t know unless you asked him, and you were too nervous to do that. Besides, you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself. William was a very traditional man, would he even want a woman like you? A 21st-century girl?

After you two were finished eating you engaged in another walk. 

“Come closer,” William said, holding out his arm for you to take. If you didn’t have any self-control, you would have jumped his bones right then and there. He was right. He was a gentleman. No man in the future would have done this for you unless they were trying to make a joke out of it.

You placed your hand on William’s arm hesitantly, trying to figure out the exact placement, walking side by side with him. It was a little cold, however, and you shivered, catching William’s attention almost instantly.

“Oh, you poor thing,” William cooed, talking of his coat and wrapping it around you. It smelled of him, a little musky, smoky like a cigarette, but in a very subtle way. “You’re so nervous. Have you never had a man do this for you?” he asked. “Hold out his arm for you to take, give you his coat?”

“No,” you admitted. “Men don’t do that in the future.”

“I do,” he said, stopping both of you in your tracks. The area was secluded, mostly covered in trees and bushes, far away from any passerby. “I would do that for my woman.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Well,” you said, wistfully, “whoever she is she’ll be a lucky woman.”

+++

William took you to a local shop to buy a screwdriver next. It all felt very domestic, something that you could get used to. You imagined running errands like this with William in the future. He would be absolutely fascinated by a grocery store, by the internet, by everything. If you thought hard, you could see it — a wondrous smile on his face, a giggle escaping his lips. 

You tried not to think of it that much. After your fantasy passed your thoughts turned sad and cold, because you knew that would never happen. It will never happen. As much as you liked William, you missed your family, you missed your house, you missed everything.

When you both got back home, you plugged the broken piece in and screwed the nail. William watched on beside you, a frown on his face, drinking some tea.

“Here,” he said, inching closer, “I don’t want you exerting pressure on your arm. Let me do it.”

He grabbed a hold of the screwdriver, but he bumped into you in the process. With a gasp, he dropped his cup of tea. It shattered across the floor, glass pieces flying every, hot liquid (thankfully not boiling) splashing all over. You shrieked and backed away, watching as one of the glass shards cut right through one of the wires.

“William!” you snapped, but then your eyes turned watery, because of the cut on your hand.

He immediately went over to you, careful not to step on any glass, and picked you up bridal style, moving you away from the mess and towards the couch. 

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, looking panicked. “It was an honest mistake — I’m so so sorry, I can’t believe I just did that — are you hurt?”

You laughed at the absurdity of it all, even though you were clutching your finger in pain. It was a very small cut, something that would be healed within a day. “Calm down, William. I’m fine. Are you hurt?”

He shook his head, looking worried, or perhaps, scared was the right word. Yet, you couldn’t figure out why.

“William,” you said slowly. “It’s fine. You do realize we can just fix the wire? I just need a heat-shrinking tube and a soldering iron, nothing I haven’t done before.”

“. . . Oh.”

His tone made you wonder about his intentions. You’d been so caught up on how good of a person he was, helping you and giving you room and food, but really, what was his motive? Because it almost felt like he was trying to get you to stay . . . It sent a sinister feeling down your spine, albeit a tug on your heartstrings as well.

What do you want from me, William? What do you want?

+++

More time had passed. It was difficult to acquire things in this small town, and it occurred to you that such resources were not readily available at this time. You didn’t want to bother William by pestering him to go into the city for materials, so while you would bring up the topic every once in a while, you mostly kept quiet.

You took the chance to relish your break. After all, you weren’t working. It was like a fully paid vacation, so you might as well take advantage of it.

William still had a job, but when he came back, you two would just talk and talk and talk, conversations so smoothly flowing that it felt like you’d known him for years. When you weren’t talking, you were still in each other’s presence, doing your own thing. Occasionally, William would make sneaky moves like wrap his arm around your shoulder, or do the la bise. He claimed he was part French, and it was part of his custom, but even if that were true, you knew the la bise didn’t involve full-on smooches on the cheek.

You never stopped him from doing things like that, but you also never reciprocated, despite how badly you wanted to. All this stalling wouldn’t change the fact that you still had to leave. Not only that, but you were starting to feel homesick. 

You missed calling your friends late at night, you missed watching colored TV, and you missed hot showers. You missed easy-access painkillers for your periods, and searching all your queries on the internet. You missed the future. Badly. And you could just feel that the day of return was near.

+++

“You dance, yes?”

Snapped out of your thoughts, you turned to William. You were both lounging on his couch, relaxing, talking, as the time passed by. He had given you a magazine to read, but you weren’t reading it, just dozing off.

You shrugged. “Yeah. I’ve gone to clubs. But — no, I can’t dance like that — William,” you whined, half-heartedly struggling as he pulled you up to you feet. “I’m going to ruin it, I don’t know where to place my feet or — ”

“ — You could never ruin anything, darling. Your presence alone is enough to satisfy me.” 

You looked away. “You can’t say things like that, William.”

“Why not?”

You took his hands off you before he could even start the music. 

“I don’t like it,” you lied.

William frowned. “That’s alright. Let me hold you. I know you enjoy that.” He chuckled. “When we first met you wouldn’t let go of me.”

The memory, still fresh in your mind, made you flustered. 

“. . . William, what do you want from me?” you decided to ask.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean — what do you want from me?”

William licked his lower lip. “Nothing. I just want to take care of you.”

“But why?”

You could practically feel William’s nervousness. It was like when he dropped that glass. He radiated an almost jumbled energy, a desperate energy.

“Haven’t I made it more obvious?” he finally said, his hands on your waist. He brought his fingers up to brush the hair out of your face. “Am I not clear?”

You knew what he was going to say. But you wanted to hear it from him. “Clear about what?”

“I want you.” Your heart started beating. “I don’t care if you’re not from this time. I don’t care if you have a life in the future — I can be better. I can be your life.”

“. . . William.”

“Don’t take that tone with me,” he said, tilting your chin up so you could look him in the eyes. “I know you want me too. I can see it.”

“But we can’t,” you weakly protested.

“So is this what you do?” His tone grew more sharp. “Imagine things in your head and never act on them?”

You stayed silent. He was putting you in such a difficult position, couldn’t he see that?

“What’s wrong?” he continued. “Am I not good enough?”

“William,” you tried to pull away. “I have to go — ”

He locked you in his arms. Your body was so close your noses were brushing up against each other, and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Maybe you’re worried I can’t please you right.”

You could have shouted. Why was he being so forceful? You ignored the way your body grew warm — you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t and so you wouldn’t. 

“I don’t want it,” you lied again.

“Well, I told you, a wife should always submit to her husband’s desires.”

“We’re not married!”

“We will be.”

You froze.

William took your silence as an opportunity. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours, turning his head slightly as his hand rested on the back of your head. You were caught off guard but didn’t try to push away. It felt so nice, and warm and inviting. Why you were denying yourself this? Why were you denying yourself love?

When your lips parted, a string of saliva connecting you both, you placed your hands on his chest. You had an idea. A brilliant idea. Why hadn’t you thought of this before? “William. I still have to go, but — ”

He growled and lifted you up, carrying you over to his bedroom, tossing you onto the bed, and pinning you down on the mattress. “No. I won’t let you. I won’t let you! Don’t you understand? I’m perfect for you — I can — I can.” He looked miserable. In fact, he looked like he was about to cry. “Let me show you,” he said, determined. He started unbuckling his belt with one hand. “Let me show you what I can do.”

You hadn’t realized how hard William was, but when he finally took out his cock — fat and pale, with pre-cum leaking at the tip, his balls a little hairy, you gulped, the area between your legs getting wetter.

“Take off your panties,” he ordered. “And lift up that damn dress.”

You didn’t. To be honest, you were a little frightened by his behavior.

William sighed and did it for you, spreading your legs apart, only for you to shut them close. “You don’t even have a condom!”

“I’ll put out,” he said impatiently, forcing your legs apart again. You gasped, not expecting contact to be made so soon.

He rubbed his cock against your wet cunt, soaking himself. He had this satisfied smile on his face, eyes closed for just a moment, before he looked down at you. 

“I thought I’d have to warm you up a little,” he said. “You’re beau — stop it! Don’t struggle.”

He held your arms down as you writhed. “Please, William — I believe you,” you said. “You can fuck me good. Just listen — ”

William shook his head. “You’re the one who's supposed to listen. Listen and take it.”

With that, he pushed his cock in and started thrusting, hard and fast, your hands still pinned, his face contorted in pleasure. His moans were loud and shameless. He had his head right above yours, peppering small kisses on your lips. You tried to ignore how good it felt — him inside of you, but it was becoming increasingly difficult by the moment. 

“Ah, I knew you weren’t a virgin,” he said, noticing the lack of blood or discomfort. “That’s okay — I still love you.”

“Love?” you repeated, trying to focus, but your abilities were lost when he used his thumb to rub your clit. “Wa-a-it!”

“Don’t say that,” William said, his tone surprisingly soft given how rough his movements were. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought you didn’t want it. Just enjoy. Enjoy me.”

The bed was starting to creak, moving back and forth, rubbing up against the wood floor. Your breasts were bouncing, catching William’s eyes every once in a while. His cock slid in and out of you with precision, hitting that swollen part inside of you every time. His thumb on your clit only added to the intense sensation. 

Your eyes fluttered shut, and you stopped struggling. You let your head hit the pillow, mouth parted, breathing heavy and hot. At the same time, you were overcome with a feeling of hurt. You couldn’t deny that you wanted it, but for him to take you so forcibly . . . and for you to actually like it . . .

“Are you alright?” he asked, slowing down his pace a little. He looked you in the eyes. “Do you feel good?”

You thought about lying, about crying out No, please stop!, but that wasn’t the truth, and in the end, your desires overcame you. “Y-yes. I want more.”

William relaxed, and his grip on you loosened. He placed one hand on your hip, the other by the side of your head. 

“You’re beautiful,” he praised. “Every day I look at you and think of how grateful I am that I found you. Laying there in that field, little flowers around you. An angel. My angel.”

You wanted to tell him how grateful you were, too. That it was him who took you in and not someone else, but the words never came out, only sighs and moans, but he seemed to understand what you were trying to say. 

Another kiss.

“You’re soaking me. You’re soaking the sheets.”

A little embarrassed, you turned your head. “M’sorry.”

William forced you to look back at him. “Don’t be sorry. I like knowing how eager you are for me.” 

Another kiss, but this time he slipped his tongue in, sweeping against yours before he pulled away, a string of saliva breaking as he did.

“We’ll live here,” he continued, his thrusts becoming more erratic, “in this house. Together. I’ll take you to the movies, we’ll have picnics in the garden, and I’ll write you love songs on the piano. We’ll have children — a girl, I hope — and she’ll look just like you. It’ll be wonderful,” he promised. “I’ll make you so happy, and you’ll make me happy, too.”

You couldn’t help but ruin the moment. “If I did that I would never see my parents again.”

He frowned and didn’t say anything. Then, “I think you’re getting agitated. You need to come, that’s it. You need to come and then you’ll finally understand what it is you’ll be missing out on if you leave.”

“T-that’s not the point — ”

“ — I’m so close,” he murmured. “Fill you up, so damn tight. Ah, you’re perfect.”

When you realized what he meant your eyes widened and you shook your head adamantly. “You said you’d pull out!”

“That was before. I’ve changed my mind.”

You felt familiar pressure build up inside of you. You could imagine yourself, breasts big with milk, belly round and smooth, William reading children’s books to your unborn baby as if he could be heard. The thought alone made you sickly sweet, the idea that life between you and him could be so domestic.

But couldn’t he just wait for a moment?

“I’ll — ah — be with you — every step of the way,” he grunted. “I won’t leave you. So, don’t be scared.”

“William,” you said shakily. “Just listen — ”

But it was too late. Collapsing on top of you, William poured his hot seed inside your cunt, his whimper addicting, like it was something you could hear a thousand times over. A few seconds later, you fell victim to the same fate, and there you two lay, with each other, chests heaving, bodies sweaty and sticky, coming down from the heights of ecstasy. 

You could feel his heart pound against yours. Thump, thump, thump. And you could feel yours as well. To think that this man had just gotten you pregnant. It all happened so quickly. It happened so quickly and you were completely fine with it.

“William,” you said after finally catching your breath, turning to face him. “You know I still have to go.”

It was his turn to cry. His tears watered up, glassy, his lower lip trembling, but you could tell he was doing his best to keep it in. “But I love you,” he whispered. “Am I not enough?”

It broke your heart to see him like this. So vulnerable in front of you. It was then you knew you were making the right choice, a hundred percent. You had finally found your match. And to think that you almost let him go . . . 

“But I want you to come with me,” you said, hopeful. “Come with me, William. Come with me to the future.”

Taglist: @henrywintersdearestgirl @shroombloom-rry @meetmeatyourworst @mrkdvidal1989 @madnessandobsession @slut4thebroken @qqquartz7 @madeinuk

[stellocchia]

As much as I love the concept of Blue joining Nightmare's gang and getting some healing with them (and I really do, I'm writing the longest fic I've ever written about it) a concept I've been mulling over is that of Stretch joining them in a more canon-adjacent setting.

Like, okay, hear me out, Stretch is the one Papyrus who in most versions of the Multiverse story gets left behind willingly by Blue. Like, sure, there is Underverse where the dude just dies, and that one comic about Blue getting kidnapped by Error, but most of the time not much thought is put into Blue joining the Star Sanses. He just did. And, with the Star Sanses being a mostly positive force, I doubt it was in any way against his will.

He most likely wanted to help out because, well, he's an Underswap Sans, and the Star Sanses offered him a great opportunity for that. Canonically, Blue was always rather social, even in his original universe, but he still wasn't as accomplished as he might have wished. So more so than fame, glory was his other biggest incentive.

Anyway, ramblings about Blue aside, Stretch was left there in his world. Now he's suddenly forced to deal with the resets alone. My guy was already an apathetic nihilist with not that many friends when it all started, going through all of this alone is only gonna worsen that.

I don't think he'd ever admit that he resents his brother for leaving. His brother could never do anything wrong in his eyes. He would try to make him regret it though. Not consciously, of course, and it would start small. Things like: purposefully messing up their story by just not showing up in front of the human, or by letting himself be killed first right after the drop, or even by having the fight going on for an impossibly long time by having his first attack be nothing.

But as none of that seems to work (Blue is not coming back, he's busy saving universes and fighting bad guys) he would get desperate.

I imagine this is where his joining the Bad Sanses would come in. Here's how the sequence of events would play out:

He becomes disillusioned > Starts working on the machine in the basement again to pass the time > Gains access to the Multiverse > Finds out about the group his brother is fighting after going on a few adventures > Joins the group

His joining the group is definitely to spite his brother, but he'd never admit that out loud. It is also a monumentally idiotic idea because every moral he's ever had is strictly against everything that Nightmare gets up to. Unfortunately, by this point, he's sufficiently apathetic to be just morally flexible enough for this to work. After all, he can promise himself that he will not hurt any monsters and will instead just focus on fighting the Star Sanses. The guilt from just letting it happen is still eating at him, but he reasons that he has no other choice (of course he does. But the other choice was to let himself rot back at home in a hopeless timeline and, while it would have been a noble sacrifice, it is not one he's willing to make).

Nightmare on his side, sees the benefit of having a Papyrus on board. He's gonna keep Horror and Dust in line and loyal far more effectively than threats would. After all, he may not look entirely like their brothers, but he's still similar enough to work for emotional blackmail purposes.

It's not gonna go over as well with Killer who definitely tries to kill him at first. A bunch of times. And almost succeeds every time. But Stretch is not there for him, so Nightmare pays it little mind. Stretch is there to keep Killer's attachments from leaving or betraying them, and he's gonna get over it eventually. Possibly. (Killer is not so sure he will because fuck Nightmare and his new toy. He will stop the murder attempts though because everything in his body and soul is against defying a very direct order from the Boss).

Stretch doesn't like any of his teammates at first. He, rather hypocritically, sees them as true monsters for what they've done in their home AUs and for what they keep doing under Nightmare.

Needless to say, the atmosphere at the castle is tense for months with none of these fuckers talking any more than strictly necessary. Even on the battlefield, as they're facing off against the Star Sanses, all the bad guys are suspiciously quiet. Stretch doesn't even have the energy or clarity of mind to answer his brother's questions and pleas to go with him and put an end to the senseless violence. (He also doesn't want to answer because he's still upset and doesn't trust him. Though he will not admit that to himself. He's still in denial about that being the reason he joined Nightmare's gang. My guy is getting through life with the sheer power of denial and emotional repression and it's going horribly for him).

The tension comes to a head eventually when Killer makes a snide remark too many about Stretch's hypocrisy and Stretch punches him square in the face. It's not the most conventional bonding method, but it works for those two. He is still a hypocrite in Killer's mind, but at least he's not a coward and that's good enough for him. Everyone at that castle is hypocritical af anyway, he's not gonna judge. Well, he will, but no more than he judges Horror and Dust for their own little quirks.

From there, Stretch starts to learn a bit more about his teammates. They let him into their little circle of trust, and he learns how to help them take care of themselves. They learn what he needs too (probably some antidepressants) and help him as best as they can. And he notices, for the first time, that Nightmare is very much not in their little bubble. He's one of the threats to it. And, well, there's not much he can do about it at this point, but he vows to help them as much as he can. And he vows not to abandon them like he was. And there is still denial there about how hurt he was by his brother's abandonment and what a Hell it is to live in the castle, but that promise to himself is the first reason he's found to keep going that he's willing to admit to. And that's good enough for now

[blue-slxt]

Our Song Cord: Can't Help Falling

(Chapter 2)

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

A/N: I know I said it was gonna be up this morning, but I got caught up with other shit lol. So here it is. Things start to heat up a little in this chapter. I have a soft spot for virgin characters. I think I just really identify with all the curiosity and nerves that come with discovering all this stuff lol. This is also one of the longest chapters I've ever written for anything. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy! Every chapter title is a song reference so if you know the song, you get a cookie. I really really appreciate feedback so comments and reblogs are heavily encouraged. All characters are aged up.

Series Masterlist

Previous Part | Next Part

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Warnings: Friends to Lovers, Cheating? (depends on how you look at it), Fingering, Oral (M receiving), Heat Cycle, Masturbation (briefly), I think that's all.

Word Count: 5.7k

Summary: You and Neteyam have mastered the basics and feel like it's time to move on to the next step.

For the next week or so, you and Neteyam continue with your “training” sessions. You never really go farther than what you’ve already done. You know, just to make sure you both really have it down. On more than a couple occasions, you had to explain away little purple marks that Neteyam would leave littered around your jaw, neck, and chest after getting carried away.

“Just got a little too rough while we were sparring.” You’d laugh it off when questioned.

“Neteyam, you need to learn how to pull some of your punches, skxawng!” Kiri would chide him.

Once you both feel like you have a real handle on what you’re doing, Neteyam tells you how he’s finally going to put all his practice to good use. He’s finally going to try making out with Layao. You send him off with an encouraging smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes and a sinking feeling in your gut, but still words of reassurance all the same. It was almost as if you were nervous for him. But there was no reason to be nervous. He was good, really good. Neteyam had mastered the art of making you breathless with just a kiss in a matter of no time. He really was a prodigy. He was going to completely sweep her off her feet, no question about it. But maybe, that was the reason for the nerves.

Still, his excitement as he recounted his eventful night with her was contagious.

“You should have seen me! I did it just like how we practiced. And she looked almost as pretty as you do when we were done.”

He may not have caught it, but you certainly did. Your brain can’t help but hyper-fixate on the use of the word ‘almost’, but you tuck that away into the background to mull over later. For now, you were listening to your best friend eagerly tell you all about his conquest while pushing away the growing nausea in your gut.

“That’s great, Teyam. I told you, you’re a natural.” You say offering him a genuine smile.

“Well, it’s not like I can take all the credit.” He says nudging your shoulder with his. A sheepish smile crosses your lips. “So, I was thinking that we should move on to more advanced stuff since we seem to have the basics down now, don’t you think?” he suggests.

It causes you to pause momentarily thinking about the more “advanced” interactions the two of you could have with each other. “O-oh, yea. Definitely. It’s like you read my mind.” You try to play it off as if your mind isn’t screaming at you right now.

“Great, then I will see you tonight.” His charming smile is almost too gorgeous to look at right now. There’s no way anyone could convince you that Neteyam wasn’t one of Eywa’s favorites.

…

“Alright, so what are we trying tonight?” you ask leaning your back against a nearby tree. Neteyam’s hands clenched and relaxed at his sides which he often did when he was nervous about something. Your own anxiety feeds off of his as your eyes watch him carefully and he tries to build up the courage to say his idea out loud.

“Well…we already have everything sorted out up top…” his hands quickly gesture to your chest and his eyes fall to look at the ground instead of your face. “S-so, I thought it might be time to move…you know…lower” his voice is basically a whisper by the time he finishes his sentence. Your legs instinctively squeeze together and you suddenly feel extremely vulnerable just even thinking about his hands down there. Neteyam seems to notice your slight change in posture. “We don’t have to, though, if you don’t feel ready to try that yet.” The words tumble out of his mouth so fast you would think it was all one long word.

“No no no, it’s fine. I’m just maybe a little nervous.” You admit letting your gaze follow his to the ground. Your ears fall to your head hoping the ground would swallow you to save you from this incredibly vulnerable feeling brewing in your chest. Neteyam takes a few steps towards where you were still perched against the tree until he was close enough to hold your face and make you look back up at him. His face was close enough for you to catch the faint reflection of your tanhì in his gorgeous honey-colored eyes.

“I’ll be gentle.”

You’re not sure if it’s the low tone of his voice dancing around your ears, the way his thumb stroked your cheek, or just the sheer proximity, but something had your body buzzing all over like a million bees.

“I know you will, Teyam. Just…kiss me first? To help ease me into it.” It’s incredibly embarrassing to ask for it, but right now, your want far outweighed your embarrassment.

His hand stays planted against your cheek when he leans in and kisses you. His body presses into yours and his other hand familiarly lands on your hip. You let your mind get lost in the moment. So lost that you don’t even feel when your own arms drape around his neck and hold him close to you. It’s as if your body is moving on its’ own carrying out your deepest desires without you needing to tell it what to do. Your legs part allowing his body to slot right into place. The throbbing between your thighs is growing by the second.

You take hold of his hand on your hip and move it lower to the waistband of your loincloth. Neteyam breaks the kiss to look down at his hand and then back at your face. You give the tiniest nod of your head to encourage him to continue and his fingers trail under your loincloth and come into direct contact with your core. His ears and eyebrows both shoot up feeling you for the first time.

“It’s so warm and slippery.” He says experimentally dragging his fingers through your folds.

“That’s how it’s supposed to be” you try to ignore the shakiness of your voice as it leaves your throat. “The most important part is the clit.” His fingers go still against you while he looks at you listening intently.

“It’s a small little nub near the top. It’s really sensitive and you’re going to want to really get familiar with it.” You explain feeling your face get hot.

He pulls his fingers forward until he reaches the little bud that makes you squeak when he presses against it. “That’s it.” A small smile crosses his lips momentarily before he speaks again.

“So, now what do I do?” “Well, everybody likes something different, but you usually can’t go wrong with just rubbing little circles into it.” You could really only speak from your own experience of nights that you had done this to yourself.

“Like this?” his finger harshly pushes against your clit and it makes you jump.

“A little softer. Not so much pressure, okay? It’s a really sensitive spot so you don’t want to do it too hard.”

He nods his head processing your advice. He lightens his touch and tentatively rubs circles around and around on your clit. Fuck, he was perfect at this already. After that one quick adjustment, his pressure and speed were nothing short of flawless. “Mmf…haah th-that’s good. Just like that…” your knees buckle under you and if it weren’t for the tree you were pressed against, you probably would’ve been on the ground already. Your head falls back to the tree and your eyes close silently praying that you could live in this moment that you’ve dreamt about countless times forever. Small mewls and moans pass your lips under his touch.

Neteyam is trying desperately to ignore the way his own dick is throbbing in his loincloth listening to the sounds you’re making. He does his best to ensure that he’s putting forth his best effort to make you feel good. And fuck, was he making you feel good. The pleasure overtakes any sense of logic that you may have been holding onto.

“M-more…”

Neteyam looks at you with eyelids already starting to hood his eyes.

“I…I want to feel you inside…” your cheeks burn saying it out loud, but it feels as if you might be devoured whole by your desire if you don’t feel him where your need is the strongest.

“Are you sure? I mean, you’re okay with—”

“Mhm…please, Teyam…”

His ears twitch in your direction at your sensual pleas and his dick twitches begging to be the one that fills you. He cautiously moves his fingers between your folds that were now dripping down his knuckles. When he reaches your entrance, he lightly probes at you with one of his fingers making you clench around nothing until he finally pushes inside. His jaw drops open feeling the way your walls suck his finger right in and envelope him in a feeling of slippery warmth.

It feels like your breathing stutters in your throat as his finger stretches you. His finger was so much bigger than your own and you’ve never been more aware of that fact than right now as he unintentionally pressed the pad of his finger against the spongey part of your walls.

“Mm!” you do your best to muffle your sounds

“Is this okay?” his voice conveys his concern, but his eyes hold only a lusty haze while they jump around from your eyes to your lips and chest and between your thighs that sat spread for him.

“Y-yea…now, just angle your finger towards the front and move in and out slowly.”

“Like this?” he slowly pulls his finger out just to the top knuckle and then sinks back in at just the angle you need.

“Ahh…yea, right there” You don’t mean for it to sounds as enticing as it comes out, but Neteyam can feel his self-restraint slipping away. He can’t stop himself from attaching his lips to their favorite spot on your neck and nipping little bites into your soft skin. His finger never stops thrusting up into you and your legs are starting to feel like jelly beneath you.

Your arms hold tight around his neck to help keep you upright. It’s almost automatic the way your leg hikes up around his waist to give his hand even more access to you.

“Nete~…” you call out completely not meaning to. You’ve never called him that name. The only people who called him that were girls in the clan hoping to catch his attention with their sweet voices and swishing tails. He always said it was embarrassing, but in this moment, hearing it roll off your lips, it makes him groan against your skin.

“Say it again…need…need to hear you…” his voice is breathy and his words broken between his heavy breathing that fans your jaw line as he continues kissing everywhere he can reach.

You weren’t expecting that kind of response, but you comply regardless.

“Nete…oh, Great Mother, I’m going to cum!” your body tightens its hold on him pressing his body right up against you hoping it’ll anchor you to this plane of existence. This was nothing like doing it to yourself and now you wonder how you’ve managed to go this long without the touch of another person. And you think that you never want to be without this feeling ever again.

His cheek is pressed right up against your own and his free hand gropes at your breast. It takes the last thread of his sanity to not scent you right now as he feels your impending climax threatening to strangle his finger right off his hand.

“Haah…go ahead, let me feel it.” His voice is right next to your ear sending shivers down your spine. Almost on command, the knot in your body snaps and you cum with trembling legs and a small, almost silent scream from your mouth. Your nails leave deep purple indents on his skin from where you’re holding onto him and even Neteyam lets out a small moan feeling your walls convulse around him as you ride out your high. His hands go still against you when you come down and he pulls his face back to look at you.

Looking up at Neteyam right now, you can’t seem to bring your brain to recognize him as your best friend that you’ve known since before you could remember, but instead, you see a gorgeous man hovering just inches away from your face who’s gazing down at you like he wants to give you the world and you want to let him.

Neither of you say a word when he carefully slides his finger out of you and holds his hand up to examine how his skin glistens in the moonlight covered in your slick that’s still trickling down his hand.

Neteyam isn’t sure what kind of compulsion came over him that moment, but with no hesitation, he brings his finger to his lips and licks it clean before you can find the words to protest. Your ears pin to your head but you feel physically unable to look away from him. He moans lowly at the taste of you on his finger.

“You taste sweet.”

Somehow, you are equal parts mortified and turned on. Your eyes want to fall to the ground, but they get distracted at the tenting of his loincloth. You let one of your hands fall from his shoulder to palm him through the fabric. He sucks in a sharp breath at the contact.

“You don’t have to do that.”

You look up at his face, “I want to.”

It takes a second for the implications of your words to really settle in your mind.

“I-I mean, I need to learn how to do this too, you know…” A lie. Truth was, you were so desperate to have him right now, you thought you might actually go insane. But of course, you’d never be able to tell that to him, you can barely even tell it to yourself.

There’s only a thick silence as Neteyam resigns himself to you and lets you undo the knot holding his loincloth around his hips. The fabric falls to the ground and…oh, fuck, Neteyam really was Eywa’s favorite. It’s not like you really knew what was considered average, but you had a general idea from the talk amongst the other girls in the clan. And Neteyam was far above average. Just something else to make him even more perfect.

You sink to your knees in front of him and Neteyam is simultaneously thankful for the dark so that you can’t see the flush of his cheeks, but he also curses it as it prevents him from seeing you clearly the way he really wants to right now.

“S-so, do I just…grab it?” you finally pull your eyes back up to his face waiting for him to guide you in what to do.

“Um, well, first, you should spit in your hand.” His voice is low, clearly embarrassed about explaining this kind of thing. You cock an eyebrow at him feeling skeptical about what he’s asking you to do. “It helps your hand slide smoother.”

You know that Neteyam would never intentionally lead you astray, so you do ask he says and let a long stream of saliva fall into your palm. His big hand holds your wrist and guides your hand to wrap around his length. It’s firm just like the muscles in his arms and it’s heavy in your hand.

“Just slowly move your hand like this…” his hand gently moves yours back and forth along him. After a couple of experimental strokes, he removes his hand and lets you continue on your own. It feels so…indecent, but also strangely thrilling.

“Is this good?”

“Mm…yea, you can do it a little tighter.” He says trying to keep his voice from wavering. You add some more pressure to your hold while still keeping your rhythm and Neteyam lets out a shaky breath. You’ve been watching his face the whole time, but when he makes eye contact with you, your chest squeezes feeling overwhelmed. So, you choose to focus on your hand instead. Watching the repetitive stroke of your hand and how his tip disappears into your palm only to poke back through feels like falling into a trance. A trance so deep that it removes any and all semblance of sanity you may have still had. Your mouth starts to salivate and drool down your chin which you wipe away with the back of your free hand.

It’s not enough. You need more. You want to give him more. It’s almost as if you’re watching yourself, but you can’t do anything to stop when you gently take him into your mouth. He’s so big, it’s a wonder how it would ever fit inside of your pussy. But fuck, if you didn’t want to make it fit.

“Haah…w-wait…” Neteyam’s voice is shaky and breathless being completely caught off guard by the all-encompassing warmth that now wrapped around him. He almost wants to tell you not to push yourself and that you don’t have to go this far tonight. Almost. But when his eyes find yours looking up at him big and glazed over with over half of his dick in your mouth, he is absolutely powerless to stop you.

You’re not entirely sure what to do besides just moving your head up and down. You try to incorporate your tongue by licking and dragging here and there. From what you can tell from his face and the sounds he’s making, the tip feels the best especially when you drag your tongue from the underside of it to the slit.

“A-ah fuck”

His hips are twitching and his muscles tense and relax while you work on him. Your desire to make him feel good drives you to try and fit more of him in your mouth. His tip pokes and prods at the back of your throat and it’s so thick, you can’t hold it there for more than a second or two before you need to pull back for air. But the way that it makes his chin drop to his chest and his eyes squeeze shut while he moans out praises for you makes it worth it.

“Hng…just like that”

He looks like he’s close and you were determined to get him there. You push him to the back of your throat again and his dick twitches inside of your mouth.

“Ah, I’m going to cum!” his eyes shoot open to watch you while you coax his release out of him.

You pop your mouth off of him and pump him with your fist right in front of your face.

“Wait, y-your face…” he starts, but you couldn’t care less.

“It’s okay. Just let go, Nete.” That’s all it took and he was done for. His release comes out in hot, thick ropes of white that spill over your hand and shoot onto your mouth and chin. His head falls back as he cums with a loud groan and a force that damn near knocks him off of his feet.

When he’s done, you release your hold on him and just stare in awe at the remnants of him on your hand. He looks down at you trying to find his breath and sees how you let your tongue swipe across your bottom lip to taste him.

It takes every ounce of focus he just regained to not get hard again from watching you.

“Hmm…tastes like utumauti. It’s nice.” you say letting the flavor dance around your tongue.

Neteyam quickly pulls his loincloth back on and pulls a piece of cloth from a satchel on his side.

“Here, let me help wipe you off.” He says kneeling in front of you.

“You know you don’t have to do that, Teyam.” You subconsciously revert to your regular nickname for him.

“I know, but it only feels right.” He says already grabbing your hand and swiping away the mess. This man was too sweet for his own good. Your heart can’t help but ache a bit at watching it go to waste, but you bite your tongue and settle for the ghost of the flavor still in your mouth. When he’s done with your hand, he reaches out to your face and starts wiping it off too. His eyes stay focused on the areas where he’s wiping, but your eyes are admiring his features in the soft glow of the moonlight. Neteyam has always been good looking, but he’s more than just handsome. He’s beautiful. He’s the kind of pretty that hurts to look at for too long. The kind that makes your heart flutter and ache with a burning need. And the kind that makes you greedily want to keep him all to yourself.

And then it clicks. When he notices you staring and his eyes meet yours, the pieces fit together. You love this man. You have always loved him. All these years, what you thought was just admiration for his work ethic, humming his song cord to yourself when you went about your day, the way your heart thundered when he would wrap you in one of his legendary hugs, all of it…was love.

And you wouldn’t come to know this until much later, but Neteyam realized the same exact thing in that same moment.

He’s the first to break the eye contact clearing his throat. “I think that’s all of it.”

“Thanks.” There’s a long moment of silence while the weight of everything sits on both of your chests. “Um, I think that’s good for tonight. Good work. I’m sure you’ll do great with Layao.” Her name brings a sharp sting to your chest, but you do your best to push the feeling away.

“Right. Right. Thanks. Um, you did good too. Were you planning on putting all your practice to use any time soon?”

You truly hadn’t actually thought about that part. Neteyam already had an intended mate that he was practicing for. But what about you? You didn’t have any solid prospects since everyone in the clan always thought you and Neteyam would end up together. You had never seriously considered what this would actually mean for you in terms of finding a mate.

“O-oh yea. There’s somebody I have in mind.” Another lie.

Neteyam presses his lips into a line nodding at you. “Well, he’s lucky.” He doesn’t bother to press you about who this mystery man is because he knows that if he finds out who it is, he wouldn’t be able to look at him without forever feeling the bitter pang of jealousy.

“We should probably start heading back.” You suggest finally standing to your feet. “I’ll head back first.”

“Right. See you later.” He says unable to pry his eyes away from the sway of your hips on your retreating figure.

…

“Let me guess, more training?” Kiri says gesturing to the small purple marks left from your previous night.

You laugh a little trying not to give away the flashsbacks playing through your mind. “You know it.” “I swear, for someone so even tempered, Neteyam really needs to learn how to hold back more.” She says grinding some herbs together.

“It’s fine. It’s not his fault. I kinda spur him on, I guess.”

“Well, you’d better start fighting back harder. He hardly ever has a mark on him.” She says finally walking over to you with a small sack of various herbs and placing it in your hands.

“I’ll make a note of that” you say giggling a bit. “Thanks for these.” “You know, I don’t know why you won’t just find a guy to help you through your heat. It would be much better and more effective than any of these herbs. Especially since they’ll start to be less effective over time.” She says kind of rolling her eyes at you.

“Yeah, yeah, so you’ve mentioned before. I don’t know. I just haven’t found the right guy that does it for me yet.” You shrug your shoulders and try to control the blush trying to creep into your face and stand to leave.

“Oh, wait before you go” a less familiar voice calls out to you. It’s Layao walking over to you with a giddy smile. “What kind of things does Neteyam like? I want to make him something, but I can’t decide what he’d like best. I figured since you know him better than anyone, I should ask you for your opinion.”

She was right, you did know him better than anyone. Even better than anyone would ever know.

“Oh, well, he likes yovo fruit and arm bands. You can’t really go wrong with those.” The tightening of your chest is nearly strangling the breath right out of you. You can’t, and won’t, stand in the way of what was already decided.

“Yovo and arm bands. Got it. Thank you.” She says before walking back over to her corner of the healing tent.

It’s a harsh reminder of the fact that you stupidly realized far too late that you loved the man you couldn’t have. You dismiss the thoughts with a quick shake of your head and start on the path home.

You have to prepare. Your heat will be here soon and you needed to ensure that you have enough food and water and supplies to get you through. Cycle after cycle you would writhe in agony on the floor of your home for days on end. From what you’ve heard, having a partner makes your heat pass much quicker. And it’s not like it was uncommon for young Na’vi to explore sex with many partners before mating, but that just wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want it to just be whatever willing participant you could stumble upon.

Looking around your home right now, you’re realizing that you may not have enough utumauti. It’s your favorite during your cycles and even though you have a hefty amount, knowing how quickly you can go through those, you felt like it would be best to air on the side of caution and get more.

On your way out into the forest, you bump into Aykxo.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn’t see you down there.” He jokes. Even for a Na’vi, Aykxo was tall. Tall enough to see clear over your head without trying. He probably actually didn’t see you.

You readjust your top and reassure him that it’s fine.

“You’re Neteyam’s friend, right?” he asks.

Your eyes squint at him a bit in confusion, but also suspicion. “Yeah, I am. Why?”

“Are you…just his friend?” You don’t miss the way his eyes quickly scan your body up and down. Okay, so that’s where this was going.

“Yup. We are just friends.” It makes you cringe to say out loud. It’s not technically a lie. It was true that, officially, you and Neteyam were only best friends and as far as anybody else knew, that’s all you were. But in truth, you were something more to each other, no matter how hard either of you may try to justify the turn in your relationship with the ‘training’ excuse.

“Good to know. Then, you wouldn’t mind maybe meeting me later after eclipse?” His hand trails down the side of your arm to your hand where he takes hold of it. He certainly is bold. The act is enough to give you chills, but not in the same way that you’re used to.

You can feel a pair of eyes burning holes into you and when you find the source of the searing gaze, it’s none other than your ‘just friend’, Neteyam standing near the opening of the healing tent with Layao and Kiri. Layao has her arms wrapped securely around Neteyam’s arm while her head rests on his shoulder and she talks with Kiri. Neteyam is clearly uninterested in whatever they were talking about and was much more curious about your conversation.

You finally turn back to Aykxo, “Yeah, sounds nice.”

He smiles and kisses your hand before continuing in the direction he was originally headed. You decided you need to at least try to give other guys a chance. And Aykxo was handsome and a good hunter and all. After all, this is what you’ve been preparing for, isn’t it?

…

“So, I saw you talking with Aykxo earlier.” Neteyam starts to inquire. He decided soon after the encounter to join you on your hunt for more utumauti.

“Yeah, I guess he wants to meet later tonight after eclipse. I told him I’d come, but I don’t know. I’m kind of nervous about it.” You do your best to sound at least casual instead of disinterested. If you would have turned to look at Neteyam, you would’ve noticed how his gaze grew shifty.

“Were you planning to try…?” his words trail off implying what he wants to say without actually saying it.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really decided yet.”

“You know he’s going to fall in love with you if you do, right?” He keeps picking fruit, but you whip around to look at him with slightly wider eyes.

“How do you figure?” You ask cocking your head at him.

“I mean if you do what you did before, no man in his right mind could not fall in love with you.”

Your heart skips a beat. And then another. Your mouth gets stuck open waiting to find words to form around. Clearly, the insinuation of his statement hits you far before it hits him since he just continues gathering until he notices your silence and turns to see your stunned expression.

“I-I mean, you know, not trying to say—just, what I mean is…you were just really good is what I was trying to say.” His words are jumbled and stuttering and his face is a deep purple while he tries to avoid eye contact with you right now. You can’t help the grin that slides across your face watching this adorably goofy man lose his composure.

“What about you? You and Layao definitely looked very cozy today”, you taunt. “You might not even have to do anything more to get her to be head over heels for you.”

He chuckles lowly to himself, “You may be right. Still, I want to make sure that I’m prepared for anything.”

“Of course.”

“Anyways, do you really think this many utumauti is reasonable? Your heat is only 3 days, you have enough to last an average family for a week!” he exaggerates, but he does this every time you’re gathering supplies for your heat.

“You know it’s my favorite. It’s basically the only thing I eat for those 3 whole days. I need a lot of it.”

“If you say so, but this still seems excessive if you ask me. There’s no way anyone can eat this much in just 3 days.”

“Don’t underestimate me, Teyam. You know me better than that.” You tsk at him waving your finger.

…

It feels like your nerves are going to eat you alive walking with Aykxo through the forest tonight. Neteyam had sent you off with an encouraging smile and the reminder to “blow him away”. You rolled your eyes at his stupid joke, but it did help in somewhat easing the tension that had made a home in your gut.

Your hand feels clammy letting Aykxo lead you through the night. Or maybe that’s just in your mind. But your whole body feels off kilter with the anticipation. Soon, you both reach a small clearing and you let out a small yelp when he suddenly pulls you into his arms and holds you against his chest.

“O-oh, uh…” you start, but Aykxo is clearly uninterested in talking as he starts to attack your neck with kisses and licks and nips. He groans against your skin letting his hands roam up and down your body.

Even though your mind is completely taken aback, your body erupts in goosebumps all over and you feel hot. You don’t want this, but why is your body behaving like it does? When you try to turn your head away from him, your balance feels shaky, at best. That’s when it hits you, your heat is here. It shouldn’t be here already. You should have another few days. But it seems to have other plans for you.

Home. You need to get home right this instant. You place your hands against Aykxo’s chest and gently push him back off of you. When he looks at you, he’s clearly confused about why you stopped him.

“I’m sorry, I just…I thought we were just going to talk. Um, I think I need to go.” You say fighting your body’s urge to submit to the nearest living being. If you were on day 2 or 3, you might be desperate enough to give in, but his pheromones are slightly off-putting to your nose. They’re not the worst, but not enough to make you want him this close to you right now.

“But I thought—” he says, but you don’t let him finish. You don’t have the time to listen to the rest of his sentence.

“I’m so sorry. I really just need to go.” You say already backing out of his hold and turning to run back home. Of course, you feel bad leaving him there high and dry and clearly giving him the wrong impression, but that’s something to worry about later when you can actually control your mind and body. For now, your main focus is hiding away at home and riding out these next 3 excruciating days.

You sprint home as fast as your feet will carry you and a blink of relief hits you when it finally comes into view. You break through the opening and fall onto your sleep mat trying to catch your breath. The itch is starting to creep in much stronger than is usual for your first day. Your body is calling out for relief. You let your fingers crawl under your loincloth and between your legs to hopefully find some comfort. When your fingers slip between your wet folds, it makes your ears twitch with curiosity when the name that slips past your lips is ‘Neteyam’…

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[jbbarnesandnoble]

What could have been

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Summary: Steve attends the wedding of his first love, now he can only wonder what could have been.

Warnings: angst angst angst, regret, my best friend's wedding type pain, Steve doesn't get the girl in the end so the pairing is a lie... sorry

Word Count: 1,435

a/n: wow, the first thing I choose to write in years is angst, I came back and chose violence. But fr, I'm surprised anyone is still here (or you just forgot you followed me haha) anyway, I saw those pictures of Chris and knew I just had to write something. I've also wanted to get back into writing for the longest time but have been so busy. This is definitely not the best thing I've ever written, and I'm sorry for any typos or errors (I didn't proof read) but I did it and I am proud of myself for doing it! I hope you enjoy it and feel free to leave feedback!

(not my pic)

Fairy lights shimmer and glow over the banquet hall, candles glow at each table, couples young and old crowd on the dance floor all swaying and dancing to a cover of 'Can't Help Falling in Love'. Steve watches from the sidelines, a wistful look upon his handsome face. Though he wears a smile, it fails to match the hint of sorrow in the blue of his eyes.

"It's a wedding, Steve, not a funeral." Bucky jabs at his best friend as he sits in the empty seat next to the blond. Steve laughs, though forced, it was a laugh nonetheless. A moment of silence passes between the two men before either of them speak. Steve is the first to break the silence.

"I screwed up." Was all he could muster.

"You just realized?" Though masked as a jab, Bucky's question carried much truth to it. Steve had made a grave mistake and it took him far too long to realize. Now, he knows he will never be able to share his true feelings with her.

"Her wedding is a real crappy place to have this realization, isn't it?" His blue eyes look to the table across from him, he watches Y/n for a moment and for a split second, he imagines what could have been had he had the courage to tell her how he truly felt. Maybe he would have been the one to make her smile, the one to make her laugh, the one the hold her when she needs a shoulder to cry on. He sucks in a sharp and quite painful breath as he wonders if he could have been the one she walked down the isle to today.

"Bucky I-" Tears prick at his eyes, a lump forms in his throat. He no longer wishes to speak because he knows if he does he will break. Bucky places a supportive hand

A few songs have played and ended before he finds the composure to continue, "I wanted to support her, to show her I'm happy for her, because I am. But I..." his voice drowns in the now upbeat music, most of the guests are now on the dance floor jumping and dancing to the song currently playing, the bride and groom included.

Steve looks away, his eyes falling to his plate of untouched food. It looks and smells delicious, but he hardly has the stomach for it right now. His eyes fell onto the glass of wine next to his plate, he might not be hungry, but he could surely use a drink. He picks the glass up and downs it in one swig.

"It was selfish of me to come here when I'm in love with her." The words fall past his lips, his face changes from a look of grief to one of disappointment. He can't help but feel guilty for attending her wedding only to sulk in a corner for the entire night.

"You being here means the world to her, Steve." Bucky says, looking at him with all sincerity. "Just take a look," he points across the room and even in the dim lighting he sees her in all her beauty. Her hair is done in a low bun, a few pieces were left out as a face frame. Her makeup is simple, but even if it were done extravagantly, it would have been in vain, for her dress was the talk of the evening, it truly made the bride look like royalty. 

Even in the crowd of people, she manages to find Steve's eyes, a small flush creeps into his cheeks. A radiant smile spreads across her painted lips which makes Steve's heart skip a beat or two. He wishes she wouldn't smile at him like that, like he was the one she had married that day.

Lucky for Steve, he's smart enough to know that she looks at her now husband with a look that she reserves for him. Steve hopes the guy knows how lucky he is.

"Steve, Bucky!" Y/n yells over the music. The two men stand to greet her and offer their congratulations. "Thank you so much for being here. It means the world to me!" She adds with a joyous smile. Bucky gives Steve a knowing look.

"We wouldn't have missed it." Bucky says for the both of them. Steve attempts to listen as Bucky asks Y/n endless questions about the wedding and how she's feeling. Steve can't help but think that having to entertain so many guests all in an evening would be the most draining part of it all.

"I'm drained physically, but I feel so full." She beams at them, her eyes shimmering from the fairy lights or love Steve isn't sure. But he is sure of one thing, even if he isn't the reason for her joy, all he's ever wanted was to see her smile and that's exactly what he's getting.

"I'm glad." The words fall past Steve's lips before he can think. He smiles at her and for the first time this evening, it's genuine. She thanks them both once more before the DJ calls the newlyweds to get ready to make their exit. With that, she takes her leave. Steve and Bucky find themselves alone once more.

Outside of the venue the guests line either side of the exit, each waiting with anticipation to send off the new Mr. and Mrs. Each guest was given a sparkler to light for when the couple makes their exit.

Steve stands at a distance, watching from the back of the small parking lot, wishing not to be spotted. With a few more drinks in him he's even less sure that he'll maintain his composure. Especially after how he barely managed to keep it together inside. A breeze blows gently, sweeping disheveled blond hair into his face.

The cool autumn air pricks at his skin, but it does little to chill him. From the drinks or being naturally warm, he isn't sure, but he's happy either way since he left his jacket inside.

Blue eyes watch as everyone gets ready to send the bride and groom off, friends laugh and share stories about the couple's early days. The mother of the bride and mother of the groom wipe tears as they remember their children's first steps, now they're married.

He looks up to the night sky, the stars shine so bright it looks as if they are shimmering. The moon shines brightest of all as it reflects the sun, it illuminates the night. Casting light on that which is in darkness.

He rocks gently with the wind as he observes the galaxy. Loud cheering pulls him from thoughts of a different life, the bride and groom, Y/n and her husband, have made their exit. His right hand falls to his pant pocket and pulls out a sparkler and matches.

It takes him a second to light it, as though lighting it is what seals their marriage. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he lights it and waves it in tribute to the newly weds.

Waving a sparkler is a simple thing, mindless even. He waves it back and forth, watching his first love from a distance, watches as she beams at another man that is now her husband, he watches as she leans in to kiss him, as they get into his car and drive away.

Soon, the sparkler fizzes out and he's alone again in the dark. For how long he's unsure, for at some point his vision began to blur and he could no longer see clearly. Hot tears stream down his rosy cheeks, and drip onto his dress shirt.

It is now, after the dancing and celebration, after the food and drink, after the laughter and conversation that he can finally fall apart. His heart aches in his tight chest. It's that kind of pain that feels like your heart could give out at any moment. It's the kind of pain that sinks into your stomach and makes you sick. For the first time that night, he falls apart, in the middle of that parking lot.While he is happy for her, it is now he realized that he only ever focused on being happy for her. Not once did he stop to realize the importance of grieving what could have been. For the first time, Steve has allowed himself to grieve the loss of his first love. Not because she had died, but because he never took a chance. Now he is left wondering what could have been.

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

Well...after over five weeks...I'm finally finished. I've finally made it to the end of Season 2 of The Magnus Archives, so...here is my seventh post detailing my thoughts, feelings and theories on every episode of the series, this time on Episodes 71-80. And you know...these have basically turned into semi-recaps of the episodes at this point as well, so uh...add that to the list of definitions.

This final quarter of the season...has been absolutely phenomenal, every episode has knocked it out of the park, and I can say with full confidence that I absolutely adore Season 2 as a whole. But at the same time...DEAR GOD, if these episodes did not contain a boatload of information. There was just....so, SO much to unpack here, hence why this one has taken so long to publish (for the most part anyways), and because of that...this is easily the longest post I have written so far, and...actually the longest thing I've ever written in my entire life. Like, I'm pretty proud of it, but...yikes, this is what my life has become?

I guess I COULD tell you the word count right here and now if I wanted to flex...but my desire to indulge in pride outweighs my desire for people to...actually read this, so um...in order to not scare people who are new here away...let's just say that you'll learn the word count if you make it to the very end. There you go. That's your incentive to read this behemoth of a post. But uh...do it in parts for your own sanity and wellbeing, please.

As always though, some things you should know. Please don't spoil anything past the first two seasons of The Magnus Archives for me, which includes all of The Magnus Protocol. If you haven't gotten this far into The Magnus Archives yourself and have any interest in doing so, please turn away and go listen to it first, because there's obvious spoilers here. I will be making reference to the previous six posts in this series of mine, so I recommend you read those before this one, all of which can be found in the masterpost that is linked above the cut. And finally, trigger warnings for everything in tma, particularly episodes 71-80, will apply here.

With all of that out of the way, I hope you enjoy. :)

- Episode 71, Underground 🚉

Statement of Karolina Górka, regarding a brief period trapped on the London Underground. Statement taken direct from subject.

….what? I mean…uh…ok, I guess just…live your best life girlie, I don’t know. So this was…certainly an…interesting episode to say the least. But not necessarily in the sense of like…insane lore drops or anything, more in the sense of…like…it’s just really damn odd. Overall, this is an extremely short episode with not a whole lot going on, which is most certainly by design given how the characters act in it, but like…I hope that makes you understand why I probably won’t have all that much to say about this one overall. I mean, I don’t really think I’m SUPPOSED to have much to say about this one given how the podcast itself treats it…but like, even if I don’t have any big theories or groundbreaking thoughts to give, I…genuinely kind of love this episode? Like, (and I mean this in the best way possible), it’s so objectively simple and not really all that remarkable, that it works its way around into becoming an extremely memorable and…oddly comedic episode, and I genuinely really like that. It’s really like…the only episode that doesn’t feel like it takes itself seriously so far…and that’s kind of fantastic. It might not be great for the same reasons that…honestly all of tma’s greatest hits are so good, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fantastic its own…weird way. Like, I don’t think it’s quite as much of a masterpiece as Binary for example…but it’s very Binary-esque to me with how…unashamedly weird it is, and that is arguably my favorite aspect of Binary so…yeah, this one unironically slays! Honestly, I don’t have much to say that isn’t basically said by the episode itself, but I’ll still document my thoughts for the sake of it, and I still have some mini-theories regarding this one too, so uh…yeah! Spooky train episode!

So, this is yet another statement taken direct from the subject, this time focusing on a woman named Karolina Górka. Now, I usually talk about my thoughts on the statement givers themselves before I actually get into talking about their story, but…with Karolina, her story is so intertwined with my thoughts on her that I’ll hold off on talking about her for the time being, and save that for later. All I’ll say for now is that…I absolutely stan her. Anyways, she’s come to the institute to give a statement about. an experience that took place a few weeks prior. On January 6th, she was engaging in a belated New Year’s Eve celebration with some close friends of hers at the Star in London. At one in the morning, she left the pub while three of her friends stayed behind, and she headed towards the Victoria line in the London Underground, which had recently started an all-night service on Fridays and Saturdays. Firstly, I have to say that…yeah, choosing the London Underground as a setting for a horror story makes a lot of sense, it is genuinely kind of terrifying in real life sometimes. But also…given what Jon says later on, I do have to wonder if this “all-night service” is actually a bit more sinister than what is let on, and if it’s more of a trap in this scenario…hm. I mean, sure, the service does exist in real life but…in this universe it’s a tad more strange. Anyways, Karolina finds that there’s no one else on the platform outside of a man with a shovel. Given what happens later, I have to wonder if this guy was either someone who ended up in the same situation as Karolina and managed to escape…or if he was the direct cause of it, the latter of which I find quite a bit more interesting. After quite a while though, the train finally pulls up, although Karolina notes that in retrospect, it was probably much more old and dusty than it should’ve been. She finds that she’s still the only person on the train, and after a while, when the silence becomes more eerie and oppressive than comforting, she noticed the adverts plastered across the car were covered in tight-packed soil and mud, as were the chairs, the floor, the windows, really everything. She decides to get off as soon as possible, but the train does not stop. …I know I called this statement more comedic than others, but honestly, this scenario would be fucking terrifying if it happened in real life. She tries to pull the emergency lever, but it breaks off, and eventually…the train actually stops for about twenty seconds. She then finally manages to get some of the doors forced open, finding that the tunnel…is actually just damp, bare earth instead of a manmade structure, and that she can’t get out through the side exits due to how close the earth is to the train. (Unrelated, but I find it kind of odd how the last statement also somewhat prominently featured a train now that I think about it.)

So, with no way out from the sides, Karolina decides to try and reach the front in hopes of getting help from a potential conductor. She then squeezes her way through the doors, hearing…a sound of immense strain on the metal that increases as she goes forwards, and eventually realizes that the train is slowly compressing in on itself. She figures that at this point, any potential driver would be dead, and that there’s absolutely no clear escape at this point. Weirdly though, she actually finds another person on the train, an old man with blue eyes and a grey beard, almost…stuck to the seat around him. He’s realized that there’s no way out at this point, and then digs his hand into Karolina’s skin, saying that there’s “not enough space to move, and never enough to breathe.” And after he lets go…Karolina makes her decision. Having fully accepted there’s no way out, she just…lays down, closes her eyes, and waits for it to be over, as the train compresses even further and the old man screams. And then…somehow, for…SOME reason…she wakes up on the platform at Walthamstowe Central, still alive. She…survived by just not giving a fuck. Due to the mud and dirt all over her, as well as the mark on her wrist where the old man grabbed her hand, this event obviously happened for real, but…she’s somehow not dead. And…that’s the end of her very brief statement. So uh…yeah. Let’s…talk about her in more detail I guess, as I think she’s probably the most important aspect of the episode.

I’ll start off by saying that the incident…in general, like, the whole creepy dreamlike station that takes you to a compressing ghost train…probably isn’t that important in the long run. Well, at the very least, I don’t have too much to say about it for the time being. It’s obviously related to the compression-aligned member of ✨the horrors✨ that shows up in episodes like Lost Johns’ Cave and Held in Customs, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the man with the shovel that Karolina saw at the station was somehow responsible, but ultimately…I don’t think it matters too much. Jon does mention multiple people disappearing after heading to the Victoria line alone, including a man named Nicholas Lekman, presumably the man who Karolina was on the train with, and who is…unlikely to have actually gone to the station as his son says he was a severe claustrophobe. On top of that, there’s no footage of the people who disappeared ever arriving at the station so…yeah, a creepy fake dream dimension where a train tries to eat you is certainly scary, especially if you don’t ACTUALLY have to go to the station to end up there, is certainly pretty scary. It’s also…kind of Micheal-coded, but honestly…you could argue everything in this damn podcast is Micheal-coded if you wanted, and I highly doubt this actually relates to him, even if I would personally love that. Oh, and Jon does seem personally concerned since “Sasha” takes the line…oddly late at night for some reason, but like…I’m not complaining if SHE ends up there. But anyways, that’s enough rambling, what about Karolina? Well, before I delve into why I think she and her involvement with the train actually matters quite a bit, can I just say how much I love her? This woman survived by the sheer power of just…not having a single fuck to give. She was so unbothered by everything, so willing to die in what should’ve been the most traumatizing experience of her life…and that somehow allowed her to see the light of day. And then..when she gives the statement, she is just the most chill person imaginable. Like, as much as love stuff like Tessa’s 6-minute monologue at the beginning of Binary, the fact that Karolina just…immediately gets into it, not even asking for a follow-up at the end and remaining completely unbothered, probably only coming to the institute out of obligation…like what? How can you not love her?! she might just be the most powerful person in the entire podcast so far. I…most definitely have an affection for the statement givers who survive through the most ridiculous methods possible, I think Karolina would get along great with Joshua Gillespie. Actually…it’s funny I mention that because…well, I’ll get to THAT in a little bit. For now though…I want to talk about Karolina’s reaction to the scenario, and how she survived the whole thing, since I think it might actually provide some pretty relevant information when it comes to understanding ✨the horrors✨. Not on the levels of something like Thought for the Day for me…but it’s interesting.

I think the methods through which Karolina survived are…interesting. I’ve seen two possible explanations as to…how exactly taking a nap of all things allowed her to survive, both of which honestly have some decently strong arguments. I’ll start with the argument that I agree with a teensy bit more, which also happens to be the more simple of the two. The most simple explanation for Karolina’s survival is that…she simply just did not care, and whatever was tormenting her got bored, or in my interpretation…stopped working. I agree with this interpretation…mostly because it’s more simple and funny, which is almost never a reason to agree with a theory, especially when the other explanation has much more depth…but given how I think this episode is intended to be seen as pretty simple and comedic, I’ll make an exception just this once. And I mean..outside of the more meta reasons, I think this interpretation still works given both what I’ve seen so far, and what I’ve proposed. Going back to Joshua Gillespie for a second, he already showcases that…ignoring ✨the horrors✨, just simply minding your own business as much as possible…is a pretty valid strategy if you want to stay alive. And if that’s the case…then Jon, and to a lesser extent the entirety of the institute, are probably doomed given how much they dig into this shit. On top of that, I’ve proposed that ✨the horrors✨ are actually just fear incarnate, and if you run with that line of thinking…it would certainly explain why Karolina survived. Sure, she was somewhat unnerved and trying to escape at first, but there’s enough of a tangible difference between fear and survival instincts, and in the end..she just didn’t care. If ✨the horrors✨ are literally fear, and Karolina had no fear in that scenario, then maybe some sort of…error in the system occurred. (omg the simulation theory lives) If she stopped feeling that fear, the being trying to crush her to death just didn’t affect her at all, unlike with Mr. Lekman, whose claustrophobia ultimately killed him. So..yeah, this interpretation is probably my favorite…but the problem with it is that it doesn’t explain how for some reason…Karolina left the archives oddly dusty. This…at the very least suggests that she didn’t get out of the experience entirely unscathed, and that she might not be able to just…move on with her life as normal. Now, some people have suggested that maybe Karolina actually did die on the train, and that her ghost, or something akin to a ghost, was talking to Jon. I mean…it’s not impossible…but it’s also not really based on anything else that’s been shown in the rest of the podcast, nor is it that interesting in my opinion, and it doesn’t feel like there’s nearly enough to take away from that line of thinking in the grand scheme of things. Like…it’s not impossible, but I’m not that wowed by it.

I think a more likely explanation is that she was…”marked” by it, in a similar manner to that of people like Jane Prentiss, Jared Hopworth, Annabelle Cane and so on. Still though…I don’t entirely agree with this idea. I mean, I think it would be cool, and it definitely gives Karolina a better chance of coming back later on, which I would love…but it kind of goes against what I’ve been thinking so far. Firstly, the weirdest things about Karolina are that she leaves dust behind, and is…just so incredibly chill, the latter of which is unlikely to be paranormal. Meanwhile, other people marked by ✨the horrors✨ either possess crazy supernatural abilities like throwing people into an endless abyss, or are just…actual fucking monsters like Jared. On top of that, I’ve suggested before that people have to experience the fear associated with the horror they serve in order to get marked, and Karolina…really didn’t feel that. Now, something I neglected to mention (which in retrospect I really should have when talking about Thought for the Day), is that the fear…seemingly turns into adoration eventually. For example, Jane, while she initially feared The Flesh Hive, eventually came around to it, gaining more love and affection from the worms than she ever did from other people. Jared Hopworth now has a seemingly well-paying job due to his bone-turning abilities, Simon Fairchild seems to be having the time of his life as he throws people into the void, and..yeah, you get the picture. But while Karolina’s certainly at peace with her experience mentally…I don’t know, she’s not exactly enthralled by the idea of being compressed or anything. Like, she’s fine…but I doubt she’d ever wish to re-experience that either way. Ultimately…I think she was marked in a way where like…the powers of ✨the horrors✨ still linger in her soul to some extent, but she doesn’t have those deep connections, or crazy superpowers that all of the major weirdos so far have shown. This theory is far from terrible, I can still see it working…but I personally think it’s more likely that she survived by the raw power of “guess I’ll die”. I think this one also works slightly better tonally, as having her survive due to being chosen or whatever…I don’t know, I just don’t feel like that works as well with the general vibe being presented here, but maybe that’s just me. Overall though… I think this is pretty relevant information! I feel like the major takeaway here is that if you’re any to survive…just ignore it all! Which…probably means I’d die if I were in this universe but who cares! Hooray for new information! …Ok, there is…actually one other thing I feel is worth mentioning, and it actually does connect to the train itself. As I said earlier, I don’t think the creepy train thing will actually matter in the long run, and that Karolina’s interaction with it is what really matters..but I do think the train might explain something else, if kind of slightly? So, everyone remembers the coffin from Do Not Open and Hard Shoulder, right? Well, I already said that Karolina got me thinking about the absolute chad that is Joshua Gillespie, and…then I started thinking about how the train basically acted like a metaphorical coffin for Karolina…and how coffins are tight spaces, and how it’s not actually clear whether you immediately die or not if you enter the coffin due to how Daisy’s old partner went inside…so…I’m wondering if the coffin is somehow aligned with the compression. I think I…still like the idea of a bajillion spiders in there a bit more, and given the scratching and moaning (the latter of which is admittedly a bit similar to how Karolina describes the sound of the train), I definitely think that whatever is in there is at least…a somewhat alive being. There’s also the fact that Joshua escaped the coffin by waking up, and Karolina escaped it by going to sleep, which is a notable difference (although I guess sleep is a recurring motif there)…but it’s an interesting thought, no matter the answer.

So uh…yeah, that sure was Underground. I’m just…honestly kind of surprised by how much I ended up liking this one in the end. Usually, the more simple, short episodes, while never bad by any margin for me…do fall towards the latter end of my liking. Like, they’re still enjoyable, but I have much more fun with the longer episodes that are more complicated, emotional and lore-heavy, most of the time at least. Like, for example, I’m pretty sure my least favorite episode in the entire story so far remains as The Man Upstairs, and it’s mostly a process of elimination deal, but…now that I think about it, I think my problem might’ve been that despite the plot being “guy nails meat to his apartment walls”, it feels like it’s being treated just as seriously as everything else. Like sure, I think I recall Jon commenting on the ridiculousness of the scenario, but it’s in the same manner that Season 1 Jon calls EVERY statement ridiculous. And…I think that’s why I like this one so much. It’s not afraid to call itself out on how it’s both really simple in comparison to most other things, and honestly kind of absurd. It’s well aware that it’s not super serious…and I’m surprised yet delighted to say that this single, lighthearted element makes me really like this one! And even outside of that, the episode still came with an admittedly pretty scary scenario, a really memorable protagonist, and at least from my perspective, some surprisingly intriguing implications. So yeah…I really liked it! I know it might sound like an ironic liking, but even if some of the enjoyment comes from the absurdity, I swear that I have a very genuine appreciation for this one. Well anyways, all of that aside for a moment, we do have the matter of Jon’s post-statement and supplemental. I’ve already discussed most of the post-statement, although I felt like I should just bring attention back to how Not!Sasha is staying as late as she is. That doesn’t really tell me much, it’s just…really fucking concerning is all. But as for the supplemental…well, this one is actually quite interesting. Jon’s been making it much further down into the tunnels recently, which is both concerning and exciting, but as he does so…he’s noticing that there’s more and more normal trash down there. This has led him to come to the conclusion that whatever’s down there is at the very least human-like…and I find that very interesting. I assumed it was a lot more eldritch and monstrous in nature, but while this doesn’t necessarily narrow down any suspects for me…it does tell me what I should avoid looking for, at the very least. I also find it interesting how there’s a very likely possibility that this…person(?) is the one responsible for using the compression powers on Jon in Too Deep, especially since…that’s exactly what this episode dealt with. I mean, given the mystery of how this person is getting their supplies, it might not necessarily be impossible for them to leave the tunnels…so who knows? Maybe this person is the man with the shovel? …I don’t know, admittedly it’s hard to find leads when it comes to this mystery…even if I’m still a little bit curious about that page Mary gave Gertrude, and it’s whereabouts…If the person ends up being Gertrude’s ghost I’m actually going to flip. Oh, and mentioning her, Jon also brings up the possibility of her being killed by more than one person, which I find interesting. It could be a red herring, but I have thrown out the idea of it being a group like The Divine Host or The Lightless Flame before so…that’s interesting. Oh, and lastly, Jon mentions that he’s going to halt exploration until he can get some police assistance from Basira, which is honestly great news! Even though I’m dying to know who and what is down there, it’s good to know that he’s being cautious with the exploration, and that Basira hasn’t just entirely peaced out, since that makes the idea of more of Gertrude’s tapes a lot more likely. So uh…yeah! Underground! …I’m still so in awe of Karolina. What an unbothered queen…

Supplemental: Wow, that was…longer than expected. Anyways, there’s been a couple of other things running through my head recently. For one, I was thinking a bit more about the whole situation with Tim at the end of Binary. I felt like I kind of brushed over it in my last post due to…all of the other shit that episode presented, but the more I think about it…THAT’S GENUINELY KIND OF TERRIFYING?! Just…like, I’m less concerned by what’s keeping him (and presumably…everyone) there than I am the mere fact that you CAN’T. LEAVE. The idea of being trapped in a job that’s gotten as dangerous as this one is…genuinely a horrific thought, and just…IS HE OK?! IS HE HOLDING UP WELL?! DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW ABOUT THIS?! I DON’T…OH GOD. Well…anyways, on another note, I was thinking more about ✨the horrors✨, as I always do, but more specifically, I was thinking about their…humanization. What I mean by that is that, in my last post, I kind of suggested that maybe they were more human, or at least human-adjacent in how they function, than I initially assumed, due to Gertrude suggesting that The End was a “who”. But since I also proposed the idea that ✨the horrors✨ were fear incarnate in Thought for the Day (Istg that episode will haunt me for the rest of my life), which is a lot more…abstract, I kind of want to give an update on that idea. I personally think it’s…up in the air. A lot of ✨the horrors✨ I’ve established are more…environmental, like the darkness, the compression, The Vast, so on and so forth, but then you have ones like The Piper and…possibly The Anglerfish, which are much more humanoid in design, and then there’s…Micheal, who’s this sort of weird middle ground that clearly possesses a consciousness and personality, as well as a…somewhat human figure, but also identities as a “what”, and is…apparently synonymous with his weird backrooms dimension. So ultimately…I’m still kind of unsure on how human-like these things are, I think I’m leaning towards abstract concepts overall…but I’ll just have to wait and see. Or not! Maybe I’ll never get answers, who knows?! Well…that’s all for now. I’m going to go to sleep now, since that’s apparently a very effective way to not die.

- Episode 72, Takeaway 🥓

Statement of Craig Goodall, regarding his explorations of an abandoned chicken and kebab shop in Walthamstow.

To quote our beloved Head Archivist of The Magnus Institute, London….“hm. More meat.” You know, when the phrase “meat-based horror” pops into my head whenever I think about tma, I always feel like that should be something that only scares like…HARDCORE vegans (it’s the internet, you know exactly the kinds of people I’m talking about), and then I actually listen to the meat episodes and they’re genuinely really unnerving. So on that note, yeah I really liked this one! I don’t know why, but I’ve always had a bit of strange affection for restaurants as horror set-pieces, so I knew I was going to like this one right out of the gate. And this one absolutely delivered on its premise! I thought it was really well paced, had some extremely vivid and…somewhat squirm-inducing scenes and imagery that were executed horrifically well, and while it might not be the biggest episode of all time in regards to lore, it does expand upon and kind of…tie together a lot of the themes in the more body horror-esque episodes that have shown up in the past, and it also brings back a plot point that I…honestly almost completely forgot about for a brief moment. So yeah, there’s not much more to add, so uh…time for another episode about consuming things that should not be consumed I guess.

Ok, I should start off with a brief yet important note. Obviously, this episode opens with…quite the interesting and relevant scene, taking place before the statement even begins. For the time being though…I’m going to ignore that. Not only because the supplemental this time was very brief and connects directly to the opening, but also because said opening is entirely unconnected to everything else in this episode…and also drives me into much more of a panic, so…I’ll go over it at the end of the episode. All I’ll say for now is…JON. HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU READ A STATEMENT NOW OF ALL TIMES?! YOUR ASSOCIATE IS POTENTIALLY DEAD AND YOU GO “OH NO, ANYWAYS” ON HER?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Like…I guess his voice sounded debatably more shaky than it usually is but….dude! Sort your priorities out! I understand that she’s…probably somewhere very far away but COME. ON. Well…what about the statement? So, this statement comes from a curious man named “Craig Goodall”. Yeah, apparently much like “Antonio Blake”, this guy is a statement giver who’s faking his identity. For what reasons, I have no idea, but it’s enough to make me suspect that he…might come back in the future. You know, it’s kind of scary to think about these statement givers with fake identities, since for all we know, they could return at any moment, maybe even showing up before they gave their statement…and we’d have no idea unless they directly revealed said identity. …I don’t like that thought. Anyways, regardless of his identity…Craig absolutely kills it! I mean…he’s not particularly remarkable overall, but any guy who confesses to most likely being a cannibal at the very beginning of the episode is at least kind of memorable to me. And…yeah, I guess I should cover that. So, Craig was a somewhat common customer to a local takeaway called Waltham Express Grill, which served chicken, kebab, burgers and all sorts of meats. The owner was a man named John Haan, who was accused of murdering his wife in 2004, and…well, selling the dismembered body parts as meats, only saying “meat is meat” as he was arrested. So…yeah, given his status as a regular there when the place was more than an abandoned ghost story…there’s a very good chance that Craig ate some of Mr. Haan’s wife. Well…I appreciate his honesty. Craig…actually gives some pretty interesting insight into cannibalism as a concept that I had never really thought about before. Obviously he’s against murdering people, or only eating people when there’s so much meat out there, but like…he’s not exactly against the concept of eating human flesh if he has to. Like, the actual act of doing so is fine to him, since there’s no more of a difference between human and animal meat than there is a difference between like…pork and fish, it’s just that consuming human meat is a lot more morally questionable. And like…I honestly have to agree with this take. Obviously, I’m not a cannibal, but like…I don’t know, if it does apparently taste like pork then…I’m fine with it. I mean, my relationship with non-human meat is already one where I don’t particularly care for it (or…most food in general now that I think about it), but I’ll still eat it to stay alive…and I honestly don’t see it being much different with human meat. If I was given nothing to eat outside of human carcasses, I’d eat the caracasses, ok? …ah, sorry for the rambling. I just like it when tma makes me think about weird shit. Going back to the actual story, it’s not surprise that after Mr. Haan was arrested (I’m kind of dumbfounded by how the amount of Micheals are seen as more meme-worthy than the amount of Johns btw), the old takeaway became abandoned, since no one wanted to buy a former cannibal restaurant. Still though, Craig stayed around, never leaving the neighborhood, even though he was reminded of his potential cannibalism every time he walked past the place.

As time went on, the place became more and more disheveled without care…but there were a few times where the ever-curious Craig would poke his head through the cracks in the metal sheets that covered the windows…and would find that it looked far too clean to be abandoned. Already this reminded me of another meaty statement, since this was very similar to how Gregory Pryor described Jared Hopworth’s…. “butcher shop”, if you can call it that. I don’t think they’re actually connected in the sense that Jared is familiar with the takeaway, but it’s a…somewhat notable similarity at the least. Anyways, on a particularly gloomy and rainy day, as Craig was walking past the abandoned ruins of Waltham Express Grill, he heard…a sound. It sounded like something small and light had hit the ground inside…and then he heard quiet laughter. He also noticed that the window was slightly ajar, and that’s when he figured that someone was inside, and decided to call the police. Ultimately, all they found was a teenage boy with a spray paint can, and they just let him off with a warning. So that’s…understandable, but then one of the cops drops the can on the ground, and leaves it behind split open…and pouring blood red paint. Now, this could theoretically just be some standard ominous imagery…but I honestly doubt it. Given what we later learn is actually inside the takeaway, as well as the source of the laughter…I do not think that the teenager was ok. I’m pretty sure that kid had some sort of nasty experience…and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was really blood in that spray paint can. Well…either way, Craig doesn’t sleep very well that night, his mind still on what happened back there, manifesting in the form of some freaky, bloody nightmares. He ultimately makes the foolish decision to head back, calling a friend of his with a penchant for urban exploration and housebreaking, Leroy Yates, to come help him if he doesn’t check in within an hour or so. And…this is the part where the episode makes me queasy. Like I said, I am not exactly scared of meat on its own, but mutilation…yeah, that’s…no thank you. The human body is already pretty weird and disgusting on its own to me, and this episode doesn’t make me like it much more, but I guess that’s a good thing for a horror podcast to strive for. Regardless, Craig manages to squeeze his way through the gaps in the metal and get inside the takeaway, seemingly inside a storeroom. All perishable items had been removed from the place, but…everything else was still there, the equipment somehow looking shiny and new. He eventually discovers a freezer marked by the teenager’s…what I hope is paint. Craig assumes that he was trying to spell out John Haan’s iconic “MEAT IS MEAT” phrase, but only had time to write “MEAT IS ME”…but once again, given the weird shit going on in the takeaway, I have to wonder….oh god. Thankfully, nothing is inside the freezer…but then Craig hears that same quiet laughter. He looks to his feet and finds a pale Chinese man with a terrifying grin staring at him. Now, while this man is never named, we have every reason to assume that he is supposed to be Tom Haan, the exact same man who worked at the Aver Meats abattoir in the episode Killing Floor. Because I mean…who else is it going to be? I’ll discuss my thoughts on him, as well as what his presence here ultimately means in a bit, as I do think he’s the most important aspect of the episode, but for now I’m just establishing his name so I don’t have to call him…“the man”, or something stupid like that. Well, regardless of his name, it’s clear that this guy is an absolute psycho because he…cuts through Craig’s Achilles tendon with bolt cutters. …I’m not going to lie, that…really got to me. That is a PAINFUL fucking place to get butchered. Just…just no. Well, agony aside, this injury causes Craig to knock his head on the counter, and he blacks out. And it only gets weirder from here…I guess…

So, after his blackout, Craig finds himself on the upper floor of the takeaway, bound to a wooden floor with cable ties, noting that his ankle was throbbing with pain, but…not as much as he expected it to. He saw that around him were chipped teacups, old bibles, “oddly textured” candles, and…a whole pile of human fingers. …oh dear. Tom Haan then walked into the room, shirtless and painfully thin-looking, while chewing…something that I’d rather not have the answer to in his mouth, and carrying a butcher’s knife. And…when he starts talking, we get the funniest part of the episode. Craig notes that he was surprised to learn Tom could speak English, and that despite the fact he was about to be brutally dismembered, he felt bad about thinking something low-key racist. …you can see why I like him, right? Like, that’s just kind of funny. Well, comedy aside, Tom just shows more and more psychopathic tendencies. He cuts off three of Craig’s fingers, and starts skimming through the pile of old bibles, talking nonsense about how Christians both Ho lured disregarded the body, something about souls…so on and so forth. This…oddly Christian undertone that’s associated with cannibals has shown up many times before, although…it’s kind of weird the more I think about it? Like, neither he nor Eustace Wick actually seem to be Christian, but seem to use Christian-sequel practices when worshiping their…weird meat god thing, possibly in a derogatory way given what Tom says. And…I guess that could explain why Edwin Burroughs was so heavily mistreated by god-knows-what for being Catholic, and then forced to eat human flesh…I don’t know, it’s a really weird situation where it feels like these guys are…stealing Christian practices, both for their own gain and out of disrespect. And then you have Jared, who seemingly connects to the same body horror being, but has no Christian imagery whatsoever? Maybe because his transformation into The Boneturner was a lot more…involuntary? But it’s not like we know how Tom or Eustace started serving this power anyways so…eh? I don’t know, it’s a curious theme, but a weird one. (Also uh…this is probably very obvious, but no, I don’t think this Tom is the same as Not!Sasha’s boyfriend, they seem entirely separate all things considered.) Well, enough rambling. Right before Tom is about to chop another piece of Craig off, Leroy Yates shows up and barrels into him, using the butcher’s knife to free Craig. It’s then that…what is actually the only…technically paranormal thing in this statement comes to fruition. Craig notices that his ankle, his fingers…they’re present. They’re fine. The pieces that were cut off (which is obviously very Piecemeal-core), are still there…but he has a fresh new set of flesh in its place. But before he can say anything about this, he notices that one of the candles had been pushed onto the bibles…and the entire place gets set ablaze. Craig and Leroy flee the scene, and Tom’s fate is left uncertain, at least to them. So…yeah! Takeaway! Overall this was a great episode, I think my favorite aspect about it was how it wasn’t even explicitly paranormal up until the very end, and despite that, it managed to feel just as creepy, ominous and disgusting as every other much more…clearly unnatural episode in the story so far. The setting was executed perfectly, and while it’s not the most lore-heavy episode to date, it still gave a pretty nice extended look at the body horror and it’s strange Christian undertones, and also some very relevant information regarding the previously elusive Tom Haan. And…yeah, I guess I should discuss him in more detail now.

Up until this point, Tom Haan only had one appearance in an episode, and that was Killing Floor. Now, the statement in this episode was given in 2013, so that basically confirms that Tom survived the fire that burnt down Waltham Express Grill. To give a brief recap, he was seen in this episode working at the Aver Meats industrial abattoir alongside the protagonist David Laylow, who had decided to quit his job on the killing floor after he started to have thoughts of humans and animals being the same kind of meat. Tom approached David on his final day at the killing floor, telling him he “could not stop slaughter by closing the door”, which I interpret as him saying “it doesn’t matter if you leave, these animals will still die”. David later found himself in a liminal-dream like space, where he almost walked into a meat grinder at one point…and was later forced to shoot Tom Haan with a bolt gun by Tom himself. After he did that he managed to escape. Now, it is entirely possible that Tom died here, I believe Tom’s whole goal when seemingly throwing David into this…weird sort of dream abattoir was to force him to keep on viewing humans and animals alike as nothing more than meat, which definitely fits…the family ideology that seems to be upheld in Takeaway. And you know, having to kill another human with a bolt gun you usually use to kill animals would certainly get the point across. But…I’m not entirely convinced. Tom is said to have left the abattoir in the middle of a shift, later completely vanishing, and then there’s the fact that the whole scenario was kind of…vision-like, the fact that Tom’s power’s apparently still affect the place to this day, and also the fact that…as much as he seems to be very ideal-driven, I doubt Tom would sacrifice his own life if it meant one random guy viewing humans as meat, that just seems like kind of a waste. So…I personally think that he’s still out there, and that the version Mr. Laylow shot with the bolt gun was just some sort of…vision he conjured up. But hey, he might actually be dead for real, I’m just spitballing here. I would also like to note some…odd similarities to other characters he shows here. I think similarities to people who obviously have this…body horror motif going on are pretty obvious (so like, Jared Hopworth, Eustace Wick, Angela from Piecemeal, so on and so forth), but…he has some weird similarities to other people as well. The way that saying a weird phrase threw Mr. Laylow into some sort of hell dimension really reminds me of how Simon Fairchild saying “enjoy sky blue” threw Robert Kelly into the endless sky. That could potentially just be a running theme among all of these people with creepy superpowers, but then you have the…really weird similarities to Micheal. Yes. I’m doing it again. Until I get answers I refuse to exclude him from discussion. But…in all seriousness, I do have to wonder if there’s something going on here. Both of them lure people into liminal space hell dimensions (which oddly enough, is a trait that Tom doesn’t exhibit in Takeaway), and while Tom comes off as kind of cold to me in Killing Floor…I don’t know, in Takeaway it felt like he exuded that same cryptic, unhinged creepy smile energy as Micheal. …yeah I’m well aware I’m insane but what else am I supposed to do? NOT talk about the funny big hand man? …I mean yeah probably but THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT. So…anyways. That’s about all of the information and weird details I could muster from Tom’s previous appearance…but what about the new lore this episode gave us? …I should’ve probably discussed this earlier, god I’m so sorry.

Ok…so, I should start off by explaining what little we know of Tom’s past. How exactly this man became a meat freak remains unknown, but I’m going to assume that it’s a sort of…lineage based thing, in a similar vein to how all of The Fairchilds likely serve The Vast, and how…most of The Lukas Family has this desire to isolate, minus Evan. I assume this, because we learn at the end of the episode that nine months before his incarceration, John Haan (who is revealed to be Tom’s uncle), let the rest of his staff at Waltham Express Grill go, and left it to Tom, explaining how and why he was hanging out there. I think this was done because John also served this meat-related power, and wanted the takeaway (which I’m starting to assume is some sort of…holy ground) to be in the hands of someone who was also devoted to the power, rather than any of his employees, who we know all thought John was just a normal guy before the cannibalism, meaning they were unlikely to be in touch with the weird meat shit, going on the assumption that their testimonies are true. So…yeah, that probably explains why Tom moved over from China to Walthamstow. His uncle wanted him to continue the…”family business”, if you can call it that. Now, I really don’t have much else to say about Tom when it comes to his motivations, or anything of the sort. He’s obviously dismembering people because he’s a cannibal, and also because he worships some sort of meat god via Christian and Eucharist-like practices. There’s…not really much more to add here, until further notice I think he’s pretty easy to explain. But…what’s really interesting to me are his abilities. All of the body horror people have had pretty different powers. Jared can turn people’s bones, Eustace could seemingly make corpses speak in an attempt to get others to eat them, even after his own death, and Angela has that weird…body part loss and regeneration curse thing going on. Tom though is…a lot more curious. I’ve already mentioned his odd, Micheal’s Backrooms-esque abilities shown in Killing Floor, which this episode doesn’t shed much light on unfortunately. What this episode does show however is a regeneration ability, one not too dissimilar to that of Angela. Obviously, even after getting three of his fingers and his Achilles’ tendon chopped off, Craig found that he maintained those body parts. I really see no one else but Tom being capable of this…and I feel like that might explain what he’s actually doing. I don’t think Tom…actually kills his victims, I think it’s much more likely that he spends time cutting off pieces of them, regenerating and cutting again, and maybe even lets them leave afterwards. I have a feeling that given the…somewhat ominous circumstances surrounding him, that kid was likely one of Tom’s victims, being used to gain a number of parts until Tom got bored and let him go. But there is…one other notable thing about Tom’s abilities, one that might actually explain one of the most polarizing and mysterious episodes in the entire podcast so far.

You see, I initially assumed that the episode called Thrown Away connected back to Anatomy Class, but thanks to some insights from the YouTube Comments…I have second thoughts. If you don’t recall, this episode deals with mysterious trash bags containing excess amounts of strange items. Three of these items (doll heads, a copper heart and human teeth) are either body part-esque or just straight up body parts, which is definitely fitting for Tom. Interestingly, it’s noted that all of the teeth were…seemingly replicas of the exact same tooth, and that would certainly work if we assumed that Tom pulled out a tooth, and kept on regenerating it and pulling it out again. (That is…an absolute nightmare now that I think about it.) The second bag also contained charred Latin bible verses, and I mean…he did get his old bibles set on fire so…yeah that checks out. Basically, the argument is that the trash bags on 93 Lancaster Road were all left behind by Tom Haan, which also makes him Alan Parfitt’s murderer. I think for the time being, that makes the most sense when trying to explain Thrown Away. So…yeah, that’s about all I have to say on Tom Haan for the moment. Pretty cool character, I hope to see more of him.

Well, that’s about all I have to say regarding the main statement, and…some other potential connections. So what about the post-statement and supplemental. And…the pre-statement for that matter. Well, we do have a few small details regarding Craig’s story from Jon. Well…there’s actually only one thing that I haven’t mentioned here. Apparently, the remains of Lanying, John Haan’s wife, lacked any notable defensive wounds, and some of them seemed almost self-inflicted. I take this to mean that Lanying likely committed suicide, although I doubt John was entirely uninvolved. I think the most likely explanation is that both of them were meat freaks, and while John did deal some damage to her, it was ultimately consensual on her part, and she probably wounded herself a bit too. …I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse about the whole scenario. But disregarding all of that…I really ought to touch on how the episode begins and ends. So, at the beginning of the episode, Jon gets a call from Basira, who is…god knows where honestly. And apparently, her and a number of other members of Section 31 have been sent to arrest…MAXWELL FUCKING RAYNER?! HELLO?! …LIKE RIGHT NOW?! HE-HE’S ACTUALLY FUCKING HERE?! SINCE WHEN?! Oh god…things really ARE heating up now. So yeah…Rayner is still around apparently, and for…whatever reason and under whatever circumstances, the police have found him. I’m just…HUH?! Like, I expected him, and The Divine Host as a whole to make a more direct appearance eventually but…I just didn’t expect it to happen…now of all times. But you know what, despite that, and despite the raw terror this puts me in…I’m REALLY excited by this. The whole Divine Host plot is really intriguing to me, it’s such an interesting look at the life-ruining effects of cults to me, and the whole aesthetic is really cool as well. So having the ever-elusive Maxwell Rayner seemingly make his in-person debut…OH HO HO HO HO. I’m stoked. But…I’m also horrified. You see, Jon advises Basira to bring torches (which I initially interpreted as the American version of a torch because I have yet to be fully Britishified by my extended family) in order to combat Rayner’s darkness. But right after he does so, static starts creeping in, and Basira is cut off. And…the static isn’t the regular ambient static that shows up in most episodes, it’s much more akin to the audio distortions that play when Not!Sasha and Micheal are around, so…oh god. Much like Jon, I…really hope that she’s ok. And unlike Jon, I hope that if Daisy’s there, she’s also ok. (don’t listen to him, he just hates to see a girlboss winning.) Well…given that the next episode is literally called “Police Lights” I’m sure I’ll know what happens soon enough…but I’m still pretty worried. …oh my darkness. Things are..definitely about to get hectic, I can feel it.

Supplemental: God I’m just…I’m so fucking sorry. This- this episode was about MEAT. It was about fucking human flesh of all things and I somehow managed to write all of that. I’m just. What. What the hell is even wrong with me at this point. I would say I’d try and make things more brief…but like, I’m in too deep to back out now, this podcast is my everything and I. Can’t. Stop. TALKING ABOUT IT! Send help. Or don’t. It’s not like it’ll make much of a difference, for I will still be insane about this. Oh, one other thing, I was re-listening to those static noises I mentioned, and…I realize they kind of reflect whatever’s showing up pretty well. Not!Sasha’s is high pitched and the faintest, hiding in the background. Micheal’s is all squiggly and choppy, you can’t really get a good idea of it. And the darkness is really loud and oppressive, almost…all-consuming. I just think the podcast has some really clever audio editing, and thought it was worth appreciating.

- Episode 73, Police Lights ⚫️

Statement of Police Constable Basira Hussain, regarding the attempted arrest of Maxwell Rayner. Statement taken direct from subject.

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. HE JUST. HE JUST FUCKING DIED. LIKE. THREE SHOTS AND HE’S DEAD. I CAN’T. HUH?! NO GODDAMN WAY. NO. THIS DOES NOT END HERE. THERE’S TOO MANY UNSOLVED MYSTERIES. THE DIVINE HOST WILL LIVE ON. I CAN’T EVEN COMPREHEND THIS. I JUST. AJSJJSJDJEJEKEKKEKEKLELELELLELELELEL. …So um…wow. This was…yeah, this was quite an episode. I…I really don’t know how to feel about this one if I’m being honest. Not in the sense of like, I don’t know whether or not I like it, because I’m pretty certain I do. It advanced the plot in really interesting ways and is making my head spin in a lot of different directions, which if you know me, you’d know is like…the best thing an episode of tma can do for me. It’s just…the turns it took are really surprising to me, and…I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit worried. I’ll delve into it a bit more later on, but like…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find what happens to Rayner a little bit concerning for the future. This is one of the few instances so far of a statement-only plot…kind of entering the main story that affects the characters we’re personally familiar with, and…as long as this isn’t where things end, I’m totally fine…but I’m just a little concerned. I mean, I overall doubt this is where the entire Divine Host story ends given just…how many mysteries there still are, but…sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. I will delve into it a bit later, but just know that provided I assume the best going into the future…this was an absolutely killer episode. It REALLY does feel like we’re in proper season finale territory right now, and even if the inclusion of this storyline at now of all times was pretty surprising…I’m getting super excited regardless. Sorry I’m just…I feel like I’m trying to get all my thoughts out right now because there’s just SO much…but I’ll make sure to take it one step at a time. So um…I guess I’ll just start then!

Edit: I’ll explain it soon enough but…oh it is so not over. It is SO not over. OHOHOHOHOHOHO IT IS SO NOT OVER!!!

Ok so starting off: THANK GOD BASIRA SURVIVED. I mean, I got the sense that I wasn't going to be left hanging for too long after the phone call from last episode, given how the episode is literally called "Police Lights" but like...I was genuinely worried here. I think it was mostly due to the fact that her and Jon had been pretty distanced for a while, and like...it just felt like a time where they could kill her off, you know? And given where she ends up at the end of the episode, I have to wonder if...maybe that idea was something that Jonny considered at one point, but I really can't be sure. Well, regardless, what matters is that she's ok. Well...she's ok as she can be after that experience. It's really interesting to see Basira, who's been one of the most mellow people in the entire podcast so far, end up as distraught as she is here. It kind of feels like she parallels the archival staff in this way, having had minor paranormal or...just slightly strange things happen to her, before coming face to face with something much greater than she could've anticipated, (The Divine Host in her case, The Prentiss attack in the institute's case), and it leaves her changed and shaken. She's silently mourning the loss of a colleague, clearly pissed off at how the force plans to handle things...and yet she's still so quiet. It's just...a really good show of how dire the situation has gotten now. But uh...yeah, cutting to the chase, Basira had a rather nasty encounter with Maxwell Rayner and other members of his cult. As I alluded to earlier, I'm...honestly surprised that they're showing up so prominently at...now of all times. Currently, I'm kind of working on the assumption that this episode is just a tease for the time being, and that The Divine Host will come back in a greater force that we get to see in person later on, but...it's still kind of peculiar to me. I've assumed that Season 2 is building up to a finale that centers on topics like Not!Sasha, the tunnels and The End, but...maybe I should add The Divine Host to that list? I mean, I've already thrown them out as a possible Gertrude killer, even if I think there's some noticeable holes in that argument, but like...even then, I think another thing that the Season 2 finale will draw attention to is the paranormal nature of The Magnus Institute, and that seems to center around the eyes, and The Divine Host has a closed eye for a symbol which suggests some sort of rivalry so...MAYBE?! I guess only time will tell, but...it would be very interesting if they somehow play a much greater role in the finale than I expected. Either way though, I'm really happy that more light is being shed on them (uh...metaphorically, not really literally), because I've always found them really compelling, and thought that they've given some fantastic episodes in the past, so...yeah, I love their inclusion here either way. But uh...enough preamble. Let's just get into the statement, because oh boy...I am happy to announce that there is some LORE here!

So, starting from the top. It all began on the previous day, when Basira, Daisy (who was oddly absent from this episode despite Jon mentioning her in his last supplemental), and a number of other sectioned officers were called to deal with the case of a kidnapped 12-year old named Callum Brodie. Now, this kid isn't present for much of the statement and doesn't really do a ton, outside of being traumatized which is...yeah fair enough actually, but there's actually something really interesting about him to me. So, for reasons I'll explain later, I decided to scroll through the wiki articles for all of the previous episodes with significant involvement from The Divine Host (while avoiding spoilers of course), and when stumbling upon Exceptional Risk, I found that the protagonist of that episode, Philip Brown, had an ex-wife named Caroline Brodie. I guess this COULD be a coincidence, given how many Micheals and Johns there are, but given how both statements deal with the same member of ✨the horrors✨, and how Jon strangely drew significant attention to Caroline and her divorce despite her...not being seemingly significant whatsoever, outside of her existence further proving that Philip Brown was a massive dick...I definitely think he's supposed to be her son. But...this is pretty interesting from a lore perspective. You see, I have reasons as to why I think The Divine Host kidnapped a child in the first place, but it was kind of difficult to pinpoint...why Callum Brodie was chosen specifically. But the thing is...if Philip Brown really is his dad, then both of them have dealt with the exact same forces. This could just be a thematic thing going on, but like...really, what are the odds that the kid you abduct just happens to come from a guy you previously traumatized 15 years ago? ...So what if it wasn't a coincidence. If Gerard's words in Lost in the Crowd are anything to go off of, then people who have had paranormal experiences can get "marked", some seemingly in more potent ways than others. So like...does this imply that when you get "marked", it's...like a disease of some kind? Like, people you're close to get haunted by the same thing as you? But that's really weird to me, because like...if Callum is 12 years old right now, and Caroline left Philip in 2004, then chances are she was at least in early pregnancy, and at most, Callum was a VERY young baby. So...the chances of his dad's curse following him seem kind of weird...and I hope to god that this isn't some sort of...paranormal sex thing like with Squirm. (I am so sorry for putting that image in your mind holy fuck.) I'm...probably reading too much into this, but I feel like there HAS to be a reason for Callum Brodie being chosen specifically, especially since The Divine Host was stationed pretty far away from where he lived, so they definitely weren't content with any other child. Uh...fuck I've been rambling again. Back to Basira!

So yeah, her, Daisy and the other officers are pretty surprised to have been called in for a kidnapping case that doesn't seem all that paranormal, but they got the sense that something was off soon enough, especially with the presence of a counter-terrorist firearms squad. They basically got a short briefing, explaining how Callum had been found in the captivity of one Maxwell Rayner, and how that name led to obvious suspicion of cult involvement. Interestingly, it was while the rescue team was in the van when Basira decided to call Jon, and he advised her to bring as many torches as possible. I find this peculiar, because if you recall, there was another creepy static noise that cut her off, and I initially assumed that was Rayner or...just the darkness in general, and while that could still be the case in theory (especially given the sort of...all-consuming nature the darkness exhibits)...I'm honestly not...AS convinced as I was. I think I'll still run with it for simplicity's sake, but it didn't sound like Basira was really near the hideout when she made that call so...I wonder if the thing that cut her off might've been something else. I'll...keep it in mind just in case. Anyways, with a number of torches in hand, the team started their explorations of the two-story industrial complex in Harringay where Callum was suspected to be held. Interestingly, this building was said to be owned by a company called...Outer Bay Shipping. This group, which according to Jon seems to be a shell corporation of some kind, has only been once before, very briefly in Growing Dark. Apparently, (at least in the world of tma), they basically own the small Norwegian town of Ny-Ålesund, which you might recall as being the same one that's home to Optical Solutions Ltd., the group that provided the...cut cameras for Daedalus. Now, given their clear connection to Ny-Ålesund, it definitely seems like The Divine Host has...some sort of arrangement with Outer Bay. My best guess is that they might be meant to transport members of The Divine Host to Ny-Ålesund. (which now that I mention it...I kind of wonder if they're familiar with The Tundra? I mean, The Lukas Family and The Divine Host are implied to be familiar in Personal Space so...maybe?) And on that note...I...kind of find it weird that The Divine Host is even stationed in England at the moment. Natalie Ennis previously implied that they were making...some sort of movement, in what would've been March of 2015, and I assumed that was a migration to Ny-Ålesund due to them chanting its name in Hither Green Chapel, and...them just having a general reason to be there due to the longer nights. But...no, they're still here. Honestly, as interesting as I find them, it's really hard to figure out what the goals or motives of The Divine Host even are, outside of worshipping darkness and...fucking everything up I guess. Oh, uh..back to Basira.

So, each sectioned officer was paired up with one from the firearms squad, something apparently breaching the protocol to a massive degree, which just showed how serious this mission was. Basira was partnered with an officer named Goodman, and the two of them took to exploring the loading dock at the back of the building. They noticed that the street lights were a lot dimmer than they should've been, everything that wasn't directly underneath them being shrouded in darkness. They eventually made their way inside, finding the place decently well-lit, and filled with boxes that...didn't really contain anything especially remarkable. And...that's when a scream was heard. The scream seemingly came from a figure that Basira described as dressed head-to-toe in a black leotard, although...I don't necessarily think this was some ordinary Divine Host member. Not only is their outfit decently different from what we see other members wear later on, but Basira described the scream as...almost animal-like. I find this relevant, because I suggested that the darkness itself was more like a beast of some kind after Exceptional Risk. This makes me think that the person wasn't just a human dressed in all-black, but rather some sort of...humanoid manifestation of the darkness. ...And I get the sense that could be relevant to a theory of mine, not exactly sure in what way but...I'll get to that soon enough. Then again...the figure did seemingly bleed when Goodman shot it, and there are other weird clothes in this episode so...maybe I'm off the mark. Well, either way, Goodman shot the figure, leaving Basira's ears filled with a high-pitched whine for a while, but they still tried to push upstairs after searching the lower floor. But before she could follow, Goodman tugged on her arm to reveal two other nearby officers. One of them was a trigger-happy member of the firearms squad Basira didn't recognize, and the other was Leo Altman, another sectioned officer who Basira was somewhat familiar with. The two of them had discovered a basement that wasn't mentioned in the briefing, and...well, they really had no choice but to go down. And when they did...they discovered the most horrifying thing of all. ...an accidental Deltarune reference. Like, come on. Darkness leaking out of a door as if it were light? Photon readings negative? That's literally just Deltarune. And I absolutely love it. But in all seriousness, Basira mentions that a sound came from behind the door, one that sounded like a crashing waterfall slowed right down. That...does actually sound pretty similar to the static from the phone call, so...yeah, the darkness intercepting her makes more sense to me. Anyways, they open the basement door, and...well yeah, everything goes dark as expected. Thankfully, the officers were able to turn on their torches, but they only illuminated a small area around them, the darkness being thick and oppressive. Basira notes that they never even went through the door, and that there were strange, inky particles in the air that never touched their clothing, but floated around them all as they stumbled around in endless darkness, constantly having to replace torches as they sputtered out. Eventually, the old industrial smell of the Outer Bay complex disappeared. A faint roar permeated through the air the entire time, and Basira feels like she might've been screaming, but couldn't hear it over the choking darkness. Well...that's just swell, isn't it. So yeah, cops are wandering around in the dark and everything is oppressive and super creepy, but don't worry! ...Things get even worse! And I...still find it hard to believe that what I'm about to go over took place in the span of five seconds.

So. ...oh boy. After who knows how long spent wandering around in the darkness, Goodman lands his torch on a tall old man. He's wearing a dark, black robe that seems to move and shift in an unnatural way, his wild white hair covers a scraggly beard...and his eyes are milky white. This is obviously Maxwell Rayner, and tied to a chair next to him is Callum Brodie, his eyes...blank, but not entirely clouded like Rayner's, and his face is locked into a silent scream. Basira sees that Rayner has his thin bony hands raise to Callum...and that a thick, black ink-like substance is pouring from his mouth like a heavy fog, working its way up towards Callum's face, the roaring sound from earlier being revealed to have come from Rayner. Thankfully, Goodman opens fire on Rayner and shoots him square in the chest three times, which....oh my god. I just realized this like...as I'm writing this. ...That is exactly how Gertrude died. ....No, there's NO way that this guy is her killer, there's NO way. Like...I'd be absolutely baffled if that was the case but...I feel like this HAS to mean...something, you know? I just...oh god, I've absolutely opened a can of worms here and...I'll need to think about this one. I um...I'll just leave it here for now...back to Rayner. As he's shot, his robe violently twitches, and all of the black liquid backs off of Callum. Basira swears though that, as Goodman was opening fire, she found herself in a cathedral. It's never specified whether this was just some kind of...weird quirk of the scenario, or if the cops were led so far away from the building that they somehow found themselves there when stumbling around in the dark, but...it's interesting regardless. Still tough, the dark substance continues to pour out of Rayner's mouth, and it ends up hitting Leo Altman's face as he attempts to untie Callum, causing him to howl in pain and start clawing at his face, once again a very bestial thing. I...kind of wonder if maybe this was how Robert Montauk really died? Like, maybe he got touched by this stuff and then...clawed himself to death given all of the scratch marks? I don't know, it's food for thought. Thankfully though, Rayner had been shot dead. Ok...spoilers for later I guess, but even though I don't think he's really dead...that's some pussy shit I'm sorry. You are like...the lord of darkness and you died from three shots to the chest? Get real. After his death, the lights came on in the room, and a woman who was later found to be Natalie Ennis from Growing Dark buried a knife in Altman's throat, before being shot by his partner. ...Rest in peace you wacky roommate, I hope you're eating disgusting spinach in ultra super mega hell. And...that's where it ended. Maxwell Rayner and Natalie Ennis were declared dead, Callum Brodie was rescued but...clearly traumatized, there was no sign of the black dust or ink, and...Altman's body was found with the same milky white eyes as Rayner's. According to Basira, two other members of the church were murdered, and three others were captured, although they haven't revealed anything. And...that's where the story ends. So...let's analyze.

Earlier, I said that my biggest fear that stemmed from this episode was the idea that The Divine Host simply…ends here. That there would be no more relevance from them, and that they wouldn’t be as big of a player as I initially thought. This mostly stemmed from the fact that Rayner “died”, and the fact that Jon…literally says he thinks the story is closed. But after some reflection…yeah, there’s no way that this storyline ends here. First of all, while I’m certain that this whole event has dealt significant damage to The Divine Host, I would be seriously surprised if it actually got rid of them for the good. Given how much influence they have across England, and even other countries overall, and the fact that they’ve had…like, at least 50 members at its peak if all of Robert Montauk’s murders are anything to go off of, I sincerely doubt that four members dying and three being arrested destroyed their entire operation, even if their leader has…at the very least been heavily damaged. (Once again, I will get to why I don’t think Rayner’s actually dead soon enough.) We might not know what The Divine Host’s end goal or purpose is, but I’m sure they’ll come back…eventually, whether in person or in older statements I’m not sure, but I just can’t see this being the end of everything regarding them. Secondly, there are a bunch of unanswered questions still floating around. This was why I was looking at the wiki pages for other episodes centered on The Divine Host, I wanted to compile all of these mysteries and overview them. I’m…just going to list them off now if you don’t mind, so that you have a good idea of what I'm dealing with.

- The ultimate circumstances behind the disappearance of Robert Montauk's wife, and the reasons for him and Julia being haunted

- Almost everything regarding Maxwell Rayner's past, all we know at present is that he was a defrocked pentecostal minister, and likely German.

- Maxwell Rayner's likely connections to Joseph Rayner, the dead soldier from The Piper.

- What Natalie Ennis was referring to when she mentioned "three hundred years waiting" and "Mr. Pitch"

- The complexities of the church's connections to Ny-Ålesund and Outer Bay Shipping

- The true circumstances behind Robert Montauk's death

- Reasons for kidnapping Callum Brodie, and his likely connections to Philip Brown and Caroline Brodie.

- Their likely connection to "Those who Sing the Night"

- Their involvement in the Daedalus Space Station.

- Their likely involvement in End of the Tunnel

And so on. Now, I'm fully aware that chances are, not all of these questions are going to be answered. I mean, the first and last ones could remain eternal mysteries and I'd still be satisfied. On top of that, it's not like Police Lights doesn't give us lore, in fact, i think it might actually make possible answers for some of these questions easier to discern, but the point is that a lot of this has yet to be properly addressed by the podcast itself, and the desire for answers to these questions feel like they're being left to the listener. Ultimately though, I have good faith in Jonny and all of Rusty Quill to not leave most of these unanswered in the end. I still think that despite everything that's happened here, The Divine Host will return in some sort of way, even if it's a little bit more scattered and broken than I initially assumed. But...that's where the big question lies. If The Divine Host returns, will it be more of a...collection of scattered remnants trying desperately to hold on to the cult, or will it return in greater force? Well, while I'm not entirely opposed to the former, and I think it could be done well provided that answers are still given, and it remains plot-relevant...I am honestly leaning towards the latter. I feel like the podcast is trying to bait me into thinking that any future involvement from The Divine Host will be very small, when in actuality...it's going to be a bit more threatening. And it all comes down to the nature and fate of Maxwell Rayner. As the founder and leader of the church, he's probably vital to their survival, hence why his supposed death came as such a shock and a worry to me. But the thing is, after some reflection...I'd be genuinely surprised if he was actually dead. I mean, the withered old man was clearly shot dead, I'm not disputing that...but I don't think that old man was really "Maxwell Rayner", at least...not the one we know. Ok, I'm just going to cut to the chase, no more ominous buildup. Thanks to a Youtube Comment, as well as him reminding me of Emperor Belos from The Owl House (I mean come on, religious imagery, old man with long hair, dark goo, you get it), I think I finally understand what Rayner's deal is. I personally believe that the old man body was just a vessel. That the real "Maxwell Rayner" was probably just a regular guy at one point or another, and that some greater power, the evil cult leader that we all know and...are kind of freaked out by, has been possessing him all this time. And I think that greater power's true form is the dark goo. Rayner isn't a servant of the darkness...he IS the darkness. Not like...in an edgy way, he is just straight up one of ✨the horrors✨, using an old pentecostal minister as a meat suit. Which...really does add to the idea that ✨the horrors✨ are more concious than abstract, so...I'm back at a sort of tie in that regard. And you know, this might actually explain some of the weird timeline stuff with the church. If Rayner really is an eldritch god inside the body of an old man, then maybe he's not the first guy to suffer this fate. Maybe this darkness has like...haunted the Rayner family for years. It possessed Joseph Rayner during World War 1, and then moved over to Maxwell Rayner in the 90s (which might explain why he stopped being a pentecoastal minsiter, although there is another possibility there.) Maybe "Those Who Sing The Night" was an older iteration of The Divine Host, but still ruled by the same being, just in an older body. Maybe whatever the church is planning was attempted before, hence the whole "300 years" thing. Maybe "Mr. Pitch" is actually an alias for Rayner but is like...the true name of the darkness. You know what, I think I'll stick with calling it that until further notice, I like the name. Hell, this would explain why it's even called "The Divine Host" in the first place, because...you know, the leader is a literal host for a divine being. All in all…I think this adds up.

The idea that one of ✨the horrors✨ might’ve been staring me in the face this entire time is…quite frankly terrifying, but also kind of amazing? Like…if I’m on the money here, this would be a really cool idea and an excellent twist. I mean, we’ve already had stuff like the immortal skin book, Amherst’s constant deaths and revivals, and Agnes “perfect botox” Montague, so I don’t think body swapping for immortality is out of the question (also it reminds me even more of Emperor Belos so that’s a personal bonus.) And obviously, this provides a pretty good explanation as to why The Divine Host kidnapped Callum Brodie. Rayner was…clearly a very old guy, and if “Mr. Pitch” needs to keep swapping bodies, chances are its bodies still age normally, so it needed a new one. Either that, or it’s a need to change identity after all the crimes, but like…I mean it’s not rocket science, the darkness was literally climbing into the kid’s mouth, it seems like a pretty clear attempt at possession. I kind of get the sense that maybe Mr. Pitch could have a preference for younger hosts since they obviously last longer (which …kind of makes me wonder if Robert Montauk was driving it back in an attempt to protect Julia from being possessed), although that could interfere with the idea of Maxwell’s possession being his reason for becoming defrocked, and I already threw out the idea that Callum was chosen due to his father’s previous experiences. Either way, I definitely think Mr. Pitch intended on moving over from Rayner to Callum. But that just leaves one more question. …what now? I’m clearly suggesting that even if Maxwell Rayner is dead, the darkness possessing him isn’t, so…where is it now? Well, Basira says there’s no sign of it, so it’s possible that it just kind of…fucked off to who knows where and is possessing someone else as we speak. Alternatively though…it clearly marked Leo Altman, given how he had the same milky blind eyes as Rayner, so…maybe it’s possessed him, and he’s become the new “divine host”? But like, that raises questions as to why Natalie Ennis stabbed him. Maybe she just didn’t see him being possessed, maybe the screaming and scratching signifies he’s unworthy and Mr. Pitch really has gone for someone else, or maybe killing the original person is necessary if you want to use their body. I…honestly don’t know. Maybe Mr. Pitch has gone somewhere else, maybe it’s possessing Leo Altman (which is so, Basira will probably face a VERY interesting reunion sooner rather than later)…I’m really not sure. But at the end of the day…I think it’s very unlikely that this ends here. Maxwell Rayner might be dead, but Mr. Pitch certainly isn’t. There is likely one of ✨the horrors✨ running amok somewhere, planning to get ahold of a new divine host…and that is a very unnerving thought. I REALLY hope this doesn’t turn into another Not!Sasha situation, we’re fucked enough in that regard as is. And even if this black goo really is gone for good…there is no way The Divine Host is fully done for. There’s just too many mysteries. …No matter how much they hide behind darkness, I have faith that light will shine upon them, and we will get answers. …why did I say it like that I’m not trying to write poetry here.

So that's about it on Police Lights. Overall, I thought this was a fantastic episode. The Divine Host remains as one of the most interesting aspects of tma lore to me, so to have more light shed on them (wordplay very much intended) was an absolute thrill. I loved getting more stuff from Basira, the whole atmosphere was really creepy, and it came with some REALLY interesting implications regarding the lore of Maxwell Rayner, The Divine Host as a whole, and the member of ✨the horrors✨ I'm now calling Mr. Pitch. While it did give me some slight worry for the future of the storyline, I think I ultimately came out of it more excited for the future than anything else, and I don't doubt that there'll be more stories and information later on, or that Jonny will be able to pull off something special regardless. But with that aside, we have everything that comes after the statement, which gives us some pretty damn relevant information. So, as mentioned earlier...Basira is pretty damn shook after everything that went down. And she's decided that enough is enough...and that she's quitting the force. Now, despite the fact that I would've done so the second my colleague drowned himself in boiling water if I was her...I ultimately think this was the right decision on her part. Not only because...I mean, it's probably better to not be a cop than to be a cop, but also because I hope it'll give her some safety and solace going forward. I mean...I feel like it's been shown that once you get involved it's hard to get out (I mean, look at the symbolism in Anglerfish), but...hey, at least her job isn't literally unquittable! At least...I think...oh god please don't let that be the case. But yeah, I'm glad that she's at least trying, and even if I can't personally relate...I think it was pretty cool of her to just say "NO" when Jon offered to tell her more about The Divine Host. But unfortunately...her resignation from the force leads to a couple of problems. Firstly, one of the main people investigating Gertrude's murder is just...not doing that anymore, although granted it's...not really like we've learned all that much about the police investigation to begin with, even if I think that's partially due to Jon hogging evidence. Secondly...I mean, Basira trying to get away from it all feels kind of like a death flag...please don't let that be the case. But worst of all is the fact that Jon no longer has easy access to Gertrude's tapes...NOOOOOOO!!!! THAT WAS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I WANTED HIM AND BASIRA TO RECONCILE NOOOOOO!!! I mean, I guess there's technically Daisy, but as far as I know she only gave him that tape per Basira's request, and seems to personally hate Jon's guts, so...I don't know where we go from here. For once...I would actually be ok if Jon broke an entering for the sake of knowledge. Well anyways, I wish Basira the best regardless. There are...a couple of other noteworthy things though.

Firstly, Jon mentions that he feels like to leave the institute would to be giving up what little protection he has...which is honestly a horrific thought. Like, he's been eaten by worms and stabbed by Mr. Cryptic, and THAT'S the best case scenario?! ...damn. But secondly, there's something very interesting he brings up. He mentions how strange it is that the police were able to locate Rayner and Callum, given how the former had been hiding pretty effectively for the past two decades, how Basira didn't have any insight, and how the church didn't seem to expect visitors. This makes Jon think that someone on the outside must have tipped the police off, so the question is...who? Well, I've held true for a while that The Divine Host is probably against the eye thing due to their insignia, and The Magnus Institute is obviously connected to that, so...I feel like the person who tipped them off is nearby. And given his power and pre-established connections with the police, as well as the general sketchy vibes...I'm inclined to suspect Elias the most. He might not be doing anything wrong here...but it's strange to think that he of all people would get this involved, given his general attitude. I might be wrong, but..it's the best guess I have for now. ...I'm very conflicted about him either way. Ok, my wrists are in searing pain from typing now, and I should probably go buy a new lamp after this one, goodbye! :)

Supplemental: The People’s Church of the Divine Host:

Oh, I thought I should also mention that in retrospect, the idea of there being a Rayner family curse or something might not work if Mr. Pitch wished to possess Callum. I think it’s still possible that Callum was exceptional or some sort of desperate measure, or maybe Maxwell just didn’t have any relatives around to possess so they had to switch to a new family, but like…while I still think that Joseph Rayner was a previous divine host, maybe these are just random, unaffiliated people, and Mr. Pitch is simply making up new names for them after possession. Just thought that was worth throwing out there.

- Episode 74, Fatigue 💤

Statement of Lydia Halligan, regarding her insomnia.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! HE’S BACK!!! HE’S DEFINITELY, ACTUALLY SO FUCKING BACK!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE HOLY SHIT!!! AFTER 28 EPISODES HE FINALLY RETURNS I MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!! I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT IT’S NOT IN PERSON I’M SO HAPPY!!! MICHEAAAAAAAALLL!!! Ok…I think I’m…I’m done now. So, aside from the return of my beloved…something, what was this episode actually like? Well uh…holy shit. This was…an absolutely haunting episode through and through. It didn’t tell its story in a traditional sense, instead deciding to reflect numerous vague anecdotes that took place when the statement giver was in an extremely poor mental state, and it reflected said mental state perfectly. And it was genuinely terrifying. It played with unreality and insanity in a genius, yet almost disgusting manner that shook me to my core, and I feel confident in saying that it’s one of the most unique experiences in tma so far. And…if any of that sounds familiar to you, it’s because yes, this episode reminded me a LOT of Hive, which is obviously a good thing. So yeah…I absolutely loved this episode. It might not be like, a Top 10 episode for me, but it’s going to stick with me. I thought it was extremely creative and it scared me absolutely shitless, which is the best thing it possibly could do. But…I’m really only telling you all of this now because…I have no idea how I’m going to properly summarize this one. I’ve slightly messed around with the way I format things for episodes like First Edition, but…I don’t even think THAT will make things easier than that. Hive was abstract sure, but…not to this degree. At least with Hive, I had enough prior knowledge about The Flesh Hive and Jane as a character to get what was going on, but…I can’t say the same for Fatigue. Now, that is FAR from a bad thing, I mean, if an episode contains Micheal of all characters, then making it intentionally confusing and maddening is a genius move, and I think it makes the episode an overall better experience. But…that’s the thing. The episode works best when you experience it, but it’s just vague enough to make summarizing and speculating about it…honestly kind of a nightmare. Like…it’s in this place where I REALLY feel like there’s some important information I can glean from this one, but it’s just so goddamn weird that gaining that information feels possible. That doesn’t really take away from how much I like the episode…but it does mean that this part of the post might unfortunately be a little bit brief. (I mean, whenever I say that it comes out longer than I expected, but I’m letting you know just in case.) I…REALLY wish that I could gush more about this episode, that I could examine everything that makes it so good and come up with some wild theories based on what it gives us, because I honestly think that’s possible! I strongly doubt that this episode isn’t hiding some big secrets right under my nose…but I don’t doubt that I’m not smart enough to find it. I’ll still try my best to formulate my thoughts and glean what information I can, but…I think it’s best if you expect this to be an episode that I…put in the bank for the time being. Hopefully there’ll be a moment later on in the series where I realize…what its deal is, and why and how it’s significant, but for now…I don’t think I have the information or brainpower to do so. Also, ironically enough, I was very sleepy when listening to this episode, so…yeah, maybe my perception is a little skewed. Just know going in that I love this episode a lot, and that I’m not going to entirely write it off as a one-off horror story simply because I can’t glean much from it right now. Well…with all of the preamble out of the way, let’s…try to get into it, I guess. …I can at the very least guarantee that there’ll be at least one instance of me mentioning how much I love Micheal.

So, this statement comes from Lydia Halligan, who is a woman with chronic insomnia. Now, I’d argue that while understanding the deeper complexities, relevance, meaning and reasoning behind her insomnia is difficult, I think the basic crux of…what’s going on with her is pretty easy to understand. For some reason, presumably a paranormal one, she is nearly incapable of sleeping, which has caused her “dreams” to seemingly…blur into reality? If it even is reality? It’s…just vague enough to be up to interpretation. I think the easiest assumption to go in with is that the hallucinations she’s experiencing…aren’t actually real, the only thing that is real is whatever’s causing her insomnia, because it’s just…a bit too extreme to come off as even a worse than usual real-world case of it. However, I don’t think her hallucinations are entirely irrelevant…or just regular tricks of the human psyche, so…I’m still going to keep them in mind just in case. Either way, I’m pretty sure I understand what’s going on with this episode…structure-wise. It’s constantly flip-flopping between paragraphs that have no discernible place in time, either describing one of Lydia’s hallucinations, or something regarding her relationship with sleep, or the lack thereof. The episode opens up with Lydia…basically being as confused, probably more than I am. She’s said that due to both her lack of sleep and her futile attempts to gain it, her waking has been disjointed and her dreams have been vivid, and now they are starting to blur together in reality. So…basically her brain is having trouble distinguishing fact and fiction. I’ve got to say that I’m honestly kind of surprised there were…no follow-up notes regarding any potential sightings of Lydia. Like, it seems like a missed opportunity to maybe…I don’t know, have someone see her wandering around doing weird stuff while hallucinating, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t leaving the house all that much. She then describes what is…presumably her first hallucination. She’s hot and sweaty while lying in her bed, doing nothing but staring at a ceiling fan. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that she mentions her flat not having a ceiling fan when she first moves in, I’d just assume this was a common insomnia symptom, and I feel like that was intentional, because the part where she reveals the initial lack of a fan at the end of the anecdote…that really got to me. Also, despite being arguably the most mundane hallucination, I think this one was one of the scariest to me! It just evokes…a very specific feeling, like, the feeling of waking up in a cold sweat at 3 AM in a quiet dark bedroom, and you want to get up, move around, maybe get some water, but you just don’t have the energy, and your parents are sleeping downstairs in a house with creaky-ass floorboards so you don’t want to disturb them, so you’re just left lying there in your own bodily fluids and don’t get any sleep? You get what I mean? …No? Ok. Anyways, Lydia then goes on to mention how she would always stay up reading as a child, but looks back on those memories as the first sign of early insomnia. The way that this episode makes you doubt its…actual involvement with the paranormal is something I’ll talk about in more detail later, but I’d just like to say that I REALLY liked how this part tries to trick you. It makes you think that maybe Lydia just has a really bad insomnia problem…before it later becomes clearer that’s not the case at all. And then we get to the billboard. Jesus Christ, this billboard is going to haunt my nightmares. It was MADE to be memorable. It’ll obviously show up more later, but for now, it’s…decently normal. It’s slightly rusty, but it shows a coffee advertisement with a smiling woman and rising steam, with the quote “sleep is overrated!” on it. Lydia…does feel like she’s being watched by the woman, but for now it’s just a creepy set piece. Although…I won’t ignore the dissimilarities between that feeling and everything involving the eye monster.

Well, after that vision, Lydia talks about her job as a freelance writer. She goes over how it’s…an admittedly shitty place to be in, but that she always thought it fit her schedule and gave her flexibility. Now though, she sees that it has robbed her of relating to the rest of the world and how it organizes itself, and that…her perception of time is tainted. Once again, the thing that makes this episode so terrifying to me is how…evocative it is. Even if it’s overblown beyond reasonable proportions…I feel like I REALLY get what Lydia’s feeling, the amount of research into the tricks of the human mind that must have been done to make this episode is a crazy thought to me.

And then…we get to the return of the best character(?) ever made. IT’S MICHEAL!!! IT’S HIM!!! HE’S HEEEERRRREEEEE- ok I’ve already done the screaming bit. Anyways, I am of course VERY happy that he’s finally made a substantial return. I will admit that I would’ve really liked another in-person appearance, since I absolutely love how Luke Booys portrays him, but I really cannot complain that much. And I mean, his presence here just further confirms his relevance to me, so I’m getting a lot more certain that he’ll make another major appearance sooner rather than later. Anyways, his presence here is definitely the most intriguing part of the episode to me, and I do actually have a decent bit to say about it, but I’ll just quickly go over his first appearance in Lydia’s hallucinations. Basically, at one point or another, he started showing up in Lydia’s living room, asking how Lydia’s days has been and saying that “names are overrated” whenever she asks for said name (slay king). When Lydia responds by saying she doesn’t know what he means by “day”, he laughs his distorted laugh, and Lydia’s nose starts to bleed. She says that she’s been drawing intricate patterns with…something that isn’t her pen, which is unnerving. Given Micheal’s clear connection to fractals and spirals, I have to assume these are the “patterns” Lydia was referring to. So…yeah, it’s another instance of Micheal being peak chaotic neutral, that’s for certain. Now, Jon questions whether or not Micheal is the direct cause of Lydia’s hallucinations, or simply observing her, but I’m inclined to go with the former. I mean, there’s decent evidence that Lydia had some level of insomnia before this, which I’ll get into, but I think Micheal drove her to…this extreme. This is because, while it’s certainly pretty different from what he did with the door, it..kind of serves a similar purpose. Think about it for a a second. Outside of killing her, his main goal in The New Door was seemingly to just…fuck with Helen Richardson’s mind. It started with the door, where the mere sight of it made Helen question her sanity, and that only continued as she walked through the backrooms, constantly questioning the geography of the place and…how real it all was. And now with Lydia…well, we have a very similar situation, where someone is being driven to question what is real and what isn’t. Micheal ultimately goes at his own rhythm, but if there’s one thing he…at the very least LIKES doing, it’s messing with people’s heads, so him being the root cause of Lydia’s troubles makes a fair bit of sense to me. Even then, I find the idea of him being the cause pretty interesting. Once again, I have more to say later, but…it kind of suggests that he isn’t fully limited to the whole…doors and hallways thing. I mean…at least I think so? There are some minor signs of it later…and Micheal did kind of suggest that he is synonymous with his backrooms on a biological(?) level, so like…I guess they’re here by default. I could argue that Lydia was maybe stuck in the backrooms the entire time, and all of this was just late stage effects of being there, which does kind of fit with the sleep deprivation that Helen felt, but I do kind of doubt that if only for the fact that Lydia’s body was found. But…it’s also kind of implied that Ivo Lensik’s dad was taken by Micheal, and his body was found so…I really don’t know. Do you see why this episode confuses me? There’s clearly a lot of routes to take, and I yet cannot go down any of them. Well, all in all, I’m very excited by Micheal’s return, and I definitely think he’s the main cause of Lydia’s hallucinations. I’ll touch on him a bit more later on, but for now…moving on!

Next, we get more insight into Lydia’s relationship with sleep. She explains that as an academic, she’s often tried to push herself to her limit, counting how many hours she could stay awake and trying to beat her record. She eventually stopped counting, but…never really stopped the “experiments”. …look, I feel really bad for her, but if you want to avoid insomnia and/or door demons, then this is like…the last thing you should be doing, I’m sorry. Something…pretty interesting to me though, is what Lydia says at the end of the anecdote. She mentions how, in comparison to her friends who lacked the capacity to stay up more than 40 hours, she always felt like the longer she stayed awake, the more she…peered into things beyond human comprehension. This is…EXTREMELY cosmic horror-like, and I do actually have a small, yet pretty enticing theory regarding this part, and…really all of the other parts that kind of suggest that maybe, just maybe, the hallucinations are real, and everything else is fake. Uh…ok, wait, I might actually be getting a bit ahead of myself there, let’s just move onto the next dream. So, Lydia recalls a dream where she’s sitting in a café, trying to imagine it as the painting “Nighthawks at the Diner” (omg Hatchetfield reference) despite the grim atmosphere. She drinks her subpar cup of coffee…and spits out a singular, child’s milk tooth that was inside the mug. The waitress named “Vanessa” ignores the tooth, and simply keeps on bringing more coffee. I’m…sure there’s some deep symbolism going on here that I’m just not smart enough to pinpoint at the moment, especially with the coffee billboard, and how Michael’s first appearance was in a coffee shop in mind. I’ll…keep all of this on the radar, but I really don’t have much more to say about it at the moment, other than that I find it really creepy and surreal. Anyways, Lydia goes on to talk about how her lack of sleep has affected her vision. She says the pressure on her eyes makes it go strange, how she sees strange pulsing movements on inanimate surfaces, how her brain is too tired to process the signals the eyes are sending. All of this has even more Micheal and eye-horror vibes, but..Lydia actually says some really interesting stuff here. She mentions a time when she wrote a short story, one that revolves around ghostly creatures that could only be seen by those who had deprived themselves of rest to the point where the mind…opened itself. This, combined with how she talks about our brains just filling in the gaps with lies so that we can make sense of what’s going on…it all makes me think that something ESPECIALLY weird is going on with Lydia, which once again, I will talk about later. It ties into the whole…“the hallucinations are real” thing I mentioned earlier, but uh…I’ll get into it when the time comes. For now, on to the next vision. This one brings back the billboard, except…now it’s much more different. The swirls of the steam are oddly unaffected, but the woman has had her eyes morphed into a glare, and her smile warped into a sneer. It’s soaked and peeling, the rust is much more apparent, and the message now reads…“sleep is for the weak.” …oh dear. Well…I’ll obviously come back to that, but for now, there’s another sleep anecdote. So, Lydia talks more about her relationship with sleep, and how you got through phases of extreme physical fatigue and bursts of manic energy, which she considers to be out of a subconscious desperation. She also described insomnia here as….“like your whole self is trying to push you into bed, but it is covered by a solid granite block.” I felt like this part of the episode is where things became…evidently really paranormal, like, it became clear that this wasn’t just regular insomnia, she literally lacked the ability to sleep…on a fundamental level. And…that kind of ties into the next hallucination.

Micheal returns in this one, except this time, he and Lydia are sitting on a bench in the park. He’s twisting blades of grass into spirals but keeps cutting through them with his knife hands (I still think about how he stabbed Jon for no apparent reason every day), and he says that Lydia looks terrible. Lydia mentions that his body is shifting and undulating when she tries to focus on him, which could be a symptom of the insomnia, but…given what little we know about how Micheal functions, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was actually happening. Anyways, when Lydia tells him she hasn’t slept, Micheal says that’s ok, but she gets the sense that he’s lying. Now, Lydia suspects that this vision displays when she and Micheal first met, and…I’d have to agree. I briefly mentioned earlier that I don’t necessarily think Micheal is like…the full cause of Lydia’s insomnia, he’s just boosted it. I think he saw her in the park when she was just a regular insomniac, and when he did, he decided to make it much worse for her, and this “hallucination” is just a memory of that meeting. And if that’s the case…I just need to point out how weird of him that is. In The New Door, he played the whole “I only kill those who enter my domain” thing (even if he did lure Helen in himself), but unless Lydia did actually enter the backrooms…he’s just acting like “teehee! no sleep for you :3”…because he can. And that…would honestly be very fitting for him. It’s entirely possible that he showed up at another time, and this really is just another common hallucination, but I like this idea the most. Moving forward, Lydia gives another monologue about how her insomnia affects her and..I really don’t have much to say about it. It basically boils down to her just talking about how insomnia affects your physical health, and how she’s lost her sense of time. If I’m being entirely honest…I think the paragraphs that aren’t focused on Lydia’s hallucinations are probably the weakest part of the episode. A good few of them have some VERY interesting information, and the script remains top notch all throughout…but I did feel like they kind of dragged a little bit towards the end. Thankfully, the next hallucination is pretty interesting. In this one, Lydia is running through a city, and she describes the alleyways as “narrow and winding” and mentions that they don’t turn in all the directions that they should. Combined with how she hears Micheal’s laugh around this time, I think this one DEFINITELY had something to do with his backrooms, the similarities are uncanny. Like I said, I don’t think it’s too likely that Lydia was secretly inside there the entire time, but I feel like this vision suggests there was…some sort of encounter with it at one point or another. It’s just…UGH! I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT POINT IT IS OR IF IT REALLY HAPPENED BECAUSE IT’S TOO VAGUE!! But it isn’t confusing in a First Edition way it’s just…I feel like I have no idea what’s even happening with this one. Ok well…that aside, we’re almost done with the summary.

Lydia gives two final anecdotes. The first one is pretty simple. She admits that she cannot show the institute any tangible evidence of her experiences, and that she truthfully doesn’t know why she’s here, outside of the fact that she’s desperate to sleep again. This doesn’t really give much relevant information in my opinion, but I do think it’s a really good example of character writing. I always love it when statement givers don’t really have evidence, but their desperation, the way that their words are framed…it tells you everything you need to know, and I think Lydia is one of the prime examples of that, I really did get a great sense of how much pain she was in. And finally…we return to the billboard. It’s even rustier, the woman looks even more foul, there’s twisted shapes on whatever poster is behind her, and the message now reads…“sleep no more.” And yet, for some reason, the steam coming from the coffee is the exact same. And then, in what might be one of my favorite subversions of expectations so far, it’s revealed that the title of the episode wasn’t referring to Lydia’s mental state…but the fatigue in the billboard, as the rusted metal falls apart, and Lydia collapses alongside it. And…she dies of a most likely Micheal-induced heart attack a month after giving her statement. …damn.

So uh…yeah, that was Fatigue! Sorry if parts of my summary were a little brusque or incoherent. Overall I absolutely loved this episode, I think it’s really well written and masterfully creepy, it plays with unreality in some super phenomenal ways, and best of all, it has Micheal…but MAN does it confuse me. I’m certain there are so many details and bits of symbolism that are completely lost on me at the moment, and really…only time will tell if they end up mattering or not. I mean, this episode definitely matters to an extent…but I feel like that extent might go beyond the surface level. Also, I am ironically still very tired as I’m writing this, so that doesn’t help! Well…I hope that you were able to get some grasp of what I was saying, at the very least. It’s just…as good as it is…this is not an easy one to recap. But, I still really enjoyed it, and I’m excited to see where all of the stuff with Micheal will go. However…disregarding all of that for a minute, I did allude earlier that I was actually able to construct…what I think is a decent theory out of this episode. It’s not an especially big one, and I don’t think I’m quite done fleshing it out yet, but it does build upon some previous ideas of mine…and I kind of want to just…put it out there. So, I mentioned that this episode reminded me a lot of Hive, and while that is heavily due to the poetic and abstract writing, it also stemmed from…the hyper-awareness of the protagonist. What I mean by that is, Jane had this special connection with The Flesh Hive, and because of that, she seemingly had a greater understanding of how it, and likely all of ✨the horrors✨ function. Lydia doesn’t quite have that, since she’s more of a victim of ✨the horrors✨ than a servant…but she has something similar going on. I pointed out a couple of times how I find the parts of the statement where Lydia mentions her…awareness, very interesting. Like, the part where she says that when deprived of sleep, she felt like her eyes had been truly opened, and how the lies her brain tells her to fill in the gaps are now gone, seemingly…allowing her to see an ugly truth. And if we assume that story she wrote is meant to parallel her predicament…she probably witnessed something greater than herself. …I’d like to take you back to Thought for the Day for a second. I’m sure you all remember how I proposed the idea that all of ✨the horrors✨were fear incarnate, which I still think I stick by, but this episode doesn’t really add much to that idea, outside of making me even more sure that Micheal represents the fear of your mind being messed with. However, I did also suggest in Thought for the Day that maybe, JUST maybe, the episode was basically a smaller scale version of tma’s entire plot, and that the world of tma is just one big experiment into fear, likely something akin to a simulation.

So…given how Lydia kind of talks like she’s stared into the face of a great old one…I’m wondering if maybe she saw the truth of the world. Her hallucinations…weren’t actually hallucinations, they were more real than the world that her, and everyone else, thinks is real. Now, if my simulation theory is correct, then this doesn’t say much about the world outside or what the simulation’s purpose and history might be…but it does suggest that maybe, despite how much horrific shit already happens in this world, it becomes even worse when the cracks start to form in the foundation. Other evidence for this might be found in how similar the episode is to Personal Space. Not only did that episode also terrify me, but I strongly speculate that the Daedalus Space Station is actually a simulation (perhaps within a simulation), and not only did Carter Chilcott see many things that may or may not be real, but he ended up getting out of his isolation by depriving himself of a basic human need, except that time it was food instead of sleep, but I could still absolutely see these episodes being parallels to one another. And this is all without considering how MICHEAL factors into this. If he really is the cause of Lydia’s “hallucinations”, and my theory here is correct…then that means he has the ability to show people the truth of the world they live in which is…just a lot to think about honestly. Like, does that mean that Micheal is…some sort of virus? Does that insinuate that he isn’t one of ✨the horrors✨ that might’ve been made to experiment with human fear, and is instead something else entirely? Because that would really work well with the whole “door and hallway that shouldn’t exist” thing, especially if he is just a fraction of larger being that’s further encompassed by his backrooms! Or is he still one of ✨the horrors✨ but like…gone rogue or something? I’m just…I have no idea. Either way, if he does really have this ability, he could be VITAL for understanding some of the greater mysteries. Micheal is obviously very cryptic, and more often than not is extremely dangerous…but that doesn’t mean he can’t be put to good use. He doesn’t seem to be cryptic out of some sort of…lack of knowledge, and if it benefits him, he can actually be helpful towards others, i.e. when he taught Sasha how to deal with The Flesh Hive. If he’s given a good reason to later on…he could reveal some terrifying yet vital information to Jon and the rest of the institute. Oh, and I also mentioned a couple of times that parts of the episode really reminded me of all the stuff surrounding the eyes, and I mean…there does seem to be a “knowledge” theme going on there, so…yeah, it’s possible that thing also factors into this, although I’m not really sure how…yet, at least. Overall, I do think I need more time to flesh this theory out, and a lot of that comes down to how I feel like I’m still missing a lot from this episode…but I might be on to something here. Either that or I’m way off, I’ll just have to wait and see I guess. Well…that about wraps it up on this mindfuck of an episode. …I’m going to lie down now…

…EXCEPT NOT!!! Because of course, we have a supplemental. …I don’t know why I acted like I wasn’t going to talk about this, what the hell is wrong with me? Can you tell that my mental state is declining as I descend down this rabbit hole? I’m so much like Jonathan Sims omg!!!!!!!1111111 Speaking of the silly little guy, while there’s like…nothing really noteworthy post-statement, I did just want to give a round of applause for Jon for fully believing the statement. Obviously he’s been doing that for all of Season 2 at this point, but when HE’S initially more sure of the statement’s legitimacy than I am….yeah, I feel like that deserves special attention. But more importantly, the supplemental…there’s actually some really interesting information here. Due to Basira having her own concerns, Jon’s just decided to deal with the tunnels on his own, which is…maybe not the best decision but…whatever. He’s decided to set up a camera in the archives right above the trap door, to see if he can get any information on the person inside. He notes that it’s remarkably poor quality, and that seemingly diverts suspicion from Elias having difficulties setting up CCTV in the archives…although it does make me wonder why it doesn’t work in the archives in the first place. Regardless, Jon’s seen a couple of people entering and exiting the tunnels, although they’re hard to distinguish. The first is Not!Sasha, who Jon’s seen enter and leave on two separate occasions. That’s certainly concerning and all, but…it’s kind of hard to gauge what she wants when we don’t really know what’s in the tunnels, outside of some burnt books and a mystery man. And…mentioning that, we FINALLY have a vague idea of who’s actually down there! We…don’t actually have their identity, but they’re a male presenting figure around middle-age, and spend about half an hour going through the archives, before stuffing files into a briefcase and leaving. On top of that…they don’t open the trap door normally, instead they…somehow move the solid floor itself out of the way, which is not too dissimilar to what happened to Jon in Too Deep. This person…could be a lot of people. I guess I could go through every middle aged man who may or may not have supernatural abilities in the show so far, but…that would take forever if I’m being honest. I did throw out Elias and Micheal as potential suspects, but Micheal seems to have his own separate thing going on, and if Jon recognized “Sasha”, I would think he’d recognize Elias as well. Ultimately though…I’m not actually too concerned about figuring it out before the reveal. This is because I have very little doubt that this person’s identity will be revealed by the time Season 2 ends, given how much focus has been planted on them recently. And I mean, I only have six episodes left in the season, which is…still absolutely crazy to me, so I’ll just let this one reveal itself, and if by the chance that I don’t learn their identity by the end of the season, I’ll start taking it more seriously when I get into Season 3. For now though…this is definitely progress. Ok, now I’m ACTUALLY going to go to sleep, I think I should make sure that’s something I’m still capable of. Honk shoo mimimimimimi or whatever.

Supplemental: I…I genuinely can’t stop thinking about Police Lights. Like…it just feels like more and more of a milestone the more I think about it, you know? So much of tma so far has been more lore than a moving plot, which isn’t a problem at all, but that just makes an episode that pushes the ongoing, real-time plot forward…THAT much even more special. I’m really excited by it. Oh, I also thought I should maybe give an update on the whole John/Jeffery Amherst situation from my thoughts on The Tale of a Field Hospital. Basically, I ended up learning that any potential harm that could’ve been caused was entirely unintentional on Jonny’s part, and in retrospect…I think some of my nitpicks might have just come from a misinterpretation of John Amherst’s dialogue and motivations. Just wanted to let people know it’s all cleared up now, and that pretty much all of my issues regarding the topic’s involvement in the episode are non-existent now. I’ll still probably keep that part up for history’s sake, but uh…yeah. Just letting people know.

- Episode 75, A Long Way Down🪜

Statement of Stephen Walker, regarding his brother’s disappearance from the top of Tour Montparnasse in October 2006.

You’ve heard of Enjoy Sky Blue, you’ve borne witness to Enjoy Ocean Blue, now gaze upon the one, the only…ENJOY FRANCE BLUE!!! Which to be fair, is arguably the scariest scenario of them all. Anyways, this was another great episode! Like most episodes that seem to deal with The Vast, this one did a great job at triggering my own vertigo, even if it’s not the scariest example so far, it still did a great job! It had a pretty interesting main duo, brought back some plot points that I’m VERY excited to see make a return, contained some really vivid and freaky imagery, and also had a lot of really interesting things that came after the statement itself, all of which got me really intrigued and excited for the future. I…don’t really have much more to say, since this one was actually pretty standard affair so uh…yeah! Time for another Mike Crew episode! …I find it kind of funny how the two most prominent Micheal’s have a track record of episodes appearing back to back, first 46 and 47, and now 74 and 75. But like, I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything, right? …right? Yeah…I regret to inform you that by a twisted rule of fate…that theory hasn’t entirely died yet…oh dear.

So, starting off we have a…rather grim opening. This statement comes from Stephen Walker, a man who’s recently lost his brother…at least he hopes, because apparently he’d be much better off dead which is…yikes. Now, while I certainly sympathize with Stephen to an extent, let me just say…this guy kind of sucks. Not like, in terms of writing, I’ve said many times before that I like the statement givers who aren’t great people, but like…yeah, he’s just not all that good of a guy! I’ll go into why I think this throughout the post, but…for now, let’s just say that Lost Johns’ Cave has made me significantly more intolerant and terrified of toxic siblings in tma. …One is not the same after Lost Johns’ Cave… Well, regardless, I still feel kind of bad for the guy, since he DID lose his brother. And I mean…at least the death doesn’t seem…planned like that of Alena Sanderson…sorry, I can’t get too wrapped up in thinking about that one, or else I’m going to have nightmares. Anyways, after saying “deep down I know that’s not my brother”, therefore making me thing that his brother had an encounter with a particular table for a hot second, Stephen starts to tell us his story. Ever since childhood, his brother Grant possessed a fear of heights…so you know he’s well suited to be in this podcast. He always tried his best to climb trees, full of bravery and lacking in survival instincts, but would always get terrified as soon as he was halfway up. He was usually fine with lifts and tall buildings, had some trouble with stairs and windows where you could see the surface getting further away, but…he had a particularly bad fear of ladders. Which honestly, I completely get. Ladders are one of the most terrifying inventions ever conceived, like…was it that hard to make stairs that you can just fold and unfold? I mean…yeah probably, but like…WHY DO THE RUNGS HAVE TO BE SO SMALL I HATE IT SO MUCH. Well anyways, the phobia didn’t affect Stephen and Grant’s life that much prior to his death, but they still had their fair share of problems. Grant had been fired from his job at Deloitte a couple of years prior to the events of the statement, and since Stephen had a spare room after a break-up, and Grant had no money…well, you can imagine that the latter started crashing on the former’s couch. This is…kind of where the first signs of a not-so-great sibling relationship become apparent. I mean, what Stephen says here isn’t unreasonable, it’s ok to be annoyed if you’re roommate (who you didn’t really ask for at that) isn’t contributing much, and I can get behind the “better when we’re apart” idea…but it’s still just bad vibes. Partly due to, once again, what Lost Johns’ Cave has done to my brain chemistry, but like…I don’t know, calling your brother who is either dead or being tortured for all eternity an “indentation on the sofa”…it’s just not the best look. But yeah, Grant was struggling to find a job that could make use of his specific skill set for quite a while, and Stephen wasn’t exactly thrilled about the new living arrangement. It’s around this point though, that Stephen mentions he…couldn’t have known what would happen to Grant, despite his feelings towards him. Apparently, Grant’s disappearance was due to…a man with a lightning scar who Stephen vows to kill…and that’s where I start to get very excited. (Also like…you’re going to KILL him?! Like, I can respect the determination but…you, you of all people, plan to kill Mike fucking Crew? Even if I liked Stephen I’d be telling him to get real here.)

So, things started to get kind of...weird around a year prior to Grant's disappearance, just after Halloween. Him and Stephen had been out partying the night before, but both of them either lost or didn't have their keys, leading to a messy argument on their front lawn. But after a few minutes, Stephen notices that Grant has left his window slightly ajar, and takes that as an opportunity. Although, he says he would usually take that as an opportunity to remind Grant about the possibility of burgulars, which like...shut the fuck up! The chances of that happening are so slim, like...GOD, they did a great job making this guy as unlikable as possible. He...REALLY reminds me of some people I've had to deal with, the kinds of people who will literally find any opportunity to make it seem like you messed up, even if doing so doesn't benefit anyone at all. Thank god his girlfriend broke up with him, I hope she's living her best life. Ok well, him being shitty aside, he decides to go to their…honestly just as shitty neighbor, and asks for a ladder since he’s a builder. Obviously, Stephen is the one who goes up the ladder first, but as soon as he reaches the window, he “coincidentally” falls off, careening to the ground with a broken arm and a broken phone, so they can’t easily call an ambulance. After knocking on nearby doors to see if anyone was available, and getting no responses…it ultimately became clear that Grant would have to go in himself. …I just find it absolutely heartbreaking, but also kind of hilarious that all of this, and I mean…ALL of this, including what’s to come, could’ve been avoided if one of them had keys available. That is…deeply upsetting, but so damn comical. But uh…yeah, Grant climbs up in a…genuinely uncomfortable scene with how well it’s described, but as he does…Stephen notices a man on the other side of the street. He looked short and young, yet with an old grey suit and undone short buttons…revealing a lightning scar climbing up the side of his neck. So yep! Mike Crew is back in action! You know, for as much as I greatly anticipated any sort of return from….the other Micheal, I really never talked about how much I wanted this guy to come back. I mean, I do like Micheal quite a bit more, partially due to the fact that I’ve actually heard his voice, but I really wish I talked about this guy more, since I’ve found him super interesting ever since his proper debut in Literary Heights (which is still a top tier episode by the way). So yeah, it’s great to have him back! On one hand, I’m glad that he didn’t get stuck in Ex Altiora and burned to death by Gerard (who also hasn’t shown up in a long-ass time now that I think about it…bring the goth guy back please…), but on the other hand, I am terrified to know that he is no longer a poor tortured university student…and is basically young brooding Simon Fairchild instead. …We’ll get to that. Oh yeah…I also guess I should address what this means for my “every Micheal is the same guy” crack theory…I’ll also get to that later. Just know for now that as unlikely as it is to come true…I refuse to stop committing to the bit until I’m absolutely forced to. Well, going back to the plot, Stephen notices that Mike’s eyes are fixated on Grant, and that whenever he looks back at Mike (uh, Stephen, not Grant, I hate scenes with three people that share the same pronouns in it istg), he feels as if he’s fallen from a great height, but it fades every time he looks back at Grant. Well, Grant thankfully makes his way inside (what the hell dude your brother with horrible acrophobia made it in while you didn’t what is up with that), and Mike runs away. I…definitely think it’s safe to say that Mike was the reason Stephen fell and broke his arm, and probably intended to do the same to Grant if he hadn’t gotten inside first. Which…might’ve honestly been a better fate than what actually happened to him. Well anyways, Grant comes out the front door with his phone in hand, and calls an ambulance. And after some time passes, we get to late 2006…and that’s when things all went wrong.

Over time, things started to get better. Grant was lucky enough to get a job in a different department at Deloitte, started offering to cover the rent for a few months, and…all of that was enough to get Stephen to begrudgingly let him stay with him. (but not without complaining about him yet again GOD DAMNIT HE LITERALLY JUST DIED…or worse) But in the late Summer of 2006, Stephen starts planning for a trip to Paris, which Grant…comes on without asking. Ok…I’ll give you that one Stephen, that is actually pretty annoying, and…somewhat relevant to his fate. It didn’t help that Grant had recently got fired again, never allowed to join Deloitte again. Although…he did get fired for smoking weed, so…maybe he could’ve had better luck with The Magnus Institute, I think the CEO would’ve really liked him! Although…it’s probably for the best that he didn’t join a place that’s constantly haunted by worms, changelings, door man things and/or an eldritch god, which you’re also incapable of leaving for whatever reason. …Writing all of that down makes me realize how fucking weird this podcast is. Well, getting back to the plot, Stephen begrudgingly lets Grant come, using what little sympathy he has for his brother up. Unfortunately, using that sympathy up led him to doing something extremely stupid! Yay! (I know with how frustrated I am you might assume I don’t actually like this episode, but believe me, I DO, having such an insufferable protagonist is what puts this episode in the place where I keep important memories lol.) So…for some unholy reason, when they get to Paris, Stephen decides to take Grant up to the Tour Montparnasse. You know, that ugly-ass skyscraper, the highest point in all of Paris? What the fuck dude?! Yeah, I get that sibling pranks are a thing, but not only are you a grown (barely) adult, but that is a NEW level of cruel. Your brother had chronic vertigo and acrophobia, you’ve already had a weird-ass experience involving heights due to the sexy sky man, and yet…you somehow think this is a good idea? …HOW?! That is SO PETTY. Ok…if I think about this any longer I’m just going to get mad, so what actually happens up there? Well, Grant is obviously terrified as they head up the elevator, choosing to sit down as far away from the observation terrace as he can when they reach the top. Stephen is having the time of his life though, both due to the view and Grant’s despair which he finds oh so delicious…but he gets a scare of his own. He feels that same falling sensation he felt when he first met Mike, and after slamming himself into the barrier and landing on his hands and knees…he sees him again. Stephen’s breath is caught in his chest, and he notes that Mike…looks oddly bored? On one hand, the fact that a guy who does…what he’s about to do is so neutral to his actions is both terrifying and badass, but I also find it kind of funny? Mike is the second person we’ve seen who seems to connect to the being known as The Vast, but in contrast to Simon Fairchild, who comes off as having the time of what little life he probably has left whenever he tosses people into the void…Mike just doesn’t care. I don’t know, I find the difference a little amusing. Well, back to being serious, Stephen is pulled up by a couple of tourists, but he notices that Mike is now gone…and so is Grant. Grant…isn’t anywhere, not in the lobby, on the streets, he’s nowhere to be seen. He doesn’t get to charge his dead phone until he gets back to the hotel (both of these brothers could really learn to prepare better before going out, I’m just saying), but when he does charge it, he finds dozens of missed calls and nearly four hundred texts…all from Grant. Most of the texts are scrambled, but the ones that are readable are asking where Stephen, anyone and the elevators were. One picture, the only one that isn’t all too corrupted, shows the edge of the skyscraper, but now there’s no barrier…and a ladder. And whenever he tries to call Grant…all he hears is rushing wind. As cool as Mike is…I haven’t been this glad a fictional character isn’t real for a while.

So, that’s A Long Way Down. Another great episode all in all. The way it portrayed an unhealthy sibling relationship was really well done, it did a great job at bringing out my fear of heights, and the return of Mike Crew makes me extremely happy. I…don’t really have much more to say about it, it’s just another solid episode among…a lot of solid episodes. …wow I love this show. As for analysis, well….most of my theories stemming from this episode come from what we get after the statement, although I guess I should take a quick look at Mike first, just going a little bit deeper than I did while recapping. So yeah…turns out he didn’t die! A lot of people thought that due to the Lichtenberg figure only appearing in Ex Altiora after he stole it, chances are he got stuck inside the book, meaning that…he was probably dead. Now, while I personally took the route of my Micheal crack theory…deep down I thought this was pretty logical, made even more logical thanks to First Edition revealing that you can get stuck in…at least one Leitner. But nope, turns out he survived! Now, since he seemingly gave himself to The Vast, I think it’s safe to say that either gained the ability to fly, or the ability to fall without issue after jumping out of that window, and now, he’s basically doing what The Fairchild Family does, just on a smaller scale. So…that’s great, there’s just…two guys throwing people into the void now. …Or is there? Because, I mean…this statement took place in 2006, over a decade prior to where we are now…so maybe Mike isn’t alive. Or…maybe he isn’t alive as we know him. Yeah…I regret to inform you that I’m not giving up on my Micheal-related theory just yet. Once again, I STRONGLY doubt that this theory is true. Chances are, Mike is still alive as a servant of The Vast to this day, he is completely separate from Micheal, and I’m absolutely crazy. I mean, I’ve already given a bajillion suggestions as to what Micheal might actually be, and all of them are probably more plausible than this. But I’m still going to throw it out there, simply because…it’s funny. Like I said, I am committing to the bit until I physically can’t anymore. So, I was fully prepared to give up on the theory right here, right now. It just…seemed like the podcast was intent on making Mike a threat that would come into play later on. But then…Jon comes along, and said something very interesting. If you don't recall, the basic gist of my Micheal theory was that some sort of unknowable horror was...absorbing various people, and that all of the people named Micheal who have featured somewhat prominently were among these absorbed people, with the big-handed blondie we all know and love being the result of that. This theory spawned because in Literary Heights, Mike is seen being pursued by some sort of pattern in the sky, and I thought it was described in a similar manner to that of a fractal, which I found notable since...fractals are one of Micheal's recurring motifs. And wouldn't you know it...Jon straight up calls that pattern, both the one on Mike's chest and the one chasing him...a fractal. This is...absolutely hilarious to me. Because it means that even if my theory isn't correct, Mike and Micheal have, at the very least, some sort of tangible connection beyond just their names. That's just...wow. But you know what? I REFUSE to settle down here. This is enough evidence to make me continue milking this concept for as much as it's worth. Because I. LOVE. MICHEAL.

Sure, Mike might not have been absorbed right after the events of Literary Heights, but who knows? Maybe he took refuge in The Vast for a while, and then Micheal eventually caught up with him? Sure, Micheal probably existed before this statement, if the fate of Ivo Lensik's father is anything to go off of, but maybe Mike just hadn't been absorbed back then. Sure, maybe I initially proposed that Mike was running from The Vast and it caught up with him, which would mean that Micheal and The Vast are the same thing, but maybe it's different. Maybe the pattern in Micheal and Ex Altiora is what connected Mike to the vast....although the whole lightning thing seems a lot more associated with The Vast...hm. Ok, I'll admit that's either a currently unsolvable mystery, or a hole in my argument. But I don't care! I. HAVE. ENOUGH. This theory is not going to be proven true. Mike Crew and Micheal...something are probably completely different people. But I refuse to give up. Because if I do....then I have failed my solemn duty of committing to the bit.

So uh...outside of my growing insanity, there are quite a few other interesting things found after the statement. Jon takes the opportuinity to talk a little bit about Leitners, or more specifically, how they affect the people who read them. While some just die, others get connected to ✨the horrors✨, Mike and Jared Hopworth being clear examples. And Jon says here that...the people who read them don't just change their actions, but who they are, and rather than them wielding the power, the power wields them. ...This is very interesting to me. I should preface this by saying that personally, I don't think there's that much of a difference between people who become "marked" by reading Leitners, and people who become "marked" through...literally any other method. We've seen it happen in so many different ways, from wasps nests in attics to experiments into ESP, and while I do think all of these transformations are united under something common (probably fear and/or resonance)...I don't think Leitners are all that special. They are just one of many ways ✨the horrors✨ mess up people's lives. But going past that...I find Jon's comment interesting due to recent events. Because, you know how I suggested that Maxwell Rayner was ACTUALLY the darkness that The Divine Host serves, just switching between a variety of possessed bodies. ...Well what if that's not exclusive to him. What if that goes for...everyone who's been "marked"? Because, we haven't really seen many of these weirdos in person, only getting descriptions of their personalities that are...just telling enough to the point where the listener can get a sense of their vibe and overall premise, but they're stil vague. The only person of this manner we've seen so far is Jane, and honestly...she fits the manner of "possessed" perfectly, given the whole hivemind thing she had going on. Sure, we also have Not!Sasha and Micheal, but Not!Sasha falls into this category where...I really don't know what she is, outside of the fact that she's most likely connected to The Anglerfish, The Other Circus and all of that fake stuff, and Micheal...well, I think he is actually just one of ✨the horrors✨, even if there is some...elements of humanity within him. The point is...I wonder if this entire time, ✨the horrors✨ have been showing up a lot more frequently than I thought. And like...that's really interesting to me, because if my line of thinking is true...can I really view these things as eldritch gods anymore? Because by this logic, a character like Agnes is being possessed by a Sumerian fire demon, meaning...a Sumerian fire demon had a tragic coffee shop romance. Well...whatever the case, I just find this single line from Jon interesting, and I think it might really help when it comes to understanding...just what the hell is even happening.

Ok...and now to the last scene. Well, before I get into the real meat, I did want to point out something a little bit strange. So, Jon starts comparing the statement to the story of Robert Kelly, the skydiver who got eaten by the sky. I don't think I really need to explain why he says this, since both are obviously connected to the same force, but...as he starts talking about this, the audio, and Jon's tone, suddenly change in a really abrupt manner. It's possible this was just an editing mistake, given how we hear a door open and a new voice just after this shift occurs...but given the usual quality of the audio, as well as how creative they like to get with effects like static (I mean, these ARE the people who used pasta to make worm sound effects)...I just have to wonder if there's maybe a greater meaning here. Given how devoted tma is to its framing device, as well as the...strange oddities surrounding the tapes from a story perspective, not to mention the archives and the institute as a whole...I'm obligated to keep an eye out for things like these. I don't have any clue as to WHAT it might mean, I just thought it's worth noting. But that aside, we get a surprising return from Basira, not too long since her last one. And....OH MY GOD SHE PULLED THROUGH. SHE DID EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HER TO AND MORE. HELL. YES. So, to the surprise of...unfortunately no one, the police are covering up what happened during Rayner's attempted arrest. They're trying to frame Officer Altman's death as part of a botched drug deal, and have no issue getting Basira out of their hair. This has caused her to lose all faith in them, and that includes their ability and willingness to solve Gertrude's murder. So...she did the unthinkable. She didn't just give Jon a new tape...she gave him ALL OF THEM. Well, at least as many as she could get her hands on, but still. FUCK YEAH!!! SHE'S SO COOL!!! This is just...absolutely fantastic news. I was SO worried as to whether or not Jon was going to get the tapes after she quit, but this...it's better than I could've ever imagined. And apparently, Daisy's the only other person who knows, so hopefully Jon shouldn't have to deal with repercussions for holding onto the tapes. This is SO exciting to me. As per tradition, it makes me think the next episode will be a Gertrude tape, but like...what if ALL the remaining statements in Season 2 are Gertrude tapes? Not necessarily all the remaining episodes, as I'm sure some Infestation-esque shenanigans are bound to occur, but like...the actual statements. Granted, it definitely sounded like Basira gave more than three or four, so I do think that these tapes will carry into Season 3, but either way...AAAAAAHHHHH I"M EXCITED. Hopefully Basira also gets away with this fine....but man. What a legend. ...I am so not prepared for these final five.

Supplemental: Well...I'm halfway through the post now. Given everything that's been happening recently...I get the feeling we are about to enter some dark-ass waters. Maybe some of the episodes will be decently chill (I mean, the episode before Infestation was the fucking homophobic vase one)...but just in case, I want to outline some brief predictions for the finale. I don't think these are going to change much in the final pre-finale episodes, so I feel pretty comfortable putting them out here now. So uh...here you go.

- Given all of the buildup, I think that Jon will finally become aware of the truth behind Not!Sasha. This could potentially be done through Melanie, although given how she’s only appeared once throughout the entire season, briefly at that, I’m kind of leaning towards the tunnels, or maybe even Elias being the thing that reveals the truth. I guess Micheal also knows but…good luck getting him to give any answers. As for what she might do after being found out…that’s a whole other can of worms. A can of very scary flesh eating STD-adjacent worms.

- Mentioning the tunnels, I think we’ll definitely get some insight into what their whole deal is, which also probably means some Robert Smirke lore? I’m also certain that we’ll learn the identity of the guy living there, as I mentioned earlier.

- I’m definitely sure at least one more Gertrude tape will come before the finale, and that’ll come with some very vital information. Said information might be the big clue towards uncovering her killer (who I still think is either Elias, the person in the tunnels, both, some eldritch monster, or someone affiliated with a cult), and I think the killer will be revealed by the end, since it’s kind of been the big mystery of the season. If not, then maybe it’ll carry over into Season 3.

- I think the death-aligned being I’ve been referring to as “The End” since First Edition will play a significant role, given how there’s been quite a few episodes that seem to surround it recently. I also definitely think that Leitners will somehow be relevant in the finale, given how much they’ve been mentioned both in and out of statements all throughout the season (…stupid idiot motherfu-), and when you combine those two…maybe some Keay family lore is due as well. Perhaps that’ll come from a Gertrude tape, and we’ll learn what was up with that page Mary gave her.

- The archival assistants and Elias have been weirdly absent since Thought for the Day. I definitely think this is intentional, and is meant to show how Jon has been driving them away, but I’d be surprised if they didn’t all show up for the finale. I also think Basira will come back one last time (at least for this season), and she might even bring Daisy along with her.

- Micheal…maybe…please…

- And finally, I just think that there’s going to be some really big changes to the status quo. If Gertrude’s killer is in the institute as Jon seems to believe, that’s one thing, but given how this season has been really intent on making it clear that the institute is just as paranormal as everything else, I think any potential answers regarding that weirdness could be…pretty earth-shattering. I also get the feeling that the narrative will become a lot more…centralized? Like, there’s a lot of running narratives seen in statements, and many of them have been converging as time goes on, all fitting into the grander narrative, yet very few of them have actually had a tangible effect on the institute yet. I have to assume that’ll change sooner rather than later so…yeah, I just feel like there’ll be some big changes going forward.

Well, that’s all my last-minute thoughts. Here’s a picture of my initiation into The People’s Church of The Divine Host, just for good(?) luck as I go into the final five. See you on the other side :)

- Episode 76, The Smell of Blood 🚃

Statement of Melanie King, regarding her further researches into war ghosts. Statement taken direct from subject.

Well...I guess I'll eat my damned words then, jeez. So...huh. Right after I make the shockingly bold proclamations of "next episode will definitely be a Gertrude tape" and "Melanie might not be super important"...they throw this at me. Is this karma or something? What did I do? Did I bully Stepehen Walker too much? Or is Rusty Quill trying to fuck with me by debunking my "final predictions" as quickly as possible? Well, regardless of what the answer is...THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!!! While I was starting to doubt whether or not she'd return by the end of the season, that doesn't change the fact that I'm SUPER happy Melanie returned, she's always been one of my favorite side characters, so getting not only a prominent return, but yet another full blown statement from her is the best case scenario. ...Even if I'm a little bit concerned about whether or not we'll see her again but...I'll get to that later. Outside of her return, the episode had some really creepy imagery, giving off the vibes of something you'd hear about on a ghost tour or...funnily enough, a UK paranormal documentary, and it obviously pushed the story into...what is indisputably season finale territory (glad to say that I'm probably right with at least one prediction), and this episode made me REALLY happy when you pair it with how I've tried to make sense of ✨the horrors✨. I have...quite a fair bit to say, both in terms of my recap and analysis....so I'll just jump on in right now. And maybe I should bother to learn what a "Buzzfeed Unsolved" is...

Ok, before I get into all of this, can I just mention how insane it is that this statement takes place on February 13th, 2017? ...Ok that was a weird way to phrase it. What I'm trying to say is that the whole incident with The Divine Host took place on February 10th, meaning that over just four days, Jon has dealt with five different statements, two of which were given by people he knows personally to some extent, and has also had to deal with the implications of said statements, all of the tapes that Basira just got him, and now the realization that something is very wrong with one of his coworkers. ...I mean, I know his life hasn't been all that pleasant since Martin's statement, but...all of that in this short of a timespan? Poor guy. Well, with that aside, on to the actual content of the episode. So, while Jon was trying to figure out which of Gertrude's tapes to listen to first, Melanie suddenly returned after getting the information she needed from the institute's library, and is now ready to give a statement regarding the aftermath of her time filming at CMH, and her arrest after breaking into the Rotherham train graveyard. I...honestly feel kind of stupid for assuming she wasn't going to come back before the season ended. Like, come on me, there was no way they were just going to ignore those "weird things" she mentioned. Well anyways, Melanie's here now, and Jon isn't that happy about it, due to his need to investigate the tapes. Ah...how I longed for the banter between these two to return. Although oddly enough...I kind of think they could work well as friends? I'll get to that later, but going back to Jon, he's initially dismissive...until Melanie reveals a large scar on her shoulder, saying it came from a 1940s surgical scalpel. So, he ultimately lets her make her statement. It begins with a more detailed description of what happened to Ghost Hunt UK after their encounter with Sarah Baldwin at the Cambridge Military Hospital. Sarah had went missing a few months after the shoot, but oddly enough, despite her whole skin peeling and stapling thing, Melanie says that she wasn't as hung up on that as she was...the hospital itself. She says she felt a presence in there, implied to be separate from Sarah and The Anglerfish, and that said presence was likely the thing that attacked the former. This is...very intriguing to me. When I initially wrote about Skintight, not only was I much less detailed, but I was so focused on The Anglerfish coming back that I neglected to mention...how weird the hospital itself was. Sarah was oddly concerned about going inside, apologizes for "unintended trespassing" at one point, and Melanie mentions paint that looked like blood, and a phrase spray-painted over a mural that read..."silk will not stitch the butcher's meat". And...quite a bit of that is very reminiscent of what happens in this episode, beyond the fact that both of them star Melanie. I'll do a deeper dive into this topic later on, but for now...I'll just say that I don't think The Anglerfish was the only spooky thing in Skintight, Sarah Baldwin might've been attacked by something else, and...I get the feeling that Melanie's gotten into some really deep shit. Like, the similarities between her two statements are so noticeable that i have to believe she's either become haunted (or..."marked", even), or that there is just something...deeply, innately wrong with her. Well, aside from her being a youtuber and a meme, that is. Anyways, back to the summary.

So yeah, things hadn't been going well with Ghost Hunt UK. The incident at CMH had been tearing them apart, and multiple people were deciding to quit, with many of them doing so unofficially, or without even telling Melanie. She actually went back to the hospital at one point, but unfortunately didn't find anything. ...Ok maybe Sarah and The Anglerfish were the only weird thing going on here, but like I CAN DREAM OK. Maybe the reason she didn't find anything is because by classic ghost logic, if you go out of your way to look for something weird, the chances of you finding it are pretty slim. It finds you, not the other way around, something that is even evident later in the episode. Well, when she couldn't find anything, she decided to look into similar places, mostly other military hospitals, but really...anywhere that was known as "haunted" and had a connection to historical conflicts. It was then that she realized...basically everyone in her field looked in the same places, constantly retracing each other's steps and coming to the same conclusions, at least in The UK but...even in countries like America, it's apparently not much better. Melanie initially assumed this happened in order to avoid anything that might be fake, but nowadays...she thinks it's to avoid anything that's far too real. But Melanie was determined. Her encounter with Sarah was arguably the most significant thing that ever happened at CMH, so...when she discovered a whole truckload of spooky places and stories that her coworkers had entirely avoided...she unfortunately decided to dig deeper. This caused all of her friends to start distancing themselves from her, likely because they...felt like she was going to get herself hurt, and that they would be subjects of a mysterious spooky death story if they didn't just give up and leave. ...yikes. Well, as unfortunate as that is, it still didn't stop her. She started going on various online forums looking for leads, going off the beaten (and safe) path in hopes of finding some answers on the...weird presence she felt. She eventually learned how to peel out the real ones, or at the very least, the ones that the writers think are real, as they were always the ones that...never really had any resolution or narrative flow. ....This single comment she gave somehow sent me into a minor rabbit hole. I'll keep this brief, but when I first heard that quote, I found it kind of ironic since...all of the statements we hear have good narrative flow, and are supposed to be real in the context of the show. I mean, it's not a problem, I'd obviously rather the podcast has good structure than bad structure, but I thought there was some irony behind the comment. But then I realized...the statements are probably only a small fraction of paranormal encounters. Like, statistically speaking, there are probably hundreds and hundreds of spooky incidents in this world that DIDN'T have narrative flow, and probably ended in much more bleak and grim ways. Because everyone who gave a statement lived long enough to do so, but...that probably doesn't go for the majority of people who've fallen victim to ✨the horrors✨ in the past. I just wanted to talk about that, because I thought it was really cool how what initially started as a line potentially worth critiquing, ultimately got me to appreciate the writing even more, and start thinking about...just how many incidents that are entirely heard of have occurred, because it's not like everyone in the world is in close contact with, or even knows of the institute. It's just...man, this is a damn good show!

This comment also got me thinking about...how weird it is that everyone is able to give a perfect account of their experiences. I already kind of thought it was weird in the cases of characters like Daisy, but...it's just getting very strange to me how all of the statements are perfectly told to us, despite coming from so many different kinds of people. It's probably just for the sake of writing a compelling story, which if so is completely understandable, and I'm willing to suspend my disbelief if it means the script stays this consistently good. But...like I've said before, I'm inclined to be suspicious of almost everything this podcast throws at me, and the structure is no exception. If the perfect recounts of these incidents really are something worth keeping in mind...then I have to say, I find it really weird that a homeless drug addict who nearly died of lung cancer was able to give not only a very well written statement, but one that was twice as long, maybe even longer that the average one. ....Wow that was a hell of a side tangent. Holy shit I need to get back to the plot. Uhhhh...Melanie is on the interwebs, yeah! So, after some digging, she eventually came across...quite the interesting lead. She found a guy on a forum who claimed to work at the C.F. Booth scrap metal and recycling yard, a place located in Rotherham that happens to be one of the biggest train graveyards in the UK. He worked there scrapping the trains, but there was one train that for some reason, was never on queue to be scrapped, and had seemingly been there since The 1950s. On top of that, every time he got near it...he smelled blood. For some reason, even though it didn't seem all too different from all of the fake stories floating around...this one stuck with Melanie, so she decided to go see some family up in Sheffield, and make her way to the train graveyard from there. It's around this point where Melanie mentions how while she should've turned back, she didn't out of a desire to be assured that what she saw at CMH was actually real, and Jon claims he knows the feeling. Not much to say about this really, but I'm happy that my analysis of the parallels between these two and their stories was proven correct, and that hopefully...maybe they can bond over that in the future. Regardless, after spying on the security and cameras for a few nights, Melanie finally managed to sneak her way into the train graveyard. She eventually came across what the forum poster had described; a large steel boxcar with a curved roof, a windowless sliding door, and specks of olive paint scattered across it. And wouldn't you know it...the smell of blood permeated from it, getting stronger as she got closer, and guiding her through the night better than her own eyes. As she got closer, Melanie swore she could see figures in the other cars, but they were never there if she glanced back. Like I said, classic ghost story shenanigans. Eventually, she got up to the car, the smell of blood being at an almost choking level. When she went up to the doors, her torch landed on a serial number surrounded by more specks of olive paint, which she says reminded her of the army. After noting the number down, she went inside...and that's when things got a bit TOO bloody. (Fun fact, I tried tasting a bit of my own blood after I got a small cut not too long ago. Unfortunately I found it pretty bland, so chances of me being descended from vampires just went way down :/.)

When Melanie first opened the car, it was dark and featureless as expected. But then she directed her torch to the floor and....oh. Blood. Who could've seen that one coming. As she followed the stream, she landed upon an old hospital bed, colored in the same army-green as the specks of paint. On top of it was a white body bag with...ominous black stains at the bottom (which is oddly Rayner coded to me if I'm honest, but probably means something else), and as most ghost stories with body bags go...it started to move. Melanie tried to run, but as soon as she did, a new figure, one that looked like a war medic in his mid-twenties, came charging in, and...began to stab the body bag with its scalpel, over and over again. Melanie notes that his eyes weren't normal, that they lacked everything that made a person human. All that was there was a lust for violence, carnage and blood. ...The mention of eyes in general is certainly interesting to me. Unfortunately, the look in his eyes was enough to distract her from his oncoming charge. That's...obviously how she got the scar on her shoulder. Her scream from the pain was seemingly what alerted the guards, and well...we already know the rest. She was technically arrested, but got sent to the hospital for her wound, and as expected, no one believed her. ...If only Basira was the cop there, she would've been cool about it. Oh, Melanie also became a meme for a short while, which leads to one of the funniest parts of the podcast so far, where Jon defends his knowledge of memes when Melanie questions him. I choose to believe that he was bullshitting it, and has absolutely no idea what they actually are but...to each their own I suppose. But...it didn't actually stop there, as there's a reason as to why Melanie didn't immediately give another statement.

So, despite everything that happened, she continued digging, such is one's fate as a parallel to Jonathan Sims. Via the serial number, she learned that the train came from World War 2, and was coincidentally...an army hospital train from the US that was used in the European theatre from 1944. However, it crashed and derailed in 1945, killing five and seriously injuring fourteen, although there were no patients officially on board at the time. But with no extra information, and no way to tell how the train ended up in Rotherham, she came to the institute's library. Here, she found an account from a man named William W. Hay, who was seemingly a real guy, although I've had some trouble finding any extra relevant information on him that isn't specified in the episode, and said episode obviously deviates from real world history for the sake of spooks. Apparently, Hay became an occultist later in life (...quite suspicious given the podcast's history with such a topic), and that led to most of his memoirs and research findings being published in a very edited form. However, the institute...somehow possesses the original scripts, (that's totally not so convenient that it's suspicious whatsoever) and from those scripts, Melanie learned that he just so happened to serve on the exact train she explored the ruins of. ...I loved how Jon and Melanie were nerding out in this scene by the way, this is exactly why I think they could make good friends. But from a photocopy of his memoirs (which Jon read in perfect form by the way...which is also something I'm kind of suspicious of now AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH), we learn that during his time upon the train, Hay witnessed how bloodshed, carnage and violence can effect one's psychology in the long run. He saw their senses start to dull, and eventually, a select few developed a strange fascination with the mechanisms of violence and butchery, how wounds were formed...with the smell of blood supposedly being a strong motivator. It's from this account that we also learn...why exactly the train crashed. Apparently, a young medic got filled with an insatiable urge to commit violent acts, so the other workers aboard the train crashed it, choosing to die in that way rather than risk his rampage. ...I think it's safe to say we now know who exactly it was that stabbed Melanie, or at the very least...who that spirit represented. There is...one other thing Hay mentions though. Apparently, he spent some time at an infirmary in Amritsar, and...he witnessed two dozen Ghurkas tear each other to bloody bits, seemingly driven by that same, soul-consuming bloodlust that he saw on the train. ...Yikes. So, that's the basic rundown of Melanie's statement, but what about my thoughts? Because...I certainly have some.

Honestly...from a plot and character perspective, I really don't have much to say about this statement. The story of the derailed hospital train seems to be, at the very least from a timeline perspective, mostly unconnected from anything that's shown up in the past, with the obvious exception of Melanie herself. The main thing that interests me however is...the themes, all of those recurring ideas of violence, war and bloodlust, as...I think they're actually really important, not in terms of understanding the timeline, but rather...the nature of the hospital train, as well as CMH. I will admit that the theory I'm about to propose should be taken with a grain of salt. It's made with much more serious intentions than something like my Micheal theory, and I think the evidence I'm providing is a bit more tight, but ultimately...this is just kind of a fun thought experiment, and I don't really think I'm all that right with this one. It's plausible, but...I don't know if it'll be the route the podcast takes. Honestly, that's kind of a thing with most of my theories regarding ✨the horrors✨. Like, I've been using the formula I proposed after Old Passages for...over 40 episodes now, but that's really only because it's the easiest way for me to categorize things. I don't know how likely it is that my interpretation of tma's eldritch forces is true, but....hey, I'd have a hell of a lot less theories if I didn't have SOME way of understanding things. So, as you've probably surmised, my theory revolves around which one of ✨the horrors✨ I think is haunting the hospital train. But before I make my proposition, I think it's important that I take a better look at Melanie, and...how she connects to all of this. Because...it is super weird to me that she just so happens to come across another military hospital thing, like...by coincidence. Sure, she was doing some digging into other military hospitals after the trip to CMH, but with the train...she didn't learn it was used for the same purposes until after she got arrested and did some extra research, up until that point, she was just...drawn to it, for some weird reason. And as far as we're concerned, beyond...probably being connected to the same member of ✨the horrors✨, CMH and the hospital train don't have any lore connections, so...I feel like there's something going on with Melanie. I don't think she's secretly an eldritch monster or anything, we already have someone fulfilling that role, but...there's something going on here. And...you know how Melanie mentioned feeling a presence inside CMH, one that got to her more than Sarah Baldwin peeling and re-attaching her own skin? Well...I'm just wondering if she got..."marked" by that presence. Not in the same way that someone like Jane got "marked", where you straight up get consumed by ✨the horrors✨, but more like...Andrea Nunis from Lost in the Crowd. Melanie's just being...followed by whatever was in CMH, and that's why she was mysteriously drawn to the hospital train, seemingly haunted by the same presence. Hell, maybe she got "marked" before that, and that was what drew her to CMH, although I think that's pretty unlikely since she had more of a legitimate and normal reason to go there, as opposed to the hospital train, which she just felt oddly compelled to go for. So...yeah, I think Melanie's gotten herself in quite the sticky situation. But with that in mind...what exactly do I think is haunting these places, and by extension, her? Well, I guess I should mention some...potential candidates first.

One candidate...could technically be whatever Sarah and The Anglerfish are involved with, although I think that's pretty unlikely, mostly due to the fact that Melanie straight up says there was something in the hospital other than them, and that's what she's most concerned about. I guess you could interpret Sarah apologizing for trespassing as her, like...begging for forgiveness from the monster she serves, the phrase "silk will not stitch the butcher's meat" is pretty reminiscent of the skin thing, and you could also interpret her getting flinged around as being the doing of The Anglerfish (which I admittedly also thought at first), but...I'm not so sure anymore. I think it's more likely that she intruded upon the domain of a separate being, and that as a servant of The Anglerfish...she got tossed around a bit as punishment. This kind of makes sense to me, because ✨the horrors✨ do seem to have some sort of...weird thing going on where some are allies, but others are enemies, like Asag and the spiders being clearly opposed for example. As for the graffiti, well...that works well with all of the medical horror, so...yeah, I don't think these two should be Melanie's biggest concern. Another potential candidate is the being associated with all sorts of body horror. Stuff like gore and blood definitely line up nicely with that, and...honestly I could see the graffiti as being something straight out of Tom Haan's mouth, but still, I'm not...entirely convinced. I mean, I guess it has a good chance of being the driving force behind all of this, but that's not as interesting of a thought to me. It also doesn't help that there's no signs of classic tma body horror motifs like cannibalism and Christian imagery, and admittedly, the gore in these episodes is a lot more...standard wound-based, where as all of the stuff that seemingly follows the body horror thing usually deals with concepts like dismemberment, so...I'm still not fully convinced. Both of these are decently plausible candidates for the member of ✨the horrors✨ that's following Melanie, but I think evidence is lacking in some parts...and they aren't the most interesting options for me personally. So what DO I think is haunting these places? Well...hear me out. What if...it's The Piper?

Ever since I composed my first list of✨the horrors✨, The Piper has always been there, but never for the same reasons as everything else. Most of the beings I claim to exist (minus the technology related one, but if you've read my thoughts on Binary you know that's an absolute ride), I only put on that list due to how much they pop up over and over again, and often, whether or not they have notable followers. Stuff like fire, darkness, falling, disease, spiders, meat, compression, isolation, so on and so forth, have all shown up many times...but The Piper hasn't. I've only ever included it on this list due to the fact that it's described in a very abstract and spectral nature, and...that it is literally the embodiment of war, which feels much more god-level than monster-level. But like...it has never shown up past its debut episode, and MAYBE in Grifter's Bone, but I've always thought that was a bit of a stretch. As time has progressed, I've honestly become less and less sure of its status as one of ✨the horrors✨, only really holding on to it because I liked my number of fourteen, based on how many passages Robert Smirke made beneath The Reform Club. But...this has kind of changed things for me. Like I said, I FEEL like I'm making a stretch here...but I will take any excuse I can if it means making The Piper important again. Because...just look at the themes of this episode. War is a very obvious returning motif, but then...all of the history behind the hospital train, along with the mad Ghurkas in Amritsar, revolves around people going mad with an insatiable lust for blood, carnage and the formation of wounds. That is...way too damn similar to what happened to Wilfred Owen and all of the other soldiers for me to simply ignore. I REALLY feel like The Piper might be haunting the hospital train, and even if there weren't really any themes of bloodlust in Skintight, it was probably still...somewhat present in CMH by extension. And it doesn't stop there! In retrospect...I feel like it might've been even more present throughout the podcast than I ever realized. For example, let's go back to Grifter's Bone. Now that the whole bloodlust thing has become more apparent, the idea of Alfred Grifter being a servant of The Piper who drove all of the people at his performances to murder and/or suicide feels a lot more likely. It also helps that the people at his performance in Soho were seemingly ghosts, since due to the ghost of the mad medic on the train, The Piper being pretty spectral in the way it's described, and Melanie formerly running...Ghost Hunt UK, it is very possible that ghosts are a recurring motif here as well. And then you also have The Tale of a Field Hospital. Granted, Amherst is the main focus of this episode, and I think he's connected to The Flesh Hive. But...I don't know, the episode DOES take place in a military hospital, and lightly touches on the horrors of war here and there, so...hm. I guess I COULD also throw Cheating Death and Crusader into the mix, since both of them take place during wars, but...honestly, I think the settings of war are more likely there to act as nothing more than a framing device, since the episodes overall deal with very different themes, and seemingly different members of ✨the horrors✨. I mean...Crusader did kind of touch on the topic of war so...maybe, but I'm not as convinced as I am with other episodes. The only real problem with this line of thinking that comes to mind is that...some episodes lack certain aspects of The Piper. Grifter's Bone doesn't really deal with the idea of war at all, and Skintight, The Tale of a Field Hospital and this episode have little to do with music. But even so...I'd love it if I was on to something here. This theory is...admittedly pretty self-indulgent on my part. I'm really only making it because...I've put a lot of thought into how I define ✨the horrors✨ over the course of the past few months, and I'd REALLY like to be proven...somewhat correct, though i'd be stunned if I got it nailed down 100%. Either way, I hope I'm on to...something here.

That concludes my recap and analysis of Melanie's statement in The Smell of Blood! This was another fantastic episode, I'm just...really happy that Melanie's proven to be a relevant character with an ongoing story, and the potential implications provided by the themes of the episode really excite me, and I'm pleasantly surprised by how much it made me look back at previous episodes, despite the narrative seeming relatvely self-contained at first glance. It also had tons of creepy imagery, and...yeah, just a great time, I'm super excited to see how it all pans out! But...there is no way in hell that I can ignore what comes afterwards. Because oh. my. god. Well, starting off with the simpler, but...arguably just as concerning(?) part, we have the matter of Melanie's next move. Because...you know how I mentioned the bloodshed Hay witnessed at the infirmary in Amritsar. Well, because she is, once again, cursed to parallel Jon...Melanie is unfortunately STILL not giving up, taking a trip to India, and giving her statement...in case she dies. Oh....I...really DO NOT LIKE THAT!!!! That is a bad, BAD death flag. Best case scenario is that she sees another really traumatizing thing, and gets to give another statement, but worse case scenario...she doesn't come back at all. PLEASE be careful Melanie, I...really do not want her to die now. Honestly, I feel like right now is like...the most worried I have ever been for the character's lives. I mean, it makes sense, I've obviously gotten more and more attatched as time goes on, but like...I SAW what happened to Sasha at the end of the last season...DON'T DO THIS TO ME AGAIN PLEASE. Oh yeah...there's that too. So...turns out the theory was indeed correct. For some unknown reason (I'm guessing it's the encounter with Sarah, since there's some level of tangible connection going on there)...Melanie is capable of seeing through Not!Sasha's facade. I will say that it was nice to get some canon description of OG Sasha, which thankfully lines up with my pre-conceived mental image of her, and hear that her and Melanie actually got along quite well, talking about haunted pubs (which is a cute reference to A Distortion), but overall...holy shit. When Melanie starts proclaiming that...who Jon thinks is Sasha is someone else, things obviously get heated. (and they were actually getting along a bit...sigh) Melanie accuses him of gaslighting, and unfortunately storms off, but Jon...is understandably not doing too well. I will admit that I initially found his...less than calm reaction to Melanie's words a bit hasty at first, but honestly...given where he is mentally right now, especially with his suspicion of Not!Sasha growing, I think it makes sense for something like that to trigger him. And I mean....based on his supplemental, I definitely think he's starting to get a better hunch as to what's going on. Jon ends the episode by saying that now that Melanie's given her statement, he's ready to sort through the tapes Basira gave him...and thinks he knows where to start. ....AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! You see, I was RIGHT to put in those pre-finale speculations after the last episode! Things are about to get so, so wild...and I am very far from prepared for it. But like...what does Jon mean when he says he knows where to start with all those Gertrude tapes? Does it somehow connect to Melanie's statement? Or...is it somehow about Not!Sasha? At the very least, Jon mentions there being multiple stories in the archives about things that decieve and trick you (holy shit that's what I said one of ✨the horrors✨ was related to HOLY SHIT)...so I feel like it has to be tangentially connected to the latter at the very least. Either way...there's no chance the next episode ISN'T a Gertrude tape, so...I'll just wait and see. What I do know is that as always with her, there is going to be some lore...and I don't know if I can process that right now! Oh dear...four more episodes...how did I get this far...

Supplemental: Ok, here's some...random miscellaneous thoughts I wanted to put out. So, first off....man I really miss the rest of the archival team. I mean, I think their lack of presence is a really smart move, it's good to sacrifice that if it means showing how distant Jon has become...but I miss them so much :(. Hopefully they'll show up in time for the finale though. Secondly, and I've been meaning to mention this for AGES now, but...Jon has been getting more and more sloppy with his recordings now. I think I first noticed it in Still Life, where he mentioned not trusting his assistants on the main tape, but like...now we have episodes like A Long Way Down, where he leaves both evidence of conspiracy with Basira, and possession of Gertrude's tapes on the main recording as well. Just...I really hope that doesn't have repercussions. ...Oh who am I kidding it's absolutely going to have repercussions. And finally...I kind of just wanted to talk about...some of the "fake" things that showed up in Still Life, what with Sarah Baldwin and Not!Sasha being pretty relevant right now. Namely, I wanted to discuss The Other Circus and Breekon and Hope. You see, given how much this podcast jumps around in time, I find it kind of hard to remember what's something worth worrying about, and what's a tale of the past. Like, you would be surprised by how many times I've forgotten that Gerard is dead in the present. So on that note...I'm kind of wondering if The Other Circus is even around anymore? Things like the calliope and the fake tiger are definitely still here, but for all we know, those are just remnants of a long-gone organization, with the only known encounter with the circus itself being in the 1950s. Hell, the fact that those artifacts aren't in their possession makes it seem even more likely they're inactive, along with the fact that the ringmaster, Gregor Orsinov, was described in a way that made him seem...somewhat older in the 50s, so I don't know how likely it is that he's even around. Well, provided that he ages like a normal human to begin with (I say as I shoot looks at Mary, Agnes and Rayner). I also just wanted to touch on Breekon and Hope. These guys have shown up a ton, and while I've investigated their motives and alignments and...all of that before, I've never really questioned...what they even are? Like, seriously. What are they supposed to be? Are they brothers? Cousins? Friends? ...Lovers? I genuinely have no idea, but at the very least I doubt they're normal humans, since they don't seem to have aged at all between the 50s and present day. Well, you know, based on what little description we get of them. Uh...ok, that's all, just needed to get some random thoughts off my chest. See you next time, where...some ungodly shit is going to happen, I bet.

- Episode 77, The Kind Mother ❌

Case 9941509. Lucy Cooper. Incident occurred in Draycott, Somerset, August 1994. Victim’s name given as Rose Cooper.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!!! So...uh...yikes. I mean...at least I'm DEFINITELY right about things going to shit...christ almighty. This episode....I mean, where to even begin? Well, can I just say that this one is an absolute triumph? Firstly, I'm really happy that Season 2 is having...a more focused buildup to its finale, I guess? What I mean by that is, like, Season 1 kind of just had an assortment of miscellaneous statements that didn't connect to what we were dealing with, and then BOOM! All of a sudden worms. That wasn't a problem at all, since not only was there plenty of other episodes building up the attack throughout the second half of the season, as well as...little extra plot bits in most of those later episodes, but I'm also not immune to the comedic value of the last somewhat standard Season 1 episode being the homophobic vase one. My point is though, I think it's really cool that they're focusing entirely on...what we now know is called The NotThem (which feels like a pretty obvious name in retrospect), even before the real "finale". But mentioning that...thing, the other thing that impresses me about the episode is just...how innovative it is. While there's been many instances of returning characters over the course of these two seasons, each episode has still had a pretty individual concept. This one however, is entirely centered around something we're all too familiar with at this point, and yet it STILL manages to stand out in...what is conceptually the most terrifying utilization of The NotThem to date, in my opinion. That's just...a huge testament to the writing quality we're dealing with here. But uh...yeah, this was yet another fantastic one! More of Gertrude after not hearing her for a while was great, some of the lore the episode set up was...holy shit we'll get into that, and OH GOD I AM SO SCARED JON PLEASE DON'T GO INTO THIS ALONE AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Truth be told, since this episode deals with a very familiar concept, I might not have a ton to say about the actual statement beyond a recap and some miscellaneous thoughts, but that's totally fine, because...boy do I have a few things to say about everything else. Don't worry, it's not Thought for the Day level...although it does kind of come back to that...uh...you'll see. So uh...let's just get this one over with. (I mean that in the best way possible, I'm just very scared right now.)

So, as expected, this episode is another one given by Gertrude. ...Thank god, the amount of worry I had for the chances of getting another one for like...10 episodes straight was staggering. I do find it kind of funnily convenient that she just...happened to record one about the exact thing Jon needs to know about right now, and he got ahold of it at that exact time. It's not a problem, more a godsent than anything else, but it made me chuckle. What's also convenient is that Gertrude thankfully knows to say when exactly she's recording her tapes, and from this, we know that this is the earliest one so far. Unfortunately, that means there's no real information on her murder here, but it does give us a better sense of how long The NotThem has been around for, and...maybe there's some hidden clues that hint towards what the institute was like at the time, since Elias would've probably only been appointed as head very recently, maybe not all depending on how late into 1996 he even was brought in. If so, I couldn't pick up on any clues...but I'll keep it in mind just in case. This was also the first Gertrude tape since Tightrope that's actually narrated by her, which is great since I absolutely love her voice...but it also made me come to a realization. You see, while Gertrude still reads her statements in a very convincing and immersive way, it's not quite...on the same level of insane dramatic theatre kid as Jon. And it's not in a way that makes me think it's like....a testament to the difference in skill between VAs (because holy shit if Sue Sims isn't brilliant I don't know what she is), it comes off as more of a...potentially plot relevant thing. Like, I've said a couple of times that I'm kind of getting suspicious of...why Jon reads statements so dramatically, because as the institute itself gets weirder and weirder, I start to doubt that he's just a theatre kid (although I still think he IS that either way.) Gertrude however...I don't know, she felt a lot more calm and composed, the difference between her regular voice and statement voice is a lot more subtle to me. I might be reading too much into things here, but...I'm curious, I feel like this is a weird difference between the two worth noting. Well, while there's still a lot of intrigue surrounding Gertrude, for now I'll go over the statement. This one comes from a woman named Lucy Cooper, and, I'm just going to cut to the chase, her mother, Rose Cooper, has been replaced by The NotThem. Already, an aspect of this episode that sets it apart from other instances of this same idea is the familial connection, which goes a surprisingly long way in terms of creativity. And uh...on that note, I kind of want to discuss the whole..."how is it that certain people can see through The NotThem's disguise" dilemma. I certainly have my own thoughts on it, which I'll go over in due time, but I wanted to address a certain theory that I saw a lot of people in the YouTube comments throwing around.

Basically, the theory states that the people who can see through the facade are those who know of, but aren't super close to the person who's been replaced. Amy Patel stalked Graham Folger, but they were only brief acquaintances outside of that. Melanie knows of and was rather fond of Sasha, but they only had like...one conversation. And then Lucy obviously knows Rose, but is far from close to her. And...yeah, I can see where that idea comes from, it's a decent foundation, but...I'd have to disagree. And the reason for that is...those relationships are far from rare. Most people have plenty of relationships with others that boil down to being...brief acquantances, or familiar faces that don't know each other personally. Like, take Graham for example. He never came off as an especially social person, but I'm sure plenty of people recognized his face, so statistically speaking, there would be way more than just Amy claiming that Not!Graham was a different person. Same probably goes for Sasha, you'd think that someone in a different department of the institute, who probably only sees her around the hallways once in a while would've noticed something, but...no. So yeah, while this theory isn't entirely unfounded or impossible, I have my doubts, personally. I'll go over my thoughts on how I think this...actually works soon enough, but for now, back to the statement. So, Lucy and Rose Cooper have never gotten along particularly well. The latter was always extremely blunt, harsh and/or critical towards her daughter, to the point where Lucy could never feel accomplished at anything due to the constant critique. Honestly, I really liked the light that was shed on this kind of parent-child dynamic in this episode, it kind of reminded me of A Long Way Down with how the relationship is a lot more...subtly toxic, not exactly flat-out abusive but...still wrong, and the episode makes a good point of that. It all came to a head when Lucy and Rose got into a big argument about the man who proposed to the former, the latter stating he was a piece of scum who'd preveng her from achieving anything. This caused Lucy to entirely ditch her mother for nearly a decade, and she spent that decade trying to convince herself that she was fundamentally different from her mother...but deep down she knew that it was their similarities, their shared stubborness, that drove them apart. Lucy would go through two separate affairs, yet still stuck with her husband out of fear of her mother being proven right. Even when said husband got jailed for embezzlement, she still refused to talk to her. However, when her father, George Cooper, fell from a ladder and ended up in a wheelchair, Lucy decided she should finally make amends. Oh hey, there's another similarity to A Long Way Down. Hopefully it doesn't have the same freaky connotations, maybe Jonny just had a bad experience with a ladder and needed to vent when he was writing around this time, I don't know. But...yeah, Lucy had a much more positive relationship with her dad, even if he was somewhat quiet and inefficient in the face of Rose, so she thought that if it meant being there for him, she should probably try to reconnect...in general. When she first visited Draycott, the village in Somerset her parents now called home, it...wasn't exactly easy. Her mother hadn't changed beyond her age, and she wasn't above getting into more fights with her daughter, but George was always happy to see Lucy, and...Rose liked seeing him happy, so they made a sort of uneasy truce. Hell, despite the long journey to and from London, Lucy found a reason to go more often. She had been doing work on oral histories for the British Library, and Rose just so happened to have studied a lot of English and Welsh folklore in her time as an academic, so despite her initial reluctance, she ended up making some recordings for her daughter to use, and all in all...everything was pretty decent! Well...you know, for a time at least.

So...that's great, everything's going pretty well right? Lucy and Rose are doing their own mini-version of tma, they live in a village known for local myths and legends in a podcast that loves to exploit that sort of thing for the sake of making manmade horrors beyond our comprehension, what could go wrong? Well..everything, obviously. Roughly two weeks before giving her statement, Lucy returned to Draycott for another visit, but the person who opened the door was...odd. She was wearing Rose's clothes, but was nothing like her. She was short, less thin, and had long curly white hair, as opposed to Rose's much shorter cut. She made an...oddly joyful laugh, and when George came in as if everything was normal, that's when Lucy started to get concerned. She started questioning where her mother was, but her father just looked at her with a confused expression, repremanding Lucy for her "unfunny joke" while...ok no need for ominous buildup, we're callling her Not!Rose, just stood there with open arms. A...couple of things came to my mind at this point. Firstly, at around seven minutes in, a static noise plays that...I SWEAR has never shown up in the podcast before. It could just be some new audio resource Rusty Quill got their hands on, but...like with everything else that relates to the audio...I can't help bu be suspicious right now. I know Jonny and Alex have went on record to say that the music is the one thing that doesn't matter, but like...what if that noise doesn't count as music. The weird thing is though...you'd kind of think that if a unique static was to play at this point, it'd be the one that plays when Not!Sasha's around, but...no. It's entirely different and....AAAAAGGGHHH I'm so confused. Well anyways, the other thing i found really interesting was...Not!Rose's general behavior, as opposed to OG Rose's. It's here when I realized why the episode was called "The Kind Mother"...and this single aspect of the episode is what makes it so special and terrifying to me. Although...I kind of wish they took it a step further? You see, every other instance of The NotThem has been like...nothing but a purely negative thing. There is absolutely no benefit to it killing Graham and Sasha, but here...it's a different story. Rose might be dead and replaced, which is obviously terrifying...but Lucy now has the ideal relationship with her "mother" that she always wanted, so there's unfortunately a good side to the scenario. I just...kind of wished they utilized that a bit more? Don't get me wrong, I still think what they actually did, with Lucy realizing how much her mother actually meant to her in the end, was fantastic, and even if it;s not utilized to its prime, the dilemma of Rose's replacement is still really cool conceptually. And I mean, this is the earliest example of The NotThem timeline-wise, so they need to explain how it made its way to Graham and Sasha, meaning that Not!Rose can't stay around forever. But like...I don't know, I think they could've done more? Like, this statement takes place in 1994, while Across the Street is in the mid-2000s. Sure, more people might have gotten replaced between that time, but based on what we currently have, I think it would've been interesting if Lucy...let Not!Rose stay around in hopes of having a better relationship with her mother, because that would've felt just as fucked up as the paranormal stuff, and would also create a trend of the protagonist being morally questionable in NotThem statements. (Looking at you, Amy "it's not stalking it's people-watching" Patel.) But hey, I'm still more than satisfied with what we got, and there's definitely some morbid comedy in Lucy being like "you're way too nice to be my real mom." Well uh...tangent aside, back to the plot.

So, for the next couple of hours Lucy goes through the typical NotThem awareness experience. You know, feeling like the entire world is trying to gaslight you into thinking you're a gaslighter, being extremely creeped out by the person you don't recognize, questioning the fate of the person you do recognize, overall an average Thursday in the UK. After a while, Lucy excuses herself in order to call the police, but when she does...she sees a collection of family photos on the walls. And as expected, all of them show Not!Rose, clearly not being staged due to a crease on one picture, which Lucy recalls accidentally sitting on during a car journey when she was a child. What was initially weird to me though was how...Lucy mentions Not!Rose aging throughout the pictures. I found this odd, because I recalled that a picture of teenage Graham showed a boy that looked nothing like Not!Graham, making me assume that The NotThem was only capable of editing pictures or recordings that were taken somewhat recently, or at the very least maintained enough of the original person's features. Thankfully, we do get an explanation as to why that picture of Graham didn't change later on, and it's not related to age, so...it's just good to know that The NotThem isn't beyond that capability. Anyways, Lucy starts freaking out. She pulls out a family photo album, and sits down with Not!Rose and her father, frantically flipping through the pages for hours as the former looks on with mocking amusement, not finding a single picture of the real Rose Cooper. She asked after some neighbors who had known George and Rose since they moved in, but they said that Rose had...always looked like she supposedly did now. However, when Lucy went to visit a kindly vicar named Neil Angus at the Church of St. Peter's, she found something interesting. He said the same thing as George and the neighbors, but said that Rose had a fall outside the church roughly a week ago, and that...even though she was fine in the end, her scream was like nothing he'd ever heard. ...Given what happened to Sasha in Infestation, I feel confident saying I know what he means by that. But...I feel like I should address one of the strangest aspects of this episode now. As I'm sure most people noticed at this point, this is the first episode with The NotThem that doesn't include that stupid fucking table. Based on Not!Sasha's conversation with Jon in High Pressure, not only did I come to the conclusion that there was only one NotThem, which Gertrude confirms here (that has nothing to do with my point here, I'm just saying HA HA I WAS RIGHT), but from my perspective, she implied that she was trapped by the table in some sort of way. This leads me to believe that originally, The NotThem was able to roam entirely freely, but at some point in between 1994 and 2005, it got trapped inside the table, and can only attack those who get close to it, with Breekon and Hope acting as its couriers. You could maybe say that the table was behind the church, but like...I'm sure Mr. Angus would've mentioned that if it really was there, and also, a table behind a church...I don't know, that just sounds really dumb and not aesthetically pleasing to me for some reason. Disregarding that though, I think the most important takeaway from this whole thing is that The NotThem wasn't connected to the table from birth, meaning that my idea that it was somehow the combined souls of all the dead Hill Top Road children looking to regain some semblance of identity is...most likely incorrect. I do also have to question...who or what even got The NotThem trapped in the first place? Given how Raymond, a likely servant of the spiders, was seemingly using its power, I'd have to assume it was probably done by someone of his caliber. Oh god....and that's without questioning where either the table or The NotThem even come from to begin with, how the table got removed from Hill Top Road in the first place, how ANYTHING AND ANYONE IN THIS WORLD EVEN WORKS....I need a drink, badly.

Ok, uh...going forward. So, after talking to Mr. Angus, Lucy goes home and confronts her "mother" about the fall, to which Not!Rose responds with...saying she had a "bit of a funny turn". ...You son/daughter/gender neutral offspring of a bitch, that is some cruel-ass wordplay. Ultimately, Lucy leaves Somerset, but when she does...she comes to a realization. She listens to the tape recordings that she made of her conversations with her mother, and finds that the voice of the original Rose is still on them. ...Oh boy. So, I honestly completely forgot that Not!Sasha had stolen all of the tapes with Sasha's voice on them, but...this not only reminds me of it, but seemingly confirms that she didn't necessarily steal them to learn more about Sasha...but because Sasha's voice can still be heard on them. Granted, given where Jon is at right now, I don't think it matters whether or not he finds the tapes, since...he's definitely already figured it out, but it's nice to finally get some confirmation that the tapes work like that. However...I don't actually think that this shows us anything wrong with the tapes at the institute. Not only because Lucy's tapes function the same, but because Gertrude also mentions that polaroids function in the same way, which actually explains why that picture of teenage Graham shows his original self, because it was apparently a polaroid. ...The amount of stuff that must have been planned in advance for this podcast is insane. Like, all of that was in EPISODE 3, that's still so insane to me. Now, tapes and polaroids share something in common, and that is of course the fact that they are rather old and primitive ways of recording audio and images respectively. This has led me to the assumption that The NotThem might be on...the younger side of all of the freaky creatures we've seen so far, and might not be naturally adapted to change older, or maybe even newer recordings of things. I'm sure there's a bit more to it...but that's the best guess as to why these forms of recording evade its clutches for the time being. And who knows, this knowledge could be very important if there's another significant storyline involving this thing. Ultimately though, Lucy decides to give one of the tapes to the institute, and show the rest to her father, hoping that it'll get him to believe her, while also coming to terms with the fact that...this is probably the only way she'll ever hear her mother's voice again, which is a really great metaphor for grief. I think that part is where the familial connection really shines for me, even though Lucy and Rose are not on good terms, and understandably so...this is the most personal instance of The NotThem so far, with the obvious exception of Not!Sasha, but...that's more personal to the audience in my opinion, and up until very recently, it's been personal in the "oh god they have no idea" sort of way, since only Melanie has noticed, and she wasn't SUPER close to Sasha. Well...there's also Elias and Micheal, but who knows what's even up with that. Unfortunately though, two days after the statement, George Cooper was found to have died from a gas leak which was totally not intentional...and the being calling itself Rose Cooper was never seen again. ...Damn. Overall, a fantastic story. I thought it was a really creepy and clever spin on a pre-existing concept, a great way to keep the main story moving forward while sticking to the format of statements, and...yeah, it was just great! But of course, this is a Gertrude tape...which means we can't finish things off without being confused.

Ok, before I get into...everything, I should make something clear. So, you know how I get sent into rabbit holes by the most random, probably not-all-that-crazy things that show up? Well wouldn't you know it, that happened again. There is...one specific thing that Gertrude says that sent me in some wild directions, like, literally a single line. I'm just going to dance around that for the time being, go over everything that's said by her and Jon, and THEN talk about it. For now...Jesus Christ this old woman. I...absolutely love her, she is one of the coolest characters in the show, but her presence is terrrifying and her words are vague. Just like...every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere, this in-universe loremaster comes along and just...paints the walls red with information. She is everything, she knows everything, and yet I know NOTHING. So um...what does she say? Well, she mentions that there was apparently another statement regarding The NotThem that she read before this one, though likely not on tape. The statement was submitted on July 6th, 1991 by a man named Adelard Dekker, who seemingly named the creature, and based on what Jon proclaims at the end of the episode, it definitely seems like that'll be the next episode. ...I'm not getting a moment of respite for a while, am I? You know, I once heard that Season 3 is apparently really intense. ...Does that imply that...this ISN'T intense?! HELLO?! Anyways, It's also said that this statement is where Gertrude learned about how polaroids aren't affected, so that gives us at least a little bit of preliminary information. Gertrude also says that she feels content knowing that The NotThem sows chaos...apparently without any motive, and that it would be much worse if it had a purpose. I'll touch on this a bit more later, but...I'm concerned by what that implies. Like...huh? Why is that a problem? I mean, Micheal doesn't seem to have much of a motive beyond wanting to fuck things up, and he's pretty dangerous. But now that I think about it...do we even know what anyone's motives even are? Like, we have a sense of...goals here and there, but even that's pretty sparce. There's a bunch of people doing some truly horrific shit, but...we really don't know why, and based on what Gertrude says here...maybe it's better off that way? But like...nowadays, we have Breekon and Hope transporting The NotThem around via the table, so...does that have a purpose at all? Maybe? Maybe not? I....UUUUGGGHHHH EVERYTHING SHE SAYS IS SO VAGUE!!! Anyways, the...almost final thing she says is that she's destroyed the tape Lucy provided, as she doesn't want to draw The NotThem's attention. A bit dissapointing, since I would've loved to hear Lucy and Rose's voices, but I guess it's understandable. It...does concern me to see further proof that Gertrude was not above making enemies of powerful forces though. Like, if she thought there was a possibility of her getting replaced, that is not a good sign. ...Okay, I need to get this off my chest, are we SURE that she didn't get murdered by an eldritch monster, or just straight up one of ✨the horrors✨? Like, I know Jon thinks a human murdered her, and I know his top suspect is the person in the tunnels, and I know that person is confirmed to be a male-presenting human, but...really? Sure, I know she was shot, but like...I literally just made a theory on why one of ✨the horrors✨ was war incarnate, and said incarnation of war literally opened up a random bullet wound in a guy's head, I don't think eldricth gods are beyond using weapons anymore. (This isn't to say I think The Piper killed Gertrude, I think that's quite a stretch, but like...you get the point.) But stuff like that, combined with everything she's been saying and doing...man, I don't know. There are some good human candidates, but I am REALLY starting to suspect other things. Then again...this entire arc is about a monster that pretends to be a human, so...maybe she was killed by both? I...I really don't know. Gertrude Robinson, you are an absolute enigma.

Ok, so what about Jon? How's he doing? ...How do you think. The tagline of Season 2 might as well be "This guy does not sound like he is in a very good condition", and I regret to inform you that despite all of his attempts to get better, this...might just be the worst state he's ever been in. Although granted, I think it's actually pretty fair this time. Now that I think about it...I have not bullied this man for his antics in a while, have I? Either he's getting better, or I'm sinking down to his level. Oh, and on the note of bullying him...I think the YouTube comment section deserves this man a formal apology. Look, this podcast has a surprisingly great comment section, for the most part it's really civil and intelligent. But...some people really have grinded my gears with how they've treated Jon. Sure, I poke fun at him here and there, but when it comes to Not!Sasha...really? Like, for some reason, everyone gave him so much shit for not noticing what was going on with her, and I see that as either a lack of fact-checking how The NotThem works, getting way into a fandom joke to the point where it starts to affect your media literacy towards a character, or both, and frankly, all of those options suck. It's far from that big of a deal..I just needed to get it off my chest, because it's a bit of a nuisance. Well, disregarding all of that....my poor guy :(. Jonny continues to absolutely astound me with his delivery, the part where he cuts himself off before he can say "how it kills" when referring to The NotThem, and you hear him choking up as he slowly comes to the realization that...Sasha has been dead for over half a year, and he's been none the wiser the entire time...it really got to me. It's...kind of setting in to me how tragic the whole scenario is as well. I don't have much more to say about the tragedy behind her death that I didn't say in my final post on Season 1, but...I've spent so much time worried about Not!Sasha, worried about what she's planning, that I feel like I never really took the time to properly grieve the loss of a character who, despite having a very sparse number of scenes, I quickly grew attached to. And I feel like that's intentional. The NotThem would WANT me to forget Sasha, and I think the reveal that it's motiveless, that I shouldn't have been worried about its plans, that it'll just leave after a while and replace someone else...it makes it sting so much more. This thing is a truly evil creature, through and through. Rest in peace Sasha James, I hope that wherever you are, you've learned how to pronounce "calliope". And as much as I hate to say "well anyways"...going back to Jon, he says that he plans to find the statement from Adelard Dekker...and then find out how to kill The NotThem, clearly without any intention of taking anyone else's help. Oh. dear. god. You know how I said I wanted the archival assistants (minus one, obviously) to come back? Yeah, well...we need Martin and Tim more than ever now! Not Elias though, he's either useless or sketchy to me. If that doesn't work...well, I know Basira wants out, but like...she'd also be really helpful right now! But either way, just...PLEASE be careful Jon. You literally just met someone in a near identical headspace to you, and admitted that her chances of survival are slim, CAN YOU JUST LEARN TO READ THE ROOM PLEASE?! I...get the feeling he's going to come out of this with...whatever the Season 2 equivalent of his worm scars are, and I don't like that. But uh...that's the end! Or...at least it would be the end, if it wasn't for that one line. That. single. line. That thing Gertrude said that sent me into some dangerous ass waters. So what is that line, hm?

"Personally, I suspect it to be an aspect of The Stranger, though that's entirely conjecture at this point." - Gertrude Robinson, 1996

...COULD YOU CARE TO ELABORATE MA'AM?! Oh god...I am so, SO tired... So of course, as this is one of the final episodes of the season we just...CAN'T leave without a line that drives me up the goddamn wall. So...the main thing of interest that Gertrude mentions here is "The Stranger." Now, I'm pretty certain that the word "stranger" has shown up here and there before, and I have a hunch that the word "the" has done the same, which I know might seem like a stretch but stay with me, but...this time it's capitalized. Meaning that "The Stranger" is a tangible, relevant, in-universe concept, that we have never heard of before. And Gertrude just HAPPENS to know what it means, because of course she does. I have...two interpretations of what exactly The Stranger is. One of these theories is shorter and simpler, but more logical and likely, while another is a bit more of a stretch that relies on other theories, but is much longer, complicated, and...for me at least, a fair bit more interesting. Let's start out with the former.

So, what is another "The (Something)" that's capitalized? ...Ok that was very specific, my point is, a term similar to "The Stranger" in this way is "The End", something that also sounds like an abstract concept, but is talked about as if it's an actual thing that exists. Basically...it's because of the way it's talked about that I've deemed "The End" as a member of ✨the horrors✨, and logically, the same should therefore go for "The Stranger". Now, since...I think the episode Still Life, I've deemed Not!Sasha, and by extension The NotThem as a whole, to be connected to a number of other beings, all of which had some sort of involvement with The Trophy Room taxidermy shop. The first of these beings was The Anglerfish, along with its supposed servants, so like, Sarah Baldwin, Daniel Rawlings, and presumably the other three who went missing on Old Fishmarket Close. Not only did Not!Sasha eagerly volunteer to go to The Trophy Room herself to meet with Daniel, but she shares a lot of similarities with The Anglerfish's people, namely the fact that they are all rather odd people who seemingly kill and replace their victims, but take on appearances entirely different from that original person. They aren't entirely the same, since Sarah and Daniel have an odd association with skin and taxidermy, and also don't seem to have the same mind-altering abilities as The NotThem, but there's enough similarities there regardless. Another being...s it's connected to are Breekon and Hope. Not only do they have some sort of partnership with The Trophy Room, but they were also the people who delivered the table, and by extension it, to the institute, and were even seen traveling with...who is presumably Tom, Not!Sasha's boyfriend, during the incident that put Daisy in Section 31. And finally, there's The Other Circus. Or....Another Circus? The Circus of The Other? Whatever, there's a lot of weird names for this thing. Admittedly, their involvement with Still Life is pretty tangential, only seen via the fake tiger from Tightrope being kept in The Trophy Room, but like...still, Breekon and Hope worked with them for a time, and all of these beings have this...weird association with being fake as well. The NotThem, The Anglerfish and it's people all seem to be monsters that pose as human, Breekon and Hope are uncannily similar, while also getting very little visual description and speaking in a really weird way, the people they've traveled with are also very indescript, ad everything about The Other Circus, from its performers to its animals to its damned audience, is fake. So with all of that in mind, I think it makes a ton of sense to say that all of these things serve the same member of ✨the horrors✨, and that said member of ✨the horrors✨...might just be called "The Stranger"! Which honestly feels super fitting! Anglerfish is as much of a lesson in stranger danger as it is an anti-smoking PSA, same goes for the "John" we meet in Do Not Open, and "Tom" as well, The NotThem, Sarah and Daniel are all fake, unrecognizable people...at least to some, Breekon and Hope are creepy delivery men who show up out of nowhere, and I mean...a traveling Russian circus that wasn't controlled by the Russian government in the 50s? So like...weird strangers who show up in your town out of nowhere? Yeah, "The Stranger" fits all of them perfectly. And if you go with the idea I proposed in Thought for the Day, of all of ✨the horrors✨ being fear incarnate, then they work really well with the fear of being deceived or gaslit, or like...fear of unreality, I guess. Honestly...I think this is a very solid theory! I would be extremely happy if I was proven right here, I think it works really well, it could be executed fantastically given the combination of themes under one idea, and it would also mean I...finally have a name for whatever the hell these things connect to! But....even though this is already great progress in terms of theorizing...I will admit...I just HAD to take this one step further. I am...so sorry.

Let me be very clear: I don't think I'm right here. I wouldn't call this theory implausible at all, I think it overall has a pretty solid collection of evidence and would work really well. But ultimately, it all comes down to the fact that I think the former theory, the one where "The Stranger" refers to one of ✨the horrors✨, works a lot better overall. That one feels like...at the very least, something the podcast wants me to consider as a possibility, and it's built more off of connections that near indesputably exist, and honestly, I can't see many holes in the argument, nor do i think it really requires me to rethink anything I've already proposed in the past, it just expands on things. This one is a lot more out there, a lot more self-indulgent, there's probably more holes in it, and it would require me to rethink how I view ✨the horrors✨...quite a bit, which...I REALLY don't want to have to do until the podcast explains things, at least for now. And that's why I'm just saying that...take it with a grain of salt. It's not Micheal-theory levels of crazy, (although Micheal is involved in it, because of course he is), but honestly, I am just as, if not more content with the other theory, and for the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to stick with that one until something else comes up, whether that be validation, deconfirmation, or anything that puts me in a different, more logical direction. That being said...this theory was just...way too much fun for me to not talk about anyways. Ok, enough dawdling, what even is this theory? Well...here's the thing. You see, one thing that weirded me out about that line from Gertrude was how she called The NotThem an..."aspect" of The Stranger. When it comes to ✨the horrors✨, I've always thought of the things that connect to them, but aren't actually the real deal as...servants, devotees, cultists, that sort of thing. Sure, The NotThem is more of a monster that a human cultist, but...I still found that wording weird. It makes "The Stranger" sound less like some sort of eldritch god, and more like...a concept, a term that refers to a specific category of something. I mean, I have suggested that ✨the horrors✨ are literally fear incarnate, so...they could be both eldritch gods and abstract concepts for all I know, but...just hear me out for a second. I'm well aware this is a major stretch, but...what if "The Stranger" isn't one of ✨the horrors✨ at all? What if it's something entirely different, a larger category of...things, still freaky monsters, but ones that function a lot differently? ...Oh boy, here we go. So, another wording choice that came from Gertrude that weirded me out was the part where she refers to The NotThem as "reality-bending." I'm like...80% sure I'm reading into nothing here, but like...why not use a term like "mind-bending" or "memory-altering" instead? "Reality-bending" still works...but it seems a bit grandiose, maybe not as concise. So um...I'm sure you're aware about my theory that all of tma is basically one big simulation, or something adjacent. I'm not going to recap all of it, since it would take WAY too long, but like...refer back to my thoughts on Binary, Thought for the Day, and Fatigue if you want the entire theory so far. The basic rundown is that I think the entire world of tma might be somewhat artificial, and that Thought for the Day is like...a smallscale version of the entire lore. I think the world of tma might have been built as an experiment into human fear, and that all of ✨the horrors✨ are...literally manmade beings made to do...something with that fear, and they often "mark" those who experience enough of said fear. But that aside...the main importance this theory holds to my Stranger theory here comes from Fatigue. With that episode, I suggested that Lydia Halligan had somehow...seen the cracks in the simulation, and that it was probably due to our beloved blond boy, Micheal! Yes...he's back. I avoided talking about him with the last episode, so I think I've earned this one.

I basically suggested that Micheal was a...sort of virus in tma's code, since it paired really well with his whole "not making sense, the door was never there before" thing, would explain is relative neutrality outside of his desire to fuck with people, the insane knowledge he holds, and how and why exactly he did...what I think he did to Lydia. ...Ok why am I even telling you this, that episode summary is in this exact same post. Although it's...actually been nearly two weeks since I wrote that. ....It's been slow lately, but I digress. But um...if you recall some of my earlier theories from Season 2...you may know where I'm going with this. You see, I've suggested that there's a lot of similarities between The NotThem (specifically Not!Sasha) and Micheal in the past, and while I've kind of drawn back on that in recent times...I want to look at it again. Some similarities and connections include:

- Micheal and OG Sasha having some notable connections. Admittedly this means like….nothing on a fundamental text level, but it…might have some thematic relevance, I don’t know.

- Both of them are spindly figures who are…kind of human but also not really, and pose as more human than they actually are.

- Micheal is one of the few people who are able to see through Not!Sasha’s facade. This…could just be a result of him having more knowledge than most for some entirely unrelated reason, but…let me dream.

- The two of them have different, yet VERY similar static noises that play whenever they’re in the room.

- THE. GOD. DAMN. TABLE. I do definitely think that the pattern on it is more likely to be a spiderweb, given Raymond Fielding’s possession of it (actually…do you think Not!Sasha was trying to kill all of those spiders in the tunnels?), but like…Jon CALLS it a fractal at one point, and Micheal is heavily associated with those, there’s NO way that doesn’t mean…something. Maybe the pattern is just some abstract thing that can be interpreted either way, I don’t know, but there’s…something going on there.

Ok, so overall, my evidence isn't super airtight, but firstly...I did warn you, and secondly, it's enough to give me some brainworms. (teehee...Jane reference.) So...with all of this flimsy, yet interesting evidence in mind...here's what I'm thinking. What if, much like what I think Micheal might be...The NotThem is some sort of invasive virus in the code. And therefore, "The Stranger" is not the name for one of ✨the horrors✨, but instead a term that refers to all things that are not supposed to exist in the artificial world of tma, a different kind of horror. It doesn't mean stranger as in "stranger danger" it means stranger as in "stranger than the other weird shit". Because like...think about it! There's this thing running around, seemingly without any discernable identity or...even genuine existence (which is...VERY unreality-core), that another supposed member of ✨the horrors✨ has went out of its way to imprison, and like...it also has no discernable motive out of sowing chaos and disrupting things? Because not only is that really similar to what Micheal seems to be like, but it also fits PERFECTLY with the idea of a virus, it's disrupting the intended experiment set up by...whatever set up this theoretical simulation! And like...this brings up so many other things! I said I'd mention my thoughts on...how certain people can see through The NotThem earlier, and if my first theory regarding The Stranger is correct, then it's...basically what I've already proposed in the past. Either The NotThem chooses to reveal itself to random people in order to make them look crazy for shits and giggles (which would also work pretty well with this theory to be honest), or...people notice it due to certain experiences. I already mentioned Melanie's encounter with Sarah Baldwin as potential reason for her seeing through Not!Sasha, but maybe Amy saw through Not!Graham because she saw The NotThem enter his window, and Lucy saw through Not!Rose because of her studies into changelings, I don't know, that could work. But if THIS theory is to be believed...then maybe The NotThem is doing what I think Micheal did to Lydia, showing them the cracks in the code. And like...if you frame The NotThem as "taking their place", then maybe it's not actually killing them, but rather setting them free from the simulation, which is also fitting for an external virus that seeks to mess with the status quo! Then maybe Sasha, Graham and Rose are still alive! And...maybe "death" works a little bit differently than I thought...oh god, I'll uh...I'll touch on that in my supplemental.

And this might also give some better insight into the spiders as well. If they, or someone serving them, are responsible for trapping The NotThem in the table, then maybe that implies that they are adamant on keeping the status quo in check, basically the...eldritch IT guys of this universe. I mean, the spiders do have this whole association with control going on, and it would explain why Thought for the Day, which I believe to be a small-scale version of this whole theory, was focused on them specifically. It also really gets me thinking about the knowledge and motives of someone like Raymond Fielding, and also...how the hell The Cult of The Lightless Flame could play into all of this. If they seek to destroy the spiders, then maybe THEY are also similar to Micheal and The NotThem, beings who seek to break the code by burning it to ash, although...that would make the power they serve an aspect of "The Stranger" as well....and potentially the powers of other cults that are similar like The Divine Host....and then like...maybe that means the "struggle" Micheal described is a lot more...one on one than I initially assumed? But like...that would require me to almost entirely rethink my list of ✨the horrors✨ on a moment's notice, and like...how they connect to each other...and I don't have the time or energy to do that right now and....AADGADVADVGADGVADGVADVDDAA. You...you can see why I'm proclaiming this is...kind of a crack theory, right? Like, not a jokey crack theory like the Micheal one , I'm decently serious about it, but...I'm ultimately going to put this one in the bank until I have more evidence, because it's just...a lot less mentally taxing and complicated if I stick with my initial interpretation of The Stranger, and there's stronger evidence, and it doesn't require me to rethink a bunch of other stuff, and...yeah, you get the idea! ....hopefully. ...please? Well um...anways, there is one other thing I feel is important regarding this theory, and that's Gertrude's involvement with it. I feel like if this theory is somehow true, then it could explain why Gertrude says The NotThem not having any motivations or purpose makes it less dangerous than things that do. If this theory is to be believed, then ✨the horrors✨ have some level of purpose, as they're intentionally built into the simulation in order to carry out some sort of fear experiment, while this interpretation of "The Stranger" is an external virus that only exists to fuck things up. If we assume that ✨the horrors✨, and the simulation as a whole is the main threat, then...maybe that would make things like Micheal and The NotThem less dangerous by proxy. I mean, I STILL think they aren't exactly...friendly by any means, but...who knows, maybe there's no true heroes in this scenario. I should also address Gertrude calling The NotThem "reality-bending" one more time. Because you might think that by using "reality", it implies that...this can't be a simulation. But...I'd have to disagree. Gertrude is obviously very intelligent, and I think it's possible for her to know that there are beings who can break through and corrupt the foundations of the world she lives in, know that they are different from other horrific forces that are actually meant to be there, and even have a term used to refer to those sorts of things, that being "The Stranger". It's just...she might not have been at the level of knowledge to the point where she knew the world she lived in isn't actually real. To her, maybe The Stranger refers to like...aliens from outer-space coming to Earth or something adjacent, when it actually refers to beings from the real world coming into the simulation. If the world even really is a simulation, then I think that Gertrude...didn't know about it, at least at this point in time. Maybe she did learn eventually...and maybe that's what got her killed OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!! Ok, WAIT. NO. NO MORE THEORIES FOR NOW. STOP IT.

Well...uh...thank you so so much if you've managed to make it this far. God just...what am I even doing anymore? How did we get from "yeah I liked this episode :)" to...this? I dread to think about what state I'll be in once I get to the end of the entire podcast, god...ONLY on Season 2?! But at the same time...ALREADY on Season 2?! Like I said, take that second theory with a grain of salt, I think it's interesting and I would be super happy if it was proven even somewhat true (well...provided it happens at a time where I know more, I...really don't want to have to manually reorganize my list of ✨the horrors✨ now...), but I am more than content to stick with my first theory, where "The Stranger" refers to one of ✨the horrors✨ instead. God it's just...it's going to be so funny no matter what the result is. It'll be hilarious if this is somehow right, but it'll also be hilarious if I broke my fingers while typing for absolutely nothing. I just...oh boy I need to sit with this one. There's probably so much I neglected to mention with everything that's going on in my head...but I hope I was able to get all the relevant stuff down. See you next time...I guess I could say that I hope for something more chill, but...yeah, in my dreams. (Oh also this episode ended with Jonny doing the credits again instead of Alex? I’m not sure if that has any significance or not? Maybe it’s meant to represent…Martin’s distance from Jon? Uuuuuuhhhhh I don’t knowwwwww)

Supplemental (oh god why): OK I SWEAR THIS'LL BE SHORT STAY WITH ME. Just...a couple of additional thoughts, ok? Firstly, I just realized how tma really likes to give voices to...the weirdest statements imaginable. Like, Dr. Elliot, Tessa, and Karolina all get to be voiced characters, and their statements are among the biggest "what the fucks" in the entire show. I just thought it's worth appreciating that Rusty Quill...certainly has their priorities in order. Also...I just wanted to briefly bring back that whole death thing I mentioned earlier. It's pretty simple really, I think there's a possibility that if the world is simulated, death just means...getting sent back to reality. This comes partially from The NotThem, but mostly from Personal Space. I've also cited that as potential foreshadowing for the simulation idea, since I think Carter and the other astronauts were in fear experiment simulations...possibly within the simulation, it's kind of a combination of two theories. And if you recall, Carter...at the very least got off Daedalus by starving himself, so...maybe that foreshadowes how death works in this universe? But it also makes me think about how "The End" might work. On one hand, it has associations with death, so maybe it functions like The NotThem where it frees people...but on the other hand, it's been shown to keep people immortal on like...four seperate occasions so far, at least I think, so...yeah, I think I'll consider this one of ✨the horrors✨ no matter which theory I go with, especially because unlike Micheal and The NotThem, it's never made an in-person appearance. I also do kind of wonder how the technology horror idea would work in this scenario though...like, maybe Sergey Ushanka is supposed to represent early test subjects who were put into the simulation, or maybe he...IS one? Like, the techonology wasn't as advanced, so it had a much more mentally taxing effect? ...I don't know, those are...those are just some thoughts. Damn, the contrast between the Micheal theory and the simulation theory is wild. The first one is stupid in a funny way, but...I feel like this one is stupid in a dumb way, god. ...THIS ALL STEMMED FROM ONE FUCKING LINE OF DIALOGUE!!!! ONE!!!!

- Episode 78, Distant Cousin 🪓

Statement of Lawrence Moore, regarding something that was not his cousin.

Oh. my. god. I'm just. I. I. I have. No words. Ok that's a lie I obviously have a lot of words but. I just. I. ....wow. I um...I definitely...was expecting something to happen here, it's just...I didn't expect that. All things considered, I figured that much like Lost and Found, this episode would naturally segue into the likely two-part finale, and while it certainly did...I was NOT expecting to get what is both the rawest and most infuriating series of scenes in the entire podcast so far. You see, the biggest takeaway from this episode is that's it's remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London. Now, I'd take that to mean that I should probably stay away from Central London, but...but JON. No no no no no, he...he took a different approach after recieving that information. I just. ....wwwwwwwwwwwWHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! WHAT WAS THAT?! WHY WAS THAT SO GOOD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! WHERE DID?! HUH?! YOU CAN'T JUST DO ALL OF THAT TO ME I-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! ...Ok, I'll stop. If I wanted to, this entire section could just be me doing incoherent screams, much like I was when I first listened to the episode (the way I started running laps around the room when...you-know-who showed up again), but for everyone's sake, I'm not going to do that. This episode...was absolutely fantastic, yeah. Obviously it was. It's...honestly incredible that this final quarter hasn't had a single episode I haven't vibed with so far. But just....WOW. Obviously I'm most insane about everything that happened after the statement, but the main plot of the episode was still super endearing, helping to make more sense of the timeline surrounding The NotThem, while also setting up some very interesting plot threads in the process. And then when we get to the end of the entire episode...I mean, you'll hear my thoughts soon enough. Because boy oh boy, do I have them. There's...uh...there's definitely quite a bit to say, I don't think I have too many huge theories, but uh...let's just get into it. ...My ensuing dread towards whatever lies in the next two episodes has not been eased, I'll say that much.

Edit: Ok uh...this has become an exceptionally long one. Just um...just brace yourselves. What I'm about to say isn't like...super groundbreaking theories or anything, it's just...a lot. There's a lot.

So, before the statement even starts, there's already some notable things to cover. Firstly, before he begins reading, Jon ends up muttering "I...er...we...we didn't", before cutting himself off, and beginning the statement in an...understandably stressed tone that I don't think we've heard since...the first episode of the season, I think. For the time being, I think the meaning behind Jon's mutterings are open to interpretation, I personally see them as a sign of him realizing how no one in the archives ever noticed Not!Sasha's true identity, but...that's just my interpretation of the few words he says here. Either way...his stress in this scene made me sad :(. Well, that aside, when he starts reading the statement....the statement's existence ends up being quite a surprise. While it does follow the story of The NotThem, managing to give us some of the last pieces of its relevant lore, it is not the statement that Gertrude teased in the previous episode. (Also side note, I forgot to mention that The Kind Mother is...probably the last Gertrude tape we'll get this season, a bit of a shame, but I'm sure they'll come back in Season 3.) The statement she teased was one given by Adelard Dekker, the man who named The NotThem in the first place, but when Jon opened the file for his statement, he surprisingly found one from Lawrence Moore instead. Now, I'm not too interested in why this file was kept in the one where Dekker's statement should've been, since...given what happens in the statement, it's pretty obvious as to why it's here, but I'm more curious as to why....whoever did this felt the need to put it there, and more importantly...where Dekker's statement actually is now. My personal hypothesis is that it was likely stolen by the person in the tunnels (holy shit the chances of learning their identity are higher than they've ever been right now PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE), as not on;y have they been shown to steal files from the archives, but they are...probably pretty aware of Not!Sasha given her own expeditions into the tunnels, with Jon outright saying that he thinks the two are familiar with one another. Alternatively, maybe The NotThem itself stole it, since it did a similar thing with the tapes, and...well, given the lore of this episode, it would have good reason to get rid of any and all information provided by Adelard Dekker, especially if it concerns itself. The thing is though...why is Lawrence Moore's statement in there? Sure, it had obvious connections to Dekker, and might even have more relevant information concerning The NotThem given the later date, but...someone likely put it there. And given how a lot of people, myself included, think that Gertrude's strange organization tactics were done for a purpose, likely her wanting to make sure that her successor had all the information they needed easily accessible in the face of a bunch of fake statements...I kind of wonder if Dekker's statement went missing when she was still around, and she put this statement in its place. This could mean that neither The NotThem or the person in the tunnels are responsible for this statement's disappearance...or that the latter has been farting around in the institute for a long-ass time. Either way, given how it has a named case number, and how Adelard is...certainly an intriguing character, I have no doubt that his statement will be retrieved soon enough. Or who knows, maybe it's still in the archives and just...horribly misorganized, but until I get answers...I'm intrigued by its absence. And I mean...if there's still one statement regarding The NotThem...who knows if we'll even be done with this thing by the end of Season 2. ...OH SHIT there's an actual statement in this episode, right.

So uh, yeah, in the absence of Adelard's statement, Jon comes across the story of Lawrence Moore, which thankfully (well, I say thankfully, but...given what happens because of him reading this statement...maybe I shouldn't) contains more information on The NotThem. I will say that my one...somewhat notable gripe with this episode is that, in my opinion, it has the weakest utilization of The NotThem so far. Not!Graham had a really interesting dynamic with Amy Patel and OG Graham, as well as the benefit of coming first, and therefore being the most shocking. Not!Rose had a very interesting moral dilemma and change in personality, and Not!Sasha is...well, she's Not!Sasha, I don't need to explain why she's special. This episode's NotThem, known as Not!Carl, on the other hand...doesn't really do a ton that hasn't been seen before, outside of some very minute little things. Granted, it's honestly not that big of a deal, since I think the main draw of this episode comes from its other elements, but I felt like it was worth mentioning since it's my only problem. Anyways, Lawrence Moore (who, by the way, had a voice that was...oddly a lot more similar to Jon's regular speaking voice? I feel like that might be intentional in order to demonstrate his stress, but who knows.) recently had his cousin Carl replaced by The NotThem. Now, Lawrence and Carl were never especially close during childhood, and especially adulthood. They lived somewhat nearby each other, and got along...fine, but they never saw each other that often, never had much in common, and Lawrence suspects Carl saw him as an annoyance due to his younger age. They grew even more distant as they entered adulthood, Lawrence believing that they never even spoke for more than an hour ever since he turned eighteen, and even when it turned out that the two of them didn't live far from one another...Carl never seemed keen to meet up again. Lawrence then goes into this really cool monologue, talking about how people who briefly knew you as a child think they're talking to that same child when they see you again as an adult, when in reality, that child is practically dead, replaced with a new, more grown and fleshed out person. This is obviously...very tonally fitting for the episode, and really makes me appreciate how The NotThem plays with themes like identity and...what makes us human, but it's also just a cool concept to me in general! I do often think about how....different I, and pretty much everyone is at different stages of their life, and whenever I'm told about what I was like when I was a small child by parents or older relatives...I just cannot believe that I share a body and mind with that kid. I don't know, I think it's a very interesting topic and a cool look into identity as a concept. Anyways, going back to the statement, Lawrence noticed the change when he went to his brother Adam's wedding, said brother having been noticeably closer to Carl during childhood. When Lawrence met a man he had never met before, who claimed to be his cousin...yeah, he was obviously pretty spooked. Now, I said in the previous section that I don't think the theory that The NotThem is visible to people who weren't anything more than an acquaintance to the original person holds much merit. I will concede that this episode definitely adds to the idea, but...eh, there's still enough going against it for me to say otherwise. I think I'll dispose of the idea that like...prior experiences with paranormal-ish stuff allows you to see it, since Lawrence never mentions anything weird happening before meeting Not!Carl, but I'm more than willing to go with the idea that The NotThem intentionally reveals itself to one person to make that person look crazy, since it just comes off as more and more mischievous, sadistic and unhinged as time goes on. Or...you know, if my second theory regarding "The Stranger" is true, then...simulation breaking is also still on the table. ...I swear that wordplay was unintentional, I'm so sorry.

Going back to the wedding, Lawrence starts asking around, and of course, everyone there recognized the dark haired man with yellow teeth as Carl, including his humorless father, which made Lawrence realize this wasn't some kind of sick prank. Once his aunt gave him a glare, Lawrence left the wedding. He tried to convince himself he was subject to some kind of dissociative episode, since he had been struggling at work and recently divorced himself, even thinking that if the only thing wrong with his brain was...him not recognizing a cousin he wasn't even that close to, then he probably got off lucky. But of course...it continued to eat at him late throughout the night. He knew that the man he saw was not Carl. It was about a week after the wedding that Lawrence realized a few years ago, when his grandmother had passed away, he had been handed a collection of her old photos and was asked to sort through them. They had been rotting in the attic (HOLY SHIT JANE PRENTISS REFERENCE???!!!111) ever since, but...without anything better to do, and hoping that maybe, just maybe, he could find some semblance of the cousin he knew, Lawrence went to go fetch them. As expected, most of the photos in that hot and sticky attic (of which there were many) were pictures of Lawrence and Adam, but now alongside a dark haired child where Carl should've been. All except for two, which showed the boy with light short hair that Lawrence recognized. So presumably, some of these photos were polaroids. It's nice to see that get incorporated after being teased, even though we didn't get Adelard Dekker's statement, but like...it's kind of weird to me? Lawrence suggests that one of the photos with OG Carl in it looked like it was taken moments after another photo, and that latter picture had Not!Carl in it. So like...did their grandma just switch from something more modern to polaroids in a matter of seconds? Is this some sort of sloppy crack in The NotThem's system? I'm...just going to assume that maybe one of the photos was taken by someone else, and happened to get sorted among all of the pictures taken by their grandmother, since I feel like that makes the most sense. Well, moving forward, Lawrence hears a soft knock on the door. When he answered it, he was met with the man he did not know, Not!Carl. And...this, for me at least, is where the episode transitions from something that's good yet...very standard, to something really cool.

While I still think the other three utilizations of The NotThem are a bit more clever...I will admit that I really like how terrifying it is in this scene. Not!Carl just strides into the house while Lawrence is paralyzed by fear, talking about how it would be rude to not come by when they lived so close, and then he just...sits there for the rest of the afternoon, not saying a word. Not only does this use one of my favorite aspects of The NotThem, that being the brief instances where it's willing to engage in behavior separate from the original person, but only just to the point where it's weird to the person who sees through the facade and no one else....but the whole atmosphere is so damn tense. Because like, in previous iterations of The NotThem, it's been really freaky, sure, but like...it's never done much beyond just replacing someone and...acting strange, that's about it. Hell, the stuff that Gertrude said about it at the end of last episode gave off the impression that as long as it successfully replaced someone, it was completely content until it chose a new victim somewhere else. Now, this episode disproves that in a later scene (let's just say I was...very wrong to assume that The NotThem's lack of motive meant it wouldn't hurt anyone else in the institute), but...I think its danger became apparent in this scene first. The way that Not!Carl just...sits there, staring at Lawrence with amusement, how Lawrence can never quite get a proper look at him (...very glitchy sounding to me...), but swears that his neck gets longer for a brief moment...it's all just so unnerving, and the way Lawrence's fear is described to us is absolutely perfect. And then, when Not!Carl leaves, and says "we must do this again, and soon", leaving Lawrence to cry alone....AAAAAAAAHHHHH THAT'S SO CREEPY!!! Look, The NotThem might not have the same charm or personality as other weird characters like Jane, Micheal, Mike and Agnes, hell, I kind of hate the thing with how it's just...built to ruin everything from the looks of it...but I'll be damned if it isn't one of my favorite monsters and concepts on the show. Honestly, I think the fact that it's...least like a person out of any of the freaks we've seen and/or heard of so far just adds to it, since it's the one that's most adamant on convincing people it's just a normal person. Just....wow, this is some good-ass horror. Oh, it also made me realize something really cool as well. I was looking back at Across the Street, just to make sure I hadn't missed anything relative, and had a good understanding of The NotThem's timeline, and when I did, I stumbled across a part where Not!Graham tells Amy he'll "have to return the visit someday." ...It's probably a good thing she moved if my interpretation if that line is true. Hell, maybe it's a good thing Melanie went to Amritsar for all I know! So yeah...that's a great scene and all, but it only gets better from here. This is where the episode gets very, very unique.

In the middle of the following night, Lawrence gets another knock on his door. (HOLY SHIT MICHEAL REFERENCE???!!!111) This time though, it's loud and harsh, and instead of Not!Carl, he's met by an old muscular black man with short grey hair and a stern and imposing aura, dressed in a white shirt with rolled up sleeves and a thin necktie. The man asks if Lawrence recognized his previous visitor, and as soon as Lawrence says no, he bolts into the house without a second thought, and orders him to get any photos that hadn't been changed. Out of fear or helplessness, he doesn't know, but Lawrence immediately obliges, and when he brings the photos downstairs, he decides to ask the old man for his name. He then introduces himself as...none other than Adelard Dekker. This was uh...quite the surprise honestly. I don't know...why exactly, but after last episode, I was kind of under the impression that he would be a...one time and you're done kind of character, you know? I mean, probably somewhat familiar with the paranormal if he was the guy who named The NotThem, maybe even an associate of The Magnus Institute, but like...I wasn't expecting him to be among the gallery of what-the-fucks that show up in statements given by relatively ordinary people, you know? But no, he's here, hence why this was in place of his own statement most likely, and he claims to be an "exorcist of sorts." ...Dude, if you end a claim like that with "of sorts", and exist in a series where almost everyone is vaguely suspect at best...you're not fooling anyone, I'm sorry. Suspicions aside though, Adelard starts flipping through all of the old photos, ignoring any and all of Lawrence's questions in the process, and when he finds the two unchanged photos, his lips twist into a wry and ominous smile. He tells Lawrence to follow him out into the street, and the two of them then pull a large wooden box out of his blue transit van, later carrying it inside the house. Lawrence tries to open it, and gets a brief glimpse of...dark varnished wood on the inside, but Adelard quickly slams down the lid before saying "it's not for you." ....The amount of sheer excitement and dread I got when this happened was a sight to behold. Like...that's one of the best feelings I get when listening to this podcast, the feeling of something familiar returning is such an adrenaline rush every time.

Well, while that's all exciting, if...slightly ominous, Lawrence is then instructed by Adelard to go up to his bedroom (what are you his dad), and to not leave "until it's safe." When Lawrence asks how doing so would help save Carl, Adelard quite sternly tells him that Carl is dead with little sympathy, and that this is all to prevent Lawrence from ending up like him. He stays in that room, all throughout the morning and into the afternoon, with there not being a word from Adelard. Then, at 3 PM, the exact same time Not!Carl made his visit the previous day, he hears that same soft knock on the door. The air grows heavy, an hour passes...and then Lawrence hears the most unnatural scream he's ever heard. Understandably terrified by this, he bolts out of his bedroom, but before he can leave the house...he checks the living room. And that's where we get the big reveal, the thing that nearly completes the timeline of The NotThem thus far. You know...I was certain we'd learn how it was bound to the table eventually...but I was certainly surprised, yet very elated, to see it happen ONE EPISODE after I started thinking about it seriously. Like...AAAAAAHHHHH IT'S SO EXCITING!!! I mean...I guess Jon getting that knowledge is ultimately a detriment but...we'll get to that soon enough. But in that living room, Lawrence sees Adelard, standing still with rapidly moving lips, although he can't hear any sound coming out. He sees that ever-iconic table with its intricate patterns, and in front of the table...is The NotThem in its true glory. It's long and thin with stick-like limbs, its head and shoulders are bent against the ceiling, and its face is unlike anything Lawrence had ever seen. Pulsing across the carved channels with a sickly pale light is spiderweb, and Lawrence watches as that web wraps around the grotesque creature in front of him. But as soon as he processes what's in front of him, he runs away. He doesn't return until the next morning. When he does, Adelard and his blue van are gone, the latter now replaced with an off-white one with something printed on the side. He then sees two men in overalls leave his house with Adelard's crate and OH MY GOD BREEKON AND HOPE!!! I'm honestly super glad to see them here, it would've been a shame if they didn't keep up their tradition of appearing once per post lmao. This also gives us a pretty good timeline of when they started transporting The NotThem. Although...maybe they were transporting it earlier, and they only started transporting it with the table after this? But like...if that were the case, and they were somewhat allied before this event...why would they not just destroy the table? Unless they..can't for some reason? And I doubt that The NotThem needed another being to carry it before it was bound to the table, so...huh? Unless Breekon and Hope are more interested in the table and not The NotThem? But then why was Adelard initially in possession of it? And how does that explain the weird connections between Not!Sasha and those two suggested in Still Life? I.....AAUUUGGHHHH. Look, we can at the very least say that this tells us when The NotThem was bound, by who, and when Breekon and Hope started transporting it and the table as a package deal. Either way, it's really cool to see them again! But uh...geeking out over two delivery men with an ambiguous dynamic aside, as they drive away, Lawrence returns to find the table, and the being that called itself Carl completely gone. That was the last time he saw any of those weird people, things or monsters, and when asked about his missing cousin...he just said they weren't close. ...Man, the people in this world go through just...the WORST days don't they? The UK is a cruel and unsightly place, holy shit.

So yeah, that's Distant Cousin. Well, the statement at least, I certainly have...quite a bit more to say about the episode as a whole. Yet another fantastic one all things considered. Admittedly, I...don't really have that much to say about it beyond my recap, because honestly...this is one of the first episodes in tma that feel like they wrap up a plotline. I mean, there's obviously still some stuff to unpack with The NotThem. Where it comes from, the deeper complexities of its nature, the statement of Adelard Dekker that goes over his knowledge of it, any other potential sightings of the creature, its connections to other things, and obviously...whatever happens with Not!Sasha going forward have yet to be fully resolved. But...I don't know, this episode still feels like a pretty definitive cap-off. We now have a pretty decent understanding of how The NotThem functions, how it was bound to the table and by who, and how it came into the possession of Breekon and Hope, at least alongside the table. And really, any mysteries that surround the thing...aren't really given more clarity in this episode, so those are matters for a later date. Overall, I don't have all that much to say...except for when it comes to one particular matter. That is of course, the mysterious Adelard Dekker. Adelard is...quite the perplexing and polarizing character to me. He's kind of come at a point where I'm thinking....SURELY there can't be any more important characters, right? Or at the very least, any important characters that'll show up later have been alluded to, even if they don't seem important initially. But...no. He is clearly quite the important figure, and as far as I'm concerned, he hasn't even been alluded to prior to The Kind Mother. So...what do I think of him? Well, he's very mysterious, but that doesn't mean I don't have thoughts about him. We currently know very little about his past or motivations, but what we do know is that he is...certainly familiar with The NotThem, having encountered it in some way, shape or form at least a decade before his appearance here, and giving a statement about it which we know Gertrude read. This kind of makes me wonder if Adelard was a witness to The NotThem replacing someone in his past, which honestly seems pretty likely since, like...how else would you have knowledge about it, but it's also possible that maybe he just heard about it from someone else, so...all of this is really just baseless conjecture for the moment, but I like the idea. At the very least, he's definitely familiar with ✨the horrors✨, and maybe other similar concepts depending on which theories you run with, that much is obvious based on all of the behavior he exhibits. No matter what his past with The NotThem is, he definitely understands it better than most, and given how he gave the creature...what seems to be accepted as its definitive name, at the very least by a very intelligent person who was more than familiar with the paranormal when she was still alive, I get the sense that he probably had some level of prestige in academia, maybe even being more familiar with The Magnus Institute than most, as I mentioned earlier. But now I want to adress...what he actually does in this episode.

So, yeah, it's confirmed now that Adelard is the man who bound The NotThem to the table, which is a really cool reveal! While motives for doing so remain unclear, it seems at least partially influenced by his position as an "exorcist of sorts", whatever that description...really entails up in the air. The thing is though, he's able to manipulate the power of the table, something clearly aligned with the spiders, without any external apparatus like a Leitner. The only other person who's been shown to do this is Raymond Fielding, a man who was very clearly a freaky spider person, so I'm naturally inclined to believe Adelard is also a creepy spider person much like him, along with Annabelle Cane from Thought for the Day, and the homeless woman Trevor killed in Children of the Night. Granted, he doesn't have a ton of spider-based imagery, but like...neither did Raymond really, outside of, much like Adelard, the cobwebs and his utilization of the table, so I think this checks out. But you see...that's where things start to concern me. Yes, Adelard did do something very helpful in this episode, I won't deny that, The NotThem is clearly a little bastard creature that's capable of much greater harm when not bound to the table (thank god it's there forever, right? ...right?), and he saved Lawrence's life. But outside of that...he is honestly pretty concerning to me. The whole vibe he gives off is extremely intimidating and...honestly really cold at times, Lawrence says it felt like Adelard was towering over him despite his smaller size. It also doesn't help that he's seemingly aligned with the spiders. Annabelle Cane and the unnamed homeless woman were seemingly a lot more monstrous and Jane-like in the way they're portrayed, so that leaves Raymond as the only...kind of level-headed spider person we have so far, and like...he's arguably one of the most twisted characters we've seen so far. It also doesn't help that the spiders are most prominently against The Cult of The Lightless Flame above all other factions, and while they certainly have their negative streak...I don't know, compared to a lot of other creepy factions and creatures, they're...marginally nicer, what with Arthur Nolan destroying Jane's wasp nest, and Agnes being....just a really tragic character from what we've seen. So...yeah, while it's admittedly not the best read of all time, given what little information and context clues we get on Adelard...I'm inclined to be pretty suspicious of him. He might be capable of helping people, but it might not be with the best motivations in mind. And I mean, if you go with my unlikely theory about The NotThem being a glitch in the simulated world that's freeing people in its own twisted way, and the spiders basically having the job of keeping things under control...yeah, it doesn't make him look good! And no, I don't think him giving a statement to the institute does him much favors, not only because the institute is already very sketchy in its own right, but also because we have had statements from the Season 1 antagonist, and...at least like, five people who have confessed to murder, as far as I'm concerned, any old ass can make a statement here. So...yeah, those are my thoughts on Adelard Dekker. Overall, he's a very interesting figure, if a little bit sketchy, but I'm really excited by the potential of learning more about him in the future, and I'm really happy that prominent new faces are still showing up! Although...I do actually have one more little theory regarding him, one that actually just popped into my head as I was writing this, and one that...might actually be very important with these next two episodes in mind.

Adelard...is honestly the best possible candidate for the person in the tunnels that I can think of at the moment. Like, seriously. Think about it. The little description we get of this person is very vague, but what we do know is that they are male-presenting, and middle-aged or older, both of which definitely fit Adelard. But beyond that, you know how I mentioned the idea of the person in the tunnels stealing Adelard's statement? Well...what if Adelard took his own statement? Maybe it had information in it that he doesn't want anyone to find, so he stole it, and maybe instead of Gertrude being the one who put Lawrence's statement in its place, it was him. Not to mention the fact that there's a notable abundance of spiders in the tunnels, even when compared to the rest of the institute, there's the fact that Not!Sasha has been heading down there, so like...maybe she's trying to get rid of the man who imprisoned her, and then there's the fact that...it would line up really well with where the story is now. I've already stated that I'm certain we'll learn who this person is in the finale, they were alluded to in the very first episode of the season, and more and more information surrounding them has been building up recently. So...then you have this brand new character getting mentioned for the first time in the final episodes of the season, his statement being notably missing, and everything that I just mentioned, and...yeah, I think it adds up nicely. Granted, the person in the tunnels has floor-moving abilities that we never see Adelard use, the spiders have apparently only been growing in numbers post Prentiss attack when this guy has probably been there longer (although that could be easily explained by them just…having more food now) and the description of "male and middle-aged" could probably fit a lot of characters, but...I don't know, this is really the best I've got. I think it would be pretty cool if we got to meet him in person in the finale, maybe he could help defeat The NotThem once and for all, or maybe we'd get to actually hear his statement, who knows? I'm just happy to actually have a theory regarding this person's identity, regardless of whether or not it's right, because honestly...I have had no damn clue what's been going on with this person this whole time. Like...not even an inkling, it's just been that damn vague. Although...given how Jon thinks the person in the tunnels murdered Gertrude...and the fact that I already don't trust Adelard...oh no. Well...at least her being the first one to mention him would be pretty cool foreshadowing! And you know what the funny thing is? All of that, everything that i just talked about...it isn't even the best part of the episode. That comes with the series of scenes at the end, and while I don't have many theories outside of "what the fuck is going to happen next"....I CERTAINLY have opinions. ...Despite the table being gone, I feel like it's going to haunt my nightmares even more from now on, given what...I now associate it with. (Oh, one more thing. Lawrence thinks Adelard is a Jehovah's Witness when he first sees him, so if this guy ends up being yet another little freak...just know that I am never going to let him live this down.)

Oh man. Oh. MAN. This ending. This ending is...a sight to behold. I feel like this is probably a very bold claim, but...this series of recordings, especially the final one...it might all come together to make up my favorite scene in all of tma so far. I'm serious. I mean, I'm almost certain it's at least my favorite scene outside of a statement, but that's already an extremely high bar. It's just....AAAAAAAHHHH IT'S ALL SO PHENOMENAL!!! I just...uh...here's what I think about the first recording. ...oh god. That is...deeply upsetting. This uh...it's doing a great job of showing Jon's mental state, but...man does it hurt. You know how I said that I was kind of starting to mourn for Sasha again? Well...yeah, this scene came at the best and worst possible time for me! Firstly, I love how for the past few episodes, Jon hasn't been doing his usual kind of follow-up. Usually, he talks about any external information regarding the statement that he was able to find, but here...no. He's figured out what's going on, and he's understandably much more concerned for himself and his coworkers that he is anyone in the statement, and it SHOWS. That aside though...he found the tapes stolen by Not!Sasha. Turns out they were in the desk he was rifling through the entire time, I don't entirely know why she didn't just destroy them, but...it certainly made for one hell of a scene. Hearing Jon replay the tapes, hearing Sasha's voice again...oh god it hurt like hell. Like, it's really cool and an amazing idea, but this is NOT HELPING THE GRIEVING PROCESS. I would have audibly cheered at the return of "kah-lee-o-pee" if it wasn't for the circumstances. And just...the way that Jon questions another outcome, dreadfully wondering if there was anything he could've done, if he could've been more attentive...it really hurts. It's bad enough that his coworker is dead, but it's even worse that it took him so long to notice. And then he ACTIVELY AVOIDS PLAYING THE PART WHERE SHE SCREAMS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS!!! Ugh god...why must he suffer like this, his misery is like a disease that spreads to me. And then there's the part where we once again hear Not!Sasha's "I see you"...and Jon responds with "and now I see you." ...Holy shit that is amazing dialogue. Like...wow. The scene where Not!Sasha arrives is one that lives in my head rent-free, so getting surprise payoff to it right here right now...it's an absolute stroke of genius, and a perfect way to make it clear that shit is about to go down. And I mean...it certainly does, although not in the way I expected or...really wanted. Honestly, the episode could've ended right here and I would've come out completely satisfied, but somehow....they ended it on an even higher note. I just. Why is this so damn good.

Ok, admittedly the second recording isn't like...absolute peak tma or anything, I don't think it hits quite as hard as the other two, nor do I think it would've worked as well as an ending, but like...it's still great, and I'm super glad that it was included because it makes the whole package feel a lot more complete, you know? Anyways, YAAAAAY MARTIN AND TIM WOOHOO!!! Thank god that they're back for the finale, I mean, I had very little doubt that they were going to show up, but it's still great to see them regardless. Now, I will admit that one of my main gripes with Season 2 has been...the unfortunate lack of the archival assistants. Like, they're still around a decent amount, we get to see them in a good few scenes...but I kind of feel like I don't truly know them. Don't get me wrong, I do love them, any time they show up in an episode it's absolutely fantastic, but like...beyond their basic vibes and small facts about them here and there...I just feel like I don't know them as well as I should? Like, they're supposed to be part of what you'd consider....the main cast, and they don't completely butcher that role, far from it...but I just feel like I should know more about them after nearly 80 episodes of...being aware of them. Sure, they're around in Season 2 more than they are in Season 1...but I just feel like they should be here a little bit more. Like, I have a decent idea of what's going on with them, Martin is obviously trying to hold everyone together while likely crushing on Jon, and Tim is just...absolutely done with this shit, I just wish we got to SEE that a bit more. Or I guess...hear it...you get what I mean. I mean, characters like Basira, Melanie, and even Gertrude, a character who's dead, feel like they've gotten quite a bit more development than these two, even though they...don't even work at the institute, at least not anymore in the latter's case, and one of them has only appeared in three episodes, only really being the star of two. I still love Martin and Tim for what they are, I just feel like they need...a little extra push if I'm to love them beyond just their personalities and vibes, because I don't feel like those can carry their entire characters in the long run. (Also, I don't have this problem with Elias, because I think he works best as an ominous figure in the background, and Not!Sasha because...she's a literal monster, she doesn't really need character development in my eyes.) Ok, that was a long rant, but with all of that said...I'm REALLY hoping these two get to do something cool in the finale. I felt like the Season 1 finale made massive strides for these two, it showed what...still feels like the biggest development that Martin, and his relationship with Jon have had so far, and both episodes really got me to love Tim, showing both his comedic and upset sides in full-force. So...yeah, I have high hopes for their involvement here, and I REALLY hope they don't get written out until the last second. It's especially enticing to me because if the ending of this episode is anything to go on, it seems like Martin and Tim will be separated from Jon for at least...some level of time. While that is...partially very scary, it could also provide a good opportunity for them to interact, which I would absolutely love because...I mean really, how often is Jon not in the room? I remember listening to the Martin poetry short (which I now know came out much later and probably altered my viewing experience, but as far as I know it didn't contain spoilers for anything past Season 1, and I'm already not having an average viewing experience by writing these damn posts so SHHHHHHHHH), and I really liked the dynamic that those two displayed, so...any chance to hear them just interact with each other without Jon in the room would be great. (which isn't to say I don't want Jon around, I absolutely love him of course, I'd just like to hear characters interact without him around every once in a while for the sake of shaking things up.) ...wow that was a long side tangent. Uh...what actually happens here?

Fuck, that took up and entire paragraph....why am I making these so long...ok anyways, Jon is a shit liar. He comes up to Martin and Tim saying that he's coming down with something, and that they should both take the next couple of days off since he still has "things he needs to take care of." Now, I don't think either of them believe him fully, that's clear enough from the tones of their voices, but they both display very different attitudes towards him. I think Tim realizes that something is up with him, but given that the animosity between them hasn't really died down, he's more than content to leave Jon behind. That...admittedly isn't a great look on him. Look, I feel like I'm a fairly strong Tim defender, I absolutely understood his side of things in Binary...but I feel like this is kind of...objectively wrong of him. I get why he's still mad at Jon, but like...leaving him behind when he's clearly in a vulnerable state and is likely about to do something dangerous...yeah that's...not all that good. I think it's an interesting character flaw that could be explored in really clever ways, so I'm ultimately happy to see more sides of him...it's just that said side of him isn't especially pretty. It doesn't really make me like him much less, as I said I think it strengthens the nuance of his character, which he definitely needs since he's...from my point of view, the least-fleshed out archival assistant (and also, any character who seduces cops for information and comes up with the Joe Spooky gag is at least a 9/10), but...I'd like to see him do better if possible. It also doesn't help that I feel like he disregards Jon's apology in quite a passive aggressive manner, like, I strongly doubt the cheery goodbye he gives is all that genuine after everything that's happened, but then again, I think it's not unfounded to question the legitimacy of Jon's apology, given that it's pretty out of nowhere and hidden behind some lies, and even though I personally think a part of it is genuine given how he clearly isn't happy about the distance he's created...it's still not wholly being done with the intention of righting his wrongs and getting better, he's only saying it now of all times because he needs Tim and Martin away from him...and is about to commit his craziest act in the entire story so far. So yeah, I get where Tim's coming from...but the whole situation kind of just sucks, and him just dragging Martin along didn't help either. Speaking of which, what about Martin?

Well...he continues to be the resident "poor guy" of this entire story, which is saying something given the fact that "poor guy" is an excellent way of describing the protagonist who's been in every episode. Much like we saw in the opening scene of Thought for the Day, he's still trying his best to just...hold everyone and everything together, making sure that it's all holding up well after the Prentiss attack and that the archives don't collapse in on themselves. And like...god damn, someone give him a hand, or a hug, or just anything. Right after Jon stops bullying him, he just...immediately gets saddled with being the resident institute superglue, and like....I feel really bad because he's genuinely such a sweetheart :(. Even though it doesn't seem like he fully believes Jon, he still tries to sympathize with him, offering to take him to a nearby walk-in when he mentions being ill, and then he runs out after Tim at the end in an attempt to keep them together. It's just...I feel like he's too nice for his own good, you know? He's really sweet, but it's to a detriment, and that's one of many reasons why I'm really desperate to learn more about his past, I feel like something definitely...made him this way, and that feeling applies to Jon and Tim as well, I just...yeah, his behavior here is one of many instances of something that makes me scream at the archival staff until they tell me all of their secrets, because I am getting HUNGRY for their lore. ...It also makes me really want to see Martin just...snap in the season finale. So, I've never really talked about it before since I was waiting for the opportune moment to do so, but uh...Martin has a few little weird things going on with him. Like, I've already mentioned the spider connections a couple of times, which just get more and more concerning to me as time goes on, but like...he lied on his CV, steals the tape recorders to put down his (NOT shitty and I will stand by that until the day I die) poetry, and also somehow pulled the whole worm corkscrew solution out of the deepest trenches of his brain. I don't think Martin is like this...secret manipulator villain or anything, I feel like that's a really obvious and boring card to play, and one that the podcast is above, but like...he is capable of scheming, and isn't just some shy little uwu baby. Combine that with the fact that he endured Jon's bullying throughout Season 1 (remember the time Jon sent him to investigate the Piecemeal lady? Because I do, what the fuck was his problem), and that he's now enduring just...everyone being so much less normal than him, I think he has earned the right to go ham at least once in his life. If that happens in the season finale I will jump for joy. Oh and uh...mentioning his relationship with Jon...I kind of wonder how that supposed crush is going.

It's overall been a very, VERY minor part of the season, which...I'm honestly fine with? Like, while I do wish other aspects of the archival assistants came into play more often, this B-plot is pretty lighthearted at the moment, and given where Jon and Martin are with each other...yeah, it wouldn't feel right to make it a major focus at the moment, I think more of their general dynamic needs to be fleshed out first, and also, a horror-mystery is one of the last genres where I'd want shipping to be front and center, so...yeah, I'm fine with its relative lack of presence. But that doesn't mean that I don't like it! While I think they'd be...an admittedly disastorous couple in the state they're in right now, I think it's a really funny and actually kind of sweet idea, and it could work in the future, it's just...boy does the future not seem bright. I honestly don't know if this idea will ever amount to anything, I mean, it hasn't even been stated that there's a crush going on, I'm just going on that assumption because of the poetry short, my constant need to look for queer subtext whenever I can reasonably find it, and...admittedly the fact that I've seen some fanart a few times, altthough as far as I'm concerned, I haven't been spoiled on anything, and it's been quite a while since I saw it. But like...regardless of whether it's canon or fanon, destined to succeed or destined to fail...I think it's a fun idea, which is honestly saying a lot for something that is...debatably a bully x victim ship in the early stages of the series, which I'm usually not huge on. But going on the assumption that he does indeed have a crush on Jon...I kind of wonder where this crush comes from? Maybe it's driven by...I don't know, Jon reminding him of someone from his past, maybe he's just very emotionally driven and doesn't understand it either, or in the funniest case scenario, the number one thing on Martin's mind is "I can fix him". As minor as the whole thing is...I'm invested in regardless. ...WOW this really went off the rails. I...I'm so sorry this has gotten so long, I know I said I didn't have too many theories but..god. I swear I'm almost done. Anyways, long story short, I'm really happy that Martin and Tim have come back, I hope to see more of them in the last two episodes, I'm very invested in both of them even if I wished they showed up more often, and it'll be both hilarious and deeply concerning if Elias spends yet another season finale vibing upstairs as Jon gets chased around by another eldritch monster...or two. Anyways, the recording ends with Jon apologizing to Martin and Tim, saying that they deserve the truth, but he's not losing anyone else. ...Christ that is sad. Even if Jon makes some stupid decisions here and there, (VERY IMMINENT FORESHADOWING) even if he can really struggle with proper communication...I don't doubt that he feels genuine remorse for his actions, and that despite it all, he has a good heart. ...Unfortunately he does not have a very good brain, which is embarrassing for an adult academic. So..yeah. It's...it's time for the big one. The one that I feel pretty confident in saying is my favorite directly recorded moment in the entirety of tma so far, maybe even being my favorite moment both in and out of statements, but is a masterclass of storytelling either way. But before you read my thoughts on it...just take five seconds to guess what my initial reaction to this scene was, ok? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Screaming. It was screaming. I was screaming internally, maybe even externally but if so I couldn't hear it over the sound of my internal scenes. "That was very stupid" YEAH MICHEAL I'D HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOUR CRYPTIC ASS FOR ONCE. This scene...I mean, where to begin? Well uh...the beginning. The scene starts off with Jon creepily whispering "it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in Central London" into the recorder. So, he's already setting off some serious alarm bells in my head...great. Let's just...add that line to the ever-growing shelf of tma quotes that live rent free in my head, we'll put it next to "Martin...you didn't die here, did you?" for....dumb man related reasons. Funny thing is, when I first heard this line, I was under the assumption that he was just about to...fucking decapitate Not!Sasha, especially since he said "I'll be seeing her later", and that would've already been dangerous and stupid in its own right...but now I kind of wish that was what he did. Because instead....he..oh my god. This guy...he reads a statement, and the purpose of this statement is to tell whoever reads it "hey! The NotThem is bound to the table! The table is keeping it trapped! It does not like it in there, but it is severely less likely to hurt people, and it's now basically impossible to hurt anyone who isn't within its general proximity! It can only hurt the people that the cockney delivery men want it to! Would be a shame if it somehow escaped!"...and yet, the thing he takes away from it...is that The NotThem is directly, biologically(?) connected to the table. ...So he decides to go grab an axe in broad daylight...and smash the only thing really keeping him safe from getting replaced. I just...I have no-well no I do actually have words, but WOW are they hard find. This is...by far the stupidest decision I've seen take place in the story so far, even JOSEPH RUSSO made better decisions, because at least he and other similar statement givers can be slightly excused by not being familiar with what they're dealing with. But Jon...he should not have this excuse. He has heard of The NotThem four times, one of which is an instance he is currently living through, and like...if those statements aren't enough, then maybe take a look at the Hill Top Road story?! But...no! He just decides to smash the thing in a massive fit of rage, because HE CAN"T BE TRUSTED TO HANDLE THIS SHIT ON HIS OWN. This is something evident from Season 1 honestly, because while he wasn't nearly as mentally broken there as he is now, if it wasn't for discoveries made by Martin and Sasha...he would have been eaten by worms. It's just....AAAAAUUUGHHH THIS WHOLE THING MAKES ME SO ANGRY, AND THE WORST PART IS...it's actually a very logical and clever thing to make his character do.

Like, I'm very pissed off at Jon right now (not as much as I'm scared for his life obviously), but...dammit, it's actually a fantastic part of the story. Jon's entire arc in Season 2 has been one massive downward spiral, no matter how much he tries to get better, he always finds himself deeper and deeper inside paranormal shit, something that in retrospect, was foreshadowed brilliantly by the first episode. So in all honesty, I've kind of been expecting him to do something extremely reckless and dangerous for quite a while now, but...what he ended up doing was so much more stupid than I could've ever predicted, which yeah, is a little bit frustrating, but I overall have to commend Jonny for still managing to subvert my expectations like this. I'm upset with Jon as a person...but when it comes to Jon as a character, I think it's a very logical thing for him to do, so I really like this decision. And honestly...I've seen worse. One of my least favorite tropes in horror is when characters are just made cartoonishly stupid for the sake of making bad things happen, but here...I don't know, it feels a lot more earned. Like, I do genuinely believe that this is something Jon would do given the current state of his mind and emotions, which is honestly something that tma does really well across the board. Every character feels like they're as smart as they should be, and there's a good level of diversity in terms of levels of intelligence. And I mean...god, the entire scene does go really hard. The sound of the axe hitting against the wood (which by the way, I...do admittedly find it kind of funny that something so consistently powerful and ominous was destroyed so easily), Jon's frustrated grunts that show off his sheer rage and anger at The NotThem and everything associated with it perfectly, the static noise that gets louder and louder before being eclipsed by a low scream (which like...I kind of wonder if that's supposed to be the static noise for the spiders, since all of ✨the horrors✨ seem to have their own specific sound), and then the way the noise stops as the table is destroyed, with Jon letting out an exhausted chuckle at the end...it's all really chilling, and I genuinely froze up while listening to it. It also kind of feels like...I don't know, the end of an era. From all the weird shit at Hill Top Road to post 2001 encounters with The NotThem, this table has caused so much damage...and now it's finally gone. That's obviously not a good thing overall...but I'll be damned if there isn't a sense of finality with its destruction. And mentioning finality...I fear such a concept will meet Jon's life very soon. After he destroys the table, a new static noise starts creeping in...and there he is. The man(?), the myth(?), the legend(?)....Micheal McFuckHands. Let's. Fucking. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! He might have had his time to shine in Fatigue, but now, after 31 episodes of not hearing his voice, he's FINALLY back in the spotlight. Also, I absolutely love how HE, the most cryptic and vague character in the entire story so far, who is intent on making it as clear as possible that he is not human, just comes in saying the truest thing ever. Just...god I love him so much. "That was very stupid" can also go on the quote shelf. Honestly, Micheal is a peak example of what vibes alone can do to someone. We know next to NOTHING about this guy, he's only properly appeared in four episodes, two of which didn't actually have his voice...and he's probably, no, definitely my favorite character so far. Just...this man has such a visceral effect on me that I can't ever properly describe. What an icon.

Anyways, he shows up, Jon says "what do you want" in a very cold manner (which makes me laugh because it suggests to me that despite them presumably only interacting once before this, he's already tired of his bullshit), and Micheal responds by telling Jon the obvious. While doing so, he mentions..."the protections he has here", and how he doubts Jon can survive The NotThem even with those on. I find this pretty interesting, it definitely adds to the inherent weirdness of the institute, but...it could mean a whole plethora of things, and this section is already long enough so...maybe that's a discussion for another time. But as Jon's mistake finally sets in...we start to hear Not!Sasha in the distance, calling out his name as her voice gets closer and closer...and gradually more distorted. AAAAAAAHHHHH THAT'S SO TERRIFYING!!! Like...after a whole season of her just hanging around for the most part, the prospect of her finally going full massive monster is just...just no. No thanks. I...also feel like I should point out how we now have Micheal and The NotThem in the same scene, since I pointed out their similarities in one of my theories. Admittedly, while I do find these odd shared traits interesting...I have to be honest, I'm becoming less and less inclined to follow that theory of mine as time goes on. I still think it's very cool conceptually but...eh, there's a number of holes in the idea, and now that we know the table is not connected to The NotThem outside of it acting as a prison, and that it has much more of a prominent spider connection than a fractal connection...yeah, that's already some evidence for the two of them being "aspects of The Stranger" gone down the drain. I'll still keep that theory about "The Stranger" referring to viruses in the code in my mind, but...I think the idea of it referring to one of ✨the horrors✨, namely the one that The NotThem and all of the stuff from Still Life serve, makes a lot more sense. Besides, it's taken a lot of effort to assemble a list of ✨the horrors✨, so I don't want to tamper with it too much unless I absolutely have to. I still think the simulation idea works well enough, and the idea of Micheal specifically being a virus or error also works...but I think I'll hold off on The NotThem for now. Still, them being in the same scene like this is interesting. But uh...finally wrapping things up, Jon starts freaking out as Not!Sasha starts approaching (I definitely imagine her sort of...going into her true form as this happens as well), and then...Micheal opens his door, basically saying that it's Jon's only way out. ...Oh my god. That is as terrifying as it is awesome. With that, the episode ends as Not!Sasha bursts into artifact storage, and Micheal leaves us with his...subjectively beautiful laughter. So um...yeah. Needless to say I'm absolutely terrified. The NotThem is pursuing Jon (PLEASE don't let Not!Jon become a thing), he's probably going to find himself in Micheal's backrooms which is...fun..I guess, Martin and Tim are...somewhere, as is Elias...there's probably going to be some stuff with the tunnels, some big answers regarding the guy down there, maybe some Gertrude lore, maybe some involvement from Basira, the next episode will probably be like Infestation...I don't know. I...guess I'll just have to see for myself. Great episode but....ugggggghhhh god help me.

Supplemental: Wow....that came out much longer than I expected. And it took longer too, Christ it was like three days. Uh...thank you so much for making it this far, I do hope you can see why this post has taken so long to get published, but like...I seriously appreciate anyone who's reading this very sentence, you rock. I...really wish I could spare you from a longer supplemental, especially since I still have two more episodes and a little bonus thing to write for....but I'm sorry, this has been playing on my mind and if I don't get it out soon I'm going to explode. I'll try and make it quick. So, I've obviously been drawing attention to how weird the institute is a lot recently, and while I still stand by that claim (especially with what Micheal says in this episode)...I haven't really thought about how weird the archives are specifically, in comparison to the rest of the institute. It's outright said by Mary in First Edition that the people on higher floors of the institute (so, presumably different departments) don't understand how special the archives are, which...might honestly explain why Elias acts the way he does if it turns out he's not that aware of his own institute's weirdness, although I'm still personally pretty suspicious of his demeanor. But like...if Mary, who is the institute's Number 1 hater, is able to admit that there's something special about the archives...there's clearly something going on there that's worth drawing attention to. And...do you remember how in Crusader, Gertrude talked about how she thought the old ruins of the serapeum were a "previous iteration of the archive", and how the creepy cyclops monster was likely once an archivist? Well, the way she talked about it...to me, it didn't sound like she was calling the serapeum just...an old archive in general, but specifically, an archive that the modern day Magnus Institute archives are based on. This leads me to believe that Jonah Magnus, or...whoever made tha archives of the institute specifically, somehow adopted the design of the serapeum archives, and brought its paranormal properties with it. For what purpose, I don't know, we know that the institute was relocated to London after starting in Edinburgh, but that Jonah had knowledge of the strange architecture of Robert Smirke (which the institute was built on top of, ala the tunnels) before he did so, so...he clearly was not opposed to the idea of making the institute paranormal. But..it's concerning. Especially if that cyclops thing is a previous archivist, and the archivists are a sort of...lineage that stretches back to god knows when like Jon suggests...like, that's weird right? Is that meant to suggest that Jon will become a cyclops monster one day? Is that...somehow what remains of Gertrude, if she even has remains beyond her human corpse? Do certain other weird qualities of the institute, like the inability to quit or be fired...only apply to the archives? I'm just...oh god I need to lie down. There’s just so many mysteries, and trying to solve them is a…not fruitless, but certainly rigorous endeavor. That's all from me...I think at least, uh...see you for episode 79. ...why is this so long...

- Episode 79, Hide and Seek 🫥

Original recording of manifestations and sightings at the Magnus Institute, London.

...do...do you get it? The emoji? It's like- it's like a person fading away. Because of...because of The NotThem. ...Look I'm really trying here, it's hard to sum up 15 minutes of running, screaming and lore-dropping in a single symbol. Anyways uh...what was I supposed to be doing again? Oh yeah, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAATTTT???!!! ...Much better. So as expected for this lovely little season finale, I just...cannot catch a break, can I? I don't think ANYONE can vatch a break in this scenario, not me, not the characters (except for Micheal who's having the time of his....what I think is a life, and Elias who's smoking pot in his office), and not Rusty Quill because holy shit those audio distortions are a lot. Thankfully, this episode is pretty short, and due to its structure, there's probably not going to be as much recap to get through, mostly analysis, which is...very handy given that the final episode of the season is the longest in the series so far. But...as for that analysis...ohohohoho. There is some...very, very interesting information in this episode to unpack. I don't know how many new theories I might have here, but I at the very least know that this episode has done a great job pushing the plot forward...and holy shit, do I feel validated by some of the fuel it's added to my pre-existing theories. It's certainly a chaotic ride, and...dear god, there is a LOT riding on the next episode's back after this one, but for now...I'm just going to lay out my thoughts in as coherent of a manner as I possibly can. I just...I...the fact he's called "Mystery Figure" in the credits and transcipt is both a blessing and a curse, my god.

So, here's a fun fact for you. After the...not so calm events of Distant Cousin, especially with the ending in mind...I was understandably very scared of what was to come next. For all I knew, I would be greeted by the raging screams of a mangled changeling creature as soon as my beloved intro music faded away, and when you combine that with my scrambled thoughts, busy schedule and the...three days I spent writing the last part good god, and you're left with someone who takes an entire week to muster up the courage to listen to this one. Finally, I know what it's like to listen to this podcast as it comes out kind of maybe not really! So...imagine my suprise when I finally tune on in...and I am greeted by the admittedly subpar musings of a verbally abused queer office worker. ...God I hate my life. I don't even think there's any greater meaning to the episode opening up this way beyond it just...being on the tape Tim uses. Like, believe me, I've tried examaning what the poem says...five or six times now, but beyond London, architecture and...people...yeah there's nothing there. So as far as I'm concerned, this was just put at the beginning to toy with people like me. ....Well played Jonny. And like...I'm sorry, I know I've been defending Martin's poetry since the beginning of the season (not like...as a consistent thing, but...you get what i mean), but...yeah I'm not impressed by this. Maybe it gets better later on, but for now...poor job Mr. Blackwood. Also, this just made me remember that he has a middle name. What is it though? "Korn"? "Krispy"? "Kill me, for I have fallen in love with the worst possible man to fall in love with?" Is this the most important mystery of the entire plot? Who knows, (aside from....everyone who's already finished the podcast I guess) but for now, let's just move on to the actual plot of the episode. So....I must give my deepest apologies to Tim. As it turns out, he thankfully knows better than to leave Jon alone like that. I mean, I already figured he knew something was up, but it's good to know he didn't just leave with Martin despite it. Granted though, it doesn't mean that he's...exactly worried about Jon. He's a lot more worried about what Jon might do specifically, doesn't think his apology was genuine, and is there to...stop him rather than save him, which is in stark contrast to Martin, who's obviously a lot more genuinely worried for him. Once again, it's....somewhat frustrating to see Tim act like this, but also understandable from his perspective. Sure, his lack of concern for Jon's wellbeing isn't...great, but like...he's in a situation like no other, so I can't blame him for being kind of self-serving, since even though he's wrong to assume that he's the only one in the archives who feels alone...at the end of the day, he's still alone, and he doesn't seem to have much to distract himself with. You know...I know that the whole thing about him seducing cops for information was kind of played for laughs...but I do have to wonder if that shows a lack of ability for personal connection on Tim's part...or maybe I'm just reading too much into things. My point is, as always, it's frustrating to see Tim have so little regard for Jon's wellbeing, and parts of his reasoning for acting that way are certainly flawed...but I fully understand where he's coming from. Everyone might be in the same lonely situation, and it's hard for me to determine whether or not Tim really has it worse than everyone else...but I can at the very least tell that the toll it takes on him is...different, it makes him more angry than sad or scared. I do hope we get to learn a bit more about his deeper psyche and elusive past eventually though, because right now...while I still really like him, it's sort of hard to pin down what my overall view on his character is.

Anyways uh...minor character rambling aside, it's nice to see Martin and Tim's escapades recorded here, even if it's supposed to be used for court evidence, and also totally not being done on the same tape used to record Streets by Martin K. Blackwood. I'll touch a bit more on their dynamic with each other later, but for now, just know that it was really nice to see them interact without Jon around, even if the circumstances make their relationship a...bit less happy and fun than what was heard in the Epiphany short. But uh...back to what they're actually doing, as they go around the archives looking for Jon, they eventually find that he's not in his office...of course. But as they wander around...Tim brings up some interesting points. I am happy to say that FINALLY, after all the small little hints spread throughout the past two seasons...the weirdness of the institute is finally going places. Tim talks about how he can't quit or get fired, the same seemingly applying to Jon, points out how Elias doesn't even run the place properly (THANK GOD he says that because holy shit if that isn't weird I don't know what is), he talks about how something is watching everyone and messing with their heads, and how...Jon's behavior seems supernatural in itself. This is all...extremely gripping to me. We get more clear and substantial information on some of these topics later in the episode, but...this certainly sows some seeds right out of the gate. The whole...watching thing reminds me of all the eye imagery, which thankfully comes back around later, but like...I'M STILL PRETTY FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT. I'm starting to get...genuinely very suspicious of Elias, like, it's funny to me that despite him having...arguably the most detailed backstory out of anyone in the institute so far (which isn't saying much but still), he's...honestly the most mysterious and polarizing to me. I REALLY need some more lore on him soon, because right now...piecing him together is damn near impossible. And then we have Tim thinking that Jon himself is supernatural, which...well, I'll get to that later, but this is all very intriguing for now. He also moves on to say that he thinks the institute is more haunted than it used to be, and-oh look there's the mangled changeling creature screams! So...yeah, as soon as he says that, The NotThem, now in its true form from the sound of things, bursts through a door, and immediately scuttles down through the trap door and into the tunnels, still on the hunt for Jon. Now, while the timing of its...pleasant noise is played for dramatic irony, comedic effect and a jumpscare, it did also make me realize something. A while back, I proposed that the reason Tim's unable to quit was because The NotThem was utilizing the power of the table against them, binding them with its webs in a similar manner to what Adelard Dekker did. Now...I'm pretty damn certain that's not the case. Not only do we learn a little bit more about The NotThem's purpose later on, which doesn't really seem to require it to do or want to do such a thing, but I think it's safe to say that it and the table are entirely separate things now, and that it can't utilize the table's power itself, as that power likely only belongs to spider people like Raymond and Dekker. Just...wanted to clear that up, but going back to the story, Martin notices how much The NotThem looks like..."Sasha", but both he and Tim deny that it's her. Which like...yeah, it isn't, but I find it both funny and tragic that their reasoning for thinking so is completely wrong. But while they're obviously very freaked out by the sudden appearance of... god-knows-what, Martin refuses to let up. Realizing that The NotThem is after Jon...he heads into the tunnels, and since it's physically impossible to say no to him, Tim follows. Oh...dear me. I know I said I'm glad to have some Martin and Tim escapades in this episode...but I would've honestly been fine if they just went to get lunch and that was it. Regardless, now that they're in the tunnels, how's Jon doing?

Ok, on the count of five, give me your best guess as to how Jon's doing. Five, four, thre-BAD. HE'S DOING BAD OF COURSE HE'S DOING BAD! LIKE ALWAYS HE IS DOING BAD. Granted though...he could be worse. Unsurprisingly, he found himself in...quite the sticky situation at the end of last episode, so he was left with no choice but to go through Micheal's door. On the bright side though, it turns out that the door isn't just an immediate sentence to the backrooms, as Micheal actually sent him to the tunnels instead. That actually gets me wondering if...maybe the Micheal and the door are more separate than I initially assumed. We know that he is...in one way or another, the same being as the backrooms, but now that it's been shown the door and the backrooms aren't neccessarily connected, I have to wonder if...maybe the door is some sort of artifact that Micheal's got his big-ass hands on, and while he usually uses it to trap people in his hell dimension, i might ultimately be just...some kind of general teleportation device, and that...also makes me wonder if the backrooms have a set location on earth that we just don't know about yet. Well, at least Jon isn't there, although the tunnels are only...marginally better than the backrooms if I'm being honest. I do find it kind of interesting that the tunnels and the backrooms are so similar though, like, they have their fair share of differences, but...I don't know, Jon straight up says they're both corridor hellmazes, so there might be some relevance there. Uhhhhh....MICHEAL THEORY #47!!! He's like...some sort of sentient construct built by Robert Smirke, since he also built the tunnels. I'll add that one to my list of theories, and then proceed to do nothing with it ever again. Anyways, going back to Jon....yeah, he's in a bad spot. He has no idea where in the tunnels he even is, is trying his best to stay hidden from The NotThem, and is THANKFULLY bemoaning his destruction of the table. I can not even begin to tell you how much of a raging inferno I would've become if he just...never acknowledged his own stupidity in that moment ever. Ultimately though, I forgive him, since not only did...I mean, I...think things have turned out ok by the end of this episode? Maybe? I guess I'll just have to wait and see, but...the main reason I'm forgiving him is because HOLY SHIT IF I DON'T FEEL VALIDATED BY THIS SCENE. Jon talks about how the table is associated with webs and spiders, and how that force naturally opposes and weakens The NotThem. This isn't like...a huge revelation or anything, I think anyone with ears (except for Jon in the previous episode apparently) can probably figure that out, but...it's like the biggest acknowledgement of this opposition between forces that we've gotten so far, not even the episodes with The Cult of The Lightless Flame against the spiders got this much acknowledgement on that front, and...it REALLY does add fuel to my ideas surrounding ✨the horrors✨, at least in my opinion. Maybe not aspects like my exact list of them, or all of the stuff surrounding the simulation theory (excluding that now...likely outdated interpretation of "The Stranger" for the record), but...at this point, I think it's safe to say that there's multiple eldritch beings influencing all of the monsters, weirdos and artifacts that have shown up so far, all in opposition. Like...I'd be stunned if that wasn't the route they were going down at this point, but I'm honestly just...really happy that at the very least...parts of my initial interpretations behind ✨the horrors✨ are being confirmed as we speak. I've had these ideas for a very long time now so...I'm praying that I get a decent amount correct here, and Jon's whole monologue here is one of quite a few suspected answers to those prayers. But with all of that aside for the moment, Jon says that he's going to conserve what tape he has...and then we hear that distorted call of his name before the recorder clicks. ...yippee.

We cut back to Martin and Tim, who've now entered the tunnels in search of Jon and....what to them is some sort of really gangly whatever that looks like a REALLY stretched out "Sasha". You know...if they manage to escape from their current predicament...I wonder how they're going to react if Jon tells them what he learned. That could be...very upsetting. Well, before I start getting scared and depressed, let's try and stay on track. So Tim and Martin's ideological differences really shine in this scene. Tim starts being a little hypocritical, suggesting they try and get Elias after calling him useless earlier, and Martin holds this and his initial desire to not do anything about Jon against him, while also complaining about how he's never heard. So yeah...both of them are being extremely petty and I absolutely love it. I know I said I love their friendship in that short, but this...this is just as good, if not better (although it does make me pretty sad to see them fight as well). Anyways, Tim angrily asks Martin what he even wants, and...he says that if he wants everyone to be happy forever, it's not going to happen. Now, I can't disagree with him there, I mean...look at what's going on right now, everyone here is absolutely traumatized, but I find this line kind of interesting because...it seems like Tim is deflecting? Or at the very least, he's venting his own frustrations while also pinning them onto Martin. I say this because, personally, I see Tim as someone who...doesn't cope well in situations where people aren't happy. He's less prone to fixing the problem than Martin, who keeps on pushing to make things better despite there...unfortunately being a slim chance of return, but...I don't know. His behavior in Season 1 shows that he's kind of the office ray of sunshine, at least until after the Prentiss attack, and even in Season 2...while he's most upset about stuff like Jon watching his house, he also gets upset seeing Jon just...do weird shit in general, like whispering into a supplemental tape that didn't even concern him. I'd hesitate to call him some sort of...massive empath, not only due to his disregard for Jon but...also because I feel like Martin fulfills that narrative role a bit more, but...I don't think he's someone who copes well in environments where others are unhappy or stressed. I think it just...REALLY kills the vibe for him in a way that leads to him doing toxic or unhealthy things, and I find that to be an interesting character flaw. And then we have Martin's response, which also reveals some interesting things about his character. Firstly, I'm happy to report that he POPPED THE HELL OFF!!! I'm really happy to see him finally get genuinely angry and express his emotions, I mean, I was kind of hoping for something like him brutally murdering The NotThem in a fit of rage, because that would've been...just the most metal thing the podcast could do at the moment, but I'll still take what I can get. Although...him brutally murdering someone isn't off the table. Like...I've said before that I think an "evil Martin" twist wouldn't be my favorite thing, which I still stand by, but like...I could work with a gradual corruption arc, or something adjacent, if it meant him REALLY cutting loose. But as much as I love this whole scene, along with Alex's delivery...something stands out to me about it. While Martin is angrily expressing his emotions, which is overall a massive sign of growth...he's not really standing up for himself. He's standing up for Jon, he's standing up for...generally everyone, talking about how Tim doesn't realize he's the only person suffering, but...he's not quite standing up for himself. Which like, yeah, that makes sense since Tim has not been nearly as hostile to him as he's been with Jon...but it did make me come to a bit of a realization. Martin Blackwood...probably has some issues with self-worth.

I mean, I feel like I've known that subconsciously since his debut, but...it hasn't really hit me just...how much of an unfortunate pushover this guy is, and I say that lovingly. It's not exactly the most...wild take of all time, I know, but I've never really discussed the fact before. Martin is always extremely doting towards others, always looking out for them before himself. Now, I'm sure that quite a lot of that comes from him just being a genuinely kind and empathetic person, don't get things twisted. But there's a difference between being loving towards others, and being so prepared to put others first that you neglect your own happiness. Because, take a look at every scene Martin's in, or every comment that's been made about him...and you start to realize how a shockingly tiny amount of what he does ever benefits him specifically, it's usually benefiting everyone at best, and hurting him at worst. And while he's always sweet and courteous and rarely super upset or down...I can't name a scenario where he seemed really, TRULY happy, even Jon has a couple of scenes like that, but not Martin. And even when he does do some rather self-serving things here and there, like stealing recorders for his poetry or lying on his CV...he's always super ashamed of it. Those two things I just mentioned remain his biggest secrets to date, when honestly, they're...pretty harmless all things considered. But things like those slightly cheeky actions, and his monologue in this very scene...they show that he has the capacity to be an upstanding person, I don't think he's a pushover deep down, he definitely has a sturdy spine...he just doesn't use it. I'm starting to get the sense that his "sweet little guy" personality is kind of a mask, but not in a manipulative sociopath way, more in a..."I really need people to not hate me" sort of way. I think that he believes if he doesn't act all sweet and humble, people won't like him, he doesn't think people would like a version of him that stands up for himself, which makes Jon's initial distaste for him EVEN more depressing in retrospect. Even in this scene, the most he's ever stood up for what he believes in...he's not doing it for himself. He's doing it for Jon. And like, while I still think the idea of JonMartin could really go in great directions in the future, this is one of the reasons why I'm actually not onboard with the idea when you consider the current state of the characters, beyond it being...kind of funny to ship them in their current states, because at the end of the day they're just soaking wet fictional men. Not only do I feel like they wouldn't work as they are now because...truth be told, I'm not really convinced that Jon reciprocates his feelings at the moment, even if their platonic relationship has seen some noticeable growth since Season 1, but also because I feel like that if Martin were to be in a relationship, he'd need to learn to serve himself here and there. A relationship where he throws away everything for a man who...cares about him, sure, but not quite THAT much...it just wouldn't work. I still think that there's many routes the two of them can take going forward, and a lot of those routes could result in a genuinely great relationship...but now? Nah. And...one last thing, going back to the whole thing about Martin not believing that people would like a version of him that stands up for himself...I find that so sad because...they absolutely would. And why do I think that? Well, that's because of my good friend Epiphany!

In this short, Tim outright says that Martin will give himself away until there's nothing left of him to be loved, and that people will love him not because of what he has to give, but because of where he stands firm. And while Martin genuinely appreciates the advice...I don't think he's really been taking it. Part of it might be due to the fact that his relationship with Tim, the guy who gave him the advice in the first place, has worsened since that short's place in the timeline, but I would not be surprised if it was also just...part of the way his brain works. He knows that he should love himself more, he knows that it'll make his life better...but I don't think he knows how to start doing so. Ultimately, I get the sense that Martin's character arc is likely to be one of self-worth, whether he gains or loses more is entirely up in the air, but it's interesting regardless.

Well...that was a long side tangent. I know this is...pretty different from what I usually write in these posts, but that's because I'm just...really happy that I'm starting to understand these characters beyond just the sum of their parts. As much as I do truly love making all of my wild speculations and analysis of the plot, lore and world of tma, I have really been wanting to do some more detailed character analysis for a while now. Because...this podcast has a genuinely really endearing cast of characters, I think they're all very interesting, but I think the anthological structure, along with the fact that the majority of recurring characters have yet to appear outside of statements where they're not much more than a mysterious stranger, makes it hard to truly understand every dimension of every person. I will admit that I was...a little harsh on Martin and Tim's characters in my section on Distant Cousin, and I could've worded my thoughts much better. I think saying that Basira, Melanie, and especially Gertrude have had more complete arcs than them was definitely a stretch. It's just that ultimately, they're all members of the supporting cast, so...while I now realize that their arcs are smaller than Martin and Tim's, I guess I felt more satisfied with their size given how they aren't really supposed to be as important as these two (although that isn't meant to say I think their arcs are necessarily complete.) On top of that, I feel like their arcs have oddly contributed more to the plot, what with Basira giving the tapes, Melanie revealing the truth behind Not!Sasha and paralleling Jon, and Gertrude…being herself, where as Martin and Tim are relegated to office drama, which I still find very interesting, and I’d hesitate to call it irrelevant or meaningless…but it’s not as much of a big game changer as what other characters have provided. I guess I've just wanted more from Martin and Tim, because even though I became immediately endeared to both of them as soon as they first appeared...they're supposed to be part of the MAIN cast, and that leaves me wishing for their appearances more than I do characters like Basira and Melanie. Hell, as much as I play up my mournful longing for Micheal to come back, I'm actually a lot more fine with him being an infrequent and unpredictable appearance, because that just feels in line with his chaotic neutral persona. Martin and Tim though...I don't know, I feel like they deserve more. But at the end of the day...I doubt these minor criticisms will mean much in the long run, because it definitely feels like they're really developing! I can safely say that I feel like I'm finally starting to get a good grasp of Martin as a whole after this episode, and while my thoughts on Tim are still kind of muddled and shifting, it's definitely some great progress. I can only hope that this progress continues into Season 3. Oh and uh...one last thing regarding this.

As happy as I am with this development....man, it really puts into perspective how tragic Sasha's character is. I know I've made my theories about...death in the hypothetical simulation meaning release into the real world, and there are instances of immortality and ghosts, sure, but...after what Dekker said to Lawrence Moore in the last episode...the chances of us ever hearing Sasha again are slim to none, which means that realistically...we'll never really know her. And honestly, I feel like that's by design. She was replaced by The NotThem, a creature that erases its victims memory from the world. So having the cast lose their true memory of her, and having the viewers never really get to see the greater extent of her as a person...well, I don't think I need to explain why I find that so tonally fitting. It's just...I really miss her you guys :(. Ok, enough rambling about suffering gay people, let's look at a DELIGHTED gay person instead. It's him! He's here! He was gone for like...7 minutes but who cares! He's back! Micheal!!!!!!!!! God I just. I can't. Why is he the most perfectly imperfect specimen of all time? That is my husband. That is my wife. That is my sleep paralysis demon and I love him with all my heart. He's just...so silly as well, like, Martin tells him to stay back and he says "no :)". I know I just did a long monologue about how I want more character exploration beyond just vibes, but honestly? Micheal is the one exception to that. I do want answers regarding...what the hell he even is, not neccesarily because I think his character needs it (I mean his whole thing is not making coherent sense in any way shape or form), but it's more because...I have spent too much time and energy trying to decipher this man. But outside of that....he's basically perfect as is. His energy is just that immaculate. At this point, an interesting backstory or any actual character depth would just be the cherry on top of an already 5 star cake. Anyways, as always, he says some very vague, yet still interesting things. Firstly, I just noticed that...he pretty much always introduces himself by his name...except for when he met Jon. And...also Lydia Halligan if I recall, but...her statement is pretty loopy in it's own right so I'll leave that one up in the air. But with Sasha, Helen Richardson, and now these two...he always uses his name, which is interesting to me when you consider his whole "there is no such thing as a real name" spiel that he gives Jon in The New Door. I'm...also kind of concerned by how he calls Jon "the archivist" now. It initially didn't strike me as all that strange (at least by Micheal standards), since he doesn't refer to...anyone by their names that often at all, but...given how this episode sheds a bit of light on what the title of "the archivist" even means in this context...I'm raising an eyebrow at this little quirk now. Anyways, the long story short is that he considers watching Jon die a "sport" (...is it wrong that I would probably find that more attention-grabbing than any actual sport?), and also claims to plan on killing Martin and Tim, simply because he wants to see what happens if there's no one to save Jon. ....Never change you horrible blonde thing. He also mentions how no one is protected down in the tunnels, as opposed to the institute. This definitely makes sense, it's a nice nod to how the tunnels initially belonged to Millbank Prison, and the institute was just built upon them...but it also made me realize that maybe Jon would've had a better chance of surviving The NotThem if he DIDN'T take Micheal's door. I know Micheal said that he doubted Jon could survive, even with the protections of the institute...but man, I think he took a much worse option than he realized. Regardless, it seems like Micheal's threat might be a bit of a bluff, as it causes Martin and Tim to run through his door, and-...oh no. Oh no no no no no no no no. That's. Um. That's not good. I'll uh...I'll come back to this later, but for now...let's check back on Jon.

Once again...he is not doing well. After hearing The NotThem, he started descending into the lower sanctums of the tunnels, eventually coming across a metal pipe which....wait what happened to his axe? Come on man, if you're going to use it to make the biggest fuck-up of the century you could at least bother to amend that by using it for good. Even he admits that the pipe won't help, and...sure, the axe probably wouldn't do much better, but it's a step in the right direction! Well, having a weapon at least makes him feel safe, so I guess it's better than nothing. And then...things get depressing. Jon has realized that The NotThem is likely intent on replacing him next, and starts yelling into the tapes that...if he's gone, then the being that would be called "Not!Jon" is...well, not him. On top of that...he continues to mourn for Sasha, not just because she's dead, but because he can't even remember her face. It's all...really depressing, and I think the first part shows a depressing...well, not a willingness to die on his part, more of an expectancy, but...that's not great. Anyways, Jon quickly learns to stop talking, as The NotThem eventually makes its appearance. And I've got to say...I REALLY like it in this episode. I've always thought that it's an amazing concept for a horror monster, and Not!Sasha has been consistently intimidating throughout her entire time in the podcast, but like...it never quite had the same draw as other antagonists. Like, Jane had her really tragic and messed up backstory, Micheal has his whimsical mystique, but The NotThem...it works really well as a general evil force in the story, but I was never attached to it as a character like I was with others. Here though....I mean, it's still the most evil and despicable out of the three big bads that have shown up so far, like, I need to make it clear that this thing is pure evil to me, and...if it really does turn out to be dead after the events of the episode, or if not, dies later on without any sympathy added to its existence, I will not be mourning it like I did with Jane. But...all things considered, while it's still evil and terrifying, I really like the personality it showcases in this episode. When pretending to be Sasha, it's not much more than an ominous presence, but now that it's here as its true self...man, I love it. It's cunning, taunting, and later on just gives off this sense of...being absolutely done with everything, so much anger and frustration at its situation and the people it's had to put up with. This scene in particular is where it comes off as the most downright despicable. It taunts Jon, keeping up the charade of Sasha as a cruel joke, before later telling Jon it's going to wear him (which was a fucking HAUNTING line by the way)...and then it mentions how what it did to Sasha hurt. ...The fact that that was what set Jon off into confronting it directly, the fact that The NotThem used it as bait...man does that hurt. With that, Jon is sent running once again, in what is...arguably the most danger we've ever seen him in, more than the Prentiss attack. But before we get to what is my personal favorite scene in the episode, there's one more look at Martin and Tim to go over.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Just when I thought we had narrowly avoided the backrooms, when I thought that Micheal wouldn't do anything...THAT bad...here we are. And it's arguably worse than if Jon was stuck there, because Martin and Tim have...absolutely NO idea what they're dealing with. So yeah...after hearing a door open alongside Micheal's infamous laughter...these two are stuck in his domain. Throughout the recordings that take place in here, Martin and Tim's voices are now distorted and echoing, with the same squiggly static that showed up when Micheal first appeared also being there, and both effects being louder upon the final recording done by these two. It's genuinely terrifying to finally hear what it's like in there firsthand...but I will say, I'm starting to become really confused by all the static now. Like, I now noticed that Micheal has a static noise that plays in both The New Door and this scene, but has a different one that plays in Distant Cousin, and the scene with him in the tunnels earlier in this episode. Then you have the table, which plays something that sounds like The NotThem's static, but also a...screaming sound, which...might be the spiders' static noise since the table is being destroyed as the sound plays, but...I don't know, for some reason the scream feels more fitting for The NotThem to me. And then you have the static on Basira's phone call in Takeaway, which...should theoretically represent the powers of Mr. Pitch, but according to Basira's statement in Police Lights...she wasn't even at the Outer Bay Shipping building when she made that call. So...what's going on here? I don't know, either I'm wrong about how I interpret the static, there's some issues with continuity, or maybe it doesn't actually mean much and is just used for creepy effects like the music. I doubt the third one is the case, especially since Martin acknowledges the backrooms noise in this very scene, and I have better faith in Rusty Quill than what choosing option two would entail, so...maybe I need to rethink some things in the future. Anyways, back to Martin and Tim...oh god. I'm...actually getting really scared for them. I've already brought up some potential death flags before, but...wow, this does not look good. I mean, I'm pretty sure Martin will be...well maybe not FINE, but at least alive, but Tim...I don't know. I think he has a decent chance at survival, but...we did lose an archival assistant last season, and if they wanted...they COULD kill him off here without much trouble. I personally hope that doesn't happen, but.....AAAAUUUUUGGHHHH PLEASE BE OK BOTH OF YOU!!! I...really hope that Micheal doesn't start haunting them...or worse... One more recording, oh boy.

So...this one. HOO-WHEE IS THE LORE GOING STRONG WITH THIS ONE. So, as Jon continues to run away from The NotThem in panic, it makes some snide comments about how it hated waiting around in the institute... but then gives a "statement" to him in mockery, and...there is some really interesting information in this. This is where a lot of my thoughts...REALLY get validated. The NotThem starts off by recounting some basic information we already knew, talking about its general abilities and how Adelard Dekker bound it to the table. Still though, it's really cool to hear the story from its perspective, I especially love how it refers to Dekker as a "nasty man". It also says that it enjoyed it whenever someone remembered the old person, because it meant they became scared when no one else was. To me, this...almost confirms that The NotThem was intentionally revealing itself to select people for the sake of sick pleasure, and if that's not the case...well then, it at the very least isn't against that happening. But then...it starts to recount what happened after it was bound to the table. It says that it got its "friends" to carry it around so that it continue its work, "friends" obviously referring to Breekon and Hope. This confirms at least one of my suspicions from Still Life, that being that The NotThem and Breekon and Hope are allies, and that they weren't utilizing it as an unwilling weapon or anything. At least...not until recently. Now, we know from Gertrude that The NotThem is motiveless, on a personal level, it has no desire outside of replacing people and scaring a select few, which seems to be more of a natural instinct than anything else. However...Gertrude also says that if it were to have any purpose beyond that, it could prove much more dangerous, and unfortunately...even if it's not out of The NotThem's own will...it was sent to The Magnus Institute for a reason beyond just sowing chaos. Apparently, The Magnus Institute and The NotThem, or...potentially the greater forces that the two of them serve, are enemies, and Breekon and Hope sent The NotThem to the institute in order to steal information. ...Oh dear.

So, as you already know, I believe that The NotThem, Breekon and Hope, The Anglerfish and The Other Circus are all united in one common goal, likely serving the same member of ✨the horrors✨, and said member of ✨the horrors✨ is probably called "The Stranger". I also believe that The Magnus Institute is paranormal in its own right (which is practically confirmed at this point), and that it serves and/or is connected to the member of ✨the horrors✨ that possesses prominent eye imagery, which also seems to be served by the Keay Family, with the exception of Mary. This is even backed up when The NotThem outright says their enemy has "the biggest eyes you ever did see." And thanks to Micheal, we know that there is some sort of "struggle" or "war" going on, one that the institute has a stake in, and due to various context clues such as rivalry between The Cult of The Lightless Flame and the spiders, and Jon's whole thing about the spiders and The NotThem being naturally opposed earlier in the episode...it's safe to assume that this is a war between ✨the horrors✨, although what they're fighting for is unknown. Alternatively...if you for some reason stick with my crack theory about the maintainers of the simulation against the invaders, then...maybe the war is more one-sided. The point is, The Magnus Institute is at war with The NotThem and all of its allies, which...honestly works very well thematically. This...eye thing, it's an observer in nature, always watching in the distance, keeping its eye on the institute staff. I think this is why it's connected to the institute, since they are a faction that is actively seeking knowledge, trying to understand the paranormal without intervening, simply choosing to look from afar. But as for The NotThem, and everything else I believe to be united under "The Stranger"...they're nearly the complete opposite. They not only seek to actively cause paranormal activity, where as the eye thing simply sits in the background for the most part (I mean, it has a shocking lack of statements surrounding it), but also, the one major thing all of these "aspects of The Stranger" share in common is appearing as normal, when in reality they are eldritch, weird and monstrous. They choose to conceal, which makes them a perfect natural enemy for The Magnus Institute. The institute is trying to understand them (not in an empath way, but like...in a stalker way), and The Stranger does not want to be understood. So...yeah, them being on opposing sides is pretty clever. As for what secrets The NotThem was sent to steal, well, that's a complete mystery, and I have no idea how they plan to resolve it. But...as for WHY they need secrets in the first place...I might have an idea, but I'll get to that in a moment. But getting back to The NotThem's "statement", they explain that it was sad at the institute, because it couldn't reveal itself to anyone there, thus sowing more chaos. It seems like this is the one instance of Breekon and Hope delivering it to someone for their own goals instead of The NotThem's own desire to sow random chaos, and...that seemingly gave it motivation to go against orders and betray them, at least, that's how I interpreted its dialogue. As it turns out, it intentionally left clues leading towards the truth for Jon, in hopes that he would at the very least be scared, when in actuality, he ended up releasing it from the table entirely, allowing it to be free from all responsibility set upon it. This reveal of The NotThem intentionally sowing seeds was actually really well foreshadowed in retrospect, I think that's probably why it chose to reveal itself to Melanie, and it also makes me think it's actually the most likely candidate for whoever replaced Adelard Dekker's statement with that of Lawrence Moore, since the former wouldn't have revealed its connection to the table.

So...yeah, this is all very interesting. We finally know at least...a little bit more about why The NotThem was sent to the institute in the first place, what exactly its plan across the course of the season has been all along, and...it's definitely building up to a grander plot, what with all the talk about enemies, eyes, secrets, and its mission. ...But we're not quite done yet. The NotThem goes on to taunt Jon for his stupidity and arrogance when smashing the table, saying how fun it was watching him act all suspicious of his innocent coworkers when it was right there. It also says that he isn't even a shadow of his predecessor, which is...kind of interesting to me. I guess this could be interpreted as a sign of The NotThem being familiar with Gertrude, but...I feel like if that were the case, it would've just replaced her on sight, and I doubt it would've killed her with a gun. I think it's more likely that it got its hands on Gertrude's tapes when sneaking around, or that it maybe just heard about her from one of its allies who was more familiar with her. And then...as The NotThem contemplates the idea of replacing Jon...it drops some of the biggest lore bombs in the entire episode. The first one is a mention of something...entirely new. Something it calls the "Unknowing", which...I feel is most likely an event of some kind, given how The NotThem says it's something that Jon would "miss" if he were to die now. So, we've never heard of this thing before, and as of now, all we really know is that it's something that The NotThem believes Jon wouldn't understand. I personally think this is sowing a seed for something in future seasons, more light could potentially be shed on it in the final episode, but I personally feel like there's more currently prevalent mysteries that need to be solved first. Still though...I have thoughts. Don't worry, it didn't send me into a massive rabbit hole or anything. So, my first thought upon hearing it was that it would be some kind of....mass NotThem-ing, or something adjacent, but like...I don't know how that would happen at the moment, and given that there's only one known NotThem (and the status of said NotThem is up in the air by the end of the episode....yeah, I discarded the idea pretty quickly. I personally think that this "Unknowing" is...some sort of massive attack on The Magnus Institute, and it's probably why The NotThem was sent there in the first place. Maybe the "secrets" it was looking for was....any exploitable weaknesses they could find, I don't know. It mostly comes down to the name. Like, the institute is a place of academia, therefore a place of knowing, its supposed patron member of ✨the horrors✨ is a being that desires to observe. So....if you were to try and destroy the place...yeah, it would be appropriate to call such an act an "Unknowing". Now, it's decently likely that this "Unknowing" is something being manned by The NotThem and its allies, but other parties could be involved, since these supposed "aspects of The Stranger" don't seem to be the only ones against the institute. The Divine Host for example has closed eye imagery, suggesting some sort of rivalry, they also obscure in the face of a seeker of knowledge via their darkness, and I definitely think the institute is responsible for selling out their location to the police. You also have Jane Prentiss, or rather The Flesh Hive as a whole, who attacked the institute solely because it sook to understand them without their consent. So maybe this "Unknowing" will involve multiple different factions gunning for the institute, which....would admittedly work well with that whole sustainer vs. invader theory, but...I'm not going to go there out of fear of losing my mind, and it's also nearly midnight right now. Either way, I definitely think this "Unknowing" will be a much grander plot than something like the Prentiss attack, especially if it's being built up in a season where...there's no way it's happening in the last 30 minutes. I don't entirely know what this thing might be...but it's mention is interesting.

God, like....who am I supposed to chher for in this podcast? Do I follow The Magnus Institute or The Stranger? Do I follow the spiders or The Cult of The Lightless Flame? I just...UGH! Everyone's so confusing, one minute a faction is exactly what we need in an era of strife, and the next minute they're Satan incarnate! I think I'll just side with Micheal right now, because he's apparently neutral, and I'm also not immune to the bias generated by a scary blonde man. Well...there's one last thing The NotThem has to say. And it's...quite a big shock. It questions the effects of "wearing" Jon...and asks if "it'll really become The Archivist", and if it'll "rob the eye of its pupil"...before deciding otherwise, and saying it'd just be better to simply kill Jon. Wow. That's...very well timed given what I talked about in my last supplemental. So...yeah. While the details are still as vague as they can possibly be...this is a major step towards some REALLY big things. The NotThem has definitively confirmed that "The Archivist"....isn't just some fancy job title with nothing else. It is a title that holds...power. Being The Archivist means to be important in some sort of way. Jon isn't just some random schmuck who got stuck in this situation by working at the institute like everyone else...he's special, but I DON'T THINK IT'S IN A GOOD WAY. The NotThem calling him "the eye's pupil" comes off as some metaphorical wordplay to me, it suggests that Jon is in some way specially chosen by the patron of The Magnus Institute in order to fulfill some role in the greater narrative, making him likely to be more important than...anyone else in the institute, maybe even the god damn head. And if...whatever the hell these responsibilities are come with the occupation of archivist, then the same logic applies to Gertrude and all who came before her. And like....you know what this reminds me of? You know someone else with a connection to an eldritch power who supposedly possessed some kind of important role? Some kind of....destiny mayhaps? Yeah, for some god forsaken reason, my mind jumped to Agnes Montague after hearing this, and if you recall...her life sounds like it was kind of shitty. You know, between this reveal and the new parts of The NotThem's past that got told to us, I find that "purpose" is...an oddly recurring theme throughout this episode, it's not there a ton...but it's there more than I thought. And do you have any idea what the worst part about all of this is? As always...I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THIS REALLY MEANS!!! All I know is that Jon is actually kind of super mega IMPORTANT now. He's not just the guy Jonny decided to saddle us with for 200 episodes, he's like...someone with an actual stake in the grander narrative, like...he's starting to give off the vibes of a fucked up twist on the chosen one trope, and I DO NOT like that. I don't have a damn clue what it really means to be "The Archivist"...but this solidifies that...whatever the meaning....it's a whole new can of worms, and Jon...he's more than just an employee at the institute, he's more than just a guy who walked into the wrong building...he has purpose, purpose seemingly born from a long line of predecessors...and it could mean so many things. All I can say is that I definitely think this explains why Micheal refers to him the way he does, why Tim believes Jon is supernatural in his own right, and it might even connect to some of the aspects surrounding the statements which I'm starting to find a bit weird, such as the tapes, Jon's commitment to whoever's voice he's acting as, and how people from all different sorts of backgrounds give nearly perfect accounts of their stories. I just...uggggggghhhh. What sort of Pandora's Box of mysteries has this skinny-ass monster just opened. Please just...just give me answers please. I...really don't have the energy or resources to make a big-ass theory on this one...at least not yet. Does it connect to ✨the horrors✨? The statements? The institute? The simulation theory? Micheal again? I...do not know... :/

(OH GOD MY INTERNET DROPPED OUT I THOUGHT THESE PAST FIVE PARAGRAPHS WERE A GONER HOLY FUCK)

Well...time to wrap this one up I guess. There's just...so much. I will never know peace, will I? So, as The NotThem tells its story, Jon starts whispering...what he believes to be his last words into his tape recorder, apologizing to Martin, Tim....and Sasha for everything that he's done, and telling them to get as far away from the institute as they can if they're still alive. ....NOOOOOOOO STOP MAKING ME CRY YOU HORRID SHOW YOU!!! God, that is...that is super sad. It's not only another example of Jon fully expecting his own death, but shows that even after all of the shit he's pulled over the course of the season, all of the insanity...he's still far from a bad person. Sure, you can argue the apology he gave in Distant Cousin wasn't genuine, that he was simply using it to divert Martin and Tim's attention...but that doesn't change the fact that deep down, he genuinely feels terrible for what he did, and does really care for his coworkers, nay, his FRIENDS...even the one who isn't around anymore. I fully understand Tim's frustration in a lot of areas...but if he were to hear this tape...I don't know, I'd hope that'd set things into perspective. Because if Jon's last words are an apology to his friends, and a desire to keep him safe...I'd still consider him an overall good person, despite his flaws. God I just...I LOVE how fleshed out these guys are becoming! Like...they're genuinely so humanly written and it makes me so happy! Do you want to know what doesn't make me happy? Jon, about to get fucking murdered. So yeah, The NotThem finally catches up to him, Jon begs for mercy and makes me cry once again...but just before The NotThem can strike...something strange happens. The sound of stone and brick shifting is heard, and the horrific monster that replaced all those people lets out a shrill scream..and then...silence. Footsteps are heard...and then a brand new voice approaches, telling Jon that it's finally time they have a talk. Yes, they're finally here. The mystery figure from the tunnels. Oh, they're literally credited as mystery figu-OH WHAT THE FUCK?! COME ON, REALLY?! YOU"RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME WHO IT IS?! GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH-wait. No this is. This is good actually, Because if their identity was revealed to be something majorly shocking right here and right now, I'd have to write like...at least two more paragraphs. But either way...holy shit. They were first teased at the very beginning of the season...and now they're here in the flesh. And...yeah I'm placing my bets on this being Dekker. Not only could I see the voice really working for him, but like...even if it's through the structure-shifting ability and not the table...he LITERALLY seals The NotThem once again in this scene. Or...did he kill it? Because...I don't know, it kind of sounded like it got eviscerated with the perfectly cut scream and all. If it's just sealed under the floor or something...well uh...that's progress...but I would still probably like to kill it if possible. Like...that's still around...no thank you. But if it's actually dead for real now....REST IN HELL BITCH!!! YOU TOTALLY DESERVE THIS....although I will kind of miss you because you were a very threatening and creative main antagonist for the season who was implemented perfectly but GET FUCKED REGARDLESS!!! Well....whoever this guy is (please be Dekker please be Dekker), the one thing we can say for certain about him is that he's voiced by Paul Sims, Jonny's dad. ....Look, I'm just saying that if this guy really did murder Gertrude....that is some morbid-ass meta humor on Jonny's part. Just....wow. ....One episode left, huh? How time flies....I'm gonna be 100% real I am shaking in my bed right now.

So that's Hide and Seek. Firstly, I need to congratulate everyone involved in everything up until this point. The first two seasons of this podcast has absolutely proven itself to be one of my favorite things....ever, really, and I'm not even halfway done with the entire thing, yet I have no doubts that it'll continue to be excellent. Secondly....what the fuck is your problem and what the hell do you have in store for me now. Just...oh god I am so unprepared. Human Remains was a nice way to wrap things up with some big revelations and set-up for the next season...but this...I am so terrified of what's to come, because there's NO WAY they just skip to after the whole fiasco again. Jon is now hanging out with some mystery man (if it's his dad in-universe or something I will not hesitate to wear someone's ribcage as a coat), Martin and Tim have been sent to ultra super mega hell (now with shitty wallpaper), Micheal is...Michealing, The NotThem is either sealed again or FUCKING DEAD, and Elias is just...up in his office celebrating April 20th early I guess. I'm just...wow. This was a great episode through and through, as short as it was, it was still extremely tense, and gave both amazing character insight and insane plot reveals and implications. But...where the hell do they go from here?! Even though the last episode is the longest one so far, I don't know if they'll be able to cover everything it seems like they're aiming for, let alone anything I suggested in my predictions halfway through the post. I'm just...I can't even put my thoughts and feelings into any words other than "wow". I'll...um...I guess I'll be back for the next one.....hm.

Supplemental: Truth be told there's...not a lot I forgot to mention in that section. At least...I think so? It's...honestly kind of hard to tell right now, I'm still mulling so many things over in my head and...it's all so scrambled. I did...write a couple of things down though. So, I was thinking about those scenes we get where Jon reads excerpts of things that aren't statements, so like, those parts of The Tale of a Field Hospital, or that account of William W. Hay's time aboard the hospital train that now lies in the scrapyard in Rotherham. Well, I realized that I forgot to mention one of these in my last post, and that was the quote Jon found on the burnt scrap of Gertrude's copy of The Key of Solomon. The quote reads as follows:

"They have for adversaries the Satariel, or concealers, the Demons of absurdity, of intellectual inertia, and of Mystery."

Now, Gertrude's copy of The Key of Solomon was a Leitner, so it could very well have some altered text like The Tale of a Field Hospital, but it's worth noting that this quote does exist in the original text. However, I point it out here due to...how well it corresponds with recent themes, particularly the light shed on ✨the horrors✨ as of late. They've been connected to the concept of demonology for a very long time, and the whole bit about "concealers" or "mystery"....I don't know, that's very in line with what I believe The Stranger is supposed to be. So yeah...I just thought this was worth bringing attention to. Oh, and on the note of ✨the horrors✨...I feel like when given Jon's monologue about The NotThem and the table, and all of the stuff with the eyes in the institute and...so on and so forth, ✨the horrors✨ could...very well get some light shed on them in the very near future, so because of that (and also because it's been a while since I've done this)...here's my updated list of ✨the horrors✨.

- The Stranger (1, 3, 24, 28, 25, 39, 44, 54, 61, 77, 78, 79)

Servants Include: The Anglerfish, Breekon and Hope, The NotThem, The Other Circus

Fear of being deceived

- The Vast (4, 21, 46, 51, 57, 75)

Servants Include: Mike Crew, The Fairchild Family

Fear of falling and/or drowning

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36, 39, 40, 45, 55, 68)

Servants Include: Jane Prentiss, John Amherst

Fear of disease and bugs

- The End (11, 29, 43, 62, 64, 70)

Servants Include: The Reapers, Dr. Margaret Tellison(?)

Fear of mortality or immortality

- The Piper (7, 28, 42, 68(?), 76)

Servants Include: Wilfred Owen, Alfred Grifter, Train Ghost

Fear of bloodlust and violence

- The Lightless Flame (8, 12, 37, 43, 55, 59, 67)

Servants Include: Agnes Montague, Arthur Nolan, Diego Molina

Fear of fire

- The Spiders (8, 16, 19, 59, 69, 78)

Servants Include: Raymond Fielding, Annabelle Cane, Adelard Dekker, Mystery Homeless Woman

Fear of spiders and control

- Mr. Pitch (9, 15, 25, 52, 63, 73)

Servants Include: The People’s Church of The Divine Host

Fear of the dark

- The Observer (12, 23, 53, 60)

Servants Include: The Magnus Institute, The Keay Family (minus Mary), The Archivist Cyclops Ghost

Fear of being watched

- Isolation (13, 33, 57, 66)

Servants Include: The Lukas Family (minus Evan)

Fear of isolation

- Compression (15, 50, 66, 71)

Servants Include: George Gilbert Scott, The Governor

Fear of being trapped or compressed

- Body Horror (5, 14, 17, 18, 30, 49, 58, 72)

Servants Include: Tom Haan, John Haan, Jared Hopworth, Eustace Wick, Angela

Fear of meat, mutilation and cannibalism

- Ushanka’sDespair.exe (65)

Servants Include: \/(I\I)\/

Fear of losing your humanity

And then….I’m kind of on the fence on whether or not Micheal’s a part of this list, or something else entirely at this point. Well…that’s all. I’ll see you for the next one...

- Episode 80, The Librarian 📚

Statement of Jurgen Leitner, regarding his life and works. Statement taken direct from subject.

Stupid.

Idiot.

Mother.

Fucking.

....Jurgen Leitner. *inhales*.....

....*exhales*. Ok. Without further ado. ....WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT?????!!!!! I just. HUH?! YOU'RE JUST. YOU'RE JUST ENDING THE SEASON LIKE THAT HUH?! HOW. HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT COMING?! ...oh my god I wasn't, was I? I...what am I even doing anymore? Like...now that...all of that has been thrown at me...is there even a point in theorizing anymore? Because I think i have to accept that I'm just...not going to be prepared for anything anymore. I'm just. Wow. On one hand, I'm still stunned that I can officially say I've listened to 2 entire seasons and 80 whole episodes of this story, that is a massive milestone to me. But on the other hand...holy shit there's three more seasons of this?! And then a whole-ass sequel series?! Like. How. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HANDLE ANY MORE OF THIS?! I'm just...look, I still plan to see this entire project through. I've gotten this far, there's no way I'm giving up writing these things when I'm not even at the halfway point. But...I just don't know what to believe anymore....dear lord. So uh...if you couldn't tell...I'm a teensy bit frazzled after this one. Fun fact, I actually listened to Distant Cousin right before a show I was performing in, and like...I thought that was bad at the time. I...could not have been prepared for the feeling of listening to this, away from home, 1 hour before I had to head out to go see Starkid in one of the most life-changing experiences I have ever had. BIG MISTAKE, WOULD NOT RECCOMEND. (concert went great though lol) Ok...screaming aside for a second...this is...pretty damn polarizing. Did I think this was a good way to end the season? Uh...yeah? I'm still kind of deciding as I write this to be honest. I can at the very least say that it left my mouth agape, and it was...certainly a real show-stopping way to end the season, it definitely went out with a bang, but...whether or not I think it's a good way to end the season overall...I feel like that hinges on how well it transitions into Season 3, so...I might reserve my judgement for now. I cannot imagine what it must have been like during the hiatus between seasons, dear lord. Either way though...I can say that this episode was an experience like no other, so...when looking at it on it's own, I feel pretty confident when I say it was fucking amazing.

And honestly...looking at it on its own is probably the best thing I can do right now if I want to maintain my sanity, because...this is by far the biggest lore bomb in the entire podcast so far (and I would NOT be upset if it stayed the biggest lore bomb until the end because jfc), and...there's just a lot. I'm going to make whatever connections I can, but...I doubt I'll be able to pinpoint each and every one of them, at least for the time being. So, just expect me to...work with what I think is the most important for the time being. Rather than make some crazy theories based on miscellaneous lines of dialogue, I'm just going to try and examine and contemplate what the episode clearly tells us, because not only does that information trigger a MASSIVE change in the status quo that I feel like I need to come to terms with before I jump into Season 3, but...that is already a massive workload in it of itself. If I made another "aspect of The Stranger" theory out of this one...I would explode in a nuclear blast that destroys the entirety of the UK. And I mean...god, that information huh? Overall, I think this episode did a great job solving the core mysteries of Season 2, some minor details are still left unaccounted for, but they wrapped the important stuff up nicely, and I'm happy to say that a good few of my predictions and theories ended up being right, some of which I wasn't expecting (although there were also quite a few that ended up being wrong, but they still had cool answers.) But...the thing is...gaining those answers has in turn spawned like...twenty new questions, and because of that...I don't know if this is the most fulfilling or confusing experience in tma so far. And like, that's JUST the lore bits. As for the events that actually transpired on the 16th of February, 2017...you know what, we'll get to it when we get to it. This is already the longest intro I've written for any of these posts, and this is the longest episode in the entire series so far, so...let's just begin. Oh [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER], we're really in for it now... You know, I had actually heard of Brutal Pipe Murder before due to all the memes, but I had no context since I wasn't listening to tma at the time. I was actually starting to think it had something to do with The Piper...but now I'm wondering if that would've been a better outcome for the characters because...what the fuck Elias.

You know....I think it's very telling of this episode's insanity that simply reading the description of this episode was enough to make me recoil from my laptop, not even listening to the damn intro and...already a surprise. So...let's just get it out of the way. As it turns out, the person in the tunnels, the mysterious man with a power over archietecture...was not Adelard Dekker. He wasn't Micheal, he wasn't some eldritch abomination...he was...someone who you might call the biggest clown in the circus. He was potentially laughed out of town. For reasons beyond our comprehension, someone once compared him to a cowboy. Yeah...it's Jurgen Fucking Leitner. I just...wow. You know, it- actually, I don't know whether or not I should have expected this. On one hand, the idea of Leitner showing up at all...yeah, I'm honestly surprised with myself for not even having the thought cross my mind. Leitners have been very prominent throughout this season, both in statements and the overarching plot, especially everything with Gertrude, so...him showing up here is definitely fitting, and he's a great choice for the last statement giver of the season. But at the same time...DAMN did they hide him well. Having him be like....THE guy in the tunnels, the big surprise character reveal for the season...that's just a brilliant move all around, and it thankfully still manages to make perfect sense after everything is revealed. I think maybe the reason I was so surprised by his inclusion here was that...I was always under the impression that if we met him in the first place, he'd be a considerably late addition. I mean, it seemed like the man had caused the most worldwide damage out of anyone in the story so far, and he had this kind of...loremaster vibe going on from what little we knew about him. Both of those thoughts ring truer than ever after this episode, but...no, he's here. Like...I still can't get over it. I...I got to hear JURGEN LEITNER'S voice. Wow. I...honestly don't know why I thought "The Librarian" was referring to Gertrude, maybe it's just because she reminds me of every terrifying presence of a librarian I've met before. And now that he's here...what do I think of him? Well...he isn't exactly what I expected. To make things clear, I wasn't expecting some super evil villain or anything. Mary made it clear that Leitner was a rather kind and courteous person (and when she of all characters considers a person "boring"...well then that person is probably alright), and the story so far has made it clear that Leitner is not the direct creator of the books, just connected to them in a few ways. But even then...I thought he'd be a bit more imposing, a bit more strong and grand. Don't get me wrong, he still definitely has some powerful abilities, and I still believe that out of everyone so far...this guy is like, THE main cause for most bad things that have happened in tma so far. But...that's only because of the mistakes he's made, not really his own power, and overall...he's just a sad, pitiful and regretful old man who's been hiding underground for over two decades. It's far from a problem or anything like that, I think it's really interesting to see what he's finally like at all, and this personality makes PERFECT sense for him when you consider what we learn of his past. But....it's a surprise, a damn good one, but....yeah. Well...I'll cover him a bit more when we get to the actual details, but for now..the actual plot.

So, after their meeting in the tunnels, Jon and Leitner headed back up to the archives. Leitner seems....hasty for all intents and purposes, he clearly wants Jon to help him with something urgent and likely dangerous, although we don't quite learn what he wants until the end of the episode, and...that's mostly due to Jon's opinions. Understandably...he does not trust Leitner. Not only because of the sheer power he displayed, and the general...craziness that's been going on, but also because...it's Jurgen fucking Leitner. The books this man possessed are responsible for the transformations of Mike Crew and Jared Hopworth, the immortality of Mary Keay and...other unfortunate souls, and the deaths of...so, so many people. Whether intentionally or not...Leitner's possession of these tomes has done damage, so I get Jon's fear. He also decides to place the pipe he found in the tunnels on the table for protection, a gesture that I'm sure will have no later repercussions. Anyways, while the two of them are obviously not on great terms right out the gate...they come to an agreement. Jon will help Leitner with whatever he needs, but in return, he must answer all of his questions. So...yeah, this episode is basically one massive lore dump from one of the most important characters in the story...and as much as that intimidates me, I couldn't be happier. Besides, I'm happy they've saved this for the finale rather than putting it in a place where I'm unprepared, it's much appreciated. It also makes Leitner's statement (the part where Jon says "Statement of Jurgen Leitner" went SO HARD for some reason) feel like more of...an interview, or a conversation than most, Jon feels a bit more involved this time than he usually is, even amongst other statements taken direct from subjects. Regardless, the first question he asks (although it's technically before the statement), is...what happened to The NotThem, and also the original Sasha? Well...unfortunately, The NotThem is not truly dead...and Sasha is. In fact, Leitner actually doubts that The NotThem is even capable of dying to begin with. ...great. He explains that he's managed to trap the monster, hopefully for a very long time...but if it could be released from the table, I...don't think we're done with this thing quite yet. Based on what happens later in this episode, I think "The Unknowing" will play quite a prominent role in the not-so-distant future, and...whatever it is, The NotThem is most definitely aware of and likely connected to it, so...I feel like it'll get released sooner rather than later. ...Yikes. Also, it just now occurs to me that due to how this episode ends, the chances of Tim and Martin being aware of the truth about Not!Sasha are slim to none, so...that's fun. Well, hopefully it remains dormant for a decent amount of time, even if it unfortunately hinders exploration of the tunnels.

Speaking of which, the second question Jon asks is one regarding the tunnels! Unfortunately, the tunnels remain as one of the big Season 2 mysteries that we...don't truly understand. We don't know how and why Robert Smirke built them, nor do we know why Jonah Magnus likely felt a need to build the institute on top of them, which is...honestly more of a confusing decision than ever given what we now know regarding...what forces the institute belongs to, and what forces the tunnels don't. However, we do learn about the weird shifting and compressing that Jon witnessed during his explorations, which directly connects to Leitner's ability to shift Smirke's architecture, the same ability he used to trap The NotThem. As I suspected, he doesn't possess any supernatural abilities in his blood, he's much like Mary in the sense that he's not restricted by any one power. Oh...I guess I should address that. So...this episode basically confirms that these...greater eldritch forces, this pantheon of higher powers that have caused everything to happen...are indeed real. I'll go into my thoughts on this reveal and the nitty gritty details later on, but for now, I just want to make it clear that I'm still going to be calling them ✨the horrors✨, since while they've been referred to as things like...."powers", "forces", "entities", it's hard for me to pick up on any one canonical term for referring to them that's more prominent than others, so I'm just going to stick with the one I've made until further notice. It's just that now....I can be a lot more sure of their existence than I was before, at least to an extent. (Don't worry though, I will absolutely be keeping up with the sparkle effects if a canon term is revealed, those are WAY too near and dear to my heart.) Uh...but going back to Jurgen, while he can't wield the powers of ✨the horrors✨ through sheer force of will, he CAN do so via his books. And...he just so happens to be in possession of two as we speak, specifically the ones that Gertrude bought. Uh...yeah, we'll ALSO get to his relationship with her later. Regardless, all of that manipulation of the tunnels he did was due to "The Seven Lamps of Architecture", which much like The Tale of a Field Hospital, is very different from the real world version, being presumably published a year before Ruskin began writing the book, and having text that varies quite a bit from the original. Leitner says that the book makes one feel as if the walls are pressing in around them, and that if handled recklessly it will physically entomb whoever's reading it. This leads me to come to the logical conclusion that this book is an extension of whichever member of ✨the horrors✨ has a fondness for compressing its victims. But despite the dangers, Leitner has learned how to utilize it without much issue, although it's quite arduous and difficult. Apparently, it has a special connection to Smirke's architecture, which is...kind of weird to me? Smirke certainly has his connections to this...compression power, but based on how he talked about George Gilbert Scott, someone who is...DEFINITELY serving the thing, I got the sense that he probably wasn't all that fond of it. So...the fact that The Seven Lamps interacts so well with his work is weird to me, but it...might make sense given some of the additional lore we get surrounding his work. But back to Leitner, uh...yeah, he was basically using The Seven Lamps to keep Jon from finding him or going too deep until he decided whether or not to make contact, and he obviously used it to trap The NotThem.

He also finally explains what was up with all of the trash strewn around, and the arrow. The trash...well, there's not much new there, we just learn that it WASN'T a trail, and that Leitner was just being messy. But as for the arrow...it was apparently drawn by The NotThem, who as Jon and I suspected, was looking for Leitner. THIS is a bit more interesting to me. When I assumed that the person in the tunnels was Adelard, I thought The NotThem was after him for the sake of revenge. (Oh god...now I have to think about where Adelard actually is...) But now...I have to wonder why it was after Leitner. If it...didn't know the identity of the person down there, it could've just been out of curiosity, but if it DID know they were Leitner...well, I now suspect everything this creature has done in The Institute is for the sake of this "Unknowing", and that the "secrets" it was sent to steal by Breekon and Hope somehow pertain to it...maybe even being those same missing files we later learn Leitner is after. So with that in mind...I do have to wonder if Leitner somehow pertains(.../pertained) to "The Unknowing" in a relevant way. He's at the very least aware of and interested in this thing, so...hm. Aaaaahhh god I'm rambling again uh...oh! We also learn that he's in possession of the other missing...well, more of a pamphlet than a book, that Gertrude had. This one, entitled "A Dissapearance" has the ability to remove its reader from the world, but reading one or two words is uh..."sufficient to hide me from the prying eyes of your master", as Leitner says...we'll get to that. Unlike with The Seven Lamps, I...don't actually really know which of ✨the horrors✨ this one belongs to. If I had to guess, it would be The Stranger, since the whole "removal from existence" thing reminds me of The NotThem, but...it doesn't seem to erase memories, and it lacks all of those themes of...the uncanny, deception, so on and so forth that The Stranger seems to possess, so I'm honestly not sure. But, yeah, this pamphlet has allowed Leitner to hide from others when he needs to, and has even let him go above ground, sometimes to meet with Gertrude when she was still alive. He...also mentions that one of his library assistants was never seen again after reading the thing. This...recklessness that Leitner has with his assistants is pretty interesting to me, especially with how it both parallels and foils the institute...but my thoughts on it connect to later revelations, so I'll just leave things here for now. Anyways, all in all, it's nice to finally know what happened to all of Gertrude's remaining Leitners, and learn how Leitner himself has been so evasive all season. It...also makes me realize just how potentially powerful he really could be, or rather...was in his relative youth. Like, sure, he's a rather polite and mostly harmless old man in this episode, but...if he was able to pull all of this off with just two of his nearly 1,000 books that he's come across over the years, then...I kind of shudder to think what he could've been capable of when his library was still around. Anyways...moving on! ....christ this is going to be a long one, isn't it?

So, the next question Jon asks Leitner is...how long has he even been down there? As we already knew, Leitner went into hiding roughly...21 years ago, after his library "burned down." It sounds like he's been in the tunnels for a very long time, but he clarifies that he hasn't spent all of the time down there beneath the institute, since they stretch all across Millbank. (which I actually explored during my trip to London last weekend! Omg I'm just like Jon.) This actually reminded me of all the Millbank Prison details that were given in Too Deep, and I recalled how Jon specifically mentioned how the place was home to one of the more notable attempts at creating a panopticon. ...Given what we learn about the institute in this episode, and how all that correlates nicely with the idea of a tower that watches you when you least expect it, and also...keeps you confined, I do have to wonder if MAYBE that prison design has some greater relevance than I initially assumed. Anyways, Leitner says that he's barely left the tunnels since Gertrude died, mostly due to the fact that despite him having a number of safe spaces on the surface, he constantly finds himself being hunted down by both fearsome monsters, and those who believe he is the one responsible for their loved ones falling victim to ancient tomes beyond mortal comprehension. That...might be an easier explanation as to why The NotThem was so interested in him, maybe the man's just a natural monster magnet in a similar vein to...what I feel like is safe to call Jon now. But who cares about that shit?! Because...Leitner then reveals the most epic piece of information ever conceived.

Apparently, three years ago, he spent a full night outside the tunnels. And on that night, he had the everlasting shit mercillesly beaten out of him, almost to the point of death...by Gerard god damn Keay. Oh. My. God. This...this is everything to me. I don't even think you understand how much I love this. There's like...so much to unpack. Not in the sense that like...this spawns a bunch of new theories, I just...it speaks to me like no other line. Firstly, I'm just happy that Gerard's...finally back in some form. Considering how important the man was in Season 1, I'm...kind of surprised that he's been so absent throughout this season, not even being mentioned in his mother's statement. Although, at the same time, the fact that all he's done this season is go on vacation, warn a woman about the horrors of Genoa (er...not neccessarily the same as ✨the horrors✨ in this case), and then nearly brutally murder Jurgen Leitner...what an icon. I also feel like this gives some...nice clarification when it comes to his character. I've definitely eased off the idea of him being a bad guy as time goes on, considering his negative relationship with his...fucking twisted mother, and his tendency to wipe the ever-dangerous Leitners of the face of the earth...but I feel like this scene adds some additional perspective to his likely motivations. Since Leitner equates him to others who have had their lives destroyed by his books, it...really does get me thinking about how likely fucked up his relationship with Mary is, and really makes it clear...WHY he's so insistent on destroying them. There's still a lot we don't know, and I think he still...BARELY fits into the "morally gray" categoy for me with what knowledge we have, but like...these books are a contributing reason as to why Mary is as fucked up as she is, and given how she was shown to be a twsted psychopath from at least the age of nine...Gerard probably had to put up with her shenanigans all his life. By proxy...Leitners ruined his life as well, so I feel like this initially goofy-sounding action of his actually told me quite a lot about him. Even if he's dead, I really hope we get some sort of statement from him at one point or another, because as much as I already do find him super cool and interesting...he's always played the role of an elusive stranger in all of his episodes, and the one statement giver who actually knew the guy didn't even talk about him at all. So getting to hear things from his perspective, get a better look at his personality and past...yeah, I'd really like it, and I think the chances are pretty high, given his family's connections to the institute, and the fact that he uh...seemingly serves its patron. Oh, and mentioning him being dead! If he died in 2014, and Leitner was beat up by him three years ago, and this episode takes place in 2017...then there is a very good chance that one of, if not THE last notable thing Gerard Keay did before death was nearly killing Jurgen Leitner...and that is so important to me. Rock on king. Heh..."killing Jurgen Leitner". I mean, what kind of psycho would do such a thing to the old man?

Ok, so...moving on. Now, Jon then asks Leitner about...his motives. If he didn't make the books himself, then why did he mark them all with his name? Why did he build his library? ....What was the point of all of this? Now...believe me, this has been a burning question in my mind for the longest time, and it's part of why Leitner's general existence has been such a frustrating anomaly to me. ...Ok, I call him frustrating, but to be honest, a lot of that "frustration" only comes from the rant playing in my head nonstop, and the fact that we...really didn't know much else about the man, but to make myself clear...I quite like him after this episode. He's made some mistakes, BY GOD has he made some mistakes...but for all intensive purposes, I enjoy his character, he's interesting and rather charming at times, with Paul Sims doing an excellent job at portraying him. (Side note, I know he's probably voiced by Paul due to his connections with Gertrude, but...given how Sue Sims probably voices her because she's Jon's predecessor...I do have to wonder if this hints at some deeper connection between Leitner and Jon? Even if they don't know each other personally? Hm. ...I swear to god if him and Gertrude are the man's parents I'll eat my foot) ...FUCK I'm getting sidetracked. Uh..back to my main point. Basically, while the answers are really interesting...I'm just going to skip this part of the statement for now, move on to the part where he talks about his life, the library and its ultimate destruction, and then talk about his motivations when it's appropriate to do so. I just think it's easier that way. Anyways, disregarding all that for a moment, Jon asks Leitner...to tell him everything. The whole story behind the books, his library, "the attack"...all of it. And...it is certainly quite the tale. ...How are we just now getting to the main story of his statement?

...Ok. So, the Leitner family was one that possessed great wealth, as all who commit cosmically stupid mistakes usually do, formerly dealing in manufacture before moving on to property holdings and investments, and they emigrated to England not too long after Jurgen was born. Leitner had...basically his entire life set from birth, and never HAD to do anything of value to succeed, but despite that...he still desired to put effort into doing something noteworthy. You know...for all of the guy's mistakes and flaws, that's actually pretty cool of him. In a world where the majority of the wealthy old men seem content to throw people into the depths of the ocean or isolate them in space until they attempt to kill themselves, both seemingly doing so...because they have the money, I can respect a guy who sets out on a more humble endeavor...even if it ended up getting pretty crazy in the end. Unfortunately, despite his dreams, Leitner initially struggled to find a calling in life, as politics, academia and business all left him unsatisfied...but eventually, he found his skill for finding things. He possessed an uncanny ability to locate items of great value, and eventually, those talents gave him an audience with some of the wealthiest and most eccentric curio hunters in the entire world. It was from an associate named Desmond Lorell where he first learned of the books. Now, Desmond was a foolish man who was completely unaware of how powerful and dangerous these books really were, and...when he found one titled "The Stalwart Hunter's Almanac" well, he did not handle it with care, and...the results of doing so certainly came to bite him in the ass. Much like with "A Disappearance", it's a little hard to tell which one of ✨the horrors✨ this one really belongs to, but...Leitner says that Desmond was found mutilated, so I'm inclined to believe it relates to the meat, since that...seems to be that one's domain. Oh, and of course, the almanac ended up being Leitner's....first of many dark tomes, and the beginning of a chain of truly gruesome events. Surprisingly, Leitner immediately accepted the existence of the paranormal as soon as he discovered it, simply adapting its existence into his life and workflow...and after easily tracking down a few more books, he unfortunately found his calling. Going back to the part where Leitner explains his plans and motivations...it's interesting. Despite his experiences, he was so motivated by his desire to be appreciated and recognized, his own pride, his...let's face it, savior complex, that he remained blind to the true power of the books. He had this strong desire to be known, he thought that if he were able to lock away the eldritch forces of the world in a singular location, his name and library would stand as symbols of peace and justice...but he was a fool. He thought he could control the power within the books, that they had rules and limits, but ultimately...did not understand what was behind them, and didn't even know that ✨the horrors✨ had servants to begin with. You know...considering how much the idea of "person's beloved hobby and/or career gets turned against them" gets utilized in tma, all often using the theme of punishment for hubris...it feels very damn fitting that said hubris was Leitner's motivations. Just...just wow. Ultimately, he's far from a bad person at heart...but he REALLY fucked up didn't he? He's a...flawed and complicated human, and I think the fact that all of these details are revealed in one episode, with more big ones unlikely to come up in the future (because...you know...bonk bonk drip drip), is what makes him such a good and interesting character to me. Anyways, uh...back to the story.

So, with his purpose set in stone, Leitner got to work. Initially, he put...little thought into where the books actually came from, he just focused on acquiring them, and uh..."making sure he had the staff he could spare to study them." ....You know, if that line came from ANYONE else...the connotations would be so much more different. However, he started to run into problems after a while. Once he had built up a decent collection, Leitner found that some of the books reacted....negatively when put close to one another, adding to that idea of ✨the horrors✨ being in...opposition to one another. Thankfully, he was able to get help when he discovered Smirke's architecture for the first time. Apparently, he had written a number of philosophies about how to balance opposing forces, ones that he seemingly incorporated into his architectural designs. So, Leitner commissioned his library to be built in that style, while also buying out a number of buildings that he had built himself...and with that, The Library of Jurgen Leitner had finally been built, and he had acquired a number of additional buildings to store them in as well, and had also finally made his bookplates, which he claims were made as a way of tracking down the books, but...deep down, he did it out of vanity. ...There's quite a bit to unpack there. First of all, I think this finally explains a bit about the timeline surrounding Old Passages. I think the passage that contained the animal bone book was likely one of these extra-mini libraries he possessed, given how they were all built by Smirke. Which I guess means he...did eventually get a hole to the place made? Maybe? That...could potentially require me to adjust my number of ✨the horrors✨ from 14 to 13 if it turned out that one of the passages was just his own tunnel...although I kind of doubt that's the case given how they were all framed. So...that means that he probably stored the book there, and then Gerard retrieved it in the early 2000s when he was a teenager, and it fell back into Mary's hands afterwards, whether consensually on Gerard's part or through force being unclear, so...I guess her saying she got it back after "the attack" was just a timeline thing, and it doesn't really connect to said attack.

But...moving on from that, I find this whole...ability of Smirke, his ability to balance ✨the horrors✨ and make them less powerful very interesting. It very much ties back into a lot of things we already know about him, like the "balance and fear" plaque in Old Passages, and his spiel about balance and equilibrium he gives to Sampson Kempthorne when he shittalks George Gilbert Scott in Foundations. But outside of that...well, part of it just gets me thinking about...what kind of knowledge this guy even had outside of architecture (the fact they're going THIS far with a real historical figure is kind of insane to me), but I feel like it also explains a lot of his motivations. I was initially under the impression that Smirke was building all of these horrific estates for dark forces out of....just being another weird servant of ✨the horrors✨, probably not bound to any specific one in the same vein as Mary and Leitner, but still...kind of a freaky guy. But now that we know his goal with the architecture was to create balance between these dark forces that are always at war with each other...yeah, I kind of think the man's saving people's asses as we speak. Now, after hearing this, I thought "oh, if his architecture can manage ✨the horrors✨, then maybe the tunnels are a sort of safe space", but...no, that's...entirely wrong of me. I mean, we have Micheal, The NotThem and The Seven Lamps of Architecture all working down there, Micheal outright says that everyone's safer in the institute than in the tunnels, and I mean...all of Smirke's architecture so far has had something freaky inside. Sure, the tunnels act as a safe space for Leitner, but I think that's less of a crazy cosmic horror deal and more of a...just being underground and generally well hidden sort of deal, so overall, that line of thinking was VERY wrong of me. I think it's actually a lot more likely that Smirke built these as places to...contain ✨the horrors✨, pretty much exactly like how Leitner did. They might be really freaky and dangerous spaces on their own, but...if not for his work, who knows how rampant ✨the horrors✨ would be today. So yeah, Smirke seems like he was a pretty cool guy for his time...but there is one other thing that bothers me.

For a while now, I've been wondering...why exactly the institute was constructed over the tunnels. And unfortunately...this episode just makes things more complicated for me. This episode gives us definitive confirmation that the institute belongs to one of✨the horrors✨, and while it's TECHNICALLY possible that connection only arrived when Elias became head, or maybe someone else...I have some slight doubts. I'm far from entirely closed off to that being a possibility, but given the long-standing connection to the von Closens and The Keays that has persisted since the institute's founding...I feel somewhat confident in the idea that the institute has had these connections to its patron since it's conception, especially due to all of the weird oddities surrounding Jonah Magnus and the like. So...if you're in service of one of ✨the horrors✨...why would you want to build the institute over a place that seeks to contain and suppress its power? Sure, maybe it has a chance of keeping the institute a little bit safe from your enemies, but...you're unlikely to be an exception in this case. So...why? But, I mean, hey, this is all on the assumption that Jonah Magnus, or anyone else who might've been involved in the institute's founding, was a servant of ✨the horrors✨. But truth be told...we know very little about Jonah, or the early history of the institute in general. I mean, he was definitely up to some sketchy stuff, probably doing some pretty deep digging when you remember he...SOMEHOW found Mrs. Carlisle's journal in a random cave in Idaho, but...that's really it, and they could go in a ton of directions when it comes to all this. The only person in all of the institute's history we know of who is a willing servant of ✨the horrors✨...is Elias, so it's possible all of this freaky shit started with him. I...could make an argument for either side honestly. Maybe it gained its patron when it was founded, maybe it did so when Elias arrived, or maybe it did so somewhere in between, who knows? I'm just going to leave it up in the air for the time being, because I want to be open to all logical possibilities regarding this matter...but that does mean that for now, the purpose of building the institute above the tunnels remains an anomaly. ...Where was I? Oh yeah, THE ACTUAL PLOT. ...help me please. ...I just realized how surprising it is that we didn't get more on that skin page Mary gave Gertrude. Like...I'm kind of glad they didn't give me EVEN more to chew on, but like...come on, what the hell was up with that?

Ok, so, with all of that, Leitner had finally built his grand library. A vast, maze-like structure located in who-knows-where that was home to...978 books in the end, dear god. That's not a lot for an average library...but it's concerning for one of this type. Unfortunately though...the library did not stand for a very long time, as it wasn't long until "the attack" happened. Now, we were initially led to believe that the library burned down...but what actually happened was so much worse. So, Leitner had put great effort into making sure that the power of the books was contained within his library, hence Smirke's designs...but he did not account for stopping things from getting in, because outside of the few odd artifacts, he didn't know that ✨the horrors✨ could manifest in ways other than the books, let alone have servants. For a while before the attack, almost every day Leitner would be met with a stranger who wished to view his collection. They were always...odd, speaking and moving in non-human ways, often forgetting to blink. Based on this description, I think it's likely that these..."people" were agents of The Stranger...meaning that they kind of spearheaded the attack. I find this relevant because, well...it's pretty easy to see the parallels between Leitner's library and the institute, and given my theory about what "The Unknowing" is....and how it's seemingly being spearheaded by servants of The Stranger...well, we'll get to it later, just know that I feel like the parallels are worth considering in regards to the attack. And speaking of which...the attack. Ok, well before that, I wanted to mention this. Leitner says he was typing a catalogue entry for "A Journal of a Plague Year" on the day of the event, and that's actually another example of a real world book made into a Leitner! Written by Daniel Defoe and published in 1722, it account's the experiences of a London man during the bubonic plague. If the Leitner is at all similar to the original, then I think it probably belongs to The Flesh Hive, given all of the themes of disease it could play with. Anyways, the attack.

So, I initially assumed that Leitner's library burned down, and he scattered his surviving books across the land in an attempt to keep them safe. But the truth of the matter is...well...all of ✨the horrors✨ lead an attack on the library...because all of them were after their books. So...all of the Leitners that have been found in the wild since the attack got to their respective locations through different means. And I mean...god, the description of the attack is just absloutely brutal. All of these assistants who...Leitner clearly saw as disposable, let's be honest, just...dying in the most gruesome ways. From what I can discern, there were four members of ✨the horrors✨ described in this scene. One assistant was stabbed in the throat by a creature with knife-like limbs and too many teeth, which sounds...pretty similar to The NotThem if I'm being honest, so even if it wasn't...I'm inclined to equate this creature to The Stranger. Another one was pulled into a giant pile of meat (gross), which I don't think I need to explain. And then there was one assistant who fell through a hole beneath her, and another who was plucked away by a giant hand from the roof,...and both of those seem to align with "The Vast" in my opinion. And then...there's the assistant who went through a door that shouldn't have been there. ...So yeah, Micheal was there at the attack- or, maybe it wasn't Micheal at the time, it was just The Distortion...uhhhhh...we'll go over that reveal in a bit. Oh, and Leitner also mentions rooms that fell into darkness and fire that didn't burn the books, so..that means Mr. Pitch and The Lightless Flame were also there. Leitner managed to escape, either because ✨the horrors✨ let him or our of luck...but the same could not be said for his assistants. He ran as far away as he could as his life's work was laid to ruin...and that was it. The Library of Jurgen Leitner was destroyed, the books within were scattered across the world and left to bring ruin to the lives of many (well...just The UK so far...I find it kind of hilarious how all of the freaky shit seems to be here of all places, honestly it's not unfitting), and Leitner was left to hide in what little safe space he could find for the next two decades, no books in hand, most of the world presuming him dead, and most who knew he was alive were intent on hunting him down, whether out of monstrous bloodlust or vengeance for their loved ones. The bookplates he once wished would act as a symbol of goodwill became an omen of evil, and therefore...so did he. ...So that's his story. Overall, it's very nice to finally get the full picture on one of the podcast's most vague and mysterious historical events...but MAN is it bleak. It's such a good yet such a depressing story about a man who...really wanted to do good in the world, but was so driven by his own pride and desire to be noticed that he ended up committing acts so cosmically stupid that...I think they beat out the table incident honestly. It's just...IT'S JUST SO GOOD!!! But...even though that's the main story of the episode...it is so far from over yet. There's just...so much. I feel...I feel like Jonny cooked a little TOO hard with this one...uuuaaaaagggghhhh.

Ok...so moving on. So, before the next big reveal comes in, Jon reprimands Leitner for his actions, while also asking why he didn't just burn the books. Leitner says that, once again, it was mostly due to his own pride, but there are some more logistical reasons for it as well. From Book of the Dead, we already know that some of them can't be burned, but...Leitner says that some of them actually liked the fire, and that the ones that did..."would be released to take a different form." ...This is interesting. I think it's safe to say that the books that liked the fire belonged to The Lightless Flame, but...them taking different forms...that's interesting, and someone in the Youtube comments ended up being smart enough to point out...maybe that's where Agnes is from? Obviously she was around LONG before the library was destroyed, but...she doesn't seem to be all that human, and her aging process is also quite the mystery, so...yeah, it's a fun thought, I like the idea of her being a direct manifestation of The Lightless Flame coming from a Leitner. But..moving on from that, Jon asks his next question? If Leitner didn't take any books with him after the attack, how did he get the ones he holds now? Well...this is where Gertrude comes into play. So, funnily enough, I've been on the assumption that she was working with Leitner since Held in Customs, where it was revealed that she was indeed grbookworm1818...but it was actually for the wrong reasons. I thought that she was buying her books directly off of Leitner, but only recently remembered she was getting them from random sources like auctions, so...I find it kind of funny that I accidentally predicted they were working together for completely wrong reasons. But...yeah, when Leitner started his collaboration with her (how they met being unclear), she helped him track down three of the missing books she thought could assist him. Now, Leitner says that while it was mostly done out of a desire to learn more about the books, which makes sense given what we know of her...he suspects that Gertrude helped him out of her own loneliness. That's, uh....not what I expected. From what we've seen of Gertrude so far, I never got the impression that she was...particularly dependent on others in any way shape or form, unless she had some substantial knowledge to gain from collaboration. So...hearing Leitner say this is pretty interesting to me. It's possible that maybe this WASN'T the case, and that Leitner is somewhat unreliable here, but...he seems to know Gertrude quite well, based on my impression of him at least, so I feel kind of obligated to hear him out on this one. Either way...it's an interesting characterization, certainly not what I expected. But...what's more interesting to me is WHY Leitner thinks Gertrude was lonely.

So...apparently, she actually had three assistants of her own, all of whom met "unpleasant ends", the last of them dying not long before she met Leitner. ...Oh dear. Ok, on one hand, this is a SUPER exciting reveal. I'm a sucker for whenever a faction of characters gets to have like...a full-on previous itteration of their group, who all get to be very fleshed out with their own stories, and sometimes act as parallels and/or foils to their successors...so if tma ends up pulling something like that with Gertrude's assistants...OOOHHHH that's enticing. But on the other hand...this is absolutely terrifying. It kind of depends on HOW they died, but...to know that Gertrude lost all of her assistants to...what I can only assume is ✨the horrors✨ is just...no. And like, sure, as far as I'm concerned we have no knowledge of these assistants outside of what's given in this episode, it's not like I'm super invested in them or anything...but I am very invested in our current archival assistants. And you know...given how Gertrude parallels Jon, and how the library parallels the institute, and how both the library and the institute have histories of assistant abuse, and how it's likely the old archival staff will parallel and/or foil the new one, and how Sasha has already left us...yeah, I'm absolutely terrified by the thematic implications here. Just...no. Oh, and the same principle goes for the narrative implications, it's just that...I shouldn't have to explain why people dying horrible deaths is unnerving. ...Gertrude Robinson is simultaneously making more and less sense as the days go on. It's um..it's very...not great sounding. Uh...m-moving on, we also learn what was up with the destroyed copy of The Key of Solomon Jon found in the tunnels (unfortunately the same cannot be said for the destroyed chairs). While some of the finer details are ultimately lost, the implication is that this one belonged to multiple members of ✨the horrors✨, and likely contained knowledge on them as well. Leitner and Gertrude thought they could utilize the stability inside the tunnels to gain its secrets, but it..."went wrong" in the former's words, and they had to destroy it. ...It is after this reveal that Jon asks...what is most definitely his craziest question yet. He asks...what these "powers", these forces arrayed against them, the ones behind everything...even are, and Leitner responds by saying that Jon should know about them by now...but also realizes that he's more of an observer than a connecter (oh my god oh my god), and says that Gertrude was quite similar to him in that regard. But Jon isn't satisfied with that, and he pushes on. So with that...it's time. It's time to finally learn about ✨the horrors✨. ...the way I screamed you have no idea.

Ok...so, starting off, let me just say that....I was right...and I'm extremely happy about that. Ok, well I obviously can't say that I was ENTIRELY right, and honestly, I don't expect myself to be entirely right going forward. Details such as...the exact number of these things, or what each specific one even is beyond the, like...seven that are basically confirmed still elude us, there's a LOT of information revealed here that I never predicted to begin with, especially that in regard to how ✨the horrors✨ function, and said information also creates even MORE questions, so...yeah, I can't fully judge how right or wrong I am until we get more information. But...I can at the very least say that I was right about the idea of all the spooky shit being at the behest of a pantheon of eldritch horrors, and while I'm certain that's far from the craziest theory ever...I don't know, I'm still pretty proud of myself whenever I correctly predict...anything in advance, and what, I've theorized this since like...A Father's Love? I...yeah, I think that's pretty good and validating! And I mean, my experience aside...the fact that there's finally any semblance of confirmation on just...how and why everything has been happening is just...kind of unreal to me. I'm...I'm really at the point where this is canon. Also, because I don't really know where else to put this, I feel like I should mention that...yes, revealing why all of this spooky shit has been happening in the first place and where it comes from...does have the potential to put the story less scary going forward, given how a lot of tma's horror comes from a fear of the unknown. But...I wouldn't be so immidiately pessimistic. The information we're given on ✨the horrors✨....makes them up to be pretty terrifying in their own right, leaning more into cosmic horror than tma has ever done before in my opinion, and on top of that, I feel like even if the podcast were to get less scary, that wouldn't matter to me all that much as long as other aspects of the story grew in its place. Because as strong as the horror is...I don't know, I think tma excels in a lot of other areas as well, such as its endearing characters, and what is obviously my favorite aspect, the general mystery, which encompasses lore and plot more than it does the nature of ✨the horrors✨. Oh, and that's not to say I think the story will become weaker if we get answers regarding lore and plot, it's just...look, the point is that my main concern is that the story remains consistently good. I don't really care how it decides to be good...I just want general quality. So...yeah, overall, I'm not too worried by these big reveals. Ok, that was...a lot more preamble than what I expected...what even ARE these big reveals I'm gassing up?

Oh...Jesus H. Crisps. So, Leitner explains that there are..entities, beings, forces beyond simple human comprehension...that do indeed exist. He initially says that they exist in the world, but then corrects himself by saying that they exist...next to it. Not neccesarily in different dimensions, Leitner clarifies that himself. My interpretation is that they exist in...some sort of in-between state? That's not to say that there's neccesarily alternate dimensions to begin with in tma's world, but like...I guess they exist in...purgatory? Primordial chaos? Some sort of...inner layer of a cosmic firmament? Just like...the void, is what I'm picking up here. Not an entirely different world, and as Leitner says, they are still linked to ours in ways I'll explore in a second, but...they sure as hell do not exist in any defined location on Earth, at least...not in their full power. So, throughout this whole description of ✨the horrors✨ (I just...I'm still in awe that they're actually real and being talked about properly), Leitner is very adamant on making the point that they are NOT. HUMAN. Like...in any way shape or form. The idea I once proposed, that they possessed thoughts and personalities that at the very least vaguely resemble human ones...was utter horseshit. These are eldritch beings in their prime, they are not and...probably never will be understood by humankind. And...yes, I am more than aware that such a reveal probably requires me to rethink some theories, such as the idea of Rayner's possessor being Mr. Pitch itself...but that is a whole othe rabbit hole that I don't have the time or energy to descend into, and...I'll save that for whenever The Divine Host comes back into play, because I still refuse to believe they're actually done for. Same principle applies for any other theories that might be changed by these reveals. Anyways, the fact of ✨the horrors✨ being almost entirely inhuman comes into play later through different means, but for now, it's only important for understanding that...these things just cannot function in our universe. It's never explained why, it's just...it's like trying two opposing magnetic forces together, it just scientifically does not work. At least...not fully. Whatever these things even are...while they might not be able to manifest in the human realm in full force, they can...push through on occasion. Basically, almost all of the weird manifestations we see, whether that be artifacts, books or just...generally strange occurrences, are...pieces of these beings bleeding into our world. Leitner uses a pretty good analogy to describe it. He says that if you imagine humans as ants in a colony who have never seen a human, and then imagine a scenario where a massive human figure started diving into your colony as the same as ✨the horrors✨ bleeding into our world...then that's basically it. He also says that the ants might have trouble figuring out if all of the body parts of the human are their own beings, or if they're all connected to one larger being they can't fully visualize, which is equated to people not being able to figure out if...let's say, a Leitner, is just its own entire thing, or simply a fragment of an eldritch being in a plane of its own. ...God, where is he even getting this information from? Like...huh? How? How...how do people know about this stuff? Who discovered these things? I just....AAAUAUUUUUGGHHHHH. Uh...moving on, there's another key piece of information regarding ✨the horrors✨ that we get here.

Jon asks if they're all "evil gods", but Leitner essentially says...no. Obviously there are plenty of people who see them as gods, as seen with all of the goddamn cults, but Leitner says that...trying to force a sort of..."pantheon" of these things into existence, trying to rationalize these beings and understand them as if they were gods from any other religion or mythology...doesn't really work. It ties back into the whole "these things can't be humanized" idea. This is...perplexing to me. While we still don't have a full list of these things, nor all of their titles...I feel like this dialogue confirms that such a list exists. All of the cults serve different beings, and all of the beings are fighting each-other. But...the whole monologue here kind of suggests that in actuality...that interpretation might not be correct. Assuming that there's a definable pantheon of eldritch gods isn't really a genuine academic study of these things, rather...it's just humanity's attempt to rationalize them, to understand what cannot be understood. Now, I don't think this makes trying to create a list of ✨the horrors✨, or trying to separate them into different beings entirely futile. At the end of the day, humans are still making distinctions between them, they're still worshiping and fighting over separate powers, and that is a more important plot point than ever. If the humans in this story can make their attempts at rationalizing ✨the horrors✨, then I sure as hell can do so. Besides, I like coming up with eldritch god pantheons, and I mean...the plot is already confusing enough as is, so I do NOT need more confusion on top of that. In short, I think the pursuit of further understanding these things is far from a fruitless one, because it'll help me understand what all of these weird people's goals and...overall deals are...but it won't help me understand ✨the horrors✨ themselves. Whatever framework humanity defines ✨the horrors✨ under is good for understanding the cults and the weirdos and all of the little pieces that bleed through...but not ✨the horrors✨ in their purest form. As of now...trying to understand them specifically seems like a futile quest. But hey...the pantheon DOES exist, maybe only in our puny earthling minds, but like...so does the concept of time, but I don't see YOU calling that useless, do I? ....Ok, this got a little too deep. Uh...oh! There's one last major thing, and thankfully it's a lot more simple.

Basically, Leitner explains that things like the books and...presumably all other sorts of artifacts, are exactly what I previously explained, just pieces or...direct creations of ✨the horrors✨ brought into the human realm, "their essences in a purer form." But....their servants, beings like The NotThem, or any of the cult members...they're a bit of a different story. They are still directly connected to ✨the horrors✨, or course, and maybe slightly controlled by them...? I don't know, that part's a little bit more vague, it would tie in with what Jon said about...the people affected by Leitners becoming more like the powers than themselves, but the point is...even if they're directly connected to ✨the horrors✨, even if they're...somewhat a part of them, they are also still their own individuals. So like, The NotThem for example. It's seemingly connected to what we define as "The Stranger", and definitely...represents it in a lot of ways, but it's also it's own concious being at the same time, emphasized by how it...kind of betrayed those it was working for. This kind of makes me think of ✨the horrors✨ as like....reclusive gods who the people never see, and all of the weirdos who've been marked by them, their...prophets, connected and representative of the beings they work for...but still somewhat individual. And yes, I'm well aware that's kind of falling into the trap of trying to humanize ✨the horrors✨...but I'm just...REALLY trying to not get confused here, ok? The chances of us actually meeting ✨the horrors✨ in their purest forms seems pretty slim at the moment, and the chances of them being anything vaguely human-like...seem slim to none, so...if we wanted to get any idea of what ✨the horrors✨ would be like if they had actual minds or personalities like that of regular people (so like, eldritch gods more in line with The Lords in Black from Hatchetifield...look I had to mention them at some point because have you SEEN some of those parallels?!), then...I guess all of their servants are our best bet. And one last bit. While most of the people and sentient monsters who are connected to ✨the horrors✨ have their own individual minds...there do seem to be a couple of exceptions here and there, ones that embody the power they serve on a...deeper and purer level. The most obvious example of this to me is Jane, who is similar to people like...I don't know, Mike, in the sense that she's a human who was turned monstrous by one of ✨the horrors✨, but...looking at her personality, or rather her...disturbing lack of one post-statement, it's clear that she's a lot more intrinsically linked to The Flesh Hive than Mike is The Vast for example, which is likely a result of all of the hivemind themes going on there, and also...arguably one of the best cases to be made for a pantheon interpretation of ✨the horrors✨...actually being pretty on the money. So uh yeah...all very interesting...and all very terrifying.

Ok...that was a lot. I'm sorry if my analysis was kind of sloppy it's just...wow. I'm very grateful for all of this information, believe me, but at the same time....GRRRRRRR I NEED MORE!!! Like it's just...it's just missing a few core details that could make me feel at ease, but for now....ugggghhh. Overall, I think that...in order for me to fully feel at peace with all of this information, I'm going to just...need to get used to it being a thing, since WOW is this a dramatic change in terms of worldbuilding and status quo, but I'll also need some extra bits of information here and there. Like, even if they can't be truly understood, even if the idea of them functioning like the Greek pantheon or whatever isn't scientifically correct...I'd like to at the very least know...what that pantheon concieved by humanity is, because there's clearly...SOME sort of list out there given how everyone talks about ✨the horrors✨ as seperate beings. Like, what do people call each of them? How many of them do people think they are? And like...is there any more information due to come out on their true nature, or are they cursed to forever remain mysterious and vague? Because like...whether as a symbolic design choice or as an in-universe fact, I'm more sure of the idea of them representing different kinds of fears than I've ever been, and if you pair the idea of them bleeding into our world with the simulation theory...then maybe ✨the horrors✨ are like the virtual world creators influencing the matrix-WAIT! NO! NO! I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO GO THAT OFF TRACK! BAD! Look it's just...it's just a lot. Truth be told, I'm still processing all of this, because it is just...such a monumental lore-drop. Hopefully I'll have a better understanding of them sooner rather than later, but for now...it's just a matter of getting adjusted to this new information being a thing, which...kind of ties back into the whole "this episode is amazing on its own but I can't really determine whether or not it's a good finale until I see how it transitions into Season 3" thing, and it's also a matter of getting more information that explains ✨the horrors✨ in more detail. But for now...I'm just going to leave it all here. Oh my god HOW AM I STILL NOT DONE I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS POST FOR FIVE FUCKING WEEKS NOW JUST SAVE ME ALREADY!!! Well, next up we have...what is objectively the only important aspect of this entire episode, and if you disagree with me you shall be thrown into a hallway. Everything else would've been important if it wasn't for this. That's right. It's time for the fucking Micheal lore-drop.

So....Micheal. God's favorite. Owner of all nobel prizes. The boy who lived. Whatever. He's...been quite the perplexing character, hasn't he? Over like...the past four posts, I've concoted a plethora of theories as to what his deal is, which has been...as maddening as it is throughly enjoyable, which is honestly a pretty good way to describe the entire process of writing these. And...while there's still quite a lot of pieces missing, like...wow do I still not understand him one bit, this episode wa sgracious enough to give us some...vague, yet still very insightful information on him. It...honestly feels kind of miraculous to get anything at all. ...So. Basically since his vocal debut, I've assumed that...whatever Micheal is, he is part of a larger being. This is because in The New Door, when Jon asks if he "owns" his hallway dimension, he responds by asking if "your hand, in any way, owns you stomach." This has led me to believe that Micheal, his hallways, and...likely his door are all part of a much larger being...and I think this episode confirms it. Leitner tells Jon that "Micheal" is simply a name used by something called "The Distortion". ...Oh boy. This can be interpreted in...a lot of ways. Maybe "The Distortion" is just the real name of the blonde man, and "Micheal" is an alias for whatever reason, I don't know. But my interpretation is that...The Distortion is the larger entity that Micheal and the hallways encompass. I have...no idea what it could be outside of that. Like...what kind of "distortion" is it? Temporal? One in the fabric of reality? Is is a simple manifestation of one of ✨the horrors✨, an artifact, or a servant with a will of its own? I just...I just have no idea. However, what I do have for a reasonable belief is the idea that The Distortion...takes different forms at many times. The backrooms are one of them, but Micheal is another. Given how Leitner describes him, I think Micheal is like...a vessel, The Distortion's OC or something. It can't move around or communicate with others due to...whatever its nature even is, place, monster, alternate dimension, who knows? So...it uses Micheal like you would use...a player character in a video game or something. Which to me, makes a lot more sense that Micheal being a corrupted human, since his demeanor and...even apperance, range from somewhat strange to just straight up not human in nature. For him to be the persona, the humanoid vessel of something that is anything but human...I think it checks out. It's also...VERY similar to The NotThem, but it's basically confirmed that the two of them are believed to belong to different members of ✨the horrors✨ now, so...either their similarities are purely a thematic representation of the deceit, paranoia and insanity that Jon has been up against all season, since the two of them have...basically been the main antagonists for this part of the story, or...it might tie into the idea of the agreed upon pantheon of ✨the horrors✨ being somewhat debatable, but...I'm not going to go there for now. And you know what's funny? ...All of this information doesn't entirely disregard my theory about all of the Micheals being this one. I mean...there's like a 0.5% chance it happens, but...it's still not impossible, and that is absolutely hilarious to me. It SHOULDN'T have lasted this long, and yet...here we are. Either way though...I feel like some of the ideas presented in that theory hold some merit? Like, I've already talked about Mike having a "fractal pattern" burned into his skin potentially making him...somewhat connected to Micheal, but...Micheal is a very, VERY common name, and if we view him as The Distortion's attempt at making a human OC for itself to parade around as...I don't know, the idea of it choosing one of the most common names feels tonally appropriate to me, so...maybe the heavy amount of Micheals is actually meant to foreshadow something here, even if they aren't the same person.

But, crackpot theory aside, there is one other big piece of information we got on Micheal here. So...you know how I kind of suggested that if my simulation fear experiment theory was true, there was a chance that Micheal was a glitch or virus trying to break things down? Well...while the general simulation theory I proposed in Thought for the Day still holds pretty strong ground in my opinion...the second part doesn't do so at all anymore. This is because we have explicit confirmation that Micheal, and "The Distortion" at large, is an aspect of one of ✨the horrors✨. So...he's a part of a larger being that is part of a larger being. That is...just way too perfect for him holy shit. So, yeah...The Distortion, whatever or whoever it truly is, belongs to an eldritch power which Leitner calls "The Spiral", although it was initially named by one of his assistants as "Esmentiaras" which roughly translates to "it is lies" or "it is lying". Honestly, both are pretty fitting names, but I'll stick with "The Spiral", since I think it fits better with the...common trends seen among the naming schemes for ✨the horrors✨. Anyways, Leitner explains that The Spiral deals in fooling and tricking the senses, making people see things that aren't really there and driving them to insanity, which...definitely checks out when you consider the nature of the backrooms. And of course, it has a fondness for fractals. That's...really all of the major stuff I have to say on "The Spiral", truth be told I don't think there's much hiding in Leitner's words here, although I do have a couple of thoughts that...kind of relate to it. First of all, this confirms that Micheal and/or The Distortion specifically...isn't one of ✨the horrors✨ in its entirety, simply an aspect of The Spiral. This might mean that episodes that...seem as if they contain involvement from Micheal might actually just be related to some other manifestation or servant of The Spiral, and that maybe some statements I initially didn't understand the cause behind...might be a bit more clear now. I think an example of this might actually be the one and only homophobic vase. It basically caused Mr. Ramao to stop trusting what he perceived as reality, and...I mean, it's not exactly fractals, but the patterns on it...line up with them well enough for me. Secondly, while the idea of Micheal being some external variable infiltrating the simulation run by ✨the horrors✨ is absolutely not true, I...still think he might be able to break down the system given what he did to Lydia. I mean, her talk about staring into the faces of cosmic horrors when sleep deprived feels more relevant than ever now, and even if Micheal belongs to one of ✨the horrors✨...he's still a bit of an exception. What made him so initially terrifying to me was how he was the first example, and...still is one of the only examples of ✨the horrors✨ not being entirely antagonistic, he's much more hard to predict and turbulent in his alignment, and on top of that, he's one of the very few freaky characters so far that seems to have no stake in the struggle between ✨the horrors✨ beyond just seeing what happens next and fucking around when he wants to, so...I think he's still capable of doing some unique shit, just not for the reasons I once assumed. Or..maybe for no reason at all. And finally...god damn, if the way Leitner talked about The Spiral didn't make me even more suspicious of ✨the horrors✨' connections to fear...I don't know what it did. Well, that's a wrap on the Micheal lore! He's the humanoid identity of something called The Distortion which we know next to nothing about (maybe...one of many given how Leitner phrased it as "what it calls itself nowadays", rather than just in general), and The Distortion belongs to one of ✨the horrors✨, which is usually referred to as The Spiral. MOVING ON!

Ok...so before I get to the big event YES I KNOW IT'S TAKING A WHILE, there is one last bit of information Leitner gives regarding ✨the horrors✨. Basically, he tells us that if you want to classify which one is causing any instance of the paranormal, you need to think about the meaning behind what it's manifesting as, rather than...just exactly what's in front of you. The example used here is bones. Sometimes, bones are used to represent the raw physicality of flesh, which seems to tie them back to the body horror. But on other occasions, they might be a symbolic representation of butchery, or a human figure like Micheal being twisted into something impossible, the former of which being...a bit hard for me to decipher a connection for, and the second one obviously being The Spiral. Ok? That's all I've got. Now...for Jon's last question. The one that's been on our minds this entire season. The one that's been the driving force behind all of his actions over these past 40 episodes. ...Who killed Gertrude Robinson. Even if it's not always the big mystery at the forefront of everything...if Jon didn't care about it, if the prospect of her murder didn't terrify him as much as it does...we would not be here. So...who did it? Well, Leitner is quick to deny himself as the murderer (which honestly thank god, like I said, I could NOT handle Jonny's dad murdering Jonny's mom), but he still attempts to change the subject and shallowly reassure Jon that he's fine, likely out of fear. But, Jon keeps on pushing for answers, like he always does...and we finally get them. Gertrude Robinson was murdered by Elias Bouchard. At least, if Leitner's to be believed, and I don't think I have much reason to assume otherwise. ...Ok. For...very obvious reasons, I'm going to save the Elias discussion for just a little bit longer, since...I have quite a few thoughts. For now though...I think I can at the very least give my opinion on the general twist of him killing her. I...honestly think it works pretty well! Now, look, is it the craziest plot twist of all time, god no. I was suspicious of this man since before he even showed up in person, and when it was revealed that Gertrude was murdered and I listened to his statement in Human Remains, that suspicion only grew. I mean, hell, Jon himself was exceedingly suspicious of him as well, so I don't even think it's supposed to be a big twist. The big twist...comes a little bit later, but I'll hold my tongue for the time being. But all things considered...I'm still satisfied, and decently surprised as well! While there is still a lot we don't know about Elias, and this finale raised like...a thousand more questions about him from me, with the information we've been given on his motives and methods so far...yeah, I don't see any reason to doubt it's possible. And while I never looked away from him completely, I think the podcast did a genuinely good job at making me consider other candidates for Gertrude's murder, such as..."the person in the tunnels" as we once knew him. It didn't necessarily make me trust Elias, just...not pay as much attention to him as I should've. So...yeah, it's far from the craziest plot twist I've ever seen, but it works well enough, and like I said, it's not like this episode is derived of twists. ...God, is it not derived of twists.

Anyways, my thoughts aside, Leitner goes on to explain what he believes is Elias' motive for killing her. Apparently...she was going to destroy the archives, along with Leitner himself, although Elias seemingly didn't know about the latter's involvement. That's...certainly interesting. It definitely lines up with what we currently know about Gertrude so far, given how it's been well established that she didn't trust the institute. And...look I'm not going to bother doing the whole dramatic buildup here, but since we now have confirmation that the institute belongs to one of ✨the horrors✨...that also lines up, since both Leitner and Gertrude have a history of fighting against them through different means, although the latter's motives for doing so still remain a gaping mystery. And it makes sense for Elias to stop her, since...well, he's the head, I assume the institute is very dear to him if that's the case, like...yeah it's his job. I do have questions about the whole timeline of events surrounding this, Gertrude and Leitner's methods, the...suspicious emphasis on the archives rather than the institute as a whole, which I've talked about before, and also...who we consider to be in the "right" here, Gertrude or Elias, but that last one's...a whole other can of worms. [INSERT OBLIGATORY JANE MENTION HERE.] But uh...yeah, overall, this all makes sense so far. It's here that Leitner also reveals what he needs from Jon. Apparently, there are files on...something, it's kind of vague on what exactly, but they seem to contain information on the institute, and...things Gertrude found on The Stranger specifically. Uh...we'll touch on that a bit more in a second, all we need to know right now though is that these files are...important, important and secret enough to the point where Elias likely stole them after murdering Gertrude. Leitner was digginng for them in the archives, hence what Jon saw on the CCTV, but since they weren't there, he assumes they need to break into Elias' office and steal them before he catches on to what's going on. Oh, and mentioning the CCTV, Leitner ALSO explains (god my head is spinning from all this explanation) that the reason Elias can still be the murderer despite him not showing up on the CCTV footage...is because he has the ability to directly control what they see, or simply ruin them beyond recovery, at least when it comes to those in the institute. And...that's when Jon comes to a big realization. Something that most of the season has been building up to. As expected...the institute is the domain of one of ✨the horrors✨. The being that always makes Jon feel as if he's being watched. The being that's preventing Tim, and seemingly everyone from quitting. The being that stalked Rosa Meyer. The being responsible for the ancient archivist in Alexandria. The being that Elias...seemingly serves. ..."The Eye", otherwise known as Beholding. ...Yikes.

Honestly, while I, and I assume most others, clocked it a while ago...I think the buildup to this reveal was handled absolutely phenomenally, just...sowing little seeds as the story progresses. And in general, the twist of the institute being just as paranormal as everything it researches is just...such a novel concept in its own right, and I'm REALLY intrigued to see what they do next now that the theory has been confirmed. Also, I feel like an idiot for just not calling it "The Eye" in the first place. Something like "The Spiral"...makes sense, but isn't THAT easy to predict. This though...I don't know, I feel like it should be within my capacity to call it that with confidence, but...whatever. Anyways, Leitner goes on to explain that not only does the institute belong to The Eye...but so does Jon as well. Now, based on the whole...inability to quit thing, I get the sense that everyone in the institute has at least some sort of connection to The Eye, but Jon...he seems special. The NotThem literally called him its "pupil" in the previous episode. This seemingly ties into the title of "archivist" having greater meaning, which leads me to assume that Gertrude possessed a lot of the same unique qualities as Jon...but beyond that, we don't know much. All we know is that...Jon is important in this regard, but how exactly is just a wide open enigma at the moment. I can at the very least recognize that he doesn't seem to be...quite as willing to serve it as some others, but...he also doesn't seem to be that able to fight against...whatever power The Eye has over him, which is actually in stark contrast to Gertrude. For all their similarities, the two archivists have quite a few differences, and one of those is that Gertrude was a lot less of a coward. She went out of her way to put a stop to multiple paranormal occurrences, which included destroying one of The Eye's domains...and attempting to destroy the institute herself, so despite her likely connection to it...she wasn't subservient. Granted, it's possible that Jon will do more things like her in the future and I'll be proven wrong, I mean, it doesn't seem like he'll be confined to the institute in Season 3 given how the episode ends, so that could definitely provide opportunities to fight against the paranormal directly soon enough. But for now...I get the sense that Gertrude was a lot stronger than him in this regard, but...it's all very interesting. Well...with all of that out of the way, Jon is...understandably shaken after everything he's learned. He's discovered an incredibly fucked up story about evil books, is probably shaking at the prospect of The NotThem still being alive, has learned that everything in his life is at the whim of a pantheon of eldritch horrors, that his boss is a murderer, and that he belongs to a horrific eye that seeks to watch him run about his miserable life until he dies. And to make matters worse, he logically doesn't have time to freak out because...you know? Evil boss? The files? But...he chooses to ignore that fact. He's so desperate to just...get a few minutes of peace, that he decides to start smoking again after being quit for five years. And not only is that a bad idea in general (like, does he not remember Anglerfish?), but...going out there for a quick break, leaving behind his...self-defense mechanism...ends up being his second greatest mistake behind the table thing. Yeah...it's time for THAT scene. But first...

Ok, yes, I'm well aware this probably feels like I'm stalling, I know people probably want to hear my thoughts on the uh...sound of leaky tap water that plays near the end, but I just...I NEED to talk about Elias. I was thinking of doing my deep look at him AFTER the scene, but...I'd be talking about him all day if that were the case, and honestly...I think this has better flow. Basically, I'm going to look back at everything we've seen of him up until this point, which truth be told isn't a lot, and then see how those scenes are recontextualized...not really by his actions in this episode, but just by the simple knowledge of him being Gertrude's killer...and also inherently fucked up and evil. At least...I think he's fucked up and evil? Just...uh...look, his alignment depends on just...which of ✨the horrors✨ we're supposed to cheer for and which ones we aren't, along with just...a lot of other stuff that I don't have the time or energy to discuss. Just know that, as of now...I think Elias is kind of a psychopath, I do not trust him one bit and I find him very dangerous and scary...but it's just impossible for me to tell whether or not he's going to be an antagonist or not by the end. At the very least, I...don't think he'll be the friendliest force in Season 3. Ok? Ok. ....Right. So...Elias. He's always been one of, if not THE most perplexing character in the entire series to me. He's just so...oddly absent, really sketchy and...honestly came off as kind of boring to me in a way that no other character in tma has before. I know I've said that I wish the archival assistants showed up even more, but despite that, Martin, Sasha, Not!Sasha and Tim have always sort of just...felt nearby, whether that be due to actual appearances, little mentions of them from Jon or...just the general energy of the archives. Elias on the other hand, has always just...felt so distant to me. I mean, yeah, he works in a different department, but for a guy who runs the entire institute...I mean, in retrospect, he comes off as a lot more in charge of things than I initially assumed, but he just...didn't FEEL like a big piece of the puzzle in the same way everyone else has, and whenever we did see him...he always just had the most boring middle-manager vibe concievable. And yet...there's just SO many things that are off about him. His backstory, which seems oddly out of character for the person we know today, to the point where I have to assume that he's hiding SOMETHING about it. His odd reluctance to talk about Gertrude's death. His desire to just...ignore everything parnormal as much as possible, and then other weird things like him recognizing The NotThem (which makes a lot of sense now given the whole...Eye vs. Stranger thing). So...depite his relative plainess, there was always clearly something else going on. The thing is though....I never thought of him as truly, plainly evil. I've thought for a very long time that he was capable of doing bad things, that he HAS done bad things, that he doesn't have the best moral compass, and that he was likely to be Gertrude's killer. ...But I always had enough faith in him to assume that he had...at least some good reasoning. I mean, it's not like Gertrude hasn't done her own fair share of...questionable things, even if for good reasons, so...maybe Elias killed her for the greater good. Maybe the reason he tries to ignore the glaring oddities within the institute is because he wants to keep others safe. Maybe...he wasn't that bad. But while that still isn't technically impossible, while he....COULD still pull through...I doubt that he will. Because after seeing how he acts in...the big scene, the way he talks...I do not think Elias is likely to be all that good of a person.

Probably not a creature of pure evil like The NotThem...but certainly someone worth fearing, someone who is just...overall unhinged and terrifying, someone who is willing to do some extremely messed up things for...likely not great reasons. Just...yeah, he gives off some very bad vibes. And I think that's what makes him work as a twist villain of sorts. I don't think you're supposed to be shocked by him being a corrupt and dangerous character, nor are you supposed to be shocked by him being the murderer...but you are supposed to be shocked by just how...incredibly brutal he ends up being. And at least for now, I feel like he's avoided the classic twist villain trap of just...doing a complete 180º turn in personality. I mean, sure, what we see of him in this episode is...VERY different from what we're used to, but depending on how he acts in Season 3...I feel like they have the ability to make it believable that this is still the same guy, and we're just now witnessing a different side of him. I...really hope they write him like that at least, because I wouldn't really like it if he just...started acting crazy 24/7 and never showed his more calm and reasonable aspects ever again. Anyways, I have no idea what his motivations are, what the deeper aspects of his past might be, or just...where he's going to even stand in the story going forward beyond being a very unnerving presence, especially with all of the OTHER shit that seems to be encroaching into the main plot...but even if I can't decipher his entire character at the moment...what is my general opinion of him now? Well...I think he's most likely going to be a dangerous and antagonistic force throughout Season 3, but his role in Seasons 4 and 5 are still very up in the air. I think...something extra happened in between him joining the institute in 1991, and becoming head in 1996, and that it'll explain why he's so different from what you'd assume of him based on what little we know about his past. He is most definitely a servant of The Eye, and even if it turns out he was brought into its embrace unwillingly, he is most definitely serving it out of his own will nowadays, at the very least more than Jon and the rest of the institute, and also seems concerned with making sure it comes out on top in the struggle between ✨the horrors✨. Although...given how The NotThem says the archivist is "The Eye's pupil", I do actually wonder if maybe Jon is more important to it than Elias, but...that might be a bit of a leap. I definitely think that Leitner is correct in his hypothesis of Elias killing Gertrude due to her attempt at destroying the archives, in fact, based on what happens later, I think it's safe to assume that he is willing to murder anyone who even remotely gets in the way of...whatever the hell he wants. Uh...he's probably deeply entwined with institute history in one way or another...I think he's likely to be the guy who sold out The Divine Host's location to the cops in Police Lights...he probably has a plethora of other supernatural abilities that we just don't know about, and, uh...overall...I've gone from finding him perplexing and kind of sketchy to being...absolutely mortified by what he's capable of, and by whatever else he might do in the future. Also I think it would be funny if it turned out that all of his fucked up actions were committed when he was zooted out of his mind, and he's actually completely normal outside of that. Remember kid, the true eye monster is marijuana. That's...basically it. Sorry if this part was a bit incoherent, truth be told my mind is still kind of all over the place when it comes to this guy...but it's good for me to get down what thoughts I can. Oh, and uh...on the note of what he's capable of...how about that big scene?

....Ok. Stay calm. Take a deep breath. You can do this. *inhales*....BEATING YOU WITH A METAL PIPE ASMR!!!!!! I just. I. I can't believe that after all these...uh...months...I've finally gotten here. Ok, let me just start off by getting something important out of the way. I...understand why this is such a meme. I mean, like, how could it not be, you know? This is...one of, if not THE most powerful scene in all of tma so far. It's full of drama, information, amazing voice acting, amazing pacing, and triggers the biggest change in the story's status quo so far. Like...it's absolutely unforgettable, I'm still partial to the table scene personally, but...this is a CLOSE second. (Also the parallels between that scene and this one will haunt me and my family for generations.) But with all of that being said...christ you feral zombie children are evil. You listen to a sad old man get beaten by a pipe and decide that "yes, THIS is what we'll be making jokes about for the next seven years"? ...How wretched of you. Ok, in all seriousness...I have some stuff to say. So, going back to where I left off, Jon ignores the message of the first episode (in all seriousness I really hope him going for a smoke is intentionally referencing Anglerfish), and decides to leave the room, while absolutely definitely making sure he doesn't leave anything important behind. As he does...Leitner talks into the tape, seemingly as if Gertrude were there, suggesting that...despite their similarities, despite their shared paranoia, she probably wouldn't have liked Jon due to his lack of an ability to stomach what everyone's up against. I really do like how Jon and Gertrude both parallel and foil each other, this season has done a great job at showing they're more similar than we initially thought, but they have enough differences to prevent it from feeling like they're TOO similar. And also...I'm only saying this just in case but...what if Leitner talking to Gertrude here implies she's in the tapes? Do I believe that? No. But....in the 0.0000001% chance such a theory is right, let it be known that I DID throw it out there, OK?! Well, while that's kind of a sweet and sad moment, it doesn't last long because- OH HI ELIAS. So...yeah, unfortunately he isn't blind to what's been going on, and also isn't happy about it either. Now...the following conversation is...vague. Like, REALLY vague. There's clearly a lot of important stuff being talked about here, but telling what that important stuff even is...it's difficult, to put it lightly. But...I'll try my best.

So, Elias barges in, immediately threatening to kill Leitner if he dares to touch one of his books which is...pleasant. He explains that he's known someone's been down in the tunnels for a long time...and I mean, if he serves the thing that's always watching then I guess he probably knows...a LOT of things overall (like just...AAAAAHHH IT'S SUCH A COOL AESTHETIC FOR A PLACE OF ACADEMIA), but that he never knew it was Leitner, nor that he had gotten out and come into the archives. I assume this is due to the power of A Disappearance, as Leitner implied earlier on, and...that also kind of adds to the idea of it being associated with The Stranger, given, once again, its supposed opposition to The Eye. Unfortunately though, Jon's clumsiness outweighed Leitner's discreetness, and Elias was able to find him in a way he couldn't when Gertrude was around. Mentioning her, he also asks if Leitner told Jon about her. I'm assuming this is meant to refer to...you know, her murder, which means Leitner's probably lying when he says no, but...it could techincally refer to anything else regarding her that the two of them both know about, so...eh. Anyways, he then demands Leitner to tell him what he's after, to which he answers with the files in his office. Now, Elias asks if Leitner's planning to commit arson, so...I guess the files tell you how to burn down the institute and/or the archives? Maybe? But like...that kind of brings up the question of...why would you need these top secret files to know how to do that? Why couldn't you just grab a lighter? Hm...well, keeping that in mind, Leitner tries to explain that he's not only after the files due to what they contain on the institute, but also...the supposed member of ✨the horrors✨ known as The Stranger, and...the something relating to them called The Unknowing. So...this is one of the most interesting things mentioned here. As I'm sure you remember, it was mentioned by The NotThem last episode, and I believed that due to its name and its clear relation to The Stranger, it was some sort of attack on the institute, either entirely committed by servants of The Stranger, or at least primarily led by them. And...I'm inclined to believe that the latter interpretation is true. Firstly, Leitner says that Elias of all people should want to stop it. And I mean...if it's an attack on the institute, that comment checks out. And you know how I alluded to Leitner's library parallelling the institute in a lot of weird ways. Well...the attack on his library was, in my opinion, likely led by servants of The Stranger, since the people who started visiting before the attack, the ones who were really weird and forgot to blink...match up pretty well with beings like The NotThem and The Anglerfish's people. So...maybe the attack is supposed to act as foreshadowing for The Unknowing! At the very least though, even if this interpretation is wrong, I think it's safe to say that The Unknowing is something heavily linked to The Stranger, and...something worth dreading. I mean, given its rivalry with The Eye, I think Elias has enough motivation to get rid of anything relating to The Stranger, and I mean...if Gertrude was keeping her intel on it with the same files she needed to...somehow destroy the archives, then there's a decent enough chance she'd want to stop it. But...that raises the question of why she'd want to stop something that would theoretically do exactly what she wants...but then again, it kind of feels like all of the ✨the horrors✨ are just a bunch of different brands of evil fighting against each other, so...maybe The Unknowing results in something bad in its own right? I...I don't really know, but given how it's being built up, I feel like more intel on it is due sooner rather than later, so...I'll just wait and see.

Anyways, while Leitner seems pretty scared by the prospect of...whatever The Unknowing is, Elias is the stark opposite, entirely confident that he can put a stop to it, even willing to lightly poke fun at the servants of The Stranger having a supposed lack of creativity. And then...Leitner asks what Jon's going to think when he arrives back in the archives...and in retrospect, I think...he knew what was about to happen. Elias responds by saying that Jon "was always going to have to fly the nest at somepoint", clearl insinuating that he wants Jon to leave the archives, which is...strange, Leitner seems worried that he'll die in the process, which...I guess makes sense, Micheal did imply that Jon is protected from ✨the horrors✨, but only in the institute, and then...it happens. It. Happens. My ears are serenaded by the one, the only....[EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER]. I'm in...well, I'm in a lot of states. Shock, confusion, excitement, satisfaction, fear, sorrow...all of it. Elias Bouchard...just brutally murdered a man to death with a metal pipe, not a whiff of hesitation or remorse emanating from him. And Jurgen Leitner...is dead. The man who led to so many terrible happenings by pure accident and folly...is dead. The man who still had so many answers to all of Jon, mine, and everyone's burning questions...is dead. The man who for all we know, could've destroyed or saved the world had he lived longer...is dead. And whoever wrote that infamous rant about him...is THRIVING. There's...really not much I have to say about this scene that I'm not certain hasn't been said before. It's just...it's as shocking and iconic as it is cold and cruel. In a world of eldritch gods and supernatural abilities...an old man getting murdered by an average lethal weapon is arguably the most insane thing that's happened so far. While I doubt that we're entirely done with Leitner as a concept, as there are most definitely many of his books still out there, along with the people who have been changed by them and a number of other mysteries that will likely tie back to him...the fact that the man himself is dead, that he's been brutally murdered without ever getting the recognition he desired, his mark on the world forever a stain...that changes so much. How it changes things is a mystery for the time being...but I just know. I know it does. This...um...this certainly wasn't how I expected the season to end. ...Rest in peace Jurgen Leitner, for all of the abysmal mistakes, for all of the lives ruined by your actions...at heart, you did not deserve this. Elias...even if you aren't the big bad, even if you get redeemed by some slim margin...fuck you, you little freak. I say that affectionately though because HOLY SHIT he has become so much more interesting to me now, and like...I can't view him as anything but iconic after this scene. But uh...yeah, that's basically it. Just...I'm...huh.

Elias leaves the room, and we're left in the cold dead air of the archives for nearly a minute, the only sound accompanying us being the deathly drip of Leitner's blood, from his head and onto the floor. That's...just really fucking cold of them, yikes. Thankfully though, we aren't left with them for too long, because Jon comes back into the archives and-..hey wait that's not much better! The whole bit here...man. Jonny does such an absolute killer job here, coming into the room ready to make idle chitchat about him quitting smoking, only for the cold realization of what's in front of him to set in...and the stammers, the nervous laugh, the inability to finish his sentence...my god it's brilliant. And this is where Elias and Leitner's exchange finally starts to make sense...because yeah, if a man is found dead in the office of the guy who's been exhibiting incerasingly disturbing behavior for the past 7 months...it's not hard to see what the logical conclusion is. ...Elias framed Jon, seemingly so that he'd be forced to run away into the wider world in order to avoid being arrested. ...WHY?! WHAT IS THE POINT IN ALL THIS?! Is he just framing Jon because it's easier than covering up the body? Is he trying to push Jon out of the institute so that he gets murdered by ✨the horrors✨, and then...I don't know, HE gets to be "The Eye's pupil" or whatever? Or is it for some other reason that I can't properly comprehend at the moment? I just...AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!! At the very least...I definitely feel like Jon's fallen into Elias' trap in one way or another, and...whether he immediately gets arrested or spends Season 3 on the run from the authorities...it is clear that he is in danger...and that he's probably not in the institute anymore. He just...he needs to run. Whether he can physically stay away from it for that long is a whole other question but uh...yeah. I...don't really know what this means for the future. Maybe we'll only follow Jon next season, maybe we'll hang out with Martin and Tim at the institute, I'm...personally guessing there'll be a mix of both, but...there's definitely going to be some changes...and that is equal parts exciting and mortifying. I just. Wow. The Magnus Archives is a fucking podcast.

Well...one more part. ...I am so tired right now you have no idea. The final recording comes from....OH MY GOD THANK THE STARS THEY'RE OK!!! Honestly I...kind of forgot about them as I was writing for this episode, but neither Martin or Tim got eaten by The Distortion, which is good because...man was I worried, especially for the latter of the two. No Micheal though...sad but understandable, I hope they just let him hang around the archives like a normal employee more next season. They mention that "the tape works now" which actually made me come to the realization that this entire time...the static has been coming from the tapes. Outside of...maybe the phone call with Basira (who, by the way, I'm honestly a little surprised didn't have anything to do in the finale, but...maybe her and/or other members of Section 31 will come back in Season 3, especially in regards to the uh..."plumbing issue" in the archives), the static doesn't actually seem to permeate in the air, it's only audible when listening to the tapes...so that's interesting, it certainly makes the tapes themselves a lot weirder than they already were. They also mention...an encounter with a woman? It's very vague but...they had an encounter with someone in trouble, and weren't able to help her. For now it's a pretty wide open mystery that I'm sure'll get expanded on in Season 3, but...it's interesting. Anyways, Martin is still trying to maintain as much optimism as he can in their dire situations, but Tim...not so much. He's accepted the cold and harsh reality that...this life, this constant chase of worms and corridors...it's theirs now, and they have to keep on going until they die. ...Yikes man. It's...a shame to see a guy who was once such a ray of sunshine in the archives turn so cold, but...I guess it's realistic. ...Reality hurts though. Regardless, Martin goes into the archives to check if Jon's alive and well...and is instead greeted by something that is neither Jon, nor alive, nor well. So...not only is Elias framing him in the first place pretty bad...but now we have Martin and Tim fully convinced that he did it too. Even though they're entirely out of the loop, they don't know who that disfigured old corpse is, they don't know anything about the library or ✨the horrors✨, they STILL don't know about what happened to Sasha...their faith in Jon has sunk so low that they have no choice to believe he's now a murderer. And while Tim being unsurprised is already hurtful...the season ending on Martin, the one person who has been desperately trying to keep his faith in Jon sustained all season, asking..."what have you done?" in a shaky and sad voice....AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! And...that's it. We end there, the credits give Basira the wrong surname for some reason...and we're done. ...paypal.com/ifuckingfeelreallybadforjurgenleitner.

So...that's a wrap on The Librarian...and Season 2 of The Magnus Archives as we know it. Overall...I mean where to begin? This season...has been absolutely phenomenal from start to finish, this whole last quarter of episodes especially. I already adored Season 1 with all my heart, and still do, but this...like, I was expecting an increase in quality, but...I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS MUCH. The statements at large were even more creative, memorable and high quality than those of Season 1, the greater interconnected narrative was even more engaging, the cast of character was even more lovable and endearing, there were so many more great dramatic moments, the supplementals added so so much value to every episode, the ways they experimented with the formula in episodes like the Gertrude tapes was great, the general editing and sound quality was even more impressive, the way that everything has started to connect and make more sense has been nothing short of extremely satisfying, and...Michael. Just...what a masterpiece. And as for this finale specifically...holy shit. A really engaging and gripping main story with the tale of Leitner's library, so many interesting plot reveals in regards to the tunnels, Gertrude, Elias, The Distortion, and ESPECIALLY ✨the horrors✨ at large...and an ending so shocking and earth-shattering that I still don't feel like I'm capable of properly describing it. I am...even more excited for Season 3 than I was before, which I didn't even know was possible. I felt like I had a good enough idea as to where Season 2 might lead after I finished Season 1...but here? It could go in...so many different directions, but I have no doubt that they'll manage to pull it off. Just...what a triumph. I...was going to write a whole list of questions I want to see answered here like I did at the end of Season 1...but we'd be here all day if I did that. And of course, thank you so, so, so so so so so so so so so much for reading this. I say it every time, but it means so much more to me than you could possibly imagine, and...given how each post just seems to get longer and longer (I REALLY HOPE THAT THE NEXT ONE ENDS UP A BIT SHORTER THOUGH), that appreciation gets bigger and bigger each time someone reads through one of these. But...if it's alright, I might just have you wait a little bit longer for that word count I promised. Because...you know how I promised a teensy little bonus at the end of my previous post? Well...while I'm kind of regretting making that promise due to how long this ended up being...I refuse to go back on my word. So...if you may...

Supplemental: Ok, just a couple of quick things I need to get out. Firstly, while I'm not going to make an entirely new list of ✨the horrors✨ , since...truth be told this episode didn't change much in terms of how I categorize them, I did want to just list off the ones that have...somewhat official names, like...the ones that without a shadow of a doubt, DEFINITELY exist. So, we have The Eye and The Spiral fully confirmed, and then all signs point to The Stranger, The End and The Lightless Flame being ones as well, and then...most likely The Vast and The Flesh Hive too. I have some...less official names myself for other, more speculative members of the pantheon, but these seven...I feel almost 100% confident in. As for my second thing, I just wanted to say that while I was doing some spelling and grammar check (I am well aware I have left some incorrect spellings of Michael in there, but I refuse to edit all 10 trillion mentions of his name for obvious reasons), I listened to both parts of the Season 2 Q&A! Once again, it was very fun, Jonny and Alex continue to have a lot of charm in casual conversation. I really loved hearing about how they cast VAs, how they do their research when making episodes about certain jobs or places or bits of history and culture, what it was like working with Jonny's parents, what some of their favorite episodes and parts of the series have been (Alex loves Michael HELL YEAH), some little tidbits on what to expect from Season 3 were very nice too, and of course...the prospect of a 2-hour Christmas special. I'd better be seeing Tim with a reindeer headband come December. I was a little disappointed to learn that Michael would never love me...but...whatever. Anyways, that's all, onto my...weird 1 AM brain rot idea.

- BONUS, I...don't know what to call this 🤷

OK. So...hear me out for a second. I was just awake in the middle of the night thinking about..stuff, I guess, when a thought came to me. Every season of tma has the same number of episodes, right? So...what if, at the end of Season 2, I pitted the episodes from each season against each other, and tallied up an overall score? Why? Uh...I don't know, I guess I just...thought it'd be cool? Keep in mind that this isn't like...genuine critique of all 80 episodes meant to be taken seriously, I generally find that comparison on its own is a bad way to do unbiased critique, at least for me, and like to judge something on what it is individually, for the most part at least. This is just a fun little excuse to do a series of quickfire retrospectives on all of the episodes so far, and sort of just...reminisce, since it's been a while since I listened to a lot of these. Plus,....I don't know, I just like ranking and organizing things, it makes me feel at peace for some reason? And who knows? Maybe I'll do this again if people are up for it, whether that be at the end of every season, once I get to MAG 160 and pit the Season 3 and Season 4 episodes against each other, or at the end of the entire story, where I pit the first half against the latter half. And of course, all of this is just my opinion, so if you think A Sturdy Lock clears Burning Desire by a landslide, that's totally cool! Anyways, uh...on to the competition!

Anglerfish 🚬 Vs. Too Deep ⬇️

Both of these are great starts to their respective seasons that set the tone especially well...but even though Too Deep has deeper lore and great insight into Jon's psyche...I'm sorry, Anglerfish is just way too iconic. It's creepy, but doesn't peak in creepiness too early in the series. The Anglerfish luring its victims away is fantastic symbolism for what both Jon and the listener are about to go through, and the way it's returned throughout the story so far has been excellently executed, and I like how its mysteries are being carried across multiple seasons, as opposed to Too Deep which is...mostly related to stuff that gets resolved later in Season 2. Still, both are great! (That goes for every comparison by the way, I love all of these episodes.)

2. Do Not Open ⚰️ Vs. Grifter's Bone 🎹

Ooooooooh...this one is tricky for me. I...could honestly give these two a tie if I wanted, but...I think I'll give the slight edge to Do Not Open, simply because it's the first episode in the entire series that REALLY hooked me. Still though...they're pretty tied when you take away the nostalgia aspect.

3. Across the Street 📓 Vs. Section 31 🚔

As much as I do truly love Basira and everything surrounding her, and as grateful as I am to this episode for introducing her...eh, it's not a big standout for me. I like a good few of the episodes that are multiple stories in one, but...while it's cool how these ones connect to others, I'm not...huge on them as individual tales. As for MAG 3, while I wasn't wowed by it at first...man, everything surrounding The NotThem in Season 2 has REALLY pushed it into higher esteem for me, now that I know what exactly its purpose was. Like...It's REALLY good.

4. Pagerturner 📕 Vs. Tightrope 🎪

I've said it before, but...I'm not huge on Pageturner. As a part of the overarching plot, it works perfectly fine, great even...I just think it's a bit too complicated and confusing for the fourth episode. I'm glad that Leitners get involved early on, but....eh, it's just a bit too much information to start off with for me, and since most people probably won't be that big into theorizing right out the gate...I don't think it works as well as the later lore-heavy episodes with a ton of connections, because by that point, the listener is more likely to be in really deep. Even though I understand what was going on in the episode a lot better nowadays...I'm still not big on it, but maybe that'll change on relisten. As for Tightrope...it's not the most incredible episode ever or anything, but it's good! It's creepy, and I like the involvement of The Other Circus and the great introduction to Gertrude!

5. Thrown Away 🗑 Vs. Blood Bag 💉

Honestly these two are...also pretty close in terms of how much I like them, but...I might have to give the edge to Thrown Away? I mean...they're very interchangeable, but this one just sticks out in my head a little bit more than Blood Bag. I...don't really know why, I mean, a lot of the early episodes do stick out in my head more because of their iconic status, but uh...yeah, this one wins because my brain is weird.

6. Squirm 🪱 Vs. Literary Heights ⛈

Ooooooooh...I really hate to do it to Squirm, but...I think Literary Heights wins. Squirm is excellent, it's such a weird and disgusting story, it stands out as the only episode of tma with like...any notable sexual content, and it obviously introduces us to my beloved Jane. But...Literar Heights just hits different. Jon's voice in this one, the first proper appearance of Mike, the way that it brings back Ex Altiora and recontextualizes a lot of stuff...yeah, what can I say, I just really love this one.

7. The Piper 🔫 Vs. The New Door 🚪

I mean...The Piper's really good and all, it has a very unique and creepy atmosphere and a very cool incorporation of real world history, but...The New Door has Michael, so...pretty easy one for me.

8. Burned Out 🌳 Vs. Lost in the Crowd 🧳

Ugh...another one that really hurts! I...have a lot of respect for Lost in the Crowd, simply because that scene in the crowd itself is...absolutely haunting to me, and we get to see Gerard just chilling on vacation and it's absolutely hilarious. But...to be honest, I am just way too invested in Hill Top Road to not give this one to Burned Out, plus, I think it's really cool how the events of this one have come back throughout the story, whereas Lost in the Crowd is a lot more standalone. Not inherently a bad thing whatsoever, but I do prefer it when episodes have bigger connections.

9. A Father's Love💡 Vs. The Butcher's Window 💪

The Butcher's Window is overall fantastic, it has a loveably shitty protagonist, a great use of body horror, and it's really cool to see The Boneturner return...but it doesn't hold a candle to A Father's Love for me. This is still one of the most depressing and tragic episodes in the entire podcast for me, just a really sad look at childhood trauma and the effects of cults, and just...god, it's so beautifully painful. Also, on a less serious note, I'm infatuated with The Divine Host, so...yeah.

10. Vampire Killer 🧛🏻 Vs. Foundations 🏛

Yeah...Vampire Killer wins here. Foundations is pretty good all things considered, I like the old-timey vibe, and the insight it gives into Jonah Magnus and Robert Smirke is pretty cool...but I don't know, Vampire Killer is an example of the...multiple stories statements being done really well, and Trevor Herbert remains as one of my favorite statement givers to this day.

11. Dreamer 💭 Vs. High Pressure 🤿

High Pressure is pretty cool and all, I think it experiments with its concept in great ways, is decently scary and has a fun inclusion from Simon Fairchild. But man...Dreamer just hits different to this day. I think it was the first episode that made me realize...just how seriously I should be taking the podcast, its framing device is unlike no other, and the suspicion it causes is really cool, especially in regards to Gertrude's death and the identity of "Antonio Blake."

12. First Aid 🏥 Vs. Exceptional Risk 🚰

Look...part of me probably SHOULD give the point to First Aid. It's the first episode that brings back a recurring character in a noticeable and prominent role, and one of the first big clues towards understanding ✨the horrors✨. But...I can't help it, I'm just way too invested in that Montauk family drama. Plus, I'm a sucker for the Season 2 episodes that feel like direct sequels to Season 1 episodes...most of the time anyways, so that also gives it a bit of an edge.

13. Alone 🌫 Vs. Crusader 📜

Uuuuuuuuggghhhhh...I hate to do it to Alone. Look...MAG 13 is still an episode I absolutely love, it stands out for including the first voice that isn't Jon, it has some really cool and creepy imagery, and Naomi's story is very sad. But like...Crusader just has...SO much going for it. Walter Heller is brilliantly performed for a one-off character, the whole story is very intriguing lore-wise, and the way it sets up so many details regarding Gertrude and the institute...like, this one wins for me by simply being THAT important.

14. Piecemeal👆Vs. Still Life 🐅

Piecemeal is...really good and really freaky, the whole concept is absolutely brutal and I love how it works as a lesson in patience. That being said...I just really love Still Life. It sets up so much regarding The Stranger, (like, I was STUNNED by how much it brought together when I first listened to it), has an amazing atmosphere with the taxidermy shop, reveals some REALLY cool information regarding The Anglerfish, and also has an unknowingly autistic protagonist who simply leaves because "well, they weren't committing tax fraud!" So yeah, peak fiction.

15. Lost Johns' Cave 🕯 Vs. Pest Control 🐜

Ok...this one's probably going to be controversial. Is Lost Johns' Cave good? Yeah of course! I was absolutely shook to my core when I first heard it...but nowadays not so much. I don't know, I think it's probably because there are many other statements that have gotten to me more, but honestly...I don't really get why people find it THAT scary. It's up there sure, but...eh, maybe if I had a sibling, went caving or was more claustrophobic, I'd have a different opinion. As for why I prefer Pest Control...yeah it's because of Jane. She's not even really in this episode, but...I just find The Flesh Hive really interesting, and the way the episode uses Arthur Nolan is also a major benefit to me. I can absolutely see why Lost Johns' Cave is a fan favorite...but I just vibe with the bugs a bit too much.

16. Arachnophobia 🕷 Vs. Children of the Night 🛏

Huh...both spider episodes. Anyways, I don't have too much to say that I haven't already. I like Children of the Night just fine, but I do have some minor gripes with it that kind of hold me back from truly loving it. I think those gripes will fade over time, but even then...it's hard to compete with the GHOST SPIDER episode. Like. It's just absolutely iconic. I will never get over Jon still proclaiming the statement bullshit after hearing Mr. Vittery was wrapped in web upon death. WHY WAS HE LIKE THIS?!

17. The Boneturner's Tale 🦴 Vs. Personal Space 🔒

The Boneturner's Tale is great and all, I really remember it for being another early example of things getting connected, and for being Elias' introduction...dear god Elias, but...it unfortunately can't compare to what is still the single most terrifying episode so far to me. If it can fuck me up THAT bad...I think Personal Space deserves the win.

18. The Man Upstairs 🥩 Vs. Trail Rations🍴

It's still kind of funny to me that these episodes just...happen to be connected. Anyways, as you know I'm not...super huge on either of these episodes, but Trail Rations does get an edge for having a very unique framing device, a more compelling villain, more interesting paranormal stuff, and some more intrigue surrounding Jonah Magnus. ...Not much more to add.

19. Confession ✝️ Vs. Recluse 🍏

Yet another pair of episodes that are oddly connected! Both of them are fantastic...but I do think I'll give the edge to Recluse. Confession has some really haunting religious imagery, although it's done better in its second part, and I do adore how it ties back to the events of Burned Out...but I mean, Recluse is just SUPER good. The way it flips around the initial impression of Raymond and Agnes, all of the super cool plot reveals it gives, the generally very novel concept, the LORE...yeah, I definitely prefer it. It also helps that it's...like, a complete statement, although I don't want to judge the Father Burroughs duology too hard simply for its unique structure.

20. Desecrated Host ✝️ Vs. The Observer Effect 🪞

And on the flipside...Desecrated Host wins here! The Observer Effect is still great, the raw fear emanated by the protagonist, the insight it gives into the institute and The Eye, and my own personal connections to it give it a special place in my heart. But...Desecrated Host is just THAT haunting. It's another one of the earliest examples of those "what the fuck" episodes, and still stands tall as one of the best in that regard. The religious imagery, the ending, the raw insanity that ensues from...what is in retrospect, probably all of ✨the horrors✨ mingling together for...some weird reason...it's just amazing.

21. Freefall 🪂 Vs. Hard Shoulder 🚐

Ok....I hate to do it to the episode that gave us "enjoy sky blue" and "the sky ate him"...but I do actually prefer Hard Shoulder. There really isn't anything...wrong with Freefall, I think it's a scary and emotional story and the episode as a whole has a really shocking ending...I just prefer Hard Shoulder. Daisy is a really interesting character in this one, and I mean...come on, finally getting the coffin back after all that time is WAY too satisfying.

22. Colony 🔦 Vs. First Edition 📃

First Edition is absolutely brilliant. Mary is an absolutely terrifying character, her backstory is grim and enticing, and the amount of lore it brings...I mean, wow. But...I don't know, Colony introduces us to Martin, brings Jane back, and is the episode that finally, truly gives tma an ongoing story. It...very clearly deserves the win here in my opinion.

23. Schwartzwald 🇩🇪 Vs. The End of the Tunnel 📹

Another example of two episodes I'm not all that huge on...but End of the Tunnel is the clear winner for me here. In retrospect...I'm not all that big on Schwartzwald to be honest. I still think it has a cool setting and a fun classic horror vibe, but otherwise...meh, it's pretty much the only episode of tma that drags for me, and the novelty of a letter to Jonah kind of wore off after Foundations. The End of the Tunnel...it's nothing crazy, but it's effective, pretty scary, has a canonically queer protagonist, maybe some Divine Host involvement, and Melanie shows up at the end. ...That's pretty good overall.

24. Strange Music🪆Vs. Burial Rites 💀

This one's pretty easy for me. Burial Rites certainly has a lot of merits, from the shitty protagonist to the return of the reapers...but I just prefer Strange Music. I don't know, it's not...that much of a difference in terms of how much I like them from the lense of logic...the former just sticks out to me more for whatever reason. What can I say, I think the calliope and the dolls are pretty cool, and I like the way it comes back around in Tightrope a lot.

25. Growing Dark ⛪️ Vs. Binary 💻

Look...Growing Dark is a fantastic episode. It does an even deeper dive into the effects of cults than what A Father's Love did, has a great and compelling cast of characters, and is just really intriguing and compelling all around. But...I'm eating my computer crunch crunch crunch keyboard keys for breakfast dinner and lunch you see the red drip from my lips I call this snack computer chips woa-oah and I'm chewing up bits of the screen but it's glass so it's cutting into my throat as I swallow the mass of crystal and the blood continues to fall I won't leave until you watch it all-

26. A Distortion ☕️ Vs. Held in Customs 📦

Yeah, the box is cool and freaky and all, and I like the Salesa-Lukas business collab...but expecting me to rank it above a statement from Sasha which details her encounter with both Michael and the worms would be the stupidest thing you could do right now.

27. A Sturdy Lock 🔑 Vs. Burning Desire ❤️‍🔥

...This is quite literally one of my least favorite episodes up against what might just be my absolute favorite. Ok, look, I can appreciate A Sturdy Lock for what it is, I think it's pretty scary and has good themes. In fact...the more I think about said themes, alongside the prominent presence of a door...it might even have some Micheal involvement for all I know, which would definitely boost my opinion of it very high up. But even then...I don't think it could compete with something as beautiful, tragic, and heart/face-warming as Burning Desire.

28. Skintight 📸 Vs. The Tale of a Field Hospital 🪰

Agh...I HATE TO PIT THESE TWO AGAINST EACH OTHER AS WELL!!! I really do like The Tale of a Field Hospital, I think it's one of the most unique episodes in the entire series when it comes to the premise and framing device, and just has...such a lovable loser of a protagonist. But...I think Skintight still wins for me. Melanie is just a really great character, the whole idea behind it is super charming, and the way I freaked out when The Anglerfish came back...I'll never forget that.

29. Cheating Death 🎲 Vs. Thought for the Day 🧠

Oooooooooh...this is a very interesting one. I've had...very interesting experiences with both of these episodes to say the least, but...I think I'll give the point to Thought for the Day. Cheating Death is phenomenal, it has such a cool location, and I will never forget the way it absolutely blindsided me by the time it was over. But...Thought for the Day gets the slight edge, not only because I'm REALLY fond of the whole psych experiment idea and the spiders...but also because if it weren't for this episode, I would have never gotten to experience the joy and pain of my simulation theory rabbit hole, and unlike Cheating Death, that experience is still greatly affecting me to this day. So...win for the funny number.

30. Killing Floor 🍖 Vs. Book of the Dead 🧵

Ok, so...I think Killing Floor is a pretty clear favorite here for me. Book of the Dead is...pretty good all things considered, it has a decently freaky premise and I really like the open-endedness it brings, I just don't like it as much as Killing Floor. But like...while I'm not surprised to see it win, I am surprised that in retrospect, I like Killing Floor as much as I do. Like...I don't know, something about the idea of a creepy never-ending abattoir that you can't exit until you accept that humans and animals are all just meat in the end...that's just really cool and interesting to me for some reason, and I really like how it's implied that freaky stuff is STILL happening there at the end. So uh...yeah.

31. First Hunt 🦌 Vs. Underground 🚉

First Hunt is a pretty damn good episode all things considered. I mean, anything that perfectly represents the horrors of the Appalachian trail and has a somewhat homo-romantic story about two tragic hunters is pretty cool in my book. But like…I think it’s pretty hard to reach the level of iconic possessed by Karolina Górka, so….yeah, there’s a clear winner here for me.

32. Hive 🐝 Vs. Takeaway 🥓

Yeah…this one’s obvious if you know me. Takeaway’s good and all, I like the creepy abandoned restaurant as a setting, all of the religious dismemberment is pretty cool, Tom Haan is a scary antagonist…but it doesn’t even come close to the raw, poetic horror of Jane’s psyche that we get in Hive.

33. Boatswain’s Call ⛴️ Vs. Police Lights ⚫️

Yeah, I mean…I guess I like Boatswain’s Call a good amount, The Tundra is a nice setting and I’m very intrigued by The Lukas Family…but I mean, come on. A story about Section 31 going against The Divine Host, ending a big bang for…at least parts of their respective story arcs? That’s pretty hard to beat.

34. Anatomy Class 🍎 Vs. Fatigue 💤

Hm…this one is interesting. Both of these episodes are among some of the most unique and memorable fan favorites I’ve listened to, and both for very good reason, they’re amazing. But…I’m going to give the edge to Anatomy Class. Fatigue has…so, SO many amazing elements that I absolutely love, from poetic and haunting dialogue to the mere presence of Michael…but, most of its great elements can still be found in at least one other episode. Anatomy Class on the other hand? I mean…that’s just one of a kind. I have yet to have anything like it since listening to it, so…yeah, I think it just barely wins for me.

35. Old Passages 🔨 Vs. A Long Way Down🪜

Ok, look…A Long Way Down is great. Ladders, Paris, Mike, toxic sibling relationships, all great elements that are used to great effect. But let me remind you that if not for Old Passages…a lot of my theories would’ve never come to pass. Not the majority…but a lot. So…yeah, it wins. Also it has teenage MCR fan Gerard so that’s a plus.

36. Taken Ill ✋ Vs. The Smell of Blood 🚃

I’m…honestly kind of surprised to say it, but…I think Taken Ill wins here. Like…it shouldn’t, but for some reason…it does. The Smell of Blood is phenomenal, it’s such a creepy episode and a great continuation of Melanie’s character, but like…I don’t know. Taken Ill just…really stands out to me. The way it slowly builds up to its climax, the general concept of an elderly home being overrun by Amherst’s horrible disease, Trevor’s appearance at the end, and the absolutely bone-chilling mental image of the place burning down with everyone inside, as well as Nicole cutting off her hand…it just sticks with me in a really special way.

37. Burnt Offering 🍼 Vs. The Kind Mother ❌

Burnt Offering still stands out to me as one of the best examples of a really short, yet really good episode, as well as one of the most…non-stop painful sounding ones with all of the heat and fire. But, I do think I have to give the edge to The Kind Mother, since it’s carried by its extremely creative use of The NotThem, Gertrude’s inclusion, and the way it furthers the plot.

38. Lost and Found🏺Vs. Distant Cousin 🪓

Look…admittedly…I do prefer the statement itself in Lost and Found, it’s a lot more memorable to me for…pretty obvious reasons. But…not only does Distant Cousin still have a great statement regardless, but…that ending scene really does carry it hard for me. It…kind of feels wrong, but…my vote goes to the latter.

39. Infestation🧯 Vs. Hide and Seek 🫥

Ok, so…both of these are great, but I do think Infestation did it slightly better. Hide and Seek is phenomenal in its own right, I love all of the scenes with Martin and Tim, Micheal’s inclusion is great, and I mean…the whole chase sequence with Jon and The NotThem is in a league of its own. However…I don’t know, I think I still prefer Infestation. It just has a bit more going on in terms of character, and amongst all of the chaos, there’s a lot more great development, tender moments, and fantastic comedic relief from Tim. Also…not to mention Sasha’s death, like…wow. So yeah, both great…but I do still slightly prefer Infestation.

40. Human Remains 🩹 Vs. The Librarian 📚

Ok…look…I’ve had some time to let the recency bias settle…but even then, The Librarian clears. Human Remains does everything it needs to. It wraps Season 1 up nicely, it has some great character moments, and gives big reveals in the forms of Gertrude’s body and Not!Sasha…but at the end of the day, it’s main purpose is to nicely transition into Season 2. The Librarian…I did just talk about it, so I won’t go into too much detail, but…it basically achieves all of that and more, not only setting up next season, but…setting up everything to come, shaking the very foundation of the story. Basically, both are endings to story arcs…but The Librarian feels like it’s also the beginning of 10 new ones, so because of that…it wins.

And with that...I'm finally done. Every episode of Seasons 1 and 2 of The Magnus Archives pitted against each other. And the results are...an exact tie. Like...I didn't plan this out to be corny and all like "oh, there's no need to fight, they're equal :)" or anything...it literally just ended up like that. Granted though...I once again need to emphasize that this is not fully emulative of my actual opinions. Like I said, it's just a fun thought experiment I'm doing in order to reminisce on older episodes, and I don't think comparing episodes like this, especially in a way where I'm pitting against episodes with completely different narrative purposes 95% of the time, is a good way to do critique. It's just a fun idea of mine, and at the end of the day, I'm still pretty confident that I like Season 2 a bit more than Season 1 when you compare them as a whole. Well uh...once again, thank you a bajillion times for reading this all! And as promised, the word count for this entire post is....84.482. Congratulations, you just unknowingly consumed what is technically considered to be the length of your average adult novel :). ...What's that? Am I flexing underneath the guise of being humble? ....Ok yeah maybe a little bit, but CAN YOU LET ME HAVE THIS?! I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS THING FOR FIVE FUCKING WEEKS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, AND HAVE SPENT THE PAST THREE HOURS TYPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT NON-STOP IN THE HOPES OF GETTING THIS BLASTED THING OUT BY SUNDAY!!! ....Ok but in all seriousness, you genuinely rock if you've read this much sleep-deprived neurodivergent rambling about the funny pipe murder podcast. Like, all I have to do is info-dump on social media, reading that is a whole other skill that you should be very proud of. And even if it sounds like I'm getting super tired of writing this at times...believe me when I say I wouldn't trade doing this for the world. Life can get...pretty slow and lonely for me at times, but being able to write about my passions like this, and being able to get some really kind responses and feedback from people...it means everything. Well...I'm finally done. I'll see you around next time for the first 10 episodes of Season 3. I'm probably going to take a brief break from listening to tma in order to just finish up some other stuff and work a bit harder for school, but uh...I hope to see you again soon! And hopefully...the eighth post won't be quite as long as this one. Bye! :)

Supplemental: POV you are Jurgen Leitner

[phdmama]

I'd absolutely love some sterek fic recs because I'm trying to broaden the ships I read. I've watched the first 3 seasons of teen wolf but haven't read any fics and don't know where to start. I'm fairly open to reading any content, although I'm not the biggest fan of like the common school/coffee shop etc AUs.

Also I love how you're gotten into blogging hockey recently. Have you read any hockey rpf since getting into nhl? Personally sidgeno and mattdrai have my heart, but like I said I'm looking for new ships to read like sterek.

WOOOO LET'S GOOOO!!

As always, read the tags etc etc. Probably a lot of these will be author recs. I will say Sterek has the potential for an age gap concern but I don't read fic where that's written as a predatory thing, FWIW, but I do read some where Stiles is 17 but where I feel like it's handled at least somewhat gracefully

Gravity's Got Nothing on You by @zosofi is great - I really like all their stuff actually!

@kalpurna's Fascination and @drunktuesdays' bigger, longer and uncut are both *gems* - so funny.

We've Written Volumes (in Blood and Scars and Ink) by @notthequiettype is absolutely brilliant, one of my fav fics of all time, way up on my reread regularly list. They only have one other Sterek but I love that one too (and they write hockey rpf but I haven't really dived in there yet!).

The Moon's Gonna Follow Me Home by @turningterrific is stunning. They're SUCH a good writer, although sadly this is their only Sterek (but they have written some amazing hockey RPF as well!).

Every stumble and each misfire by @everchanginginks is fucking phenomenal. True story, I read this fic and then didn't keep track of it but it stayed in my brain, and I spent literally HOURS combing my AO3 history to find it, and when I did, I promptly downloaded it and created the "Best Ever" collection on my Kindle specifically for this fic.

Everything by @suburbanmotel. They are an incredible writer and even more incredible person and I'm so lucky to call them a friend!

I really love @lunacanislupus-22-blog writing but particular favorites are: Feel it like a fever, burning through the night , Spirit grows when love goes away and I know that you love me, even when I lose my head (and I'm not normally one for amnesia fics because they make me SO ANXIOUS but this one is SO good).

Cornerstone by Vendelin is really good too (mind the tags on this one).

By Any Other Name by @entanglednow is fucking phenomenal (and again with the amnesia fics?!?!) and so so well-written. Check out all their stuff!

I really love @devildoll's writing very much a lot! Particular favorites include: Come with Me and Walk the Longest Mile (and I don't usually gravitate to post-apocalyptic fic even though I love the genre in fiction but this one is fucking brilliant); Stand Fast in Your Enchantments (painful and so good); My Heart Comes Tumbling Down (OH MY HEART) and Love, Like a Sentence of Death.

There's Monsters at Home by @wellhalesbells | calrissian18 is a classic and really good! They've written a ton of really great fics (the Hilary Duff lyrics one is a another personal favorite!)

Not Quite Lost (Not Quite Found) by @alocalband is gorgeous. Just. beautifully written.

stuck in reverse by @crazyassmurdererwall is also really good! Definitely check the tags on this one, as it is Stiles still in HS.

Start Small, Like Oak Trees by smallbirds is really lovely. Everything of theirs that I've read, I've really liked.

Okay, just a couple more I promise!!

The Difficult Kind (series) by whiskey_in_tea is an old one but really really wonderful.

The First Date series by @halffizzbin - the whole thing is delightful but I absolutely adore the final installment!

I will note that many of these authors also have Hockey RPF fic, JUST SAYING (I really am fascinated as to what that pipeline is??). I've read a ton of hockey RPF as well (sidgeno for sure) and I'll check out mattdrai now!!

Anyway, hope this helps as a place to start!!

[supernovaa-remnant]

Rated T | Fantasy AU | c!Dream Team-centric | Complete

Fic Summary:

When he’s falsely accused of necromancy, George is forced to flee Manberg in an attempt to avoid his execution. His goal? Stay alive long enough to reach Kinoko Kingdom, where he will be granted asylum. On the way, he meets Sapnap, a fugitive who’s wanted on accounts of arson, and later Dream, a mysterious masked stranger who calls himself a traveler. The trio embark on the journey together, but things go sideways when they learn that Manberg’s ruler, Emperor Schlatt, has blasphemous plans that threaten to shake the very balance of the realm.

The final chapter of Withering Heights has now been posted. I already rambled in the end notes for the fic, but it really does feel bittersweet haha :') I'm so happy to have the fic in its entirety shared with everyone, but I'll also definitely miss posting the chapters each week.

If you haven't yet read Withering Heights, well, it's now a completed fic, so it's the perfect time to binge read it haha.

Thank you for all the support on the fic. It's been such a joy to read everyone's comments and thoughts on it <3 I genuinely put so much worldbuilding into it, and I probably will continue to talk about it on this blog tbh. Also, my inbox is always open, and I will gladly accept questions/discussions about it!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the finale to this fic (which has finished at 118k words, making it the longest fic I've ever written)!

[0perfectimperfections0]

hi! I LOVE your blog, there is rarely any ugly doll accounts I see. Anyway, I was wondering if Lou could have like a little sister, who's also a prototype? (Familial/Platonic) and I'm wondering if you can make headcannons on how Lou would be with siblings or something?

Take your time! (Also im being serious your blog is a gift fr fr)

I've returned!

Also, me and @natalie-the-writer have written short stories with this exact premise! Not sure if they'll ever be posted, but I can definitely share the ideas that we've made!

So, first off, let me introduce you to the siblings. They are mentioned briefly in the story "Reunited" but their names are never mentioned:

William - Prototype 1 - Made February 20th, 2001 - Expired July 12th, 2004

Grace - Prototype 2 - Made September 2nd, 2004 - Expired December 28th, 2008

Then we get Lou - Prototype 3 - Made March 31st, 2009 - Still Active

Also mentioned in the story "Reunited" are their tragic deaths. William's microchip was still a test and prototype in and of itself, so it wasn't stable and Everett was still testing how much information could be loaded onto the chip. Along with that, William was the first test run to see how quickly and how much new information could be processed and stored in his microchip for continual learning. It ended up overheating and exploding whilst inside him, killing him in the process.

Grace was the first, but not the last, female prototype to be created. The production of microchips - for the purpose that Greyson was using them for - became more advanced and the research team had a better idea of what they were doing. She was basically at the level of which we see Lou in the movie. However, her emotions were very out of tune, perhaps too sensitive. Being imprisoned in an institute doesn't help things either. After about six years, her emotional state declined drastically and she threw herself into the recycling as an escape.

Natalie and I have played around with the idea of them being recreated and brought back to life for a purpose. I'm also playing around with the same idea but in a long-term project I've been working on. I currently have the concept art for some of it sitting on my desk.

As far as how Lou would be with siblings, he takes more of the youngest sibling dynamic around them. Considering that, despite he's stayed alive the longest (oof), he's also still technically the last one made. William babies him often and it drives Lou insane. Grace also babies Lou, but in a more motherly-nurturing way that reflects how in tune with her emotions she is.

William and Lou definitely ram heads when it comes to being in charge of the Institute. Short-lived fights and wrestled ensue (spoiler, Lou doesn't usually win).

Grace is the peacekeeper between them and extremely loving to the UglyDolls.

Being the first prototype, William is more by-the-book than Lou and is more unnerved by the presence of the Uglies rather than angered or disgusted.

Despite the rivalry and arguing, William and Lou genuinely love each other as brothers. If anyone dares to bully or taunt Lou in any way, they will have William to answer to.

If you've seen that picture of the mother lion behind her cub, ready to kill anything that tries to touch it, the mother is William and Lou is the cub.

Grace is the therapist within the group.

Luckybat is her therapist in return for everything she has to carry, emotionally.

I'm sure there's more headcannons, but it's been a while since I've written or dwelled on their actual dynamic rather than their place within the storyline, so I haven't worked with their personalities a lot. Once I've written more down in my drafts, I'll have a longer list of headcannons for them.

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Melaka Mystica (Part 3/3)

January 18, 2024

Notes - I wanted so badly for this to be finished for Mles' birthday on the 14th, but alas, it was only finished today, and although I'm so incredibly grateful that this story is now officially finished, I still sort of wish it had been done on time. Anyway, I believe this may actually be the longest individual chapter I've ever written - coming in at the halfway mark on the 59th page. I'm immensely proud of all that went into this project and, although this may wrap everything up, I can't wait to start something new! I know I should take a break - and I promise I will - but I'm excited to work on some shorter projects for the time being. I just have far too many ideas to not take the time to work on some of them 😂 Now, without further ado, here is the insanely long final chapter that I've been working on for what feels like forever!

We are out of time.

As soon as the door closed behind Royce, the talking began. However, as soon as the sixteen-year-old uttered, “She’s definitely possessed,” Mick found herself sitting on the center cushion of the window seat, contemplating everything that had transpired. Two weeks ago, she had been possessed by ancient dark magic, and if Serena’s possession was anything like her own, they would need something big to take care of it. The only thing was, she had no idea how they would fix things for her.

When it happened to Mick, they had the help of her ancestors due to lighting the black flame candle, but now they didn’t have that wisdom. They didn’t have help, they didn’t have old, magical wisdom, and they certainly didn’t have an emerald candle. All they had was a book full of ancient recipes with no definite ingredients to make a candle and a spell book that would be rendered useless without said candle. After her possession on Halloween, Mick had gone through nearly all of the books in the basement library, hoping to find a recipe for the candle that cured her in order to rid herself of her headaches and the leftover side effects of the dark magic that had holed itself within her skin. However, to her dismay, there was nothing apart from an old book with a half-torn recipe. While Mick had been quite upset at the time, she had eventually gotten over it and forced herself to power through, but the lack of a finished recipe also meant they had no way to drain the dark magic from Serena.

With all the salt in the house used up for protection, they had no way of trapping her. And, if the ease with which she shattered the crystal was anything to go by, she was a force to be reckoned with. Had Mick been that bad when she was possessed? To be honest, most days, she couldn’t remember most of all that happened. There were bits and pieces of clarity - fragments of memories that haunted her most at night - but they were fleeting at best. More often than not, all she could recall was pacing in the woods, flying above the town commons, and the faintest moment of lucidity fueled by pride when Bentley threw salt at her possessed form. She couldn’t have been prouder of his quick thinking than she was in that fleeting memory.

There were other times when she could recall the entire night. Though she knew everyone involved knew all too well what had gone down and had filled her in on most of it, she only truly dealt with the full force of her memories at night. She wasn’t entirely sure whether it was due to her repressing the memories of that night or the fact that most of the events happened at night. All she knew was that it was damn near impossible to sleep when everything came flooding in all at once. Worst, by far, were the memories of being trapped inside her own skin. Like the opposite of an out-of-body experience, she was forced to watch herself move with no control, watching herself actively try to hurt those she loved most. Looking around at those before her, she wondered how on earth she had managed not to hurt any of them. At least not physically, that is.

Mouths moved, but no sound came from them as Mick looked around the living room of the Murphy residence. She was almost sure they were talking, but she couldn’t hear anything over the static-filled buzzing in her ears. Since her possession only weeks before, she had dealt with tinnitus and felt as though her head would explode if she moved too quickly. However, this was not her typical tinnitus. This sound was far from the high-pitched ringing that filled one ear and prevented her from thinking straight until its eventual dissipation. She felt like she was sitting in front of an old television set without an antenna while her ears were stuffed with cotton. While she could still register those around her talking, she couldn’t determine what was being said.

Were they discussing how to handle Serena? If they were, Mick was sure the conversation was going nowhere. She had already come to the conclusion that they had little, if anything, to work with. They had a plethora of books in the shop basement that would be of little help, crystals that only worked for a small amount of time if the shards of onyx in the Murphy’s trash bin were anything to go by, and the power of friendship which, unless they were from the same universe as My Little Pony, would do them no good. They were up against a seemingly undefeatable, ancient magic, and the only three that had magic at all were a group of teenagers who only received their abilities two weeks prior. Their chances of winning were slim to none, but she highly doubted the others had come to that conclusion yet. 

Mick watched Miles pinch the bridge of his nose as Vivien offered something, and the oldest of the Murphy brothers muttered something Mick couldn’t make out as Bentley rolled his eyes with an inaudible huff. Looking around in confusion, Mick allowed her eyes to slide shut before slowly taking a breath and willing her hearing to return. Once she could make out the frustrated tones of their voices, Mick opened her eyes and forced herself to stand from the window seat. She listened for a while to the jumbled voices that tangled into an unintelligible mess before Vivien’s voice cut through, “Why don’t we just use the emerald candle again? It worked on Mick.”

“We can’t,” Mick spoke as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest.

As though the energy in the room had died, Mick felt the eyes of the others on her as Bentley asked, “Why not?”

Taking a slow breath, Mick admitted, “The candle we used on me was the last one.”

“Maybe, if we find the book, we can make more,” Carrie suggested.

With a definite shake of her head, Mick said, “It’s pointless. I looked for the recipe after everything went down, but the page is ripped. There’s no way to make a new candle. We’ll have to find a different way to drain the magic from Serena.”

“Is there even another way to do it?” Vivien wondered.

While the others murmured their agreement, Royce’s eyes began to gleam as a fresh idea blossomed in his mind. “There might be.”

Noting the look in his brother’s eyes, Miles asked, “What do you have, RJ?”

Taking a few steps back toward the stairs, Royce smiled and said, “Just hang on a sec.”

As Royce bounded up the staircase, Bentley turned to the other living room occupants and asked, “Is anybody else confused or is it just me?”

“It’s definitely not just you,” Carrie sighed, glancing at the top of the staircase with a raised brow before smiling back at Bentley.

“It’s probably something in one of those books he’s gotten recently,” Miles mused with a shrug.

“Books?” Mick asked.

Miles nodded, “He’s been using some of the money he’s saved to buy books on magic and supernatural abilities. When he’s not getting caught reading at two in the morning by Mom, he’s spouting off things he’s discovered.”

“So that’s why he’s been looking so tired lately,” Vivien breathed thoughtfully. It made sense why he was suddenly on the verge of collapsing in class or falling asleep despite the noise of the cafeteria. Despite his insistence that all was well, she felt as though it was very unlike him - normal for Bentley or Miles, sure, but never for Royce. It made sense that the reasoning behind his uncharacteristic fatigue was his late-night reading sessions. 

Miles nodded in confirmation, but before he could say anything, Royce’s hurried footsteps could be heard, and everyone turned their attention to the stairs as Royce descended them two at a time, a thick book grasped tightly in one hand while the other held the railing. Jumping the last few steps, Royce quickly flipped open the book and made his way to his friends, flicking a few pages until he found what he was looking for. Beaming proudly, Royce’s gaze flickered between those present as he explained, “I borrowed this from the library last week for a bit of light reading.”

“Light?” Bentley scoffed. “That thing could have been used as a cannonball.”

Rolling his eyes, Royce brushed off Bentley’s claim and turned the book toward them as he continued, “It’s all about how people believe covens worked throughout history. While it talks about the hivemind kind of communication stuff like what Carrie found earlier, it also talks about coven draining. It says that coven members could drain a witch of their powers if they tried to learn dark magic or got possessed by it.”

“Do you really think something like that could work if Serena isn’t a part of our coven?” Vivien asked. 

“There’s no telling,” Royce said as he shifted the book back toward himself. “It only says that covens could do it, but it’s worth a shot, right?”

Cutting in, Miles shook his head, “And if it doesn’t work, that would put all three of you in danger. We’re not risking your lives for a theory.”

“But if it works, then we could save Serena and go back to normal,” Vivien argued.

“And if it doesn’t, you could die,” Mick interrupted.

Despite Vivien’s evident eye roll, Carrie was the one to speak next, “We can find another way.”

Before things could escalate, Bentley stepped up and asked, “Why don’t we just ask Mom if she knows anything about it?” With everyone’s attention on him, he said, “Think about it; she’s a witch and has been since before any of us were even born. If anyone knows anything about coven stuff, wouldn’t it be her?”

Silence permeated for a moment until Miles spoke, “He’s not wrong.”

“I’m smart when I want to be,” Bentley claimed before turning on his heel and heading for the kitchen. 

Not wanting to be left behind while Bentley discussed matters with Dorothea, the others quickly trailed behind, Royce holding the book’s pages in place to ensure he had the right information for the woman. Looking up from her embroidery hoop with a smile as the children entered the kitchen, Dorothea paused the music playing from her cell phone and asked, “How did things go with your friend?”

“That’s actually what we were hoping to talk with you about,” Mick stated.

Leaning against the wall, Vivien stated, “She’s possessed by dark magic and we need advice on how to fix things.”

Folding her hands together on the table, Dorothea said, “Well, the easiest way to stop a possession would be with an exorcism, but where this has magical ties and we don’t have any legitimate shamans in the area, I would say your best bet would be to try an emerald flame candle, if you can find one.”

“You don’t have the recipe?” Miles asked.

With a heavy sigh, Dorothea shook her head, “No, that was one thing I never learned.”

Stepping up to the table with his borrowed book, Royce set the hardcover down on the table and pointed to the pages as he asked, “What about coven draining? Would that work even though Serena’s not in our coven?”

Without so much as looking at the pages before her, Dorothea answered, “There are many ways that it would work, but I have some concerns.”

“Like what?” Carrie asked.

Glancing around at the children before her, the woman replied, “You see, many years ago, I was asked by one of my old coven mates to perform the ritual and it was extremely difficult.” 

“Would salt help?” Bentley asked, digging into the pocket of his jeans for a packet he had taken home from school. 

With a chuckle and a fond smile, Dorothea shook her head, “It would dampen the powers of the one being drained, but in this case, no. My friend had sworn off magic and, despite still being one of my closest friends, the process was excruciating on everyone involved. He was in pain for months afterward and I couldn’t be near him without crying. While Serena isn’t in your coven, she is still someone you personally share a bond with in some way. In my opinion, it would be exceedingly difficult for you three to even handle being in school with her after the fact.”

Disappointment was evident on everyone’s faces as Royce gathered the book again and sighed, “I guess we’ll just have to figure out another way, then.”

While the children moved to leave the kitchen, Dorothea stood and spoke, “There are other ways to drain or exchange powers.”

Turning back toward the woman, Vivien asked, “Like what?”

Holding up a finger, Dorothea silently asked them to wait as she stepped over to the pantry. Pulling a book from inside her hidden cabinet, Dorothea made her way back to the kitchen and opened the book, finding the right page as she explained, “There is a way for witches to send their powers into empty vessels.”

“Empty vessels?” Miles repeated. “Like what; a jar?”

“Not quite,” Dorothea said with a shake of her head. “In this case, an empty vessel would be a person without magic as it will give the person performing it some powers of their own as they drain the magic from the witches. The incantation would have to be read by the person without magic and, to anyone watching who isn’t involved, it would look the same as a coven draining.”

“That could work,” Mick muttered, earning nods from Carrie and Bentley.

“We could use that,” Miles agreed. “If we transferred the magic to ourselves, we could drain Serena and then give the magic back after it’s over.”

Turning to his mother, Royce asked, “Can we write down the incantation?”

With a stiff nod, Dorothea laid the book on the table and watched as Royce pulled a pen from his pocket and scribbled out the information on a napkin. As Royce wrote, Vivien’s gaze landed on Dorothea. It seemed too good to be true. If this whole idea of giving their magic to someone else to protect themselves was an option, why hadn’t it been offered to them when Mick was possessed? Though she wanted nothing more than to trust Mrs Murphy with everything she had, Vivien couldn’t help but feel skeptical. For once, she wished she had Bentley’s unyielding optimism. The smile on his face was enough to tell Vivien that he hadn’t even given his mother’s offer a second thought.

Royce finished writing far quicker than Vivien would have liked, but as she held an arm out to stop him from going any further, she crossed her arms and met Mrs Murphy’s eyes as she asked, “What’s the catch?” 

“Catch?” the woman wondered.

Despite Mick’s hand on her shoulder silently asking her to stop before she could begin running her mouth, Vivien spoke, “There has to be something you aren’t telling us about this.”

Taking a deep breath as she sat back down at the table, Dorothea explained, “There are only certain times when magical beings can give up their powers. Special moments. Tonight isn’t just any night, after all.”

A pause of silence filled the room before Royce recalled, “Tonight’s the lunar eclipse.” 

“Exactly,” Dorothea nodded. “The full moon is one thing - a sign of new beginnings - but an eclipse is something else entirely. It is something very special. During an eclipse, the transfer is most powerful.”

“Powerful how?” Carrie pressed.

Dorothea closed the book she had brought out and tucked it under her arms as she folded her hands atop its surface, “Though it would be the safest option and would allow you to go about life normally, the power of the eclipse could make the transfer permanent.”

“Permanent?” Miles breathed, shock lining his voice as his eyes widened.

Bentley’s golden hair flowed like a halo of fluffy waves as he quickly shook his head, “No way! We haven’t gone through everything we have just to throw it all away.”

Dorothea held up a hand to placate the children before her as she spoke, “I understand, but without your magic, you’re of no use to whatever is possessing Serena, are you?”

Silence hung in the air like a weighted blanket - heavy and immovable. While the woman’s words were undeniably true, none of them knew quite how to respond. Bentley’s steel-toned eyes glanced between Royce and Vivien, wondering how they were so quiet. Did they have no concerns to voice, or were they overthinking as they always did? Taking Vivien’s hand in his, Bentley watched as her emerald eyes found his, and a silent question fell between them - were they truly willing to give up their magic so easily? When Vivien’s eyebrows knitted together, and she forced herself to turn away, Bentley knew he had his answer. Vivien turned to Royce and took his hand, following the same process with him. By the time Royce had found Bentley’s gaze, he knew they had all come to the same conclusion.

In a voice too quiet to be her own, Vivien muttered, “She’s right.”

Despite her surprise at how easily the normally fiery Vivien stepped down, Carrie looked ready to fight as she asked, “What?”

Royce shrugged as he finally looked up, the golden glow in his caramel eyes now dull as he defeatedly admitted, “We don’t really have a choice.”

Before any of the older children could argue, Dorothea spoke from her seat at the table, “I wouldn’t have suggested it on any other night, and although I feel it should only be used as a last resort, it might be your only chance.”

“We’ll have to try the coven thing first,” Bentley spoke, determination fuelling his tone as he turned back toward the others. “If that doesn’t work and she gets to be too much for us, we’ll back down and give up our powers.”

Taking a sharp breath, Mick drew the attention of those present as she admitted, “After everything that’s happened, I don’t know if I could handle that.”

“You could,” Vivien spoke confidently, offering the older girl a small smile. “You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

With a hum of confirmation, Royce said, “Even if it comes down to us having to give up our magic, you won’t be alone in it.”

Bentley nodded, “You’ll have all of us to support you.”

“We’re in this together,” Vivien added, patting the older girl on the arm. “Now, come on. We’ve got a demon to chase.”

Dead leaves crunched underfoot, and Carrie’s teeth chattered as another icy November wind sent a chill down her spine. Why couldn’t they have just left her in the car? She understood that Mick wanted to check the woods on foot, but the car’s headlights were a hell of a lot brighter than the flimsy flashlights on their cell phones. She could have at least followed them along the treeline with the car, shining the lights into the woods as best as she could. It made no sense for them to wander aimlessly through the woods with what little lighting they had, but then again, she understood where they were coming from. 

Seeing as Mick had been possessed recently, she would know better than any of them where to look. Her first instinct led them straight toward the woods where the kids had always done their Halloween ritual, and although Carrie could sense the thick layer of unease in the air, she knew as well as they all did that Mick was only doing what she felt was right. Mick had told her time and time again about how often the fleeting memories of the woods would come to mind. Maybe it was something to do with the magic being nearly as old as Salem itself and not knowing how to handle the noisy city it now inhabited. Carrie couldn’t be sure, but if Mick felt relatively confident, the blonde wasn’t about to argue with her.

Glancing toward where the kids were huddled together, their flashlights forming a unified beacon as they talked quietly amongst themselves, Carrie wondered what was going on in their heads. Were they worried or upset with the idea that Serena’s possessed body could be lurking in the canopy of the woods they felt at home in? Were they worried about the idea of sacrificing their magic to save a girl they could just barely consider a friend? Had they even considered the idea of being normal humans again? Or were they more focused on getting things taken care of so they could return to their normal lives? Carrie had given it much thought, and from the look on his face, so had Miles. Though she couldn’t tell what was going through Mick’s head as she walked ahead of them in a sort of daze, Carrie had a feeling that the younger brunette was just as worried about the concept of the kids losing their magic as she and Miles were. 

It was only natural for them to worry, Carrie supposed. Mick had been the only older sister type of figure in Vivien’s life since the girl was tiny, and Miles’ younger brothers were practically attached to his hips when they weren’t busy with school. They were older siblings in their own rights, and despite Carrie only having been close to the kids since she had begun working at Coven’s Cottage, she was just as worried for them. However, it didn’t seem as though the children were nearly as worried as they were.

They were relatively quiet - and had been for quite some time - but Carrie could see the faintest hint of a smile on Royce’s face as Vivien elbowed him in the arm, and Bentley let out a snort of laughter. Carrie grinned; they were cute together, whether they knew it or not. The only thing missing was their trusty sidekick, Kona. The little Hawaiian had grown increasingly close to them since her family moved to Salem when Kona and Bentley were entering fourth grade. It was only natural, seeing as how Bentley was her tour guide at school, and they were practically inseparable during the first few months of school. Nowadays, it was unusual to see the trio without the blonde, but after all that had happened in the last two weeks, the sight was becoming more common than anyone would have cared to admit.

Carrie took in a breath and focused her attention back on the treeline, forcing herself to focus on the task at hand. Grateful she had invested in a pair of fuzzy earmuffs and a packet of reheating hand warmers, Carrie pried her now warmed hand from her pocket and switched her phone into it before tucking her empty hand into her pocket. Oh, how she hated the cold! Though she was grateful to have stuck around Salem after graduating high school as, otherwise, she wouldn’t have grown close to Miles and his close-knit group of friends and family, a part of her wished they had met somewhere a bit warmer. Though she highly doubted she would be able to convince him to move somewhere warmer as he was a family man through and through, she hoped at least a few of their future winter vacations could be spent in one of the warmer states. Somewhere far from the snow and ice and whipping winds - Florida or California, perhaps? She’d heard stories of the luxurious beaches and seemingly endless summers, and, boy, did that sound good right about now!

As another wind stirred leaves into the air and blew a chill throughout the group, Carrie shivered and turned to Miles as she asked, “Do you see anything?”

With a sigh and a shake of his head, Miles asked, “No, do you?”

“I wish,” Carrie huffed. “Do you think Serena’s even here?”

“I don’t know,” Miles muttered, “but Mick seems pretty sure this is where it brought her, and if she’s right, Serena could be where the kids do their ritual.”

Carrie slowly nodded to herself before asking, “Do you know how to get there?”

Again, Miles shook his head, “I haven’t had to walk them out there in years. I think it’s marked off by fallen tree limbs, but I could be wrong.”

Carrie hummed thoughtfully, glancing back toward the trees they had already bypassed before shrugging. The important thing was that the kids knew how to get there. So long as they were reliable tour guides, she had nothing to worry about. Not much further down the edge of the woods, the kids stopped, turning back toward their older companions with matching expressions. However, of the three, it was Bentley who chose to speak first, “The path starts just up here and it doesn’t take long to get to the spot.”

“You guys should probably stay a good distance behind us just to be safe,” Royce recommended. 

Before anyone could argue, Vivien dug into her jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of assorted crystals as she spoke, “I took these from the store earlier and I think we should probably divide them up now in case she’s in there.”

“What did you bring?” Mick questioned, tucking her hands into her coat pockets as Vivien stepped forward. 

“For you guys, I brought malachite to repel toxic energy,” the young brunette explained as she began handing out portions of the swirled green crystal. “For all of us, I have small pieces of smithsonite that will help to ground us all and will hopefully make it easier for us to make tough decisions. Then, for just the three of us, I have some shards of white moonstone to help us harness the power of the moon and stars.”

“Do you think they’ll help?” Carrie asked as she examined the two stones in her palm.

“You never know,” Royce said with a small shrug.

“It’s better to have it and not end up needing it than to need it and not have it,” Vivien explained simply. 

“You’re nothing if not over-prepared,” Bentley teased, grinning cheekily at Vivien, who merely rolled her eyes in return.

“Call me paranoid all you want,” she resigned, “but if we’re going up against a demon without the help of some ancient witches, I want to make sure I’ve covered every possible base.”

“It’s smart,” Mick mused, gaining a grateful smile from the young brunette.

“Thanks,” Vivien said. 

With a fond smile, Royce tore his gaze away from Vivien and cleared his throat before saying, “We know the pathway like the back of our hands, so all you guys will have to do is follow us.”

“If she’s there, there’s a fallen tree you guys can hide behind,” Bentley stated. 

“Are you three sure this is what you want to do?” Miles pressed. 

“What other choice do we have?” Vivien replied rhetorically. “The sooner we find her and end this, the better off we’ll all be.”

With a hum of agreement from Royce and a quick nod from Bentley, the trio allowed the children to lead the way, their flashlights turning off as the moon guided them along the path. Despite the darkness of the forest, they maneuvered through the leaf-covered ground with practiced ease. Royce led the way over a fallen tree, waiting for Vivien and Bentley to join him on the other side before continuing onward. Turning toward his friends, Royce lowered his voice before asking, “Do you think we have a chance of ending this?”

“One way or another,” Bentley sighed softly.

“If it comes down to it, are you ready to give up our powers?” Royce asked.

“What other choice do we have?” Vivien asked in reply. “Without a candle and the help of other witches, we’re sorta out of options.”

Royce sucked in a breath and sighed, “Just as I was getting used to it.”

“Try to stay positive,” Bentley offered as he stepped over a small log. “We might not need to give them up.”

“And if we do?” Vivien wondered aloud.

Stepping between his brother and their longtime best friend, Bentley slid his hands into theirs and smiled, saying, “Then we’ll do it together like we always do.”

Vivien took in Bentley’s smile and offered a strained one in return while Royce peered over Bentley’s head at her, sending her a worried look that she dismissed with an encouraging smile. How she could be so calm about the matter, he would never know, but once Bentley’s glimmering, hope-filled eyes fell on him, Royce couldn’t help the grin that tugged at his lips, determined to make sure Bentley couldn’t see just how much the thought of losing their magic was affecting him. For the most part, the rest of their trip into the woods was silent, but Bentley’s soft humming made the mood feel at least minutely calmer.

All thought of conversation left them as they approached their ritual spot, tucking themselves behind the thick trunk of a fallen tree. In the clearing where their black flame candle had once burned, bringing them magic on Vivien’s sixteenth birthday, was Serena. Despite there being a few feet of space between the redhead and the mossy ground, she was sitting cross-legged, her hair floating in midair as her mouth moved wordlessly. Was she talking to herself? As the others silently joined them, Vivien took Bentley and Royce’s hands and muttered a quick silencing charm that the boys soon repeated. 

Once the charm had fallen around them, effectively preventing Serena from hearing them, Vivien said, “We should be fine now.”

Peering over the top of the fallen tree, Mick mused, “This feels familiar.”

“How so?” Carrie asked.

“I wandered in the woods a lot when I was possessed,” Mick explained as she moved to sit on the leaf-covered grass. “I don’t remember levitating at all, but there’s a lot from that night that I don’t remember, so…”

“How are you holding up?” Miles asked. “I know it can’t be easy.”

The older brunette shrugged with a heavy sigh, “It feels as though my head’s about to explode, but I’m managing.”

“Will you be okay?” Bentley asked.

“I’ll be fine,” Mick brushed off with a small smile. “Now, what’s the plan?”

Vivien and Bentley turned their attention to Royce, the only one in their group who actually liked to devise plans without blindly running into things. Swallowing thickly, Royce spared a glance over the tree before speaking, “I think, if we attack from different angles, we’ll have the element of surprise.”

Nodding in understanding, Vivien said, “You and I could go on either side of her while Bentley stays close to the tree. That way, these guys can keep him safe if anything happens and we can distract her if we have to.”

“That would probably be the best,” Royce agreed.

Despite wanting to prove that he could handle himself in any given scenario, Bentley resigned with a nod, understanding that neither Royce and Vivien nor the group of young adults that had joined them would be willing to let him put himself in harm’s way. He couldn’t blame them. If the roles had been reversed and he was the older sibling of the group, he’d want them safe as well. “Do you have the spell?” he asked instead.

Royce dug into his pocket briefly and pulled out the piece of paper he had written everything down on. Folding the paper in half, he held it out for the others to read before saying, “It’s relatively short, so it should be pretty easy, but it said to keep reciting it until the magic is gone.”

Nodding, Vivien looked up and met Royce’s gaze with a grin, “If you lead, we’ll follow.”

“Alright,” Royce breathed. “Now, divide and conquer.”

Stepping out of the bubble created by the silencing charm, Bentley watched as Royce and Vivien split off, quietly moving through the darkness of the forest as he rounded the edge of the fallen tree. Remaining as hidden as possible, Bentley only stepped into the light of the clearing once he was sure Royce and Vivien were ready to begin the chant. Quietly, Vivien moved her hands in a figure eight and softly muttered, “Post tergum ligabis.”

In an instant, Serena’s eyes, which had previously been closed, snapped open, revealing nothing but black, soulless voids where her usual hazel irises would be as her arms jerked behind her back, and she dropped to her knees on the ground. Looking around wildly, she whipped her head from one side to the other, hissing something incoherently as she glared inky daggers at the trio surrounding her. “So clever,” she hissed as her gaze flitted between Royce and Bentley, “yet so, so stupid!” With a cackling laugh, she found Vivien and taunted, “Do you truly think me so pathetic as to not be able to break free from my bonds?”

“You have no protective runes in place or we wouldn’t be able to perform any kind of magic,” Vivien explained calmly. “If you wanted to break free, you would.”

Serena’s silent glare told them all they needed to know. As much as they wanted to believe that Serena was fighting the possession, the dark, murderous gleam in her eyes told them otherwise. Maybe the part of herself that was tucked away, locked deep inside the possessed form before them, was keeping the demonic spirit at bay just enough to keep them from harm. “Perhaps I am merely curious as to what powers you believe to have over me.”

As Serena let out another dark chuckle, Bentley nodded to his brother and friend, signaling that he was ready if they were. Taking a moment to recall the words he had read from their mother’s book, Royce spoke, “Serena Sullivan, you have betrayed your coven.”

“Serena is no longer with us, I’m afraid,” the redhead hissed.

“Maybe not,” Bentley began, “but you’re still in her body, and she was a part of our coven for years before you came around.”

Continuing his speech, Royce stated, “You have stolen knowledge above your age and station, and have practiced the darkest of magic.”

“Therefore,” Vivien started with a smile, “it is only fair that, as your coven, we punish you as we see fit.”

Stunned into silence, Serena’s eyes flickered between the trio, watching as Bentley joined them in raising his arm, his palm aimed directly toward Serena as Vivien’s and Royce’s were. 

Royce waited until Bentley and Vivien were focused on him before he took in a deep breath, settling his glare on Serena as he slowly began the chant that Bentley and Vivien quickly joined, “Darkness now be gone from thee, banished and bound, we set you free, under the light of this pure moon, hearken to our witches rune, magicae nostrae tenebras purgat.”

“Wait,” Serena breathed, glancing around with widened eyes. As they began reciting the chant a second time, Serena’s eyes began to shift to a shade of dark crimson as she gasped, “No! No, I cannot control it!”

With the second chant coming to a close, the young trio watched as their hands began to glow. Over the violet light emitting from her palms, Vivien could see traces of gold to her right and orange across from her. However, as they began a third chant, she spotted a glimmer of pale pink to her left, dragging her attention from the task at hand as the glow of the moon from above illuminated a head of blonde hair that appeared at the edge of the tree line. Despite her shock at Kona’s sudden appearance, Vivien forced herself to focus as she took note of the blonde reciting the chant along with them. Turning her gaze back on Serena, Vivien watched as a series of glowing, iridescent shapes began to appear above Serena’s body. The first took on the form of a tilted X, followed by a backward and elongated Z, and finally, a capital Y with the center line dragged upwards through the meeting point.

Though she had no understanding of what the shapes meant or why they had appeared, Vivien allowed herself to continue the chant as she watched Serena’s form writhe in some sort of invisible pain. She forced herself to watch as silent tears began to roll down the redhead’s cheeks, and the dark hues in her eyes dissolved to reveal the natural hazel underneath it all. None of them were entirely sure whether or not it was a true representation of the girl’s clarity, but as a gasp left her, they were fairly sure it was.

Allowing the chant to begin again, the now quartet watched in surprise as colorful beams of light shot out from their hands, attaching them to Serena like an invisible cord. As though she had been shot, Serena let out an ear-piercing scream, a pained cry leaving her as she caught her breath before releasing another scream. This time, as Serena screeched, a dark, reddened glow began to burn under her skin, flooding upwards from her chest to her throat. Then, as the ominous glow reached her temples, her eyes began to void themselves of any color, and a dark, crimson glow began to spread outward from her through the magical tethers connecting her to the four mages.

With wide eyes and panic thick in his voice, Royce yelled, “Let go!”

However, he wasn’t quick enough, and just as the words left Royce’s mouth, a pulse of dark magic slammed through the connection, flinging them away from her and leaving them minutely grateful they hadn’t hit any trees. At once, the magical ties connecting them to the redhead dissolved, and the runes preventing Serena’s magic from spreading flickered away into the night sky as she broke free of her magical bonds. Without so much as a noise, Serena rose shakily from her spot on the ground and, with a flourish of the cape wrapped tightly around her shoulders, she disappeared, leaving nothing more than a faintly charred circle of dead leaves and four magic-wielding teenagers struggling to push themselves from the forest floor.

With the only imminent threat now gone, Miles pushed himself to climb out from his hiding place, finding Bentley first as he loudly asked, “Are you all alright?”

As Vivien pushed herself to sit on her knees, she pushed her hair from her face and snarkily asked, “Does it look like we’re alright?”

Making her way to Vivien as Miles left Bentley in Carrie’s care to check on Royce, Mick asked, “Are you hurt?”

“I’m not dead,” Vivien claimed. “I think I’ll count that as a victory.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant,” Mick said as she helped Vivien to stand. Following the girl to where Kona had appeared from between a set of birch trees, she gestured to the girl and added, “And when did you get here?”

Brushing traces of dead leaves and dirt from her clothes, Kona grinned as she admitted, “I was here before you guys were.”

Allowing the blonde to lead the way to where the others had gathered in the clearing, Vivien asked, “When did you find out you had magic?”

“When I was talking to Ben and Royce’s mom,” Kona explained. “She sort of helped me understand that Bentley was telling me the truth about you guys having magic, but when I started getting frustrated, the table shook and she told me I probably had it too.”

“How did you know to find us here?” Bentley asked as Miles and Royce pulled him to his feet.

“I didn’t,” Kona said. “I had just left your house to go home and contemplate my existence when I saw Serena acting weird at the end of the driveway.”

Raising a curious brow, Royce questioned, “How did you follow her on foot?”

“Technically, I was on wheels at first,” Kona chuckled. “I had my skates, so I followed her as best as I could. She left her car by the commons and walked here, so I followed her.”

“And you managed to go undetected by a demon?” Mick asked.

Kona hummed, “It wasn’t as hard as you think.” Holding up a hand, Kona took in a deep breath and concentrated for a moment, leaving the others watching in stunned silence as her fingers began disappearing from sight. Thoroughly proud of herself, Kona beamed, “When you’re a ghost, nobody pays any attention to you.”

Taking what remained of Kona’s hand in hers, Carrie laughed as she felt the girl’s invisible fingers wiggling in her grasp, “I didn’t know you guys could do that.”

“I don’t think any of us did,” Royce muttered, glancing pointedly toward Vivien and Bentley who quickly shook their heads.

“I discovered it on accident, but hey, the more you know,” Kona smiled, taking her hand back and willing her fingers to appear again. After a moment, her expression turned serious as she claimed, “I heard Serena talking to herself about you guys having, like, cosmic powers or something. She wants the magic for herself.”

Bentley glanced around at the others as he asked, “That’s what it wanted last time, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Mick answered with a nod.

“Last time?” Kona wondered as she glanced from Mick to Bentley. “She really was possessed?” 

“I wasn’t lying to you,” Bentley stated with a hint of a grin.

Finding Kona’s gaze again, Mick asked, “Did you hear anything else?”

“Just her talking about wanting to take over,” Kona shrugged. “For the most part, she was talking to herself. It was like she was arguing with someone who wasn’t there.”

“Makes sense,” Miles mused. Taking a slow breath, he glanced around at the children before him and asked, “So, what’s the plan?”

Royce sighed, “We need to lure her to us and try to take her down again.”

“Are you insane?” Kona questioned. “She could have killed us!”

With a nod, Bentley agreed, “Yeah, I don’t think we’re strong enough to handle her on our own.”

“Maybe not,” Vivien began, “but she might be a bit weaker now that we’ve tried draining her once.”

“Exactly,” Royce said. “If we can get her to come to us with the idea of getting our magic, we can try it again.”

“Well,” Carrie began thoughtfully, “I highly doubt we’ll be able to convince her to come back here.”

Vivien sighed, “I think that’ll be the hardest part - finding a place.”

Taking in a deep breath as the others began offering suggestions, Mick cleared her throat and looked around as she spoke, “How about the commons?”

“You hate going to the commons nowadays,” Miles said.

“I don’t hate it,” Mick insisted with a sigh, “but regardless of my feelings toward the commons, it’s a nice, open space where they could work together to take Serena down. Besides, it’s a lot easier to donate funds to the town in order to replace torched bushes than it would be to pay off a handful of charred, antique church pews.”

Miles took a good look at the rest of the group, taking in their varied expressions as he sucked in a slow breath. Then, with a decisive sigh, he nodded, “Alright, I guess we’ll head to the commons then. But,” he began, looking pointedly at the group of four before him, “you four need to stay with us. No wandering off - we need you alive.”

After giving their forms of agreement, the teenagers turned on their flashlights and began the walk back to the edge of the woods. Once they were back on the path and sure the others were following them, Royce lowered his voice and asked, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Vivien swallowed thickly and asked in response, “What; that we might have to give up our powers?”

Sparing a glance over his shoulder as Miles accused Mick of intentionally smacking him in the face with a twig, Bentley sighed, “As much as I don’t want to give the magic up, I think it might be our only option.”

“What do you mean?” Kona pressed. “I just got mine, I don’t want to give them up.”

“And, thankfully, Serena doesn’t know that,” Royce claimed. “Besides, we only have three vessels.”

“Vessels?”

“People without magic that can take ours,” Vivien explained. “Mick, Miles, and Carrie can take ours, but we don’t have anyone to take yours.”

As Kona made a noise of agreement, Bentley spoke up, “Maybe we can use that to our advantage.”

“How so?” Royce asked as he pushed a stray branch out of his path.

Slowly piecing together his plan, Bentley spoke, “Kona can turn invisible. If she attacks Serena to keep her busy while we transfer our magic, she’ll be even weaker than she is and will be easier for them to take down.”

“Okay, that sounds great and all, but you guys aren’t seriously giving up your magic, are you?” Kona asked. “Like, this is just a temporary thing, right?”

“Our mom said that the power of the eclipse could make it permanent,” Royce admitted.

“Could,” Vivien emphasized. “If we’re lucky, we’ll be able to get them back.”

Hesitantly glancing between the three as they neared the edge of the woods, Kona asked in a hushed voice, “What if you can’t get them back? What happens then?”

Royce heaved a sigh as he admitted, “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

Stepping past the treeline, Vivien said, “I think we’ll just have to sit back and help everyone else strengthen their magic.”

“It’s only fair,” Bentley acknowledged. “They’ve helped us a lot in the last two weeks and I think helping them figure things out is the least we can do to repay them.”

“How do they feel about you guys giving them your magic?” Kona asked as she followed them toward where Miles and Mick had left their vehicles.

Silence filled the crisp autumn air as the magically-bound trio slowed their steps, their thoughts now riddled with scenarios and potential outcomes of the conversation to come. The idea of having to tell the people they loved most that they were giving up the magic - the magic that they had all worked so hard to improve and strengthen together - was terrifying. Especially when they realized that would entail telling the already mentally drained Mick that she would have to push aside her reservations to help them. Turning back toward the now-stopped group, Kona set them a worried look before pointedly glancing past them to where Miles and Mick had roped Carrie into singing an old TV show theme song with them as they walked.

Quickly righting themselves, the trio headed for the cars, Vivien tugging Kona along with her to Mick’s bus as she explained under her breath, “What they don’t know, they’ll help us figure out.”

As Kona climbed over the bench seat into the back of the beat-up hippie bus, she asked, “What happens when they find out?”

Heaving a sigh, Vivien slid into the passenger’s seat and watched Mick as she parted ways with her fellow oblivious friends. Vivien forced a smile onto her face as Mick made her way toward them, but as she glanced in the rear-view mirror at Kona, she admitted, “I have no idea.”

The door yanked open, and Mick laughed as she climbed into her seat. She slammed the door behind herself and tugged her keys from her coat pocket. “Are you guys ready?” she asked as she shoved her car key into the ignition.

“We are,” Vivien said before Kona could claim otherwise. “What were you guys talking about?”

“Not much,” Mick shrugged, putting the vehicle in gear before following closely behind Miles’ Jeep. “Miles said something about how Serena’s ponytail reminded him of the little girl on The Flintstones.”

“Pebbles?” Kona snickered curiously.

“Yeah,” Mick nodded as she met the girl’s gaze in the mirror. She slowed to a stop where the dirt roads met the gravel streets and watched as a few cars passed by. “So, we started singing the theme song and he convinced Carrie to sing with us even though we all know he would much rather just listen to her all day.”

Vivien chuckled, “Who wouldn’t? She’s a great singer.”

“Yeah, but he’s also a lovesick idiot,” Kona chimed in. With a roll of her eyes, she claimed, “I’m pretty sure she could start a wildfire or something and he would be singing her praises.”

“She could kill him and he would haunt her just to say ‘thank you,’” Vivien snickered.

Mick laughed, “You’re not wrong.”

Once they were back on the road, the rumble of the old vehicle’s engine overpowered any chance of a conversation, and Kona took the opportunity at a stop sign to stretch over the bench-style back of her seat and turn the radio volume up. While the radio flitted between static nonsense, advertisements for local businesses, and the fleeting notes of a Christmas song that had been cycling the radio waves since the day after Halloween, Vivien found herself trying to prevent her leg from bouncing anxiously as they grew closer to the commons. 

Though she wasn’t exactly thrilled with the concept of giving up her newfound abilities, that wasn’t the thing that was bothering her most. Her mind was more focused on how badly she was sure Mick would react. Whether she would admit it aloud or not, Vivien was terrified of having to deal with a hysterical Mick. Despite how far Mick had come since everything went down on Halloween, she was sure Mick would refuse to allow them to give up their powers, especially if she knew to whom Vivien intended to give her powers.

Glancing at the older girl beside her, Vivien forced herself to smile as Mick peered over with a grin and offered Vivien a hand over the cushion between them. Mouthing along to Mariah Carey’s infamous Christmas song, Vivien slipped her hand into Mick’s and sucked in a deep breath as she began praying to whatever deity would listen that things would go better than she expected them to. A part of her wished that this was all a dream and that she would wake up in bed or on the Murphy’s couch, but she knew that was practically impossible at this point. Things had gone far too off the rails for her to be dreaming.

As they drove past the hospital toward the center of town, Vivien found herself scanning the surrounding area for any sign of Serena. Although she hadn’t found anything, she couldn’t brush off the feeling that someone, somewhere, was watching them as Mick rolled to a stop behind Miles’ Jeep, their parking spots within walking distance of the street the Murphy family lived on. With no opportunity to call everything off and the looming threat of Serena’s possession still tugging at the far edges of her brain, Vivien cleared her throat and sighed as she looked around, grateful that very few people appeared to be away from home at that hour. Nobody else needed to see what was about to go down.

Taking a deep breath as she turned off the engine, Mick twisted in her seat so that she could see both Vivien and Kona as she asked, “Are you two ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Vivien sighed.

With a resigned nod, Kona agreed as she climbed over the back of the seat to sit between the two brunettes, “I’m just ready to use my new magic.”

“You’ll do great, Kona,” Mick reassured, brushing a stray hair from the girl’s face with a smile. “If you’re anything like Vivien and the boys, you’ll pick up on things in no time at all.”

Kona smiled and nodded before turning to Vivien with a wary look as Mick shoved open her door. Swallowing thickly, Vivien pushed her door open and allowed Kona to climb out behind her, letting the blonde tug her aside after the door was closed once more. In a hushed voice, Kona asked, “Are you sure about this? Ben and I were talking on Discord and he says he’s worried. I tried to reassure him, but I’m nervous too and I’m not the one giving up my magic.”

Vivien placed a hand on Kona’s shoulder and started walking around the car with her as she replied, “As I said, it might not be permanent.”

Digging her heels into the edge of the sidewalk, Kona urged Vivien to stop as she pressed, “What if it is?”

“So be it,” Vivien shrugged in response. “If we can get our powers back - great! If not, life can go back to normal, and we can help the others learn how to use them.”

“Are Royce and Bentley okay with that?” Kona asked.

“Why else would they go through with it?” Vivien asked in return.

“Because you’re okay with it,” Kona stated. When the brunette before her sent her a confused look, Kona huffed, “Royce will do anything you want him to - sort of like Miles and Carrie. You say jump, he asks how high.”

“I don’t think-”

“It doesn’t matter what you think, Viv. It’s the truth,” Kona interrupted. “As for Bentley, the only reason I’m sure he’s going through with it - apart from the fact that Royce is, and he’s always up his brothers’ asses - is because you are the closest thing to a sister that he’s ever had and he feels the need to impress you.”

“He doesn’t need to do that,” Vivien claimed. “He knows I adore him.”

“I’m sure he does,” Kona agreed as she began walking again. “But that changes nothing. What I’m trying to say is that they’re doing this for you. Did you even bother asking if they wanted to give up their powers?”

“I know they don’t,” Vivien sighed. “None of us do. It’s just the only thing left that could keep us safe from Serena.”

“And you’re sure about this?”

“Does it look like we have a choice?”

Kona glanced at her tall friend and sighed, “I guess not, no.” Taking hold of Vivien’s hand as they entered the commons, Kona muttered, “At least promise me that you guys will stay safe while I confuse the shit out of Serena.”

“I promise we’ll try,” Vivien offered with a hesitant smile.

“Good enough,” Kona shrugged as they made up the distance between themselves and where the others had gathered. Vivien sucked in a deep breath as she looked around at the group. Miles and Carrie were talking with Mick about something the boys had talked about in the car while they set out some of the crystals they had brought. While Royce worked on laying out a blanket for them to kneel on during the transfer, Bentley had chosen to lay on a nearby bench, staring blankly at the sky overhead. Though nobody else seemed to think this was anything odd for the young blond, Vivien felt a pang in her chest at the idea that he was observing what would remain of the magic they now possessed.

Giving Kona’s hand a small squeeze, Vivien suggested, “Why don’t you help Bentley with his existential crisis?”

“Is that what he’s doing?” Kona wondered with a raised brow.

“That would be my guess,” Vivien sighed. “I can’t say I blame him.”

“Me neither,” Kona agreed. As she headed toward the bench, she turned back to Vivien and said, “Good luck.”

With a grateful nod, Vivien made her way to where Royce had begun brushing dirt and grass from the blanket he’d laid out. Kneeling on the old, flannel picnic blanket, she softly asked, “How are you holding up?”

Barely glancing in Vivien’s direction, Royce replied, “Better than Bentley.”

Nodding more to herself than anyone else, Vivien sighed, “Yeah.”

Shifting to sit cross-legged, Royce met Vivien’s gaze and asked, “What about you? How are you doing with all of this?”

“Not great, but not horrible,” Vivien resigned. “I’m not thrilled with the idea that this could be permanent, but at the same time, I’m trying to remain positive.”

Royce hummed, picking at the blades of grass that just barely clung to life on the border of the blanket as he spoke “Ultimately, what choice do we have?”

“It’s not the end of the world if we give them our magic,” Vivien stated, tugging her jacket close as the wind picked up. “We’ve lived without it before.”

“Yeah,” Royce sighed, “I just wish we had more time with it.”

“So that’s it?” a voice hissed, the person’s wounded tone jolting Royce and Vivien from their conversation. As they turned to find Mick’s pained, chestnut eyes looking between them, hoping to see something else in their eyes, Vivien pushed herself to her feet. However, before she could explain the conversation, Mick asked, “You guys are seriously giving up? Just like that?”

“Mick,” Miles began as he neared them, “what are you talking about?”

Tilting her head but not tearing her gaze from the children before her, Mick claimed, “They’re giving up their magic.”

“What?” Miles breathed.

Stepping up to the group, Carrie asked, “Are you sure you didn’t just hear wrong, Mickie?”

Before Mick could clarify what she had heard, Bentley spoke as he stood from the bench he had perched himself on, “She didn’t hear wrong; it’s the truth.”

“You’re really thinking about going through with it?” Carrie pressed, her gaze flicking worriedly between Bentley, Royce, and Vivien.

“We’re not thinking about it,” Royce claimed as he stood. “We’re doing it.”

“Why are you guys so ready to give that up?” Miles asked. “You love your magic.”

Vivien sighed, “We do, but if her goal is to take our magic, we need to get rid of it before she can grow stronger.”

“And we don’t get any say in the matter,” Mick said with a shake of her head as her eyes drifted toward the ground. With a huff, she fixed her gaze on Vivien and breathed, “You can’t do this to us, to me.”

“We don’t have a choice, Mickie,” Bentley said as he and Kona joined the group. 

Taking in a shuddering breath, Mick muttered, “There’s always a choice.”

“Normally, yeah,” Vivien nodded, “but this time, there really isn’t another option.”

“If we don’t give up our magic, Serena will take it from us,” Royce stated. “Like Mom said earlier, this is our last resort.”

“What happened to trying the coven drain again?” Miles offered as Mick took a few steps away from them. “I thought that was the plan.”

Royce took in a slow breath and shook his head, “It would have been if we thought we could handle it. After what she did to us last time, we don’t think it would be smart for us to try fighting her off again, regardless of her being weaker too.”

Nodding understandingly, Carrie asked, “Was she trying to take your magic in the woods?”

“Whether or not she realized it, I think she was.” Glancing around at her fellow mages, Vivien said, “I don’t know about you guys, but when she was trying to fight us off and her magic was colliding with ours, it felt like she was draining the life out of me.”

“Yeah,” Kona nodded. “I felt weak.”

“We all did,” Bentley claimed. 

Royce nodded, glancing between Miles and Carrie as he spoke, “That’s why I think it would be better if we gave up our powers now. Kona can use her magic to lure Serena here, and once you guys have our magic, you can help her drain Serena.”

After a silent pause fell among them, Vivien added, “And, after it’s done, we can try to reverse it, if you really want that.”

Miles turned to Carrie, his worried steel-colored eyes finding hers as a silent question passed between them. Were they ready for this? After only two weeks of helping the kids strengthen their abilities and watching them grow more sure of themselves, were they ready to trade places? If this was permanent, were they really ready for their normal lives to be a thing of the past? As Carrie nodded and Miles took in a breath, they realized that it didn’t matter so long as the kids they cared so much for were safe. 

Turning toward Mick, Miles softly asked, “What do you say, Mickie?”

Though nobody could see her face, it was obvious the brunette was crying, her shoulders shuddering as she sucked in a shaky breath, “I’m not strong enough for this.”

“Yes, you are,” Vivien argued gently.

“I’m not,” Mick said with a firm shake of her head. “I know you think I am, but I’m not. I had magic for one night and almost killed all of you; what makes you think I could handle it now?”

“That was different and you know it,” Vivien said as she approached her oldest friend.

Sounding nearly as broken as she looked, Mick swiped a hand under her eyes and turned as she scoffed out a simple question, “How?” 

“You were given dark magic before.” Gesturing behind herself, Vivien chuckled, “You’ve seen us use our magic for the dumbest shit, you know the magic we have isn’t dark.”

“And before you try to say that it could become dark because of you,” Royce began, “think again. You’re one of the nicest people I know.”

Bentley nodded, his pearlescent smile practically glowing as he spoke, “Who else - apart from Miles and our parents - would put up with our nonsense on a daily basis and still want to do it again the next day?”

Despite the choked laugh she let out, Mick shook her head, but Vivien was quick to stop her from saying anything as she took the older girl’s arms and tugged her back toward the group, “I know you don’t think you’re strong enough, but we know you are.”

“Besides, you aren’t alone this time,” Royce claimed. “You’ll have Carrie and Miles with you, and the three of us will be there to help you if you need us.”

“Four of us,” Kona chimed in with a smile.

Mick glanced her way with a hint of a smile, but Vivien’s grip on her arms pulled her attention back to the girl before her. “Look, I know this is going to be hard for you, but if she gets our powers, all of Salem - if not the whole world - will be in danger.”

With a shaky breath, Mick met Vivien’s eyes once more and asked, “What happens if I can’t do it?” 

“You can,” Vivien claimed confidently. “I know you can. You have to.” -she slowly kneels on the ground, holding Mick’s hand out above her- 

“Guys, I hate to interrupt this,” Kona said, drawing everyone’s attention to her as she stared up at the sky, “but if we’re going to do this during the eclipse, we’re running out of time.” 

Sure enough, as their gazes lifted toward the starry sky above, they realized the moon had begun to glow a dark, bloody red. With time now effectively ticking away, Vivien’s hands slid down Mick’s arms to the older girl’s as she knelt on the blanket Royce had laid out for them not long before. Tearing his gaze from the sky, Miles watched Vivien kneel on the old blanket they typically used for cold nights at the drive-in and softly asked, “What are you doing, kiddo?”

Despite everything in her body telling her not to turn her gaze from the sky, Mick’s tawny eyes fell from the glowing light above as Vivien began to speak, “I know it’s not fair, Mick, but nothing ever is.” Holding the older girl’s right hand in both of hers, Vivien moved it so that Mick’s fingers were mere inches from her forehead as she met the older girl’s eyes and said, “It shouldn’t have to be you three, but it is and I’m sorry that it has to be this way.” 

Tapping Bentley on the arm, Royce nodded toward where Vivien had knelt, a silent gesture telling his younger brother to find a place to stay as he nudged Bentley closer to Miles. Despite his curiosity, Bentley wordlessly complied, kneeling to Viven’s left as Royce took up the spot on the brunette’s right. Peering up at his oldest brother, Bentley held out a pleading hand that Miles quickly latched onto as he crouched in front of his youngest sibling. Running a hand over Bentley’s hair in what he hoped would keep both of them calm, Miles pressed a quick kiss to his brother’s forehead before asking, “Are you sure about this?”

Without a moment of hesitation, Bentley nodded, “You guys could never hurt us.”

Looking at her two coworkers and friends, Carrie found herself, for the first time in a long time, at a loss for words as her gaze fell on Royce. Meeting the boy’s eerily calm, caramel gaze with her own, apologetically burning sapphire, Carrie sniffled back the growing lump in her throat and breathed, “I’m sorry.” As Royce’s eyebrow lifted - a trait Carrie typically only associated with Miles - she felt the need to explain further, “I know you’d probably rather be with Miles or Mick, but you got saddled with me instead.”

“I would have felt more comfortable, yeah,” Royce agreed with a breathy chuckle, “but for once, I actually picked you.”

“You did?” Carrie wondered. At Royce’s nod, she asked, “Why?”

“Believe it or not,” Royce began, offering the older girl a hint of a grin, “I trust you, Carrie.”

Unable to fight the burning sting of salty tears in her eyes, Carrie let out a wet, choked laugh at the timing of the sixteen-year-old’s statement. After trying for so long to have some semblance of a connection with the middle Murphy brother, this was what brought them together? Though she certainly wasn’t going to protest the slivered hint of a relationship, she wished it had formed under better circumstances. Royce’s chilled fingers tugged Carrie’s gloves from her hand, startling the blonde from her thoughts as she allowed him to tuck the gloves into her coat pocket and lift her palm toward his forehead.

With a nod to the blonde, Royce retracted his hands and said, “You’ve got this.”

“If you say so,” Carrie muttered in a breath.

Digging into the pocket of his jeans, Royce pulled out the napkin with the incantation on it and held it out for Carrie to take with her free hand. “Read this three times, part by part, and allow them to follow your lead while Kona starts sending out burst of magic for Serena to follow. Don’t read the next part until they say what you have.”

Looking over the makeshift note in her friend’s hand, Mick asked, “Are you sure about this?”

“Positive,” Vivien quickly agreed, refusing to allow anyone the chance to back out.

As he stood to his full height and held his hand in front of Bentley’s head, Miles asked, “Any advice before we start?”

“Imagine the magic flowing through you like a river,” Bentley said. “It makes everything easier.”

“Make sure you’re standing properly so that you don’t get thrown back.” Vivien offered. “I almost slammed through my bedroom wall when I first tried a new spell.”

As the others shuffled to find proper grounding, Royce said, “My only advice is to not give up. No matter what happens and how bizarre it feels, you can’t let it get to you. You’re a coven now. Your strength is in the magic that ties you together.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Mick glanced between Miles and Carrie before nodding at the blonde to her left. “I’m ready when you are.”

Once Miles had nodded in agreement, Kona took off in a run, making her way to the pavilion and launching a burst of magic into the air as Carrie held up the paper and began slowly reading, “Come moon of cold hours, between dusk and dawn, drain a witch of all powers, to render magic gone, potentias exhauri, malefica impotens.”

As the first of three incantations came to a close, Carrie gasped as she looked at the young brunet before her. Glowing veins had appeared just underneath Royce’s skin, drawing luminous, cerulean lines closer to the surface. His eyes had scrunched shut - due to pain or fear, she wasn’t quite sure - but slowly peeled open at the silence that filled the air. Once chestnut eyes now glowed a glorious navy, almost as though the moon had nestled itself in the boy’s soul. Glancing over at Vivien and Bentley, Carrie found her friends staring at the children before them in a similar state of wonder - and with good reason. Though the violet glow under Vivien’s skin was harder to spot due to the girl’s tan skin, Bentley’s golden hue was impossible to miss.

Carrie jumped as Royce’s icy fingers wrapped around her wrist, but as she found his gaze, she realized why he had done so. “You need to keep going,” Royce’s echoing voice reminded her without the teenager so much as opening his mouth. Glancing pointedly at the paper in the hand he held captive, he spoke once more, “Serena will be here soon; you need to finish this before she gets here.”

Still mildly in shock at how Royce had managed to communicate with her without verbally saying anything, Carrie nodded and swallowed thickly, wetting her lips before looking back down at the paper and beginning the incantation again. This time, as they began reciting the spell once more and Kona sent another magical flare into the air above the commons, the three young adults had to fight the instinct to help the teenagers before them as they let out a simultaneous noise of pain. Looking down, it was clear to see that the transfer had begun. Strands of colorful magic surged out from the young trio, arching into the palms of those who stood before them.

Golden rays of light that emitted from Bentley wove around Miles’ fingers like he had stuck his hand into a ray of sunlight that peered in through a window, the golden hue dissolving into a shade of almost too-bright white before jolting up his arm in jagged arches of neon blues and purples. Beside him, Mick watched as Vivien’s violet constellations flurried like snowflakes into her palm, the faint stars disappearing on contact as the colorful swirls of magic rolled around her hand and up her arm. Violet turned to teal and white as something akin to a wave swirled up the sleeve of her jacket and disappeared into her skin, but Mick forced herself to pay it little attention as she focused on the task at hand. Meanwhile, as Carrie read off the last line on the page, she watched shades of Royce’s lunar glow beam through her fingers, the light shifting from sapphire to slate before flickering into a blazing inferno that flared up her arm in an array of reds and oranges.

Just as Miles and Mick had finished repeating the final part of the spell, the standing trio jumped as an invisible Kona yelled out, “She’s here! I’ll keep her busy!”

Opening her eyes just enough to see a streak of pink and blue launch into the sky toward a hovering Serena, Vivien let out a breath and reached out a hand to Bentley, grasping his hand wordlessly before doing the same for Royce. Despite how ready she was just minutes prior, the knowledge that the magic she adored so much would now be gone had finally sunken in. With a shaky breath, Vivien watched as Kona’s bursts of colorful magic slammed Serena toward a nearby tree. She would miss having magic; it tethered her to her best friends in a way she had never thought possible before. However, so long as she got to help the others strengthen their own abilities and still had her friends by her side, she would find a way to grow used to it.

As the third and final reciting began, Kona let out a noise of surprise and ducked under a crimson wave of magic Serena sent in the direction Kona had dashed from. Fighting the urge to cuss out the dark witch mid-fight, the young blonde spared a glance at her friends before sending out a burst of light she hoped would at least temporarily stun the redhead and sending a few beacons of light toward the corners of the commons in the hopes of forming a protective barrier around the open area. Making a break for the other side of the commons as Serena screeched in pain, Kona tried to remember all that Bentley and Royce’s mom had taught her in their brief discussion. There wasn’t much to go on as their chat had been relatively brief, but as she sent another burst of light toward the old playground on the far side of the commons, she hoped what she had been taught would stick. Forcing herself to become visible to those around her once more, Kona attempted to catch her breath as Serena rubbed furiously at her eyes.

Once the redhead’s vision cleared and she began looking around the commons for the invisible assailant, Kona shouted, “Hey, Strawberry Shortcake!” Hoping she didn’t look nearly as weirded out by Serena’s glowing, blood-red eyes as she felt once the girl whirled around toward her, Kona grinned and yelled, “Come get me!” However, much to Kona’s dismay, the hovering witch’s head tipped to the side with a smirk before her gaze snapped toward the group of six now locked in the final recitement of the incantation. “No,” Kona breathed, using her magic to propel her faster as she rushed to catch up with the dark witch. “No, no, no!”

Faster than Kona could recall ever moving, she reached out, a tether of light extending from her hand and wrapping around Serena’s ankle, dragging the redhead to the ground as Kona ran to catch up. Kona’s grip on the tether tightened as Serena’s darkened, nearly-black fingers wrapped around the other end, turning the once cotton-candy-colored light a dark, violent red in her grasp. Serena’s cackling laugh pierced the air as she yanked on the magic tying herself to the small blonde, “Did you really think you - of all witches - would be powerful enough to stop me?”

Digging her heels into the ground, Kona looked past the redhead before meeting her eyes with a cocky smirk, “Maybe not, but I make one hell of a distraction, don’t I?”

Confusion flooded Serena’s ruby irises for a fleeting moment before realization kicked in. Whirling around, Serena snarled at the vivid array of colors on the other side of the field. With a roll of her eyes, the redhead let out a screech of frustration and sent a surge of scarlet magic toward Kona, flinging the blonde aside as the connection tying them together snapped, disappearing into a flurry of colorful sparks. Scrambling to her feet, Serena used another burst of energy to propel her into the air, cackling furiously as she aimed for the group surrounded by colorful energy.

Tired caramel eyes peeled open as the last surge of magic left Royce’s body and, glancing into the night sky, Royce met Carrie’s unnaturally orange eyes and shouted, “Behind you!” 

As though the magic they now shared had made it possible for them to move in unison, Carrie, Mick, and Miles turned toward Serena with extended hands, their newfound powers bursting outward in a full display. Lightning jolted outward from Miles’ fist, meeting Carrie’s crackling line of fire and Mick’s rushing wave as their magic slammed into Serena, knocking her out of the sky with a shout of surprise. Glancing at each other with wide, astonished eyes, Mick and Carrie nodded to each other before rocketing into the sky, leaving Miles on the ground as he turned his attention to the children now watching the battle from the grass.

Kneeling before them, Miles wordlessly checked on his brothers and pseudo-sister before glancing back at the girls now locked in a fight with Serena. After checking to make sure they were alright physically, he turned his focus back on the teenagers before him as he spoke, “You guys should stay somewhere safe until this is over.”

The only one to pay him any attention was Vivien, whose teary emerald eyes silently found Miles’. Swallowing thickly, she asked, “Where would we go?”

Feeling his chest clench at the heartbroken tone in the girl’s voice, Miles reached out and swiped his thumbs under the rim of Vivien’s glasses, brushing away her silent tears as he said, “Go back to our house and tell Mom what’s happening. Maybe she’ll know of a spell to end this.”

Nodding more for herself than anything, Vivien allowed Miles to help her to her feet before moving so that he could help Royce while she handled Bentley. Once he was standing, Bentley asked, “What about Kona?”

Miles glanced over his shoulder to where Kona was using herself as a distraction whilst Mick and Carrie struggled through the learning curve that was their newfound abilities. With a ghost of a smile, he turned back to his brothers and Vivien and said, “We’ll keep an eye on her. For now, focus on yourselves. We’ll cover you.”

Vivien stepped back as Bentley slammed into Miles, keeping herself at a distance as Royce joined the embrace. Not wanting to interrupt their moment, she watched Mick attempt to put out an accidental fire Carrie had created in her fiery tirade against Serena. They would be able to hold things off until Mrs. Murphy found a solution; she never doubted that they could. Royce and Bentley stepped away from their brother, and Vivien sucked in a breath, attempting to appear calm and hoping her small smile would be seen as comforting as they turned toward her.

“Ready?” she asked.

Though they didn’t answer verbally, both of her friends nodded and began to walk in her direction as Vivien caught Miles’ gaze between them. The two eldest siblings shared a nod, some kind of silent solidarity passing between them as Vivien heard Miles’ voice in her head, telling her to take care of not just the boys before he turned and took off, joining the fight without another word. Taking a final look at the fight, Vivien took her former coven mates by the hands and began pulling them in the direction of their home. Though she wanted nothing more than to help in the fight against Serena - it was their battle, after all -  Vivien knew they would be of no use to their friends if they had stuck around. If anything, they would be nothing more than distractions - pawns for Serena to use against the people they loved.

Despite Royce’s inability to run long distances without needing a break, he managed to make it to the end of their driveway without falling far behind, something he took a faint pride in as Vivien tugged him closer to the front door. Bentley was pushed inside first, followed closely by Royce as Vivien tried to look down the street at the commons in the distance. Sighing at how little she could see through the thickly settled neighborhood, Vivien stepped into the house and quickly locked the door behind herself before looking around. Royce had slumped against the back of the armchair their mom preferred to crochet in, his arms wrapped around himself in a kind of hug as his shoulders shuddered with each breath he took, whereas Bentley had disappeared, most likely searching the house for their mother.

Stepping up to her friend, Vivien brought her arms around Royce, rubbing a hand up and down his back as his arms closed in around her waist, grabbing fistfuls of her jacket to keep her as close as possible. Royce’s forehead dropped onto Vivien’s shoulder, and, for a moment, she worried if he was ill. His skin burned against hers, but as he muttered a soft, “It’s too warm now,” she realized that the lunar magic he once possessed was no longer there to keep him cool.

“I know,” she breathed over his shoulder, fighting to keep herself in check as Royce’s resolve crumbled around her. Before she could utter an apology, a flash of light in the kitchen caught her attention. The once warm-toned room glowed a bright white like a camera had gone off before dissolving into the room’s natural golden hue. “What was that?” she wondered aloud.

“What?” Royce asked as he leaned back, reaching up and drying his eyes as he tried to follow Vivien’s gaze.

Without allowing Vivien to explain what she had seen, Bentley entered the room with a small smile and said, “Mom just left. She said to try to eat something and rest on the couch until they get back.”

“They?” Royce wondered.

“Is she planning on joining the fight?” Vivien asked. 

With a frustrated sigh, Royce said, “She shouldn’t go in alone like that; it’s dangerous.”

Closing the gap between them, Bentley’s grin broadened, and Royce and Vivien shared a confused look as Bentley said, “Who said she was alone?”

A shrill squeal tore from Kona’s throat as she ducked behind a tree, narrowly escaping one of Miles’ rogue lightning bolts. For the greater part of however long they had been battling Serena, she had been forced to dodge Mick’s uncontrollable tidal waves and Carrie’s great balls of fire, and she was beginning to grow tired of being unable to so much as breathe without fearing for her life. Peering around the tree, she wondered how on earth they would begin to repair the charred remnants of the city’s commons, but as a burning branch cracked and fell in a shower of sparks at her feet, she didn’t bother to think further on just how screwed they would be come morning.

Pulling the neck of her fleece-lined hoodie over her nose, she scurried through the ashen remnants of a tree, hoping to send a burst of energy toward the soaked redhead just a few mere yards away once she was in the open. However, her plans were quickly dashed as she found herself unknowingly caught in one of Mick’s, quite literally, surfable waves. Kona sucked in a deep breath as the water dragged her under, sloshing her toward the invisible barrier she had formed earlier in the night. Waiting until the water ebbed away enough for her to breathe again,  Kona peeled herself off the muddy ground with a huff of exhaustion.

Feeling more like a drowned rat than a human, Kona groaned as her feet squelched in her shoes. With a huff, she pulled herself to her feet, the blonde firing off a lazy burst of cyan energy before slipping in her waterlogged shoes and colliding with the ground once more. Mentally pleading for some sort of reprieve from the chaos that was the battle she was suffering through, Kona heaved an exasperated breath and squished and squashed her way to the closest bench she could find, tugging off the boots she would, no doubt, be throwing in the nearest trash can once everything was over, and dumping out the absurd amount of water in them as Carrie fired off another round of blazing flames.

Hoping that the help Miles had told them would be there, would be arriving soon, Kona tugged her squelching boots back on with a grimace. Oh, how she hated the feeling of wet, squishy socks in fur-lined boots! With a sharp gasp, Kona forced herself to focus as she heard the telltale sound of a group of people laughing nearby. Hoping her protective shield around the commons still prevented regular citizens from seeing the chaos within, she looked around for any sign of where the group had gone, but her attention was quickly drawn to a radiant white light that shone over her shoulder. 

Turning back toward the fight, Kona’s eyes widened as a blindingly bright figure wrapped in pearlescent ivory sent a beacon of magic directly into the red witch Miles had just sent colliding with the ground. Serena’s limp form bounced across the soaked commons, rolling to a stop against a tree as the figure in white lowered themself to the ground. Touching the grass far more gracefully than Kona had in her few hours of possessing magic, the young blonde watched as the light surrounding the person dimmed, revealing none other than the woman who had helped her figure out she had powers in the first place - Mrs. Dorothea Witt-Murphy.

The woman’s cascading chocolate curls were the only thing about her that looked the same as how Kona remembered her appearing hours prior. The blindingly white clothing she wore was surprising as the woman was almost always covered in splotches of paint, but that was nothing compared to the opals that had formed in her once-brown irises. With wide eyes and her mouth agape, Kona stepped forward, watching the older woman’s amused smirk grow as the youngest of those in the commons neared her.

“Mrs Bentley’s Mom,” Kona breathed in astonishment, “is that you?!”

“It is,” Dorothea replied, a chuckle falling from her lips as her gaze flickered between the young blonde and her son, who steadily inched closer. Smiling knowingly at the newly magical young adults who crossed the grass between them, the woman said, “I heard you kids could use some help, but I didn’t know just how much.”

“Thanks for coming, Mama,” Miles said, the relief in his voice evident as he brought his arms around his mother’s shoulders and pulled her close.

Rubbing circles on her son’s back out of habit, Dorothea smiled into Miles’ shoulder as she said, “Of course, mon cœur. Anything for my babies.”

“Please help,” Mick begged as she and Carrie watched Miles embrace his mother. “We’re practically useless.”

“Speak for yourselves,” Kona piped up with a roll of her eyes. “I was epic, you three were useless.”

“We’re not useless,” Carrie said. Looking around at the charred, waterlogged commons, she added, “I think we’ve effectively learned how to barbecue and surf at the same time.”

Mick scoffed out a laugh, “We’re just helping the Parks Department get a head start on the winter renovations.”

“Exactly,” Carrie snickered, earning a sincere laugh from the brunette.

Smiling fondly at the girls as her son stepped back, Dorothea said, “Well, now that the remodeling is over, I think it’s time to address the task at hand.”

Turning back toward where Serena was slumped against the base of a half-charred, smoldering tree, Kona sighed, “What do we do with her?”

Checking the watch on her wrist, Dorothea answered, “Let’s bring her into the open air for now. Once the others get here, we’ll work on draining her.”

“Did you ask the kids to come back?” Miles asked. “I told them to stay home where it’s safe.”

“And they are,” Dorothea claimed. “At least, they should be.”

“Then, if it’s not them,” Mick began slowly, “who else is coming?” 

Dorothea smiled, a secretive, knowing smile that told those present she wouldn’t be sharing the information until the time was right. Before she could say a word, however, the silence of the commons was interrupted by the sound of a car door slamming, followed soon after by another. Looking around the otherwise empty commons, the group of four searched for any source of the sound, but found it nearly impossible to locate as the remaining bushes lining the commons gate hid most of the parking spots bordering the area. However, as Carrie turned toward the old playground that was in desperate need of repair, she spotted some familiar faces rounding the gate.

Tapping a hand on Mick’s arm, she asked, “Aren’t those your parents?”

Quickly turning, Mick’s eyes widened as she muttered, “What are they doing here?”

With his typical, mischievous grin, Brady headed not for his daughter, but for Dorothea, bringing an arm around the woman’s shoulders as he spoke, “Thanks for getting us out of there. I don’t know how much more awkward small talk I could handle.”

“Not to mention how horribly small the meals were,” Mack agreed, filling the space her husband left as he turned toward the children before him.

Finally finding herself able to voice her question properly, Mick wondered, “What are you guys doing here?”

“Thea called me at the restaurant and said you kids needed some help,” Brady said proudly. Turning back toward Dorothea, he added, “Sorry we weren’t here sooner. Someone had a hard time getting out of Walgreens.”

Ready to defend herself, Mack crossed her arms, a couple of plastic bags with the aforementioned store’s name plastered on the front tucked tightly in her elbow as she claimed, “This is my first time doing anything magic-related; excuse me for not knowing which type of salt would be strongest.”

Dorothea chuckled, placing a hand on Mack’s folded ones as she said, “Believe me, almost anything would work.”

Returning the woman’s smile, Mack unfolded her arms and dug into the bag she held, pulling out four containers of varying salts. Holding them out for inspection, she said, “Well, I got every kind they had, apart from bath salts. I hope that’s enough.”

“More than,” Dorothea agreed as she took the salts. “Did you find a box to put the spirit in?”

Mack nodded as she held out the other bag for Dorothea to look inside, “All they had were a couple of those plastic, Caboodles cases like the girls used to use for dance class, and a few metal train cases for makeup, but I found this and figured it would be the best as it has a lock and could be burned later on.”

Peering into the bag, Dorothea nodded and smiled graciously at her friend, “Perfect.” Turning toward the children, she said, “Now, why don’t you work on bringing her over closer to the pavilion and we’ll make a ring of salt around her to keep her from using her magic.”

Miles was the first to react, nodding to his mother and turning toward the others as he said, “Come on, guys.”

Wordlessly, Kona tugged the older girls by their coats until they fell into step beside her and the oldest of the group, making sure they followed as Miles led the way to the tree. As they watched the children gather around their unconscious friend, Brady turned to Dorothea and asked, “Does this feel as bizarre to you as it does to me?” Dorothea’s head tipped to the side as her eyebrow lifted, urging Brady to continue. “Well, a while ago, that was us.”

Dorothea hummed thoughtfully, her lips tugging into a smile as she reached into the pocket of her pants. Holding a glimmering, Mexican fire opal out between herself and her longtime friend, she offered, “It could still be us, you know.”

Placing his hand over the woman’s open palm, Brady smiled as he lowered them together, “I know.”

Smiling at the pair, Mack said, “I think he would take you up on it if he wasn’t worried about hurting our baby girl.”

“There’s nothing to worry about in that department, actually,” Dorothea said, drawing Brady’s attention back to her. “Just as I thought, she takes after her mother.”

“Does that mean she’s not…” Brady cut himself off, his gaze flicking back to his daughter as she and her friends helped haul Serena across the muddy grass. “She isn’t like me?”

“She won’t be burning half the town down because she got grounded, no,” Dorothea chuckled. “If anything, the only thing we would have to worry about would be her trying to catch a wave in the river.”

Smiling victoriously, Mack teased her husband, “I told you from the beginning, she’s a water baby.”

Brady shook his head as he chuckled, “I should have known better than to argue with a mother’s intuition.”

Before the women could do more than snicker at the man, Kona’s voice cut through the interaction, “What do we do now?”

Crossing the gap between them, Dorothea handed out the salt and instructed the children to make rings around Serena with each type as she told them, “You can never be too safe with these things.”

As the salt rings began to form, Mack pulled out the wooden lock box she bought at the store, handing it to Brady, who quickly opened it and pocketed the lock and key before setting it on the grass near the salt rings. Once the containers of salt were empty and tossed back into the bag they came in, Carrie asked, “Now what?”

“Now,” Dorothea began, “You four are going to sit in the four cardinal points - north, south, east, and west. One of you will sit by her head, another by her feet, and the other two on either side of her, but all of you will be on the outside of the salt rings.”

Brady nodded as he watched the kids figure out where they wanted to sit, “This sort of seals her inside and prevents her from using magic as you form protective runes around yourselves.”

Kona’s eyes glittered with pride from her spot near Serena’s head as she exclaimed, “I made some of those earlier!”

“And you did a great job, Kona,” Dorothea said with a smile. “Yours, however, were illusionary in order to keep unwanted visitors out of the bubble you made around the commons. These runes are protective and you need to make sure your intention shows that.”

“In a given space,” Brady began, “only the witch who casts the runes, can use their magic. This means that, once you four create runes around her, you’ll completely prevent her from her own magic in case she wakes up mid-spell.”

Dorothea said, “From what I know of Mick’s previous possession, two of you have done this sort of thing before. It will be fairly similar, but the only differences will be that we plan on using a different method and, once this is over, we will lock and burn the box containing the spirit.”

Piping up with a raised hand, Mack asked, “How are you going to burn it without the spirit escaping?”

Before Brady could answer, Dorothea smiled and said, “My pottery kiln, I believe. It’s far stronger than any simple campfire or barbecue.”

“And it has a lock,” Miles mused from his seat on the ground.

“Precisely,” his mother agreed.

“Now,” Brady began with a clap of his hands, “are you ready?”

Kona and Carrie were quick to nod, but as Miles turned a wary gaze onto Mick, they awaited her response. Taking in a slow, deep breath, Mick nodded, “As I’ll ever be.”

Placing a hand on her daughter’s back, Mack smiled and offered, “You’ve got this, baby girl.”

With a grateful nod to her mother, Mick turned her gaze to her father and his friend, waiting eagerly for them to tell her what to do. Ready to move forward, Dorothea said, “First thing’s first, you need to make sure your thoughts are focused solely on the protection aspect of this. It doesn’t matter how you get there, just focus on the end result.”

Brady nodded his agreement before speaking, “If you have to, imagine the people in your life you need to protect from this evil. It could be your family, your friends, a pet - anyone. Just so long as your mind and soul are focused on protection, that’s all that matters.”

“Then, you’re going to slow your breathing and hold out a hand toward the person opposite you,” Dorothea claimed, watching with a small grin as the group collectively took in a deep breath and worked on keeping their breathing even. “This will form a border between you. After a moment, your magic will flow and create a rune of your own. It may not be visible to everyone as your magic is still new, but that’s fine.”

Hands raised over Serena’s unconscious form, the magical group watched as a vibrant, multicolored line began to form in the air between them. Sprouting from the top and bottom of the line were thin, short, parallel lines that glowed glittering shades of red and pink and stopped just inches after their starting points. Astonished by the display, they silently watched as a triangle sprouted out from the center of the line, blues and purples melting together fluidly as the rune rose higher above their spot on the ground. As it rose, a light emitted from the ground, a solid circle of glimmering sparks rising out of the salt circles until it collided with the bottom tip of the rune.

The rune stilled as the magical shield touched it, encouraging Brady to say, “Good job, guys. That’s perfect!”

“Now, recite the spell after me,” Dorothea instructed, tugging the page of a spell book out of her pocket. Unfolding it, she began to read aloud the same spell she’d had the kids read earlier in the afternoon, “Darkness now be gone from thee, banished and bound, we set you free, under the light of this pure moon, hearken to our witches rune, magicae nostrae tenebras purgat.”

As they finished the first recitement of the spell they were told, the group gathered on the grass and watched as Serena’s crimson eyes snapped open, searching the area for whoever dared to cast a spell on her. Cackling, she hissed, “We’re back here now, are we? Could you not think of anything better?”

“Try again,” Brady said, dragging the girl’s attention to him as Dorothea started the spell again.

Sitting up despite the obvious pain her body should be in after being tossed around by everyone else’s magic, Serena barked, “This will not stop anything. I cannot be killed.”

“Maybe not outright,” Mack spoke, a smirk tugging at her lips, “but you can be burned, can’t you?”

“You would not kill this child,” Serena spoke as she looked around at those sitting around her, a twinge of panic nipping at the edges of her tone as she took note of the crimson ripples of magic leaving her body. “She is your friend.”

“Debatable,” Kona shrugged as the second chant came to a close. “Out of all people to possess, you picked the asshole cheerleader.”

With a smirk, Mick began, “Guess you royally screwed yourself this time, didn’t you?”

As Dorothea started the final recitement of the spell and those on the ground echoed it a final time, Serena let out a shrill scream, piercing the air in the hopes of tuning out the spell as it echoed around her. Magic flooded out from Serena’s skin like fresh wounds, flooding outward from her skin and into the air pocket the rune had created. As the spell neared completion, her screams turned into nothing more than hushed gasps as her voice squeaked out of existence. The redhead’s hands slid into her hair as she cried, nails digging into her scalp as ruby waves of magic pulsed furiously inside the shielded bubble.

All at once, the group finished the spell, and Serena slumped forward onto the muddy ground, her strength now nothing more than a thing of the past as the last threads of possession were cut free from her skin. Watching with bated breath, the group waited for a sign that something was awry as Mack brought the wooden box close to the circle. Dorothea and Brady stepped closer, urging Carrie or Miles to take the box with their free hand and slide it into the protective bubble while they still had it.

“Alright,” Dorothea began as Carrie slid the box into the circle, “now, I want you all to focus on shrinking the rune. Make it small enough to fit into the box.”

“It’ll take some time,” Brady warned them, “but you just need to keep the box inside the bubble no matter what.”

Standing from her spot beside her daughter as they began working on the project they had been given, Mack said, “I’ll try to pull Serena out as it gets smaller. That way, there’s no chance of it possessing her again.”

“It can’t, but that’s a good idea,” Dorothea said with a nod. “The spell prevents it from entering the same person twice.”

“Good,” Mick breathed as she inched closer to the box alongside Kona.

Maneuvering onto her knees for a better angle, Kona felt the protective bubble pushing back against her hand as though the magic itself was begging for freedom. As the others neared the box, Miles held the lid of the box open, making sure there was no way for the crimson mist to go anywhere else. Once the blood-red magic had honed in on the box, it was like a drain had unclogged as the magic flowed freely into the box without hesitation. Slamming the lid shut, Miles held it down with one hand and pulled it out of the salt circle so that Brady could lock it. With the box no longer under its protection, the rune glowed brightly before disappearing into the air, the shield it created melting back into the ground at once.

As the children relaxed, their energy fields returning to them as the shield dissolved into the soggy remnants of the salt rings, Dorothea took the now-shaking wooden box from Brady. As she placed her hands on the bottom and lid, white light emitted from her hands and her mouth moved wordlessly. Whether it was a spell or not, the four on the ground couldn’t tell at first, but as Brady stepped up and placed his hands on the sides of the box, a fiery light flowing into the box from his hands as his lips started moving in tandem with Dorothea’s, they figured it had to be. The box stopped moving as the pair stopped speaking, but neither opened their eyes until their mouths stilled.

With a bewildered expression, Mick found herself being the first to speak, “I thought you said you gave up your magic, Dad?”

Turning to his daughter with a chuckle, Brady nodded, “I did, sweetheart, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use it when I need to.”

Pushing himself from the ground, Miles helped Carrie up before asking, “Does that mean the kids can have their magic back if they want it?”

Dorothea sighed, “I’m afraid it might not be that simple.”

“Why not?” Carrie pressed. “If Mr Birch can have his when he wants it, can’t they?”

Tugging a glowing opal from his pocket, Brady spoke, “When I gave up my powers, it was a new moon.”

“And, because of that, we used a different spell.” Dorothea gestured to the fire opal in Brady’s hand as she added, “I tied his magic to this opal, not to a person.”

“That meant that, once I gave them up, so long as I had the object that held my magic, I could use them freely,” Brady explained. “If I didn’t, I was just an average person.”

“But because the kids gave their powers to us instead of some inanimate object,” Mick began slowly, “they can’t get them back.”

“Technically,” Mack began, “you have different abilities than the kids. That must mean something, right?”

“It does,” Dorothea acknowledged, “but for now, I suggest we put this conversation aside for the time being.”

“Why?” Kona asked, frustration evident in her voice. “What if we want to talk about it now?”

“Kona,” Miles reprimanded gently.

“What?” she replied. “I want to know how to give them their magic back. You can’t honestly say that you don’t want the same.”

Before Miles could reply, his mother spoke, “I understand the frustration, but apart from the fact that we need to get this box to my house and burn it, I think it would be wise if we get everyone dried off so that nobody gets sick.”

Carrie spoke up, hoping to dispel Kona’s urge to rage as she gestured toward Serena, “What about Sleeping Beauty over here?”

Brady was quick to respond, “We’ll take her back to the house so we can talk it over with her when she wakes up.”

“There is a high probability that she won’t remember anything as she doesn’t have any magical ties,” Dorothea claimed, “but in the off-chance that she does, we want to be there to help.”

“We can put her in my bus,” Mick offered. “With the bench in the back, it would probably be easier.”

With a nod, Miles said, “I’ll carry her over if one of you can get the door.”

Mick nodded, digging into her coat pocket for her keys as Miles lowered himself to the ground to pick up Serena. As Mick jogged toward the exit, leaving Miles and Carrie trailing behind, Kona looked around the commons with a sigh before turning to the adults and asking, “What are we going to do about all of the damage we did?”

“Damage?” Brady repeated curiously.

“What damage?” Mack asked with a grin.

Kona turned toward the open park, gesturing with her hand to the empty grass before her head jolted back in surprise. In place of the charred trees and demolished benches she knew had been there when she last looked, Kona found herself staring at the empty commons in confusion. Everything appeared as it had before their arrival, the wet ground the only evidence of them being there in the first place. “What?” she breathed. “How?”

Mack chuckled as Brady answered, “You kids have a lot to learn about magic.”

Dorothea hummed, “And, thankfully, many years to perfect it.”

Whirling back toward the adults who had already begun heading toward the exit, Kona’s mouth opened and closed like a confused goldfish. Quickly shaking herself free of her confusion, Kona scurried after the adults, rapid-fire questions falling off her lips like water as she hurried to catch up to them. Laughing at the child’s questions, the adults urged Kona to take a ride with one of her friends before piling into the Birch’s car and leading the way to the Murphy residence. Exasperated by the lack of answers she had been given, Kona chose to ride with Miles, keeping him company by pestering him with her unanswered questions. Despite knowing Carrie had gone with Mick to keep an eye on Serena, Miles began to wish he had begged her to ride with him as the only two-minute drive to his home began to feel like it was taking an hour.

Once they pulled into the driveway and Miles parked his Jeep just outside the garage, he was glad to find that Kona’s questions had stopped in favor of her jumping out and rushing to the front door, eager to tell her friends all that had happened. He made his way to Mick’s bus and helped his girlfriend shift Serena toward the sliding door before hauling her into his arms and following Carrie toward the door. Miles assumed he would hear excited chatter as Carrie held the door open for him; however, as he stepped inside, Miles found Kona perched cautiously on the edge of the coffee table with a finger pressed to her lips, silently telling all those who entered that the trio on the couch were fast asleep.

Placing Serena on the recliner and bringing the leg rest up to bring the girl some form of comfort, Miles turned toward the couch and sighed as he took in the trio resting peacefully there. Bentley was curled up between the back of the couch and Royce’s side while Vivien was slumped in Royce’s grasp, her head perched on his shoulder while his breath shifted her hair ever so slightly. As Kona took the three empty bowls from the coffee table to the kitchen, Miles took the blanket his mother had made years prior off of the back of the couch and draped it over the slumbering trio before joining the others in the kitchen. 

At Dorothea’s insistence, Kona took a bowl of food to the living room and found a video on her phone to watch so that the others could talk in some semblance of privacy in the other room. Once she was sure Kona had made herself comfortable on the floor, wedged between the couch and coffee table with her earbuds tucked in her ears, Dorothea turned her focus onto the group surrounding her dining table. Bracing herself on the backrest of her usual chair, she began, “I’m sure you must all have questions.”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Miles sighed as he leaned back in his seat.

Carrie let out a scoffed laugh, a ghost of a grin tugging at her lips as she mused, “I think this whole day has just consisted of us having a million questions and not receiving a single answer.”

Mick hummed in agreement as her eyes traced the old grooves in the wooden dinner table, “It’s been a long day.”

“It has,” Mack agreed, “and I promise you’ll get some answers tonight.”

“Not all of them,” Brady quickly added, “but at least some.”

“Something is better than nothing,” Miles shrugged.

“But first,” Dorothea began as she took a step back from the table, “you kids need to eat something. Do you girls want anything to drink?”

“I have my water bottle,” Mick said softly with a shake of her head as Carrie nodded graciously.

As his mom headed for the counter where the Crockpot’s light glowed on the highest setting, Miles spoke, “I don’t think we’re all that hungry, Mom.”

“Speak for yourself,” Mick snorted.

Turning back toward her son as she grabbed bowls from the cupboard, Dorothea said, “Now, I know this has been a long, stressful day for all of you, but I also know for a fact that none of you eat properly at work. If you aren’t hungry now, you will be once this is in front of you.”

Resigning to his fate, Miles relaxed back into his chair once more with a nod as Carrie said, “I think all I had were those Twizzlers you got me earlier. I definitely won’t argue if your mom wants to give me some of her incredible food.”

Before Miles could say a word, Dorothea smiled and placed three bowls on the end of the table, instructing him to pass them down before sitting down and saying, “Thank you, Carrie. Now, Miles, why don’t you get yourself and your girlfriend a drink and we’ll start answering any questions you may have.”

Startled by the woman’s wording, Mick coughed on her water as she turned to her two friends with wide eyes, watching as the knowledge that their “secret relationship” hadn’t been, well… much of a secret, sank in. Carrie was the first to recover, her training as an aspiring actress kicking in as she turned to Dorothea with a hesitant smile, “Girlfriend?” 

“Mhm,” Dorothea hummed. “Why? Is that not what he calls you?”

Floundering for the right words, Miles’ mouth opened and closed noiselessly before he snapped it shut, his eyes wrenching shut as he sucked in a deep breath. Slowly letting the breath back out, Miles leveled his gaze on his mother as she smirked into the cup of tea she lifted to her lips, asking her, “How long have you known we’re a couple?”

“I’m a mom and a witch,” Dorothea stated plainly, sending her son a knowing look as she set her cup back on the table. “Not only does that mean that I have eyes in the back of my head, but it means I also have magical wards surrounding the house that tell me when someone sneaks out the back door before my feet have even hit the floor.”

With a hand over her mouth, Mick struggled to keep herself from laughing as her friends struggled to find the right words to say, their faces glowing a brighter shade of red than the lights on a firetruck. Discretely, Carrie slapped Mick’s stomach with the back of her hand, furthering the brunette’s struggle to remain as collected as possible. A tap to her shin brought Mick’s attention to her mother, the woman’s expression forcing her into silence as Miles sheepishly apologized to his mother for keeping the relationship from her.

Instead of appearing upset, Dorothea brushed Miles off with a wave of her hand, “Oh, please. Though I am curious as to why you felt the need to keep this from me for so long, it’s nothing to apologize for. So long as you both are happy, that’s all I care about.”

Miles took a moment to take in his mother’s words before softly asking, “Really?”

“Of course.” Reaching out to her son, Dorothea brushed a hand over his hair, pushing a few strands away from his eyes before cupping his cheek as she said, “You’re my baby boy - all I want is your happiness.” Allowing her gaze to drift onto Carrie as her hand returned to the table, she said, “As for you, my dear, you’ve been a part of this family since long before the first time you two went on a date. Goodness, that was - what - a year-and-a-half ago now?”

“We were just friends at that point,” Carrie said with a smile and a shake of her head.

“Are you sure about that?” Dorothea questioned, a knowing glimmer shining in her caramel eyes. “I could have sworn there was something between you back then.”

Before either Miles or Carrie could respond, Brady sent his childhood friend a smirk and sighed, “Dora.”

“What?” Dorothea replied, feigning innocent curiosity. “I’m just saying.”

Mack snickered, “It’s nice to see the meddling older sister is still in business.”

“Hey,” Dorothea began, “I told everyone from the start that you two would be together and, as everyone can see, I was right.”

“You said the same thing about Tommy and Celine,” Brady said with a grin.

“That’s another story entirely,” Dorothea said with a wave of her hand. 

“Now,” Mack began, scanning the faces of the young adults surrounding the table, “how about we answer a few questions while you eat so that you can get to bed?”

As her friends nodded in agreement, Mick spoke, “I think the first question I want answered is how on earth Dad has magic when he said he didn’t?”

Clearing his throat, Brady said, “Well, after I nearly burned Salem to the ground, we performed the coven ritual. At the time, our coven was only me, Dora, and Tommy.”

“Uncle Tommy has magic too?” Miles wondered aloud as he found his mother’s eyes. “Since when?”

“Since always,” his mother replied. “The point is, when Brady felt he couldn’t handle it, we drained his magic into a crystal that was capable of holding it.”

Pulling the crystal from his pocket, Brady explained, “If I wanted to, I could absorb my magic in full, but seeing as I don’t feel confident in harnessing my full powers at all times, they stay here. When I need to use them, all I need is to keep this with me.”

“For the most part, it stays with me,” Dorothea stated, “but Brady keeps it safe in the winter to keep those around him warm.”

Thinking back to the various camping trips they had taken over the years when nobody felt the need to start a fire despite the temperature saying they should, Mick muttered, “That makes a lot of sense.”

“What is your magic called?” Carrie asked as she set her spoon down. “The kids have the sun, moon, stars, and - what is Kona? A comet?”

“I think so,” Miles nodded.

With a nod, Carrie continued, “And we have nature magic. What are you guys?”

“We represent mythical creatures,” Brady claimed.

Dorothea smiled, “Brady is a phoenix - a mythical bird born of the ashes of its predecessors, I am a pegasus - a winged horse that represents light, freedom, and imagination, and Tommy is what the Greek call a cetus - a sea dragon.”

“What about you, Mom?” Mick asked.

Mack took in a breath and , “Sadly, I was born without magic. That, combined with your father giving up his magic, made it that much harder for you to have any abilities by the time your sixteenth birthday rolled around.”

“Is that why we didn’t get magic on our sixteenth birthdays?” Miles asked. 

Once the adults nodded, Mick asked, “How come the kids got theirs, then?”

“And how can we give them some magic back?” Carrie added. “Vivi was searching for weeks to find a way to give Mick some and hadn’t found anything.”

“I’m afraid those are questions we’ll have to find out the answer for in the morning,” Dorothea claimed. “We’ll have to do research tomorrow.”

“For now,” Mack began, “you kids need to eat.”

“What about you guys?” Mick asked. “I thought you said you’d still be hungry after that dinner.”

“We ate our way through a basket of that fancy bread,” Brady chuckled. 

Mack nodded as she pushed herself from her chair, “They had the same oil dip as the Greek restaurant by Market Basket, so we filled up on that.”

With a nod, Mick returned to the bowl of pizza casserole before her as her parents and Miles’ mother stood, pushing in their chairs and grabbing the box from the counter before heading out through the garage. Closing the door to the house behind her friends, Dorothea let out a long, slow breath and made her way to the side of the garage she had cordoned off as a safe space for arts and crafts. At one point in her marriage, the area had been a gift from her now ex-husband, Allen - a way for her to express her creativity and encourage their children to do the same. Nowadays, however, the space was mostly used by Bentley for his seemingly endless art projects and Miles for the paintings he would never allow to be seen by the public despite his mother’s insistence that they were better than he thought.

Looking around at the seemingly endless supplies in the area, Mack wondered, “How on earth did you get all of this stuff?”

“Most of it was a gift from Allen,” Dorothea explained as she unlocked and opened the pottery kiln. “Once I found out he was cheating, he tried to buy my love. Of course, it didn’t work, but he let me keep everything in the divorce because the boys begged him to.”

“I thought he said he never had money,” Brady commented from his perch on a stool.

“He didn’t,” Dorothea said, setting the box inside the kiln before turning to Brady and Mack, “it was his girlfriend’s father’s money.”

With a scoff, Mack said, “I still can’t believe he was dating someone only a few years older than Miles.”

“To be completely honest, I doubt he knew how old she was at the time,” Dorothea shrugged as she closed the kiln and turned it on. “Her father was his company’s owner and the money was what he wanted more than anything. Although I wish them the best, chances are that, once he has the money he wants, he’ll weasel his way out and find a new target.”

“Ridiculous,” Brady breathed as he watched the kiln whir to life.

“It doesn’t really bother me all that much anymore,” Dorothea explained. “It hurt to know how much it affected the boys at first, but they don’t seem bothered by it, so why should I?”

“That’s true,” Mack mused.

“So,” Brady began, “how long does it take to heat up?”

Dorothea dragged a rolling stool over and sat as she sighed, “Maybe eight to ten minutes. By then, the kids should be done eating.”

“Would you like us to bring the girls home?” Mack asked.

Brady chuckled as he and Dorothea shared a look, “I doubt they’ll let us.”

With a raised brow, his wife asked, “Why not?”

“When a coven is first formed, the desire to stay close to the other members is strong,” Dorothea explained. “Normally, a coven starts within a family, so it isn’t unusual for them to be close or want to spend time together. However, when it either starts or grows to include a group of friends, it results in sleepovers or the desire to get a job at the same location.”

“Is that why they all got a job at the Cottage?” Mack questioned, realization gleaming in her dark, umber eyes. “Or why the kids spend so much time together?

“Most likely,” Brady nodded with a grin. “To them, wanting to spend time together probably feels normal by now.”

Dorothea hummed, “It won’t be easy for them to willingly pull away. At least, not for a few days.”

“So, what do we do?” Mack asked as she looked between her husband and friend.

“Knowing Miles, he’ll either offer the girls his room or bring the air mattress up from the basement,” Dorothea claimed. “He won’t let them sleep on the floor.”

“What happened to the spare room?” Brady asked.

“Well, I was going to offer it to you two,” Dorothea stated. “I figured you would want to see how things go down in the morning.”

Brady turned his gaze to Mack, a silent question in his hopeful expression. With a smile and fond roll of her eyes, Mack nodded before turning her gaze onto the curly-haired brunette across from her, “We would appreciate that, thank you.”

“Of course,” Dorothea replied.

Taking in a breath, Mack sighed, “Well, in that case, I’m going to swing by the house and pick up some essentials for the night.”

“I can go,” Brady offered, rising from his seat.

Mack smiled, lightly shaking her head as she said, “You two said that, when a coven grows, you all become clingy. Stay here and watch over the kids; I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Dorothea asked.

“Positive,” Mack replied, pulling her car keys from her pocket. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

Brady and Dorothea shared a look as Mack opened the garage door and headed out onto the driveway, but shrugged as the woman climbed into the family car and took off down the road. Smiling at her longtime friend, Dorothea said, “You should probably check on the kids.”

“Probably,” Brady replied with a nod. Digging into his pocket, he produced the fire opal he had slipped from Dorothea’s hand earlier in the day. Holding it out to her, he said, “You know, as much as I love feeling like just a normal guy, I sort of missed the feeling of fire in my veins.”

“You always do,” Dorothea chuckled as she pocketed the crystal. “You know, with Carrie also having fire-based magic, I might require you to step in and teach them.”

“And, when the time comes, I’ll gladly step up to the plate,” Brady said with a smile. 

Nodding to her friend, Dorothea watched him head for the door before turning her attention back to the kiln, watching as the temperature gauge slowly rose closer to the highest setting. As opposed to the silence that normally came from the pottery kiln when she or Bentley had it in use, Dorothea fought the urge to jump as the wooden box within began crackling under the intense heat. Humming to herself as the wooden box crackled and popped in the tabletop kiln, Dorothea wheeled her stool over to the rack of paintings that had been left to dry by various members of her household. Looking through the different artworks left mostly by her sons, she chuckled as she tugged one of Miles’ many portraits of his girlfriend from the rack. 

Though he had used a smaller canvas, Miles had tucked the painting between two larger frames in the hopes of keeping it from any prying eyes. However, his efforts were in vain. Distantly, Dorothea wondered how her eldest son believed she hadn’t known about his relationship with the blonde when he left such masterpieces around the house in plain view. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if he had ever given his artwork to Carrie, but then brushed off the question as she knew how secretive Miles tended to be when it came to portraits he created. Maybe, someday, he would feel confident enough to give his girlfriend one of the many gifts he had made, but for now, his artwork would remain within the confines of their home, locked away until he felt ready.

As Dorothea tucked Miles’ artwork back onto the rack where he had left it, she heard the telltale beep from the kiln, its temperature gauge letting her know that it reached its highest temperature. With a sigh, she rose from her seat and rolled it back under the counter before making her way to the kiln and setting a timer that would end early the next morning. Once the machine beeped to show the timer had been set, the woman smiled to herself and turned toward the door that led inside, pulling her hair into a half-hearted ponytail before she reached for the knob. 

Stepping into the kitchen, Dorothea looked around the nearly empty room curiously before her gaze settled on Brady as he worked on washing the dishes in the sink. Announcing her presence, Dorothea smiled, saying, “We have a dishwasher, you know.”

With a chuckle, Brady placed a bowl in the strainer to dry and replied, “I’m aware, thank you.”

Leaning against the counter, Dorothea asked, “Where are the kids?”

“The living room,” he replied. “Mack is helping them set up the air mattress.”

“I didn’t even hear the car pull up,” she mused. A thoughtful silence fell over the room after Brady hummed in understanding, but as she took in a breath, Dorothea asked, “How do you think they’re dealing with all of this?”

“Better than we did,” Brady snickered. Dorothea snorted; that wasn’t exactly hard. “Remember when you nearly blinded our history teacher the morning after we got our magic?”

“All too well,” Dorothea sighed. “I think that’s why she tried to fail me that year.”

Chuckling as he turned off the water and set the last dish into the strainer, Brady dried his hands off on the tea towel before nudging his friend, “I think it was more due to the fact that you kept telling her off for getting her facts wrong.”

Rolling her eyes as she headed toward the living room, Dorothea grinned as she said, “If she didn’t want me to correct her, she should have done her research.”

Following behind his childhood best friend, Brady let out a breath of a laugh, “She should have.”

As the pair stepped into the living room, they found Mack gesturing for them to keep their voices down as she approached them. “They just laid down,” the short woman said in a hushed tone.

Nodding, the pair silenced themselves before allowing the shorter brunette to guide them toward the stairs. Once they were upstairs and far enough from the kids that they didn’t feel the need to keep their voices hushed, they wished each other a good night and retired to their respective rooms for the night. Before retiring to her room for the night, Dorothea crept down the stairs just far enough to see the slumbering group gathered on the living room floor, making sure they were resting as peacefully as possible before returning to her bedroom with a smile.

Gradually, the night crawled closer to day, and as golden rays peered through the Venetian blinds that had been installed over the bay windows, Royce groaned at the brightness burning through his fluttering eyelashes. His arms had gone numb in his sleep, and as he looked down, he realized he didn’t quite mind it. Bentley had passed out facing the back of the couch while holding Royce’s arm captive, and his other arm was wrapped snugly around Vivien’s shoulders, locking the girl in place with her head on his shoulder.

He didn’t have the heart to move out from under her - not that he wanted to in the first place - but as he moved his hand from her back, he worried she might fall if he didn’t at least nudge her further onto the cushions. However, as he tried to figure out a way to move her without waking her, Vivien let out a noise of discontent and tucked herself impossibly closer to Royce, her face squished into his shoulder as she grabbed a fistful of the hoodie he still wore from the night before. Despite the urge to snicker at the brunette’s smushed face, Royce used his free hand to brush Vivien’s hair away from her mouth before resting it on the back of her head.

Just as Royce took in a deep breath and allowed his head to hit the pillow he had shoved against the armrest, a soft voice reached his ear, “Are you awake, Rolls?”

Lifting his head just enough to find Vivien’s hazy, sleep-riddled eyes peering up at him, Royce smiled, “Nah, I’m just a figment of your imagination.”

Shrugging as she minutely nodded to herself, Vivien’s head tucked back into place as she muttered, “I like this figment; it’s comfy.”

Royce let out a breathy chuckle as he replied, “Usually, we do this the other way around.”

“I like those,” Vivien whispered, her breath sending goosebumps fluttering across Royce’s skin, “but I just like being with you.”

Taking in a breath in the hopes of stalling the horde of insects fluttering around in his stomach, Royce admitted, “Not nearly as much as I like being with you, I’m sure.”

“Debatable,” Vivien retorted softly.

Royce tried to think of a way to respond that wouldn’t completely destroy the bond he had carefully formed with Vivien over the years, but his train of thought was sent off the rails as Bentley’s fingernails dug crescents into his forearm and his younger brother exhaustedly huffed, “Can you two go confess your love for each other somewhere else? Some of us are trying to sleep here.”

Squeezing his brother as both an apology and a way to get him to shut his mouth, Royce said, “We aren’t confessing our love, Ben.”

“Who says I wasn’t?” Vivien asked groggily as she pushed herself onto the one elbow that wouldn’t dig into Royce’s ribcage. Bewildered umber eyes searched Vivien’s face as the girl fought her way through a yawn, but as her emerald eyes found his, Royce found nothing but bleary honesty in them. When Royce still hadn’t found the words to express his rapidly changing thoughts, Vivien spoke once again, “Look, these last twenty-four hours have been nothing but chaos, but I did a lot of thinking last night when I couldn't get to sleep, and I decided that I’m not going to deny that I’ve liked you for a long time now.”

Finding the ability to string together a partially coherent sentence, Royce’s mouth fluttered for a moment before he asked, “You- I- I’m sorry, you what?”

Before Vivien could reply, Bentley rolled over with a glare, the disgruntled look plastered on his face making him look more than mildly upset despite his messy blonde locks and the marks from Royce’s hoodie on his face making him appear as nothing more than a child unwillingly roused from deep slumber. With a huff, he said, “She likes you and everyone knows you like her back. Now, either ask her on a date or shut up so I can go back to sleep.”

Royce’s gaze drifted back to Vivien, but before he could think of anything to say on the topic at hand, a voice chimed in with a chuckle, “I think it’s a little late for sleep, sunshine. If you don’t get up soon, you’ll miss school.”

Vivien was the first to move as she found Dorothea’s smirking face peering down at her from over the back of the couch, pushing herself off the couch as though she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Now wide awake and well aware of what she had said, Vivien’s face burned as she forced a grin onto her face and said, “Good morning.”

Rounding the couch as Royce sat up, leaving Bentley to flop against the cushions, Dorothea took the brunette’s face in her hands and pressed a kiss to Vivien’s forehead before speaking, “Good morning, my sweet girl. How do you feel this morning?”

“Tired,” Vivien muttered. “Yesterday was… it was a lot.”

“It was,” Dorothea agreed. With a somewhat remorseful smile, the woman squeezed Vivien’s shoulders before releasing her, “I’m going to start breakfast. If you kids don’t mind, could you help wake the others?”

“Sure, Mama,” Royce said around a yawn. 

“Thank you, baby,” Dorothea said, leaning over so that she could press a kiss on the top of her son’s head. Moving to Bentley, she brushed his hair from his face and kissed his forehead before saying, “Time to get up, sunshine.”

“Don’t wanna,” Bentley grumbled as he forced himself to sit up.

“Too bad.” Dorothea turned on her heel and headed for the kitchen as she said, “You kids have that meeting today with that club Riven helped start. If you don’t feel like missing it, you need to get up and get changed.”

“Must we?” Vivien asked as she stretched.

Leaning against the archway that separated the living room from the kitchen, Dorothea smiled as she nodded, “Unless you feel like explaining to everyone why you’re wearing yesterday’s clothes, I’m afraid you must.”

With a sigh of defeat, Vivien relented, allowing Dorothea to return to the task at hand while the kids started their morning. However, before the brunette could move to where Kona had curled up by the fireplace, a hand closed around her wrist, keeping her in place. Turning back toward the couch, Vivien traced the hand on her arm up to Royce’s face, finding his nervous, caramel gaze already on her. 

Taking a tentative breath as he released Vivien’s arm, Royce asked, “Can we talk about that?”

“About what?” Vivien offered in return as she took her glasses from the coffee table, hoping the topic could be dropped now that she had the wherewithal to recall what she had said.

Royce fought the urge to sigh at her resistance as he asked, “Were you just messing around or do you really like me?”

“Of course I like you,” Vivien replied simply, stepping aside so that Bentley could make his way past her to where Kona was sleeping.

“Like, a genuine relationship thing, not just as a friend?” Royce pressed.

Vivien sucked in a breath and sighed, dropping any pretenses she might have had as she admitted, “I already told you I did.”

“So,” Royce began slowly, “you were serious?”

“I wouldn’t lie about something like that, even when I'm half asleep,” Vivien stated. “But if you don’t feel the same, I get it. You just have to say so and I’ll-”

“No!” Royce exclaimed, shaking his head. “No, no, no!”

“Damn, man, I get it,” Vivien scoffed as she turned away from him, smirking to herself as she heard Royce let out a startled noise. As she rounded the coffee table and headed for the air mattress to wake the others, she continued, “You could’ve just left it at one, but four? Gosh, am I that undateable?”

“That’s not what I meant, Viv, I swear,” Royce tried as he followed Vivien to the other side of the room. “You’re dateable - I’d date you. I-I want to go out with you and I have for a long time, but I didn’t want to say anything ’cause, well, I didn’t think you’d see me that way.”

Vivien pivoted, a smile tugging at her lips as she found Royce’s hesitant yet hopeful eyes and asked, “How’s Saturday sound?”

“Saturday?” Royce echoed in bewilderment.

With a nod, Vivien said, “We can go to that comic book store you’ve been wanting to check out, spend some time playing with the animals at the shelter across the street, then have something to eat at IHOP, and spend our afternoon harassing Riven at work.”

“So, a typical Saturday, then?” Royce offered with a breathy chuckle.

Vivien snorted, “Well, yeah, but this time it will be just us.”

“And whatever unfortunate soul has to put up with you two the whole day,” Miles grumbled as he forced himself to sit up. 

Smirking with the knowledge that her conversation with Royce had roused those still sleeping on the floor, Vivien cooed, “Aw, thanks for volunteering, Miley!”

Miles’ exhausted, halfhearted glare at the nickname she had thrown his way only made the girl’s smile brighter as he snipped, “Are you always this obnoxious in the morning?”

Vivien snorted as she lightly kicked Miles' shin, “Says the whiny, vampire bitch boy who hisses at the sun.”

“I’m not one of those stupid, sparkly things, you little shit,” Miles said with a roll of his eyes as Mick and Carrie got up from the air mattress with matching, exasperated expressions.

Vivien began counting on her fingers as she listed, “You hiss at the sun, you hardly socialize with anyone outside of your little friend group, and you act like a ninety-year-old man sometimes. Hate to break it to you, dickhead, but I’m pretty sure that makes you a vampire.”

Before the early-morning argument could go any further, Mick spoke up from her perch on the couch, “Enough, you two. It’s too early for any of us to put up with your shit.”

“Shithead,” Miles quipped as he pushed himself off of the floor.

“Asshat,” Vivien smirked fondly.

Relenting, Miles brought an arm around Vivien’s shoulders before pulling Royce into his free side and deciding, “I wouldn’t mind driving you two around this weekend. Just tell me when.”

“Thanks, Miles,” Royce said graciously as he brought an arm behind Miles’ back.

“Yeah, yeah,” Miles replied, running a hand through his hair as he stepped away. “You kids know I’d do anything for you.”

“We do,” Vivien nodded, “and we take advantage of that often.”

“I know,” Miles said with a grin as he joined his girlfriend and best friend on the couch.

Vivien smiled at the taller man before meeting Royce’s gaze and shaking her head with a smile. Royce joined her with a chuckle before taking a step back and turning his attention to the recliner where Serena slept. Gesturing to the slumbering redhead, he asked, “What do we do with her?”

Before anyone else could respond, a woman’s voice from the stairs answered, “With any luck, she won’t remember a thing.”

Turning toward the stairs as her parents descended them, Mick said, “I remember when it happened to me.”

“I know,” Brady nodded, “and we’re prepared for that outcome as well, but for now, we just need to assume she won’t recall a thing since she has no magical upbringing.”

“And, if she does remember what happened,” Mack continued, “she knows she can go to you all if she needs help.”

“How would she know that if she’s been unconscious the whole time?” Kona asked as she and Bentley worked on starting a fire in the hearth.

Vivien sighed, “There were moments where Serena broke through and talked to us. She asked us for help more than once.”

“Then why didn’t we just bring her home and let her talk with us when she’s ready?” Kona asked.

“Because she’ll need support,” Mick replied. “When I woke up from it, all I wanted was comfort from the people around me, but I was too scared I would hurt someone to ask for it.”

Mack hummed her agreement, “And, if Serena realizes from the start that it’s alright to ask for help, she might find it easier to do so.”

As the adults left the room, heading to the kitchen to help with breakfast, Carrie spoke up, “So, who feels up to waking her?”

Without much hesitation, Vivien stepped up, “I’ll do it.”

“Just don’t waterboard her like you did me,” Mick said with a pointed look at the young brunette.

Vivien smirked, “No promises.”

“Yes, promises,” Carrie insisted.

“Fine,” Vivien sighed dejectedly. “Maybe promises.”

“Good girl,” Carrie said with a tired grin.

Taking in a deep breath, Vivien stepped up to the recliner and slowly pulled the lever to drop to leg rest, allowing it to settle back under the seat of the chair before reaching up and gently shaking the redhead until she stirred. “Serena,” she started, “it’s time to get up.”

The exhausted redhead blinked tiredly up at the brunette before her, a yawn tugging from her lips as she slowly sat up. Looking around at the other occupants of the room, she asked, “What happened?”

Kona scoffed as she and Bentley rose from the floor, “You seriously don’t remember?”

“Not really,” Serena muttered, pressing a hand to the side of her head with a wince. “My head’s still pounding from that bizarre dream I had.”

“Dream?” Royce echoed. “What dream?”

“Just some stupid dream,” Serena scoffed. “Why do you even care?”

“You’re our friend,” Royce stated. At the redhead’s raised brow, he tacked on, “Well, sort of.”

Glancing between the group she used to consider her closest friends, Serena rolled her eyes and sighed, “It was just one of those out-of-body nightmare things, that’s all. Now, why am I here, of all places?”

Without allowing anyone else to control the narrative, Vivien let out a breath of a laugh, leaned against the armrest of the couch, and said, “We aren’t really sure what happened, but my guess would be that you got blackout drunk at your ‘bestie’s party.”

Despite her hazel glare not holding nearly as much aggression as it used to when aimed at someone who had offended her close friends, Serena’s piercing gaze still felt like a threatening knife held to their throats as she hissed, “Why the hell would that be your first guess?”

Attempting to appear unfazed by the girl’s stare, Royce said, “We found you passed out on a bench in the commons, all alone; that’s pretty telling, if you ask me.”

“Violet wouldn’t let me get that wasted,” Serena claimed despite the tentative look in her eyes telling everyone otherwise. “We look out for each other.”

“Yeah, well, regardless,” Vivien sighed, “we brought you back here to get you out of the cold and you fell asleep there before we could get you to move onto the air mattress.”

Stepping up toward where the group had gathered, Bentley said, “We couldn’t find your car, but your keys are on the table by the door.”

“Great,” Serena sighed to herself as she shakily rose from the recliner. Making her way toward the door, the redhead turned back to the group and swallowed thickly before saying, “I’m sorry for the trouble I may or may not have caused, but…  genuinely, thank you.”

“It’s nothing you wouldn’t do for us,” Vivien brushed off with a shrug.

Serena contemplated the statement momentarily, her gaze flitting around the room as she took a deep breath and allowed Vivien’s words to sink in. Whilst she was sure that, in some deep part of herself that she rarely ever investigated, she would agree with Vivien’s simple statement, Serena couldn’t bring herself to voice her thoughts. It did, however, give her something else to contemplate. Could she say the same about her so-called “bestie”? And, in turn, could Violet say the same about her?

Clearing her throat as she met Vivien’s emerald eyes, Serena muttered, “Still. Thanks.”

Vivien nodded as Royce and Bentley accepted the redhead’s statement. Not wanting to stay any longer than she already had, Serena jerked her head in a final, singular nod before turning on her heel, just barely snagging her keys by the initial keychain her mother had given her before scurrying out the door to find wherever she had left her car. Once the door was closed and Vivien was sure the redhead was far enough from the door that she wouldn’t hear her, she asked, “Did you guys really not see her car anywhere?”

“Nope,” Carrie claimed.

Miles chuckled, “I didn’t even look.”

“Chances are it’s at her house,” Mick claimed with a tired snicker.

Kona let out a snort as she began searching for the backpack she had chosen to use as a pillow during the night, “Wouldn’t be the first time she did something like that.”

Vivien hummed as she dragged herself over to the window seat she always claimed in the morning, searching for the shoes she knew she had ditched there at some point during their stay. She could remember a couple of different times when Serena’s car had “gone missing.” Despite only having the vehicle since her birthday back in May, Serena had forgotten where she had parked it more than once, resulting in her stepfather calling in some of his police friends to help search for it. More often than not, it was found within minutes, left in a parking spot she claimed she would never have used or in their garage as the redhead had forgotten she had gotten a ride with a friend, but there were a few times when the car had actually been towed away, and her family had to pay for its release from car jail.

With an amused smirk tugging at her lips, Vivien looked up as Kona called her name, “Yeah?”

“I slept on your dice last night,” Kona said from her spot on the floor, her backpack sitting open in her lap as she held a small, crushed velvet bag out for Vivien to see.

The pouch that Riven gave Vivien for her birthday a few years back had been passed around through their friend group as everyone took turns using the fancy dice within for different Dungeons and Dragons projects. Kona almost always used the dice for creating maps or, when she felt like it, a way to randomize her character creations for different games. Vivien's collection of dice was like a library to Kona - something for her to explore and borrow to her heart's content. However, the fact that the young blonde had slept on a myriad of pointy, oddly-shaped dice was something Vivien had to wonder if she had done before.

With a chuckle, Vivien shook her head and picked her shoes up from the floor as she stood, “Why am I not surprised?”

Watching the brunette place her shoes by the door and head back toward the window, Kona said, “Here, catch!”

Whirling around as the bag soared through the air, Vivien watched as the strings loosened, sending a couple of the crystalline dice tumbling out from their holster. With a gasp, she dropped her shoes and reached for the glittering dice, only to watch them come to a stop just above the hardwood floors. Peering up at her friend from her spot on the floor, Kona’s widened eyes found Vivien’s as they realized that the dice were now levitating a few inches above the floor, a hazy, amethyst glow shimmering around each individual die. Vivien glanced around at her friends, who had since turned from their conversations to see what had happened. Seeing as none of them had been watching, she realized that none of them could have been the one preventing her dice from hitting the floor.

Looking from the still-floating dice to Kona, Vivien softly asked, “Is that you?”

Slowly, Kona shook her head, “No, is it you?”

“How could it be me?” Vivien asked in return. “I don’t have magic anymore.”

“Well, if it’s not me,” Kona began, slowly shifting her gaze onto the other occupants of the room as she gestured to them, “and it wasn’t any of them, it has to be you.”

Vivien’s gaze shifted as she scanned over her friends, watching as their eyes slowly turned from Kona to the dice and, finally, onto her. Amazed confusion lined their faces, and while a part of her understood why, she wanted nothing more than for one of them to step up and help or, at the very least, admit that they were the one to use their magic to keep her dice from the hardwood. As she found his eyes, Vivien noticed that Bentley looked ready to step up and take the dice to keep her from worrying, but as Mick stood from the couch, he held himself back, leaving Vivien standing stock-still in an attempt to keep herself together. 

Hesitantly, Mick said, “Try putting them back in the bag without touching anything.”

Vivien’s head shook as her eyes widened, her fingers twitching anxiously at the thought of completing the challenge, “I don’t think I want to.”

Mick chuckled, “Yes, you do.”

Swallowing the growing pressure in her throat, Vivien shook her head once more, “If I drop these, not only will they break, but I’m pretty sure I will too, so no, I really don’t want to move them.”

Despite the smile on her face, Mick let out a sigh and shook her head before shifting her gaze onto the two boys who lingered just behind the couch. Gesturing for them to come over with a nod of her head, Mick took a step back as Royce and Bentley breezed by her to stand on either side of Vivien. Kona scrambled off the floor to join them, assuring Vivien she would only be there to step in if they needed her to before taking up the space Mick vacated.

Bentley placed a hand on Vivien’s arm with a smile, “You’ve got this Viv.”

“Just remember to breathe,” Royce added.

Vivien nodded slowly, taking in a breath before asking, “Together?”

“Always,” Kona agreed.

As ridiculous as it felt to be so concerned about dropping a handful of glow-in-the-dark resin dice, Vivien couldn’t help but feel as though she would pass out if the violet haze around the dice disappeared. Slowly, she forced herself to focus on the task at hand, watching as shades of gold, flickers of pink, and shimmers of blue melded together to form a galactic array of colors around each of the dice. Allowing her attention to split off from the dice, Kona jerked her wrist toward the floating bag and brought it closer to the group, a pink and blue nebula keeping the pouch open as rings of honey yellow, navy blue, and plum purple dropped the dice into their original confines. 

Once the dice had been returned to the small bag, Bentley snagged the bag out of the air and smiled as his eyes scanned over those present. “We did it,” he declared softly as the others rose from the couch to commend them.

“We did,” Royce echoed with a breathy laugh.

“But-” Vivien cut herself off with a disbelieving chuckle. “But how? I thought we gave up our magic.” 

As though a lightbulb had flickered on inside her head, Kona’s eyes lit up and she pushed her way through the gathering group, beelining for the kitchen. Bentley was quick to follow, weaseling his way past Miles and ducking under Carrie’s incoming hug with a quick apology as Kona stepped into the kitchen. Sharing a look and a simple shrug, Royce and Vivien were quick to follow, the older group following close behind and just entering the kitchen as Kona stated, “You guys lied about them giving up their magic, didn't you?”

Though the way the small blonde had worded her statement gave the adults very little room to argue, Dorothea found an easy way to avoid the topic as she smiled and said, “Well, good morning to you too, Kona.”

“Don’t dodge the question,” Kona huffed with a roll of her eyes. “You told them to give their magic to Carrie, Mick, and Miles, but they have magic this morning. Why did you say they were giving up all their magic?”

“Technically,” Dorothea began, “I didn’t.”

“You said the eclipse could make it permanent,” Vivien argued. "That was a big factor as to why you said to try other means first."

“But she never said it would be permanent,” Brady countered. “She only said it was a possibility.”

Mack smiled as she set her cup of tea down on the table, “It wasn't a full exchange of magic, therefore, you were never in any true danger of giving up your powers.”

Glancing down at his hands as though they were suddenly no longer his own, Miles peered at the girls on either side of him and softly asked, “Does that mean we don’t have magic anymore?”

“Oh, no,” Brady said with a shake of his head, taking a sip of his morning coffee. “You three should have your full powers just the same as the kids will after a few more hours.”

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Carrie claimed. “If the spell was for the kids to give their powers to us, shouldn’t only some of us have magic?”

“Only for twelve hours,” Dorothea claimed, setting the coffee pot back on the crochet pot holder she had made a few months back.

“Give or take,” Mack added.

“I'm lost,” Bentley muttered as he rubbed remnants of sleep from the corner of his eye.

“Yeah,” Mick began, confusion looping its way around her words. “We thought it was potentially permanent.”

“But it wasn’t,” Brady said. “Like when I gave away my magic, the spell wasn’t a one-and-done, permanent thing. I’m able to take it or leave it as I wish, and last night, you kids did something similar. The only difference is that your new magic should be permanent.”

“But what about us?” Royce pressed as he gestured to Vivien and Bentley. "I'm pretty sure we all can vividly remember the feeling of our magic leaving us, but now it's back. How does that make any sense?"

Dorothea pushed out her chair and stood as she explained, “During a lunar eclipse, magic can be drawn into a vessel for twelve hours. Normally, the vessel is an inanimate object and the magic will force its way back to the holder in full by the time the twelve hours have passed.”

“However,” Brady began, “since she gave you the spell to transfer your magic to another human being, the transfer left traces of magic inside of them, granting them just as much magic as you have, even after your magic returns to you.”

“Well,” Mack started, “as soon as the spell wears off, that is.”

Dorothea found herself smiling calmly as the eyes of her children and their friends landed on her. However, she couldn’t help the pang of hurt in her heart as Vivien softly asked, “Why didn’t you tell us that?”

Stepping forward with a gentle smile, Dorothea tried to placate the group as she stated, “I knew from experience that, if you truly believed that you would never have magic again, it would make those who inherited it from you feel as though they had to fight twice as hard to win the battle.”

Carrie scoffed a laugh as she recalled just how incinerated the commons looked after their fight with Serena had started, “It certainly worked.” 

“And, another thing,” Brady tacked on as he poured some creamer into his coffee, “if you believed your powers were gone forever, so would Serena.”

Dorothea nodded, shifting her gaze from Brady to the children before her as she spoke, “That meant she wouldn’t go after any of you and would only target her attack on the ones she believed had magic.”

“It saved you three from any potential danger,” Mack claimed.

As incredulous looks were shared and relieved sighs fell through exhausted lips, comments of disbelief flooded the kitchen as everyone attempted to force themselves into some form of normalcy. As Miles began pulling cups and plates from the cupboards for the others to take and Vivien muttered something about having a love-hate relationship with evil witches under her breath, Kona said, “I can’t believe we didn’t piece all of this together earlier.”

With a snicker he shared with his wife and childhood friend, Brady sipped his coffee and said, “As we said last night, you kids have a lot to learn.”

Dorothea nodded, a proud smile filling her features as she observed the group and said, "And we will be there to teach you."

[eyelessfaces]

wine stain

llewyn davis x reader

hi I started writing this in october but never actually finished it and I thought it was kinda good when I reread it but I hated the plot so I changed it. anyways I hope you like it! also please note that this is my first time writing detailed smut in ages and I'm very insecure about it so please be indulgent :(

summary: life isn't fair to llewyn, but the man isn't quick to give up. an audition in chicago might change his life forever, and it does, but not the way he expected it to.

warnings: smut (minors dni!!), unprotected piv, oral sex, language (they swear a lot), alcohol consumption, smoking. mentions of pregnancy and abortion, one tiny joke about it. I am pro-choice and I don't want to offend anyone so if it bothers you just don't read this ffs.

tags: f!reader, friends to lovers, mutual pinning, llewyn is insecure asf and believes he doesn't deserve anything good, fucking oblivious idiots in love

word count: 5.7k (this is the longest thing I've ever written.)

Hot smoke escapes Llewyn’s cup of coffee, subtly mixing with the intoxicating smoke of the cigarette he holds between his fingers. You watch as the smoke goes up in the air, disappearing at the same level of his crumpled shirt collar. You desperately want to get up and fix it. You look away from it and sigh before talking.

“Spill the beans. I know this isn’t a casual cafe meeting. Or what Jean would call our ‘definitely not dates’ or whatever.” you say sinking into your chair, crossing your arms. “What do you want. Need. Same thing” you ask, watching him blow out his smoke as he raises an eyebrow at you.

“There’s no good answer is there?” he chuckles, licking his lips awkwardly when he sees that you’re not reacting to his poor attempt at a joke. “I need money.” he continues, lowering his voice. He leans forward and looks at you sternly. “Listen I hate asking you for this, but if I could do otherwise I wou-”

"Seriously? You’re still not getting anything?” you cut him off, raising an eyebrow.

His face relaxes, and he contorts it to a frown again.

“Believe me I’ve harassed Mel, it’s a miracle he’s not kicking me out. Only real money I get is from the gigs and saying it’s not enough is an understatement.” he huffs out, looking around the barely crowded cafe. “Please. I really need it. I’ll make it up to ya.” he pleads, looking back at you.

You roll your eyes when you think about the extra hours you’ll have to do to be able to pay your rent, but it’s Llewyn, and you care about him, so it’s…

 “...Fine.” 

Llewyn nods, weakly smiling at you.

“Thank you baby. Thank you” he nods fervently, thankful. “I would also need a place to crash at tonight…” he whispers with a sour face, knowing that it may be too much to ask you at once. 

You chuckle and give him a wave of your hand. “Whatever. But you’re taking me out once you have enough money” you say tilting your head forward, pointing at him.

“Sure thing.” he smiles. “Thank you dove.” 

You send him a quick smile before hiding it with your cup of coffee.

A thought occurs and you lick your lips in reflection as you put the cup down on its saucer.

“Abortion?” you ask abruptly, and he looks back at you with a startled face.

“What?”

“Is that why you need money? Again?” you clarify.

His confused face relaxes and he chuckles with a frown.

“It’s nice of you to assume I’m getting laid.” he chuckles, scratching the end of his cigarette in the ashtray.

You shrug. “I don’t know. You’re a hot talented musician after all” you say with a smirk, elbow planted on the table and chin resting on your palm. “Makes everyone faint”

He snorts. “Come on. Not when the hot talented musician is homeless and a dick” he pinches his lips in a skeptic smile.

“Yeah well that’s just you. And I don’t see anything wrong here” you smile, and Llewyn clears his throat.

“Well Jean told me it’d be a favor to people if I never fucked anyone ever again so I’m taking advice” he affirms, eyebrows raised as he brings his own cup of coffee to his mouth.

“Jean’s a bitch” you spit, crossing your arms and leaning back into your chair.

He chuckles and smiles.

“That’s no news.” he smiles. “Hum... The reason I need money is because I need to go to Chicago for an audition.”

“Chicago?” you ask, startled that he needs to go so far away.

“Yeah. Chicago.” he affirms, and looks through the window. It’s pouring and the wet road reflects the light of one small ray of sunshine passing through the clouds. 

“You’re fucking kidding me” you scoff. “Don’t tell me it’s an audition with that Bud Grossman guy” you sigh, slowly shaking your head.

Llewyn doesn’t answer and just looks back at you with a small pinched smile. You sigh. “When is it?”

“I’d need to leave tomorrow. It’s a pretty long ride” he affirms sinking in the back of his chair.

“No shit” you chuckle before taking another sip of your coffee. “It’s a whole ass trip.”

He nods and reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the table. You grab it before he can and he’s on the verge of calling you out for it but you speak before he can.

“You just finished smoking one. You smoke too much. Slow down.” you advise him putting down your cup of coffee, and he instantly rolls his eyes.

“Oh please.” he huffs. “Come on” he pleads, frowning.

You put the pack in your coat pocket and he sighs before laying further against the back of his chair.

His look darts to the window again. Few people are passing by and the rare ones that do are all protected by an umbrella and a raincoat. He’s just glad he’s crashing at your place tonight and not roaming around the whole city to look for a place to stay in this weather. 

“You’re gonna kill this.”

“Mh?” he asks absent-mindedly, still looking outside.

“Your audition. You’re so talented Llewyn. The trip is worth it” your words make him look back at you immediately, a small gap forming between his lips.

He wants to tell you that you don’t need to do that for him. That you don’t need to be so positive because he somehow always ends up fucking everything up. He really does. But at the same time he doesn’t think he’s ever felt his heart beat so fast.

“My first groupie!” he exclaims, unsure of how to respond wholeheartedly, instead using sarcasm as it’s what he does best. “Here it is.”

“Fuck you you asshole” you scoff, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Come on, I'm just messing with you” he scoffs. “Thank you for believing in me. You’re amazing” he nods and smiles. “You’re probably the only one that believes in me anyways.”

You weakly smile back at him. God you just wished this would work out for him. It’s all you ever wanted for him, truly.

“Can I get my cigarettes back now ?” he asks with a grin.

You roll your eyes and huff out a laugh before throwing the pack of cigarettes at him.

—

You gasp as you feel two arms wrap around your waist. You close your eyes with a sigh once your brain processes everything, and the corners of your mouth turn upwards.

“You scared me you moron. Nice shower?" you ask, still looking at the cooking pot in front of you.

Llewyn smiles as he nuzzles your hair.

“You have no idea. Probably the best shower I’ve had in ages” he affirms, his thumb caressing your clothed stomach. The gesture makes your heart skip a beat, but you quickly brush the thought off. You can’t think of him that way. “What you cookin’?” the question tears you out of your thoughts.

“Franks and beans. It’s a good thing you were able to come out of this bathroom, we’re eating soon.” you announce, stirring in the pot with the spatula.

“Awesome” he groans. “Thank you for letting me stay here tonight. The hell would I do without you” he sighs, and leans to quickly kiss your cheek.

You close your eyes and smile once again.

“Come on, go set the table. It’s ready soon” you affirm as you throw your chin towards the table. 

“‘kay chief” he throws as he opens the cabinet where you keep your plates.

You eat while drinking some wine and end the evening watching The Seventh Seal, your head quickly ending up resting over Llewyn’s shoulder. You can feel yourself drift off to sleep as the end credits appear, and get up from the couch before you actually pass out on it and on Llewyn.

“Imma head to bed” you mumble sleepily, grabbing one of your plaids to hand it to Llewyn. “Goodnight” you tiredly say as he takes the plaid before you turn around to leave for your bedroom.

“Hey. I’ll probably be gone by the morning.” he declares as he gets up from the couch, leaving the plaid hanging on the armrest. “So I’ll just say it now. Thank you for the money and the food.” he says as he walks up to you, hands buried in his slacks pockets. “And the couch, and for everything you’re doing for me in general. I really appreciate it. I love you.” 

You endearingly smile at him, reaching to gently stroke his wrist with your thumb.

“Good luck. I’ll be waiting for you. I love you”

—

When you come back home from work later than usual because of traffic three days later, Llewyn is curled up on your couch, asleep. 

Your apartment is bathed in darkness and you watch his sleeping figure as you take off your shoes and coat before walking to him, kneeling next to him by the couch.

You reach to turn on the lamp on the side table next to your couch, looking back at him and finally being able to see his peaceful state. You smile to yourself as soft snores escape his slightly agape mouth and his usual grumpy expression is long gone, and you kinda feel like a creep for watching him sleep but truthfully he looks like an angel and you feel bad for having to wake him up. 

You gently thread your fingers through his raven curls, softly calling his name, and he slowly opens his eyes, hazily sitting up and rubbing his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Fuck” he curses under his breath. “Shit I didn’t mean to fall asleep on your couch. Sorry”

“That’s okay” you reassure him, smoothing your hand along his forearm. “How was Chicago?” you ask him softly, and he suddenly chuckles and shakes his head.

“Shitty.” he declares. “Useless.”

The blank that fills the air in your apartment is overwhelming. You get up from your knees and sit next to him on the couch, propping your elbow onto the back of the couch, your hand holding your head. “I’m sorry” you pinch your lips in an empathetic smile. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No. Yeah. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter anyways” he smiles tiredly as he looks up at you.

“If you wanna talk about it I’m all ears, and if you don’t that’s okay, you don’t have to.”

He sighs and rubs his eyes again. “It’s just… It was all for nothing.” he huffs out. “All I do to try to make it work is always for nothing at the end.” You swear you hear your heart crack at that moment. “Grossman advised me to get back with Mike when I told him I used to have a partner.” he scoffs.

You chuckle and shake your head in dismay. “Well that’s gonna be complicated” you say as you raise your eyebrows. “What a fucking moron” you mumble as you get up from your couch, going to the kitchen.

“I don’t wanna defend him but he couldn’t know” he declares as he follows you, leaning his side against the wall as you grab two glasses and a bottle of wine.

“I’m not exclusively talking about that. He’s a fucking moron for rejecting you” you say as you turn back to him, handing him the glass. He takes it and shrugs and you sigh as you fill it. “How many copies of your record would I have to buy to make you rich?”

He laughs before taking a sip of the wine, and he raises his eyebrows in amusement.

“You ending up homeless in your turn isn’t the point sweetheart” he says as he watches you pouring yourself some wine before leaving the bottle on the counter.

“I just want you to be okay.” the words weakly escape your mouth as you walk back to your living room, and his eyes light up at your words. God, if only you knew how much it meant to him that you wanted him to be okay, if only you knew how much you meant to him.

“Don’t worry about me angel. I’ll just go back to merchant marines” he sighs as he sits down on your couch.

You look down at him with empathetic eyes and take a sip from your glass before putting it down on the coffee table. “It’s gonna be okay” you tell him sitting down next to him, mostly trying to convince yourself. Truth is you rely a lot on how he feels.

He hums absent-mindedly, gaze lost in the void of your living room and leans to put his glass down too before shifting to face you and taking your hand in his. 

You look down at his hand, slowly and softly tracing his skin with your thumb.

“Llewyn” you whisper looking back at him, pushing away the curls falling over his face, threading your hand through the unruly dark curls.

He sighs softly as he looks up and down between your eyes and lips before his hands frame your face as his lips press over yours with more force than he had expected, like his eagerness to kiss you took over him. 

He’s not sure of his action and he’s fully convinced he has, once more, fucked another thing up like he always does as he doesn’t feel you moving, until he feels your hands join at his neck to bring him closer, deepening the kiss as you hum against his lips and as your tongues meet. 

It’s all the both of you had always been wishing for; diluting this unspoken tension between you, finally acting upon it. 

You shift to straddle his lap and he groans into your mouth as he pulls you closer by your hips, savoring every second of that kiss as if you’re going to slip through his fingers once you pull away, as if you’re going to regret all of this once it’s over. 

You know there is no reality where you could ever regret this; you had fantasized of doing this for ages and it’s even better than you had imagined this before; the wine somehow tastes better when it’s on his tongue, and you can feel the faint taste of cigarette in his warm breath as his broad hands run up and down your body, his body heat radiating against you.

You unconsciously hump against him as you want to get even closer, and a moan escapes your mouth, the friction against him deliciously relieving the growing ache between your legs.

“Fuck, Llewyn” you gasp against his mouth as you look down at your clothed crotches, evidently feeling his erection twitching under you even through the layers of clothes.

“Sorry baby” he whispers as his mouth chases yours, his gaze on you drunk and wanting. “Can’t really help it” the chuckle he lets out changes into a gasp when your hand shifts to palm him through his pants.

“The fuck are you sorry for?” you ask teasingly, a grin adorning your face as you leave his lap to kneel at his feet. He looks down at you speechless as you fiddle with his belt. “I know a way to make you feel better about all of this” He’s dreaming. This can’t be real.

“Sure but angel you– wh– you don’t have to–” he babbles as you’re working on freeing him of his confined space.

“I want to” you declare as you take his cock out, and fuck he’s hard and he’s huge and the heat pooling at your belly is becoming more and more pronounced. “If it’s okay” you look up at him, raising your eyebrows awaiting approval.

“Of course it is but we can– you don’t have to– oh shit” his pleas die on his tongue as you take him in your mouth, softly sucking his head as your hand strokes him. “Oh fuck” he groans, his head hitting the back of your couch.

This is a dream, it all happened so fast and there’s no way it’s real, he’s having another one of those dreams with you he’s so ashamed of, you never woke him up from his accidental nap on your couch, he’s still sleeping and this is not actually happening. 

Coming back to reality will be hard because fuck this feels so good and he’ll probably have to lock himself in your bathroom to actually get some relief once he wakes up.

He is confirmed of the realness of the situation when you grip the side of his thigh as if to tell him look at me while you softly lick the underside of him, shifting to trace every vein along his length, pre cum dripping from the head to coat your tongue.

“Is this okay?” you ask pulling away, the tip of your fingers still gently skimming his throbbing cock. He laughs at your question.

“Baby fuck–” he bucks into your hand after you swipe your thumb over his swollen tip. “Yes of course it’s okay” he chuckles as his hand cups your cheek, thumb caressing your cheekbone. “It’s more than okay” he declares as he looks down at you with lustful, dark half lidded eyes.

“Good” you smile up at him before sinking down and taking him fully at once without warning.

The moan that escapes his mouth is sinful and it makes you clench, and the light tug after his fingers shift to grip your hair goes straight to your cunt. 

You take him as deeply as you can, going up and down, tongue swirling around him from time to time. His head falls back against your couch once again, and he squeezes his eyes shut as his grip on your hair tightens.

“Holy shit dove– I don’t think I’m gonna last long” he manages to breathe out between whimpers, tightening his free hand into a fist to prevent himself from cumming right then and there into your mouth.

Then you pull away and he groans.

“What the fuck?” he asks startled as you get up, leaving him twitching and wanting, the feeling of his approaching orgasm slowly fading away.

“Jeez stop being so impatient” you taunt as you start unbuttoning your trousers, and his expression is priceless once he realizes what you have in mind.

“Oh–” you teasingly smile at him and slide your trousers down your legs. “Baby it’s not that I don’t want to but I don’t have any condoms and I can pull out but you know how cursed I am with all of this and–”

“I’m clean and on birth control it’s okay Llewyn” you cut him off of his tirade as you step out of the trousers at your ankles, throwing them to the side. “If you don’t want to do that it’s okay, I can finish you off by–”

You’re cut off when he grabs you by the hips, pulling you closer to the couch he’s sitting on, and you know he’s in for the ride – quite literally – when his thumbs hook into the hem of your underwear to slide them down your legs. He does the same, fully taking off his slacks and underwear and throwing them over the armchair across your couch.

He looks up at you like you’re a goddess, and even though his dick is aching and begging for release he takes his sweet time gazing at you like you’re the eighth wonder of the world.

You softly smile at him, brushing back the raven curls falling over his forehead, and giggles escape from your mouth when he unexpectedly drags you so you can straddle his lap.

He kisses all along your jawline, beard softly tickling your skin as he lavishes your neck next, his hands roaming along your curves, his right hand stopping between your thighs, two of his fingers gathering the slick of your folds.

“Shit– you’re fucking dripping” he breathes out against your neck, making you whimper at his touch. “Did you get that wet just from blowing me?” he teases, and you tug at the curls on the back of his head before reconnecting your lips to his, feeling him smirk against them.

Llewyn groans in your mouth as you wrap your fingers around his cock and slowly pump it, and he knows for sure that the gasp you let out when you slowly but easily sink down on his length will be engraved in his mind.

“Holy shit” you pant, burying your head in the crook of his shoulder once you’re fully seated on his throbbing length.

“You okay?” he asks, one hand anchored at your hip and the other one softly trailing up your bare back underneath your shirt.

“Yeah” you breathe out, frantically nodding against him as your arms wrap around his neck, and you slowly start rocking your hips. The little whimpers he lets out are music to your ears, and the way he softly gasps your name has you clenching around him.

“Fuck angel you’re so fucking tight” Llewyn hisses, leaving a trail of kisses along your neck as you thrust down on him, finally finding a steady pace that leaves the both of you sweating and panting, clinging to each other. “Taking me so fucking well” he grunts against the exposed skin of your neck, the roughness of his beard tickling the sensitive area. Tugging on his hair so he can look back at you, his hips jerk up, and you pull him in for a hungry kiss. 

Of course he would like you pulling on his hair.

Happy with the reaction it elicited from him and the information you just got, your hands are gripping on his curls as you roll your hips against him. He practically fucks his tongue into your mouth, and you almost choke into the kiss when his thumb meets and massages your clit in small circles.

You gasp his name, and his hand that was stroking your back earlier is now tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear as he drinks in the sight of you using him for your pleasure. 

“Wanna make you cum first” his voice is rough and deep with lust, and the way you bite on your lower lip as you slightly flutter around him because of his words seem to encourage him; his grip against your hips becomes more and more firm and controlling, his pelvis thrusting up into you with a force that you hadn’t expected from him, his movements meeting yours and making you throw your head back in pleasure.

“Fucking hell Llewyn” it comes out as a sigh, but if the walls of your apartment weren’t so thin you would have at least screamed it.

You know he won’t have much work to do as you can already feel yourself nearing your climax; it’s all starting to become too much, but the good kind of too much. 

You gasp in surprise when Llewyn manhandles you with the force you ignored he still had from his merchant marines days and knocks over one of the glasses of wine on the coffee table, the liquid pouring all over the surface and dripping down onto your wooden floor. 

“Shit Llewyn” you gasp, pushing your nails deeper into his arms. 

It’s honestly a miracle you managed not to fall and you back landed on the couch correctly.

The mission isn’t a complete success, but you’re too caught up in the moment to stop because of some stupid wine so you just manage to tell him “Fuck it just keep going” while wrapping your legs around his waist so he keeps going, even more fervently.

You’re now laying on your couch, Llewyn hovering over you and hitting deeper spots inside of you, each movement faster than the previous one; the wet sounds between your legs are lewd and get even filthier each time he pounds into you. 

He’s close. You can see it, you can feel it by the way his thrusts stutter slightly. 

His head tilts down to where you’re connected, watching himself disappear inside of you, bringing his hand to you clit again.

“Fuck are you gonna cum for me baby?” he asks, his voice dripping with lust and desire as he toys and rubs circles over your aching clit.

You whimper and hiss and cry his name as you get lost in the feeling of his fingers and his hips ramming further into you, all the tension in your body morphing into waves of pleasure as you reach your climax, fluttering around him and cumming in silent gasps.

Llewyn is quick to follow you as your orgasm was all he was waiting for to finally let himself go; his movements become sloppier and his hips start to stutter, his eyes finally rolling to the back of his head and his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he stills, his cock spurting his cum deep inside of you. 

He grunts, and your head falls back into the couch as you feel drained of all your energy. Llewyn curses under his breath as he rests his forehead against your shoulder, panting, before pulling out and collapsing on top of you, his head resting against your chest. 

You both catch your breaths, staying here for a while with your fingers softly running through his hair before you start blissfully laughing, all the tension and seriousness of the situation fading away. 

He rests his head to the side, facing the scenery of the knocked over glasses still swaying over your coffee table. “Fucking hell your floor” he gasps before looking up at you, realizing the mess you have made with the wine.

“I’ll just put a rug over the stain I guess” you sigh. “It was worth it” you chuckle and lean down to kiss him. “I’m glad you didn’t take advice from Jean after all”

“What?” he asks, still dizzy from his climax.

“Not fucking anyone ever again, remember?” you ask and he laughs, getting up and walking to where he left his clothes to get dressed again.

“Yeah, well you better be consistent on your birth control because apparently my spermatozoids are warriors, and I wouldn’t want Jean to make a point” he chuckles as he slides into his slacks.

“We should be fine” you mutter while sitting up, reaching to pick your underwear from the floor. “I’ll call you if I need an abortion” you joke, standing up to put your underwear back on. “Ugh fuck” you whine picking up your trousers, seeing the wine stain covering it.

“I’ll help you clean and I’ll just… go” he mutters, scratching his forehead.

“Why do you wanna go” you ask absent-mindedly, walking to the kitchen to try to save your trousers from the wine stain.

“I don’t know” he declares following you into the kitchen before standing against your counter, hands gripping the edge of it. You look at him and he looks absent, livid, almost sick, and it is too much just for it to be his post-orgasm haze. 

You frown, and when you realize why he might want to leave your heart breaks a little.

“Did I do or say something wrong?” you ask. Maybe the abortion joke was too much, maybe you got fooled and he was just horny and needed to let it out of his system and regretted it now. “Llewyn do you…” you fully turn towards him, searching for your words. “Do you think this was a mistake?” you ask looking back at him, letting the garment rest in the sink. “Us sleeping together?”

“Me? No” he scoffs. The tension hangs in the air as you’re waiting for him to elaborate. “I figured you would”

You sigh and take a step closer to him.

“Llewyn no… Why would I?” you chuckle, almost offended at the thought.

“I don’t know. Nothing I do is ever good so why would this be any different?” he shrugs, closing his belt.

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose and shaking your head.

“No. You’re a fucking idiot.” you mutter under your breath.

“I know.” he replies quickly, not wasting one second. He walks back to your living room, gathering his stuff to go, really wanting to avoid having a fight with you, and preparing to leave like he had planned to.

“I don’t mean it like that. You wanna know why you’re a fucking idiot?” you ask rhetorically, following him closely. “You think you’re not good enough for everything you do in life when truth is, you’re just really unlucky.” you declare, “And you act like a jerk because you’re scared of actually succeeding in something.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Well surely you’re right about that too” he scoffs, pulling out his cigarette pack from his pocket.

“Don’t smoke inside of my apartment” you hiss. 

“I told you, I’m leaving.” he almost immediately snaps, putting the cigarette in his shirt pocket, taking his guitar case and his box of things, his coat thrown over it.

You sigh and put a hand over your forehead, and watch as he passes in front of you to go to your entry. 

It is now or never, or else it will never be the same. Tonight you had taken a step forward, but by taking this step forward you had also taken two steps backwards, and if you didn’t try to save this now it would never be saved.

“Llewyn” you call, and something breaks inside him at the sound of your voice. You had never called his name so weakly, so pleadingly.

He turns and finally looks at you, establishing eye contact for more than five seconds for the first time since your sexual encounter. He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“I fucked this up too, didn’t I” he mutters, and you pinch your lips as it is your turn to shake your head as you step closer to him.

“No. No you didn’t.”

He looks down at the stuff he’s carrying and sighs.

“I don’t really wanna go.” he declares softly.

“Then stay,” you nod. “Please. I don’t want you to go.” you say as you take a step forward, taking the box from his hands. “If you leave I would need to run after you in just my shirt and underwear, and frankly I don’t want to do that” you smile slightly as you put his stuff down on the floor.

He laughs and puts the rest of his belongings on the floor too, and when he looks back at you he notices you’re still looking down on the floor, gaze lost in your thoughts.

“Honey is there–”

“Do you think sleeping together was a mistake?” you cut him off, looking back at him. 

“No. Of course not. I’d do it again.” he declares. “I mean if–”

“I get it. Don’t worry” you chuckle. 

A small silence fills the room before you get an idea.

“Hey, follow me” you say as you tilt your head. You cross your small apartment, Llewyn following you closely, grabbing your wrist as you push your bedroom door.

“Sweetheart I’d love to but I don’t think I can go again– I mean not right now”

“I’m not bringing you here to have sex again” you declare, a chuckle escaping your lips as you see his face relaxing and his hold on your wrist loosening up. You sit on the edge of your bed, and he watches you from a distance, leaning against the doorframe. “Come here” you call, patting the spot right beside you. Llewyn hesitantly sits beside you, and his gaze shifts to your face when you grab his hand.

“This could be your bed, if you wanted it to be.” The sound of your voice rings in his ears. “You wouldn’t have to sleep on my couch again. Or any other couch.” you declare, brushing back his unkempt hair, and he looks at the bed behind him as if to contemplate what he could have. 

He looks back at you, and he knows that he knows his answer. He doesn’t hesitate for one second on what he would rather have, because if he could be by your side forever, he would be. But something inside of him is not sure if you want him to be by your side forever.

He nods. He nods and he licks his lips in reflection, and he looks back at the bed before looking back at you again. “I don’t want this to be exclusively sexual” he declares, squeezing your hand tighter.

“Me neither” you smile, a wide smile that makes his heart sink. You grab his face and kiss him, and he savors this kiss like it’s the last thing he’s ever going to do. But if kissing you was the last thing he’d do, he would be satisfied with that.

You pull away from his lips and lay down on the bed, and his hand rests against your bare thigh while he looks at you. And he looks at you like you’re the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

He lays down next to you with a grunt, facing the ceiling, and you prop yourself against your elbow to face him.

“I’ll just ask you one thing” you declare, firmly looking at him.

“Mh?” he hums, looking at you.

You lick your lips and let your fingers trail along the side of his face. 

“Stop thinking you don’t deserve anything good.” you whisper, and his face shifts so he can kiss the tip of your fingers.

“Eh, I’ll try,” he smirks, shrugging. You shake your head and lean down to kiss him again, but he hovers over you and pins you down before you have the chance to do it.

You laugh and he kisses you, hungrily, and shifts down to leave a trail of kisses to your neck and collarbone as a defeated sigh escapes your mouth.

“Okay so I’ll give you time to work on the imposter syndrome. But now we can only have sex if you promise me you won’t hate yourself after we’re done”

He pulls away from your skin, and looks up at you. 

“I can do that.”

You spend a long night offering Llewyn your bed, the uncleaned stain of wine on your floor long forgotten.

But at least years later, when you’re engaged to Llewyn and packing to move out somewhere bigger and the time comes when you have to remove the rug, it reminds you of that specific night, and you can’t help the fluttering feeling of the butterflies in your stomach, accompanied right away by a tiny kick. The very first one.

—

comments and reblogs are always appreciated!!

inside llewyn davis taglist: @apollo-enthusiast @scarabgrant @lockleysgrl @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @missmarmaladeth @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @beccabecs521

[toshidou]

Chapter One // Mouth Wide, Fangs Revealed

Series Masterlist

Pairing // Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Word Count // 7.9k

Tags // angst, descriptions of injury and violence, swearing, ghost is a little bit of a bitch but we still love him, angst, the enemies to lovers is enemies to lovering

Summary // two weeks out from an injury that left you shaken with repressed memories, it becomes apparent that soon you'll be face to face with the man who haunts your nightmares, and fuels the spite in your veins. the question is, will being confronted with him leave you broken once again, or will you rise from the ashes?

AN // honestly this is the longest thing i've ever written, and it's only chapter one. guys i'm scared. anyway this is just near 8k of build up to the girl's fighting <33 love that for them

Prologue

The deafening sound of whirring helicopter blades leaves your ears ringing, not in the slightest aiding the dull throb that builds behind your closed eyes, weary fingers reaching up to massage slow circles into either side of your temple.

“You good, Viper?” 

You muster a snort, peeling open one eye to cast a glance towards the brunette man opposite you. 

“Just peachy, Phoenix.” Macintosh merely grins in response, pushing himself from the thin steel bench, reaching for the handle next to your head as he yanks the sliding door open, a low whistle pushing past pursed lips as he takes in the base, bathed in darkness save for blinding flood lights that illuminate the airstrip.

“Another late one, eh?”

A new wave of pain blossoms as the chopper makes contact with the landing strip, metal foot pedals meeting rough tarmac, the action causing your aching body to jolt forward, hissing when your finger slips and digs into the scabbed cut on your forehead. 

It’s been roughly two weeks since you were flung like a ragdoll by C4. Two weeks since your body was left wrought with wounds, both new and old. Much to your chagrin, your Captain had given you strict orders of bed rest, the remainder of your time in Al Mazrah had been spent tossing and turning in an uncomfortable cot, being fussed over by medics as they cleaned and stitched your wounds, badgering you at least three times a day with inane questions like, “can you tell me your name?”, and “do you know where you are?”, you had come close to tearing your own fucking hair out. But as much as you hate to admit it, even those two weeks glued to a bed weren’t enough to fully heal your body, still afflicted with lingering aches and pains that leave you wincing at every bump in the road, or supposedly ‘encouraging’ slap to your back, courtesy of one Brodie Macintosh. 

“C’mon, Boss sounded pretty serious about us being on time for this meetin’, y’know what that means.” Doe huffs, shoving her hand into her trouser pocket, fingers emerging with a pack of painkillers pinched between gloved digits, thrusting them in your direction without sparing you a glance. 

“Means I’ll probably get to have at least one hot shower before we’re jettin’ off to another crisis, think we’ll ever get more than one night off at a time?” You just barely make out Macintosh’s words over the thunderous roar of blades above you, not at all aided by his thick Geordie accent that blurs every syllable. You take the drugs, popping them from their casings and swallowing them dry, cringing lightly as they slowly work their way down your throat.

“Probably not Nix, turns out people are dead set on starting world war three.” With more effort than you care to admit, you heave yourself off your seat, and climb down onto the tarmac, ducking your head as you run under still whirring chopper blades. Without turning back, you begin the walk from the landing pad to your Captain’s office. 

“Which means we have to deal with your ghastly stench for another fortnight.” You can practically hear the grin that stretches at Jane’s lips, don’t have to turn to know that Macintosh most definitely stuck his tongue out at her in response. 

“Yeah, real mature, dickhead.”

You sigh, dropping your head to hide the laugh that threatens to spill past cracked lips. 

“Shut ya gob, Bambi.” 

Their banter helps lighten the anxious mood you feel clinging to your bruised form, an unease that’s been ever present since the accident. You’ve gone so many years successfully keeping him out of your thoughts, never letting an ounce of his presence creep into your memories, or haunt your dreams. For a fleeting moment, you finally felt free from the grip he’d always maintained upon you. But then Al Mazrah happened, a stone cold reminder that he will always plague your mind, hiding in the shadows, waiting to render you a puppet to his power once more. 

Your squad knows your injuries surpassed the superficial, that whatever you experienced changed you somehow, made your muscles taut, your gaze sharper, like you were constantly on the defensive. 

Footsteps echo through empty halls, dimly lit by cheap bulbs that cast an ugly yellow glow against the plain cream paint of the barrack halls. The silence is broken not by you, or your two companions, but from low voices that leak under the crack of your Captain’s door, the words indistinguishable, but the deep grunt that curls around intelligible syllables has the hairs on the back of your neck rising. Jane raps her knuckles against wood thrice, leaning against the door frame as she waits for permission to enter, given mere seconds later by the booming voice of the one and only Ryan Samuels. 

You fight past a sudden feeling of nausea as you step past the boundary of the office door, eyes locking with the unmistakable figure that is Captain John Price, leader of Task Force 141. He’s not joined by his infamous squad, praise the Lord, but his stance carries the staunch confidence of a man who knows how much power he alone wields, hands gripping onto the leather straps of his harness where it meets at his collarbones, azure eyes narrowed as they lock onto you. He sniffs, head jolting to the side as he motions for Macintosh to close the door behind him. Only once the click of the lock sounds does he speak, turning back to your Captain, who sits at his desk, his broad back ramrod straight against the spine of the imposing black leather chair. 

“Let’s get started then, shall we?” Gruff words accompanied by the slam of documents as they’re tossed onto the mahogany desk below, each stamped with a bold red “CLASSIFIED”. You try with every ounce of residual energy you can muster to pay attention, to follow along with the rough drawl of the man before you, but it’s near impossible to hear him over the hammering of your heart against your fractured rib cage at the sheer thought of who exactly it is that works under his command. Though you knew this day was coming, the inevitability of bumping into him grew nearer with each day you became stronger, knowing that climbing the ranks in this institution could only ever end with one outcome: working with the Ghost. 

It’s something every other soldier in these barracks waited for with baited breath, grown adults huddled in groups and whispering to each other as soon as a mere rumour of Ghost’s presence at camp began circulating, all counting down to the day that they could brag about having worked with one of the most revered, and feared soldiers known to the SAS, if not the world. 

But you? You turn your nose at the notion of enduring his company, professionally or otherwise. You’ve never shared the reason, never trusting anyone enough to tear out your own threadbare sutures and show them the ugly truth that hides behind military garb, not even your squad. It feels wrong, revealing that you not only knew Ghost, but had once known him intimately. Romantically. It’s always been unbearably uncomfortable to hear strangers hypothesise about his past, crafting theories on why he wears the mask, but especially when they gossip about his possible romantic or sexual endeavours; revealing in hushed whispers about an encounter they witnessed where he leaned a little too close to a nurse in the medic’s bay, or when they swore they saw him take a lady home from the bar in the rec centre. 

It leaves you shaking every time, fists clenched so tightly part of you fears the bones may shatter under the pressure. And it’s pathetic really, that you let clearly erroneous rumours get the better of your carefully crafted composure, but if you’re being honest with yourself, he has always been an outlier. Different from the rest in a way that drove you insane, that still gets under your skin half a decade after you last saw his face. He knew you like no one else ever bothered to, peeled back the layers of your brain until he was left with the core of who you were; he could predict your every movement, holding out a tissue before you even knew you were going to sneeze. It ended up being both the biggest blessing, and most detrimental of curses. 

You zone back into the conversation just as Price has finished his spiel, hands coming down to collect the files spread sporadically across Samuels’ desk. One look at both Doe and Phoenix confirms the dread in your stomach is not misplaced, twin pairs of eyes gleaming in the twilight, giddy hands wrung behind their backs as if that hides obvious excitement, like children on Christmas morning. 

But the final nail in the coffin comes from your superior, the man who took the broken remnants of your psyche and crafted a monster, forged a weapon from bitter resentment and all-consuming spite, now unwittingly handing you the ultimate challenge to your hardy resolve. 

“Looking forward to working with you, Captain.” 

— — — —

Just one mission. A collaboration between the SAS’s most successful counterterrorism task forces, a decision that apparently “felt natural”, two groups fighting a common enemy are best working together, Macintosh accentuates an exaggerated rough timbre as he quotes Price’s earlier speech. If this were any other circumstance, you wouldn’t hesitate to poke fun at his clear idolisation of the 141’s Captain, instead, you’re left to amble two paces behind, feet dragging against dirt laden tiles, like a woman walking to her own execution. 

You have 12 hours to prepare yourself, to concoct your own mask, moulded from false confidence and an exaggerated bravado, rather than reinforced plastic in the shape of a skull. 

A mere 12 hours until you see him for the first time in 5 years, in full military attire, large, imposing, and hauntingly familiar. The idea of the Ghost doesn’t intimidate you the way it does everyone else. No, what terrifies you most is looking at him and knowing that just under his left eye, concealed by hard white plastic, is a small mole. That his nose and cheeks are dusted with light freckles, barely visible until your forehead brushes his. You're scared shitless of looking at the monster and seeing the man behind it, the man you once forced to dance around the kitchen, strong arms nestling you safely to his chest, white flour smeared across cheeks, his lips stretched wide with an adoring smile saved only for you. 

The same man who turned on his heel and so casually removed himself from your life. No, the only Ghost you’ve ever feared was the one he left behind, haunting the corner of every room in the house you once owned, turning precious memories into taunting nightmares. He never came back to collect his belongings, cruelty to the nth degree; you spent too many nights huddled on his side of the bed, nose pushed into a sweatshirt that no longer bore his scent and wondering if he longed for you too.

Joining the SAS had given you the opportunity to move on, to push those things behind you, to sell the house and everything in it, leaving the new owners to throw out the things you could never bring yourself to. But despite longing for nothing more than a new beginning, you only felt like you had finally been gifted the chance for a new life when you met Captain Ryan “Tiny” Samuels. An ironic name for such a mountain of a man.

It still seems so fresh in your mind, the memory of you meeting your current Captain. It had been during sparring practice, Lieutenant Phillips giving half-assed commands with a nonchalant wave of his hand, too busy nursing a thermos flask full of God knows what to even spare a glance at the makeshift fighting ring comprised of a patchwork of padded mats. Sweat had dripped down your forehead in a near constant stream, but despite your bone-deep exhaustion, you never once relented. It was a classic game of King of the Castle, one person stays on the mat until they’re pinned, or yield, replaced by the victor. You had been undefeated for a period of 45 minutes, and all because one corporal had been stupid enough to call you out first, mistaking you for an easy target. It had taken roughly 10 seconds before he was face down into the mat, slapping his free hand against the PVC as you held him in an arm bar. You hadn’t left the mat since. 

Little did you know that lurking in the dim corner of the gym, watching every soldier fall to your unshakable resolve and instinctual ability to fight, was the man you would soon call your superior. You had finally fallen 20 minutes later, a swift kick to the gut that sent you spluttering to the floor, chest heaving with built up fatigue. The winner extended their hand out, aided you to your unsteady feet with a supportive clap on the back, your lungs still burning with the lingering embers of enervation. You hadn’t even made it to the changing rooms before he emerged from the shadows, hardened hazel eyes locked to yours as he told you, with no room for possible argument, that you would be transferred to his troop. 

You’ve been firmly under his wing ever since, transformed from a Corporal fighting just to feel something, to a Sergeant, a weapon within your own right. The soldier no one sees coming, a viper. He taught you how to hone your rage, your sadness, your guilt, and reshape it into clean strikes and a sharp mind. 

The door to your quarters shuts with a definitive bang, the click of the lock automatically sliding into place has you blinking the sheen from your eyes, mind reeling as you rouse from your daydreams. The low echoes of voices from Macintosh and Davies slowly drift until you’re met with silence, a silence that should feel like an old friend, yet feels just as oppressive as the office you’ve just come from. There are so many reasons that you hate him, but it’s your relationship with the quiet that he so efficiently destroyed that you despise him for the most. You used to bask in quietude, used it to recalibrate your mind, let the silence soothe your anxiety-addled thoughts. But you can’t fucking stand it now, whispers of the past reverberate through your skull in neverending droves, memories you wish were long forgotten playing on loop, inescapable, and downright harrowing. 

You only feel the tension seep from your rigid muscles when the sound of the radio fills the bare four walls you’ve learned to call home. It’s like a cold compress to a pounding head, the way it has your shoulders melting down from where they were hunched at your ears, finally alone in a way you can tolerate, mind vacant of its usual intrusive thoughts. The bed creaks as you perch on the edge, fingers gripping the thin mattress either side of your thighs. Blinking red lights illuminating your room with a taunting flash of the time, 1:58 AM. 

10 hours. 

Fuck. 

— — — —

Somehow, you must have fallen asleep, joints creaking as you shift and peel open your eyes; squinting as the dawn leaks through open curtains, dousing your room in rich tones of burnt orange and deep amber. 

‘Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning.’ Even the sun is supplying you with its judgement upon the day ahead, and its forecast is foreboding at best. 

Crackled voices continue to emanate from the radio that remains perched on your dresser, a reliable and constant source of companionship, as pathetic as that may seem. You allow yourself a few minutes of slumber, never sinking into the deep of restful sleep, instead you simply lay there and listen to radio hosts chatter about blissful nothingness. But seared behind your eyelids is the clock. 

6:13 AM. 

You meet with Price and his squad at 12, a quick ‘hello’ on the tarmac before being shoved into a helo and sent back off into the fray. Fighting side by side with the once love of your life, turned bitter, repressed memory. You can’t hold back the snort of disbelief, unable to comprehend the car crash that is your life. With a crack of your neck, you set about your usual morning routine with little enthusiasm, blank eyes darkened around the sockets meet yours in the mirror. 

You should be a little more concerned about the stranger you see in the reflection, but you can’t bring yourself to care. If you’re unknown to even yourself, what chance does he have of recognising you? In a fucked up way, it’s that thought that has your chin lifting, your shoulders squared, watching as you sharpen from the weary Sergeant to the snake. You’re not the same person who he left to shrivel up and die all those years ago, your wounds long since patched up. Sure, he left you without a heart to pound beneath scarred skin, but you never needed one of those in your line of work anyway; he’ll find out soon enough just what kind of monstrosity he helped create. 

You spend the next few hours gathering your belongings together, a small duffle bag filled with a couple of spare uniforms, some loose tops and shorts for the restless sleep you’re sure to be suffering through for the next few weeks. The biggest bag is still empty, sunken where it slumps next to the door, ready to be filled to the brim with an array of weapons. You haul the duffle over your shoulder, sneaking one final glance at your reflection in the full length mirror. 

A black halter vest tucked into military cargo trousers, sunglasses perched on the end of your nose, steely irises just visible over the top of solid black frames. You clench your jaw, and feel the last section of your mask slide into place, crushing any remaining trepidation you let linger at the back of your mind. Nothing will get in the way of you maintaining the reputation you’ve earned, especially not him. Never him.

Your steel capped boots pound against the vinyl flooring, each stride bringing you ever closer to the armoury, your hastened pace faltering when you hear a low whistle from your right. 

“Now there’s the Viper I remember.” 

“Don’t be weird, Brodie, you saw me yesterday.” Despite your faux irate tone, you can’t help the smug grin that tugs at the edges of your lips. 

“Ouch, bringin’ out the first name, you wound me, noodle.” 

Fucking noodle. He’s been calling you that ever since you were given the alias ‘Viper’, you can still see the playful glint in his eye when he pulled up the google search ‘danger noodle’ on his phone, pointing to the first image and just barely dodging the slap to his arm as he told everyone, ‘Look, identical right?’. 

“Not my fault your ego is so easily damaged,” your neck twists towards him, your spare hand coming up to gesture to the open door of the armoury, “Ladies first.” He sweeps by you with an exaggerated coquettish smile, fluttering his eyelashes so fast you’re scared he might be having a seizure. 

“Such a gentleman.” 

You tip your head down in response, letting yourself enjoy the banter that always flows so easily between the two of you. You still can’t quite pinpoint when Macintosh had gone from your over-eager colleague to a firm and loyal friend, a brother in arms. But truth be told, you’re not sure if you’d have made it to the position you’re in today without him and his unwavering support and steadfast humour, never dwindling no matter how dire the situation.   

You send a nod to the soldier at the front desk, enduring minimal pleasantries as he quickly locates both yours and Phoenix’s keys to your weapon lockers, tossing them over the desk into eagerly awaiting hands. All it takes is a swift glance to your side to notice the way Macintosh is practically vibrating out of his own skin. It’s unsurprising, really, you’ve spent many a long night listening to the stories he’d heard about the 141, the bitter reminder of him numbed by the glint in your friend’s eyes, a look you recognised immediately as immense admiration. He’s wanted to work alongside them for as long as you’ve known him, and you let that desire to see his dreams fulfilled settle alongside the volatile thrum of pent up apprehension, if only to pacify the feeling for a moment long enough that you can truly be happy that Price showed up in your Captain’s office. 

You set the empty bag at the foot of a red steel locker, your name clearly labelled across the front in bold black letters, and twist the key where it resides in the lock, sighing happily when you’re met with the sight of your beloved gear. You waste no time unhooking the brown leather harness and fixing it in place across your torso, loading each holster with your pistol, and an assortment of knives. With a firm tug, you tighten the straps until they’re secured against your chest, the familiar feeling of leather digging into your shoulders shouldn’t make you as happy as it does; maybe it’s the knowledge that you’re fully suited up, any crack in the armour is patched up with the weighted security of weaponry within immediate reach. 

It’s only once you’ve zipped up your rifles that Jane finally saunters into view, sending both you and Brodie a two fingered salute before wordlessly packing up her own gear. A large sniper rifle, an SP-X 80, her angel of death, as she so morbidly refers to it. You shrug in response to Macintosh’s bemused nudge at your shoulder, leaning down to secure your fingers around the straps of your weapon bag, the cutting sting of nylon webbing eased by the black fingerless gloves you adorn. 

“C’mon, shitbags, let’s get movin’, can’t keep Cap waitin’.” 

“Yes, Lieutenant.” You hum, barely audible over Macintosh’s booming voice as you both easily fall in step with your superior, you at her left, Phoenix at her right, a natural formation for your little trio. 

Rays of light stream through scattered clouds above, casting what seems like a spotlight on the airstrip before you, the stage set for what is sure to be an explosive show to say the very least. It all seems too perfect, poetic, like this exact scenario has been written by the forces above, and they expect it to be carried out with nothing less than spectacular grandeur. Except you don’t want drama, tension, or an eager audience to make light entertainment out of your torment, you want nothing more than to put your head down, and get your hands dirty. 

As much as you promised yourself to not let him cross your mind, not even your steadfast determination can stop the morbidly curious thought that surfaces once the helo appears on the near horizon.  

‘How the fuck is he going to react to this?’

As far as you’re aware, your presence is unknown to him. In the many years you’ve been with the SAS, you have effectively managed to evade every room he’s bothered to grace with an ease that would rival his infamous ability to blend into the shadows. Your name is unknown to most, those outside of your squad only knowing you as the Viper, a choice you made to delay the inevitable for as long as you were physically able. So it’s you who has the element of the surprise. For once, it’s you who holds the power in your gloved grasp. 

What has loose tendrils of doubt unfurling from the box you enclosed every ounce of anxiety in, however, is the complete inability to predict what exactly is going to happen the second recognition flashes behind cold chestnut eyes. All you know is that you’ve had five years to prepare yourself for this moment, and as much as you wish you could say the thought has never graced your mind, long nights spent running through this exact scenario say very much otherwise. 

You’re ready. 

Until blurred figures sharpen. 

Until their softened edges become defined. 

Until your eyes lock on harsh black, and stark white. 

Until you see the spectre that’s bedevilled your existence for entirely too fucking long. 

Until he provides the spark that ignites the anxiety in your stomach, blue flames scorching the blood that thrums though pulsing veins, leaving nothing but fury and ash in its wake.

Your wrath has a hunger equal to that of a forest fire, greedy and vicious, never satiated, never full. But it’s controlled within the confines of your skin, locked behind the bars of well taught self-restraint, a lesson you have Samuels to thank for as you focus your attention on said Captain, his eyes meeting yours with a barely there smile lifting at the edges of usually stoic lips. 

“Here they are, fashionably late, as always.” Your Captain hums, a gleam to his eyes you’ve come to recognise as him toying with his squad. You expect Doe to pipe up, jokingly back talking to her boss that only she could ever get away with. You even suspect that Macintosh may jump in, knowing that his excitable nerves will have his lips looser than ever. What you never could have predicted, however, is Gaz. 

“Viper? Damn, long time no see, eh?” It’s almost comical, how quickly your head snaps in his direction, an easy smile gracing your no doubt tense features at the sight of an old friend.

“Some might say not long enough, Garrick.” You quip, internally reminding yourself to thank whatever God has taken pity on your long-standing plight and blessed you with the distraction that is Kyle. 

“Why, still need time to practise your aim?” 

Ah. You’d first met Gaz on your first assignment under Captain Samuels, a god awful mission in Greenland, chasing some bastards who thought hiding their base in the middle of a snow riddled wasteland was a wise idea. In theory, of course, it had initially worked quite well, until a snowstorm had penned them into the very base they thought would protect them. Getting them to surrender had been a walk in the park. What had not been so easy, however, was leaving. 

Just as they were trapped, you and your team were too. So of course as everyone waited for the storm to pass, and for the evac team to eventually clear you a route out, it had been a rough 29 hours spent huddled together for a glimpse of heat. But the boredom was as deadly as the frigid chill, until Garrick set up some targets in the form of flimsy cups from a water dispenser, and handed you the unloaded rounds from his gun. You both spent the remainder of your time throwing bullets at styrofoam, with you losing by a mere point after he jabbed your side milliseconds before the projectile left your fingertips, sending it spiralling way off your initial target. 

“I hope in your old age you haven’t forgotten that you cheated to get that cheap victory, Sergeant,” You tilt your chin up, gazing at him through the darkened lens of your sunglasses, “I’d be happy to honour a rematch though, I’m nice like that.” He rewards you with a grin, any words of retaliation dying on his tongue as Price clears his throat, narrowed cobalt eyes glancing between you and Garrick with barely concealed interest. 

“That’s enough chit chat,” A light chill trickling down your spine where the gruff of his voice curls around words like smoke, “Let’s get to work. Ghost, make sure we’re prepped for takeoff.” 

It’s only then that the blissful banter and light mood dissipates, the moment shattered as the reminder of who else shares your presence hits you with a force akin to a freight train. It’s sheer instinct that has your gaze settling on the man in question, and it takes every fibre of self-control in your body to keep your face neutral, and your muscles relaxed. 

Because there, stood but a few feet from you, wide eyes burning holes into the side of your face, is Simon motherfucking Riley.

The silence is near unbearable, although in reality it can’t have lasted any more than mere seconds, it’s more than enough to let you know your sudden appearance has truly thrown him, a feat you didn’t know were possible until this very moment. Whilst never letting his gaze leave yours, he slowly begins to stalk backwards towards the helo door.

“Affirmative.” 

Rough. Rumbling. Sonorous. His truly unforgettable cadence rattles through your bones, shakes you to your core. It’s like suddenly you’re transported back to five years prior, like no time has passed at all and you’re still the lovesick fool who so desperately wanted his approval, craved his unwavering support that you’d grown wholly too reliant on. But somehow, despite the flood of once buried feelings, you maintain eye contact, refusing to back down from whatever this moment between the two of you is. 

“Well, that was weird.” A new voice chimes in, steeped in a Scottish timbre, one you connect with the infamous ‘Soap’. 

“Tell me about it.” When you turn to face Macintosh at his abrupt inclusion, you’re met with a rare stern expression, one that contorts his eyebrows until they’re nearly pinched at the top of his nose. A face that promises to ask you plenty of questions regarding the tense moment that transpired between you, and a man that you should have no connection to.

A short shake of your head conveys your message to him well enough, a sharp ‘I’ll tell you later’, it’ll be enough to get him off your back for now. Though you know that no amount of time will ever be enough to figure out how exactly you explain your relationship with the man he knows as Ghost. Samuels saves you the trouble for now, however, his baritone inflection cutting through your racing thoughts. 

“By now, you should all know the mission brief, infiltrate AQ’s base in north Adal, retrieve stolen intel, and get the fuck out of there. If we do it right, they won’t have realised the intel is missing until we’re halfway across the ocean. The two task forces will be split into three teams,” Samuels crooks a finger at Davies, “Lieutenant Doe and Captain Price will be providing sniper support from the surrounding hills. Soap, Viper, you’ll be on the ground clearing the way and ensuring there’s a safe path in and out of the encampment for Ghost to safely retrieve the stolen data, and return it back to us. Gaz, Phoenix, and I will be creating a diversion outside the perimeter, should keep them busy enough that the ground team shouldn’t incur too many issues. Understood?” 

A cacophony of ‘Affirmatives’ ring across the airstrip, all except yours, an exasperated huff falling from your lips in disbelief, because of course you’ve been put in a team with Simon. 

“Got an issue, Sergeant?” All eyes turn to you. With a low grunt, you hike your duffle bags higher up your shoulder and begin walking onto the awaiting transport helicopter, the blades slowly beginning to turn as the engine roars to life, with one last glance, your eyes lock with Samuels’, and you send him a forced grin.

“Never, Captain.”

— — — — 

The ride, to be put simply, is 6 and a half hours of torturous awkwardness, the air surrounding its inhabitants remaining stilted and uncomfortable for the entire duration. You attempted to pass the time by cleaning your weapons, despite the fact that each one is already spotless, not a fleck of dust, dirt, or blood to be found on any of them. But the repetitive motion of wiping a cloth across sharpened metal, or the meticulous deconstruction of your pistol in order to reach every nook and crevice helps occupy your mind. 

It doesn’t stop you from feeling every minute of the journey though, seconds dragging endlessly until eventually the chopper meets tarmac. Unsurprisingly, you’re the first one to exit, desperately needing to suck in a lungful of air that hasn’t been tainted by him. The heat of Adal is just as suffocating, however, the air dense, and claggy, each breath feels as though it sticks to your lungs. Thankfully, the three awaiting cars are parked firmly in the shade, providing momentary relief from the blistering sun in the form of air conditioning. The reprieve doesn’t last for long though, seconds after you collapse onto the seat, haphazardly throwing your bags of clothes and equipment into the boot, the light flooding in through the open door blacks out, shadowed by the eclipse that is Ghost. 

The cooled car no longer feels as refreshing, your chest constricting as he takes the seat next to you, leaving Soap to awkwardly climb onto the bench opposite, sapphire eyes darting between the unlikely duo as though you're wild animals. 

You’ve never minded small spaces, in some cases, they’ve almost been comforting; now, however, you’ve never felt so claustrophobic, the right side of your torso pushed as far against the opposite end of the car as your body, and unrelenting metal will allow. In your momentary panic, you almost miss the large hand that appears in your peripheral, muscles going stiff as soon as you realise that his fingers are extending towards you. 

“Comms, take it.” 

Harsh. He’s pissed. Or upset. In the time you’ve spent apart, it’s disconcerting how much, and yet how little has changed. 

You snatch the ear piece from his grasp, not risking more contact with him than strictly necessary, and slide it into place around your left ear, threading the wire through your clothes and linking it to the device attached to the strap on your harness. It only takes a push of a button for the transmitter to spark to life, unfamiliar voices of surrounding soldiers flooding your ear, quickly amending it to receive the assigned channel for your team to avoid any risk of an ill-timed headache. 

“Testing, Ground Team, do you copy?” Doe’s voice crackles, a much needed comfort when you realise this is the first mission you’ll be heading into for a long time without your team right by your side, instead having to entrust your safety into the hands of a complete stranger, and a man you’re nearly 100% sure despises you. 

“We copy, just arrived at the dropoff.” 

“Understood, we’re a minute off being in position. Captain, we’ll wait on your signal.” 

The only response is rough static, faint voices heard just under the white noise that threatens to deafen your left eardrum. You see Soap’s lips open, mouth ready to form words, when he’s abruptly interrupted by an explosion, smoke pluming so quickly towards the sky it begins to black out the sun. 

“That’s our signal.” Ghost grunts, large hands ripping open the side door and wasting not a single second to turn back to either you or Soap before he disappears. 

Two can play at that game. 

In your haste, the bag of rifles and shotguns you packed is left stranded in the boot, but you’ve gone into missions with much less than a handful of knives and a pistol and made it out with only a scratch to show for it.

“Soap, that’s our building there,” you hum, dragging his head to your eye level, steady arms pointing out the large blue building that sits directly in the middle of AQ’s makeshift camp, “If we make our way across the rooftops, we’ll drastically reduce the chances of bumping into any sorry fuckers who might get in our way.” 

You unclasp your pistol from its holster and flick off the safety, feeling that oh-so-familiar surge of adrenaline at the echo of shouts and gunfire emanating from the front gate.  

“Let’s do some parkour then, aye?” Soap straightens up, retrieving his own weapon and sending you a wink, lips curled up in a light smirk before you both set off, running towards the nearest building, guns raised as you approach an open door, just barely hung on by loose hinges. You can’t help but grin, watching as Soap tentatively pushes the door further ajar with his foot, gun raised and at the ready. Meanwhile, you’ve already calculated your way in. 

Without so much as a word, you run at the decrepit AC just to the left of the door Soap is guarding, jumping on top of the dented metal and propelling yourself up until your fingers curl around the splintering wood of a window pane, any glass blocking your path in long since shattered. It takes little effort to pull yourself up, and jump into the second story room, just barely catching the ‘Steamin’ Jesus’ from Soap where he still stands downstairs. 

Within seconds you clear the building for any possible intruders, calling out to Soap that he’s free to enter as you begin bounding up crumbling steps two at a time. You’ve already plotted out an easy path to take across the rooftops by the time Soap joins you, shallow huffs of breath pulled past cracked lips as he sidles up next to you. 

“Y’know, when I said ‘let’s do some parkour’, I meant when we got to the rooftops.” 

In response, you slot your gun into its holster, and stretch out your calves, your head just tilting in his direction as you slowly back up from the building’s ledge. 

“Try to keep up, yeah?” This time it’s you who sends him the wink, taking great satisfaction in his surprised expression before you take off, the short run up giving you enough momentum to leap from the rooftop Soap still occupies to the next. You don’t once look back to see if he’s following, trusting the 141 are competent enough to keep up with a small amount of aerobics. 

It’s moments like these when you fall in love with your job the most, rough wind driving small grains of sand against your exposed skin, fingers scraped red from gripping onto ledges and scrambling against harsh rock, knees lined with small cuts and blossoming bruises, because you’ve never felt more alive. 

It’s the screaming from below that keeps you tethered to your work though, a gritty reminder that your team is down there, risking their lives to give you cover, to get the mission done. 

There’s only one more building that separates you from the peeling blue paint of your target, you hardly hesitate on taking the leap onto the rooftop below, body automatically rolling to alleviate the impact. It’s only when you’ve come to a stop do you realise you’re not alone, a man with a sniper rifle lays prone against the concrete, the red of his laser focused upon the chaos below. You fingers have just wrapped around the hilt of a knife before your transmitter hisses to life. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered spidermonkey.” The impact of the bullet driving through his skull should send you to the floor, heaving whatever’s left of your breakfast onto the scorching stone. But you’ve been in this game long enough, and all you feel is relief at the sound of Doe’s jovial tone, a solid reminder that your Lieutenant is always looking out for you. You send a loose salute in what you assume is her direction just as Soap lands next to you, sparing you a withering glance before you’re both making your way to the last jump, muscles showing the first sign of exertion as you pull yourself into the vacant windowpane. 

“This is Viper,” You murmur, fingers wrapped around your transmitter, “Ground Team have made it to the target building, route has been cleared for extract.” 

“About time you caught up.” You hate the fact you jump, hands automatically drawing a knife until it resonates that the voice is one you’re far too familiar with, exhaling a shaky sigh as you right yourself and jam the knife back into its rightful place. 

“You need to be more careful about who you sneak up on, might end up with a blade through the eye.” You can’t stop the words that spit out of you, not sure if you even tried to hold them back, eyes just barely casting over to his figure, half hidden by the shadows. 

“And you need to be more careful when you’re addressing your superiors, Sergeant, might end up without a job.” 

Rage flows anew within you, rabid fire rattling against the bars of its cage from where it once lay dormant under your skin, its teeth bared, saliva dripping from exposed gums peeled back in a show of nothing less than unadulterated aggression. But under your skin, it remains. Instead of throwing fists, you hurl him an unimpressed glare, only just managing to retain your composure when he tilts his head at you in response, harsh, cold eyes fixed to yours. Without so much as a sound, he pushes himself off the wall he leant on, large strides covering the distance between you both in a scarily short amount of time, your breath catching in your throat as you belatedly wonder if this is where he chooses to confront you. 

Yet he breezes past you, the side of his bicep just barely grazing the skin of your shoulder as he disappears from your vision. 

“Room’s this way, get a fuckin’ move on.”

And you’re left with little other option than to turn on your heel and follow him, trying to bury the hint of a reminder of how his skin felt when it used to brush yours, to take those bittersweet memories and feed them to the flames. 

For the rest of the mission, you daren’t open your mouth. Not because you’re scared of Ghost, but for fear that once you let your lips part, the torrent you’ve so diligently held within you will rip itself from your grasp. Because despite any intense personal feelings, your desire to do your job, and do it fucking well, will always be your number one priority. You utter not a single word. Not when the intel is successfully obtained. Not when you make your way back back to your exfil in the searing heat. Not when the car door slams shut behind you, tires spinning against loose asphalt as the car speeds away from the scene behind you, only just able to make out dark clouds of smoke in the rearview mirror. The car is deathly silent, save for the occasional transmission between the other two teams, all members having successfully made it to safety, and are on route to the safe house, provided by a friend of Captain Price’s. 

But it doesn’t matter how silent you are. You can feel the way tension builds, sporadic sparks that threaten to ignite the air that sits heavy in your lungs, so thick it risks choking you. You know that this can only end one way, that the hostility can only be stretched so far until it gives in to the force and snaps. You just weren’t expecting it to happen the moment you got out of the car. 

Your eyes have only just found Macintosh’s before a hand clamps down on your shoulder, your muscles coiling in retaliation as you attempt to throw his weight off you. 

“What the fuck are you doing here.” 

When you turn to face him, it’s like staring into a mirror. A reflection of every ounce of rage burns within his blackened eyes, staring down at you as though he hated having to even acknowledge your existence.

“Last time I checked, I was doing my job, Lieutenant.” Try as you might to keep your voice level, you can’t help but grit out his rank, lips hissing around the syllables like it pained you to utter them.

“You know damn fuckin’ well what I meant by that.” 

You leave him with a scoff, shaking his hand from your skin and storming off in the direction of the safe house, a last ditch attempt to hold off a confrontation you’ve dreaded for at least another day. You’ve almost made it to the door when you hear your name snarled into the desert, echoing between the walls of abandoned houses, blown apart by war, old blood seared into crumbling brick. It looks like the remnants of your relationship, fragile and too far gone to be repaired. Maybe this is what Simon saw before he turned his back on you, just someone who wasn't worth the effort it would take to rebuild.

It’s that lone thought that breaks you, that has the weathered bars of the cage within you finally giving in to molten heat, your skin aflame as you whirl back around on him. 

“Do I though, Simon?” You stalk two steps closer, eyes narrowed to slits as your words snap through bared lips, “We both know you’re fucking awful at communicating, might have got the wrong end of the stick somewhere between your indecipherable grunts and shitty attitude.” 

If you weren’t so consumed by your own anger, you may have withered under the sneer he hands you in response, almost able to see the way his face twists with rage from under unyielding white plastic. 

“If you did all this just out of spite,” his finger points to your team behind you, circling back to him, “Joining the fucking military, risking your life, just to get back at me, you’re a whole lot stupider than I ever took you for.” 

“Oh, because you signed up with purely heroic intent, didn’t you?” The change in his stance should give you enough warning, but he’s fanned the flames within you too much for you to back down now, the fire only rising to his straightened posture, “You weren’t using deployment as an escape at all, were you Simon?” 

“Enough,” Growled words gritted out from behind clenched teeth don’t deter you in the slightest, if anything they only bolster the adrenaline that burns through shaking limbs. 

“Did you ever stop and think that this is what I wanted all along? That you were only even holding me back from doing the one thing I’m fucking good at? Or do you only ever think about yourself, huh? I signed up to the SAS not because I wanted to get some petty revenge on a man who walked out on me, not because I was running away from a shitty childhood, but because I fucking wanted to! Got it?” You end your speech roaring, the words screaming from your lungs and burning past your throat, each ragged breath you take grates against raw flesh. 

The flames begin to dwindle just enough for you to grab your bags from where Soap had placed them in the sand, right your posture, and turn. You can’t bring yourself to spare a glance at any of the others, where they no doubt stand dumbfounded outside the safehouse. You only grace them with sparse, stilted words, hoping to God they don’t see the red leaking through your shirt, a sign that the sutures you tried to hide for so long were finally ripped out, leaving nothing but the gnarly truth in their place. 

“I’ll take first watch.”

Tag list // @shuttlelauncher81 , @txmbstone , @xentari94 , @hypernovaxx

[adamnablelittledevil]

@gayboymolloy thank you for tagging me! And let me say, your taste??? >>> I've been listening to Chappell Roan lately and her music is sooooo great. I've basically only listened to 3 people since 2021, but I have opened an exception for her because she's that awesome. ^^

Tagging: @jaypentaghast, @unhinged-nonsense, @hearfrost, @waterghoulcalamity, @andy4yippee, I tried to tag more people here, but it didn't work so... If anyone sees this and wants to answer, consider yourself tagged because I love finding more about y'all. :)

Anyway, this got too long because whenever I'm given an opening to talk about things I love I lose control... But here we go. :p

9 People You Want To Know Better!

Three ships: I'm terrible at picking a favorite anything, or even a top 3, I have like 12 or 13 ships that I'm equally obsessed with... But these are *SOME* of them. <3

Emisue (Dickinson)

Is it a gay thing to have beautiful kisses that look like a Renaissance painting? They're such a beautiful ship, but they impacted me on a personal as well. This was the first time I saw a queer ship that was beautifully written, had loads of chemistry and was executed with care (the fact they had so many queer people and women on the show, specially Ella - who played Sue - made everything even better). They weren't your subtle and digestible queer ship for conservatives and they weren't overly sexualized for straight people with a fetish. They were something else. The way their problems weren't really about being queer/internalized queerphobia and even individual things like Emily's 'coming out scenes' being full of acceptance, support and even celebration were SO FULFILLING. It was amazing to watch from a viewer point of view, but also really formative to me as I came to find and embrace more of myself.

Malina (Shadow and Bone)

Mind you that they aren't even together here, they're just imagining each other, it's just that the chemistry was THAT awesome. First love. Childhood love. Friends to lovers. Linked by destiny. Can just sense one another. They'll always find each other. But they also chose one another and made their own story in a way destiny never could do it for them. The world against them and them against the world. "It was always you". Malina mixed all my favorite tropes and some that I hated with a passion and created a masterpiece.

Royjamie (Ted Lasso)

A lot of their problems stemmed from the fact they were thirst for each other and they would've fixed things sooner if they'd just been grown ups about it and fucked yk. These two were meant to be a big part of each other's arc, but the fact they got even bigger than what it was initially planned because the actors were inseparable and crazy about each other? And the chemistry was that amazing? And how they grew so much as individuals and boyfriends through the seasons? And 3x06 that was basically the cutest and longest date ever with them exploring Amsterdam from morning to late at night, opening up, trying new things, riding a bike together etc? And how Phil and Brett are just one of the cutest, messiest, most insane and chaotic best bros in real life who kind of lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship just makes everything SO MUCH BETTER.

First ship: I can't remember for sure, but if this wasn't the very first, it was the second, tops.

Villadero/Cordueva (Jane the Virgin)

Jane and Michael are really special to me because I think so often couples are about the flirting, sensuality and physical attraction, and it's not that they don't have that because they definitely do, but I think ships usually lack more. And when they do have more, it's usually a will-they-won't-they, on-and-off, love triangles, fights etc, because apparently writers believe dragging things out to the point it gets unbearable is better than just letting them have a stable and deep relationship? Specially back then, now things are getting better (I still think we're taking baby steps, but at least there's some progress), but Jane and Michael were the VERY FIRST couple I saw having that kind of relationship and it was a life-changing moment in television for me. That's not to say they didn't have some of those problems, they did, but they actually worked on them and evolved as people and a couple. I got to see them from their first meet cute (and it was the BEST meet cute ever), him getting a noise complaint about her 21st birthday party and a drunk Jane confusing him for a stripper, grabbing and shooting his gun, only to find out he was a real cop and then not only he didn't arrest her, but spent the whole night talking to her while she sobers up, getting to genuinely know her until it was morning?! Really, doesn't get more wholesome than that. And I saw them become full committed adults who grew together through the years, them working on their careers, Jane starting her first book, Michael getting his first medal, Michael being a close friend to her parents instead of just being a son-in-law to them, the two getting married, living together, being a family, going back home to each other at the end of a long day, going out to have some fun time... Being more than just two people who are attracted to each other, but two people who loved fully each other in every aspect of the word, who were best friends, confidants, who genuinely enjoyed each other's company, who would crack up out loud together, that had a life inside and inside and out of home. It was a gift. And so much of it was the natural chemistry of the actors that got along so well and loved that pairing, too. No wonder the entire cast rooted for them.

Last song: Fur Elise by Faouzia

There are ONLY THREE singers/groups in the world that I'm truly obsessed with and Faouzia is one of them. Her music is out-of-this world, specially her powerful voice and beautiful melodies (she has my favorite melodies ever). Tomorrow she'll be on the finals of a singing competition and she really deserves to win, specially after working herself like crazy making, recording AND releasing new songs, music videos, commercials, doing full concerts and even learning a bit of freaking Chinese ALL IN JUST *TWO* MONTHS! As I get ready to vote like crazy for her tomorrow, I'm listening to all of her songs for good luck. :p And Fur Elise is one of my favorite songs ever and a true masterpiece.

Last TV show: Interview with the Vampire.

Currently reading: Six of Crows by Lady Bardugo, but I'm gonna start The Vampire Chronicles soon. I have no idea if I will like them, let alone love it as much as the show (it's my favorite show in the universe), but I'm so curious to get to know the characters, be able to fully talk about the universe with other fans and know what can possibly happen in the future seasons that I will do it anyway... I just need to figure out where to begin, because I want to skip the first book (for now) since the show has already covered it. I hope it's possible to start with a book that has all the main characters that appear on the show, but I'm still gathering information to know what's necessary to read and what isn't, the best order to do it etc. :p Anyway, I have attention issues so that will surely be tricky, but I'm just so curious about IWTV that I have to do it, lol. And I also can't drop SoC or I'll forget it and will have to start it from scratch all over again... I've read like 3/4 of the book so I can't let that go to waste either lmao. I'll just give certain days of the week to each book and eventually finish them (hopefully in time for season 3), lol.

Currently watching: Still Up, Silo, House of the Dragon, The Purge, The Lazarus Project. I'm pretty early into these shows and don't really know what to think about them yet, though. I do have a soft spot for Antonia Thomas because she played one of my favorite and nicest characters ever (Claire Browne, The Good Doctor), so it's good to see her face. And Silo has Chinaza Uche, who had a supporting role in Dickinson, but he was so charismatic that I wanted to see him have a longer screen time somewhere else. I hear he's been promoted to a bigger role on season 2, so let's hope I make that far and get to see him shine lol. I also have some shows with sapphic and/or non-binary/androgynous/fluid characters people recommended that I'm gonna try. :)

Currently eating: Nothing, but the last thing was steak, rice and potatoes. :p

Currently craving: Also nothing, but the last time I craved anything was a cheeseburger with cheddar. Not even joking when I say it's been over a year since I had one lol. #fml

[forest-hashira]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

AHHH LIN!!! ok ok uhhhh. this is cheating a little bit bc two of these are series but they really are so special to me, i can't possibly pick just one chapter/installment from either of them. anyways, here are five of my favorites, not necessarily in order (edit: why the FUCK was this so hard???):

Noble Blood - stsg x gn reader; jjk dragon rider au. by word count, this is the longest multichap fic i've ever posted. it's really niche, since it's 1.) a reader insert, 2.) a poly ship, & 3.) a high fantasy AU, but it one of my favorite things i've ever written in my life, and i've been writing (fic & original writing) for over half my life.

Transfem Gojo - trans woman gojo satoru x gn reader. i've always loved playing around with characters' genders and sexualities, which like... there's definitely some projection happening there, but we don't need to talk about that. i also didn't expect the concept to turn into a whole series, but it has, and honestly i couldn't be happier about it, especially when it brought one of my favorite people into my life ( @dr-runs-with-scissors ily) and when i see how much other people love her, even if it's a very small group. again, a very niche concept, but i love it.

Too Much - kocho shinobu x gn autistic reader; shinobu helps reader through a meltdown. this fic was a gift for red ( @redlikerozez), actually! i really like this one bc, as someone who is autistic, it fulfilled a very specific hole in the reader insert space (at least in my experience). it was also nice to write for a character i hadn't yet written for, who is also a female characters and a character that generally has less fic written about her!

Lucky Shot - outlaw geto suguru & fem reader; platonic w/ open ending; gun violence, blood/injury, minor character death. i really liked all the entries i did for riley's collab, but this one is probably my favorite of the three! it was also my first geto fic that didn't include gojo.

Day Off - maki & gn reader; you spend the day at the arcade. this fic is the only one i've ever written based on a request (for @/yuutito), but it was so much fun to write! maki deserves more fics and writing something platonic is always nice.

honorable mention goes to my selkie shoko x gn reader fic Lost & Found.